mr sad

this isnt exactly positive advice. for starters it appears that this guy in question is somewhat shy or perhaps lacks confidence. a guy with less confidence is less likely to play games like you have mentioned. not usually the case, shy is different to clingy. this is not the case for SCB. and "some time" is usually a month plus. so SCB, I'd say keep going with your hints, things are good as they are, build on that. NO! NEVER! This is the worst thing you could ever do SCB, he most likely would take this as you losing interest in him. Help the guy out, he wouldnt be going along for walks or doing things with you if he didn't enjoy it. Coffee is a good idea, this would be advisable. Perhaps he didnt give you a clear answer as he may not have the confidence to take such steps as yet. Yes girls can ask a guy out. Times are changing Vermillion, you have much to learn. Relationships are a two way street, specified gender roles are a thing of the past (and what I believe holds people back). Perhaps you do get sick of waiting around Vermillion, but your situation is different to SCB's, this guy does not have a high ego, this is blatently clear. I wouldnt advise simply walking away or giving up, keep doing the things you are doing, but knock it up a notch and make your hints a little clearer. Furthermore, conversation is the key. Keep them going and avoid cold silences.

I'd agree with Dako on this one. Perhaps this guy sees he could be with you but doesn't want to jump the gun and make any moves before he is completely sure you like him. He may believe that making a move too soon will ruin what you have and possibly impact on your friendship. So I'd say just keep going with the hints and he may be more confident about things between you and open up about it. Well thats how I see the situaion, I hope I've been of some help to you. - mr sad.

im no good when it comes to love, and this is seen in my outlook on it. i see love to be simply lust in disguise.

no probs Claus, i know how hard things can be. so i thought id do the right thing and try help ya. as long as you stay interested in her and actually show signs of interest she wont lose interest. in my experience backing off is the worst thing to do, she loses interest, you feel bad and no one wins. keep up with the confidence, that will stop such things from happening. you are right, confidence is an attribute which is noted highly by most people in society. it shows leadership and ability. dont feel to bad about being a bad dancer. almost all guys are really bad dancers, its just how we are. again, its also a confidence thing. those with confidence seem to do better then those lacking confidence. if shes into dancing and wants you to dance with her then go for it, you may feel dumb but make the effort. with the dancing, just look around and see what everyone else is doing, copy what they do. you will be stepping out of your confort zone in dancing, but give it a go if she wants to dance, in my experience it brought me closer to my lady of interest. with talking on the phone you have an advantage, she cant see what your doing and such. so get a pen and paper and write a few things you could talk about before you call her. then while talking about things write down any new topics that come to mind. this will keep the conversation going and avoid those destructive ackward silences. her friends will always know a lot more then they let on. get to know them, create the trust and they may even share more about how she feels for you, what she likes about you, where she sees or wants things to go between you two, etc. in my experience i told a girl we had to "talk" and it totally ruined everything, it worried the hell out of her and she simply avoided me knowing conversation would be heavy. do all heavy conversations in person and dont just say 'we have to talk' this would make it ackward, like just through normal conversation try to direct it toward such topics. and remember, positive body language, eye contact, smiling, etc. these will make her feel more comfortable and it will be easier for her to say how she feels, etc. yep, keep me posted Claus, ill keep replying until you no longer require help on this issue. good luck man - mr sad.

I was brought up in a heavily anti smoking family. So forever I have had this extremely negative view about smoking yet had never tried it. At this party on Saturday night, which i was soooooooo drunk at, when offered a cigarette i took it and started smoking. And then i couldnt stop! Can anyone explain this? I really dont understand why I did this, i wasnt trying to impress anyone and i knew it would be bad for me. Would you see this as a form of self destruction? I would really like to have your input on this. (i paid for it the next day, i could barely breath and had a huge headspin)

hey i read your post and noticed no one had replied. so i'll do my best to help you out. but i cant make any promises as i am much like yourself. for starters man, dont worry about the other guy. the exact same situation happened with some friends of mine. 6months down the track theyre all friends again. he will get over it. if you truly love this girl then id say go for it. places to go: parks, walking, bowling, movies. try and find out what her interests are. then when you do, take an interest in them, learn more about them. she would appreciate this and it would help with communication and her confidence talking to you. but you are right, communication is the key. keep up with the physical contact, watch her body language and mimic her positive moves towards you. as hard as this may be dont worry about what everyone else at school thinks. as you said, you may have to take the lead. and yes, this requires confidence, almost every girl i know has mentioned confidence as a turn on. so keep working on it. it would be good if suzy lee calls you. but for the moment she isnt, so i would adivse that you continue to calling her as you are doing. getting to know her better: ask open ended questions (who, what, when, where, why, how) this will keep conversation going. listen to her answers and from what she says keep in mind some of the things she has talked about for future questions so conversation doesnt stagnate. i hope i have been of some help. keep it up Claus, you're doing great so far man. - mr sad.

i agree with 'prettyview'. some words have special meanings and when overused or used in the wrong context they lose their meaning. in my personal observations, overall the word 'love' has lost all meaning in today's society. feel free to disagree, its just my personal view. but when you do say it, look her right in the eye and mean it. that i believe is when it means the most.

no offence but i think you've missed what i meant. by listening to sad songs I am making a conscious effort to worsen my current dysphoric state of mind. it doesnt make me feel less alone, it makes me feel more alone. many people i know (myself included) do this. its like scratching a mosquito bite or picking at a scab, we know we shouldnt do it but we deliberately do. my question is to the reason why we do this when we know we shouldnt, but many thanks for your feedback on the issue.

This is more of a general question then an issue I am requiring help on. I was just wondering why when we are feeling down we seem to make it worse? For example when I'm feeling down I always put on sad music, think about the people I've lost and ponder up worst case scenarios about my current problems. I've consulted numberous other people with this question, they all do similar things to worsen their mood, but were unable to come up with a response as to why. Does anyone have any insight into this?

i have a similar problem which is currently being fixed. i went to see a doctor about it, he simply had a look at it then wrote me up a prescription for some topical creams. i found that stuff from supermarkets were futile, prescribed anti-acne stuff is the way to go. it is painless and may be fast depending on what you are prescribed. easy as pie. hope this helps

if he is truly depressed then there is no quick fix, it could possibly be an excuse. depression is a long term thing, one night of sex will not fix that. and think about YOU, forget him for the minute 1. you dont want to 2. it may lead to complications 3. 14 is deffinately too young for sex 4. it will not cure his "depression", that can only come from medication, specialty help or from within 5. you will regret it 6. as much as you dont want to believe it he will boast about it, the day after he would go and tell all his dude friends about how awesome he is and it will make you look bad and humiliate you completely (happened to half the girls i know) you have to think about yourself. forget him, hes desperate and sounds like a dirty sleaze. im sorry to sound harsh, but there is truth in it. you are more important, think about yourself and the reprecussions of these actions before you do anything.

i know the feeling. in one of my classes there is 10 girls and only myself and one other guy. looking back, i didnt talk for the first 4 weeks or so. but the thing that helped me through was that i knew the girls kinda laughed at him and they treated me as tho i was different to him, like i was one of them (kinda mean, but this dude is cool and didnt care at all) so you see that you could be in the same kinda situation. these girls you sit next to could be the same, they seem to be happy for a chat. even if you dont add to the group, talking to your classroom neighbours would be an awesome start. reasons why you dont talk up is usually confidence and fear that what you say will be mocked / rejected. a way to get around this could be if theyre asking eachother a question and you know about it, write it down on paper and show them (not drawing attention from the rest of the class), this helps them and they would be grateful, and over time you will be confident to speak we had to do class presentations one time... i was dreading it. but since i knew about the topic and could have made it up on the spot it was easy to talk about.. but still its the confidence. build on that many girls have told me that "confidence is king" so self confidence will help you in more ways then one go for it

ive have a similar problem, except we were involved for a month or so bout 6months before i came out and told her. things were ackward for about two weeks, we wouldnt talk, we wouldnt even make eye contact. she was quick to get other things and just acted as tho it never even happened. as for me, unless you find out that your significant other was getting around when you were involved and want to cut all friendship but yea, if you still want to be friends make the effort to attempt to go back to how things were. it may seem hard, it was hard but it can be done.

this is true. a little more background info. i dont call her, i dont msg, i keep my distance. but there will be times when she will come up to me and want to know how things are going (the sight of her is like a kick in the face) and she will probe me for information, i would walk about but there are times when i cant. im looking for ways that arent too cruel through speech and body language that will show her that we shouldnt talk thank you

Ive been hurt too much by a friend, im looking for subtle hints to show her that we should see eachother much less. This may sound cruel, others agree its time to move on Im not just going to be straight out with it to her as this would be ackward for both of us and i dont want to cut her down like that. So how do i show this girl that we shouldnt be friends?

that is true yes, we've known eachother for bout 3yrs now. i am a pessimistic type of person, again should i change this "front" she would ask whats gotten into me and why all the changes, hence creating more unwanted communication. ive come to the conclusion that she really isnt that greata friend and that i should distance myself from her as much as possible. i know its wrong and self centred to think only of myself so i always put others first. but its time for me to do whats good for me she is currenltly overseas for a few months. what do u propose i do in these months without her around? how should i go about initiating changes to create this distance between us for when she returns? "im just a bastard but at least i admit it, at least i admit it" - slipknot - mr sad

firstly if you truly like this guy be patient, stick with him and dont lose interest. apologies but i will speak from experience. i am very shy still to this day, its down to inexperience girls and poor self confidence. this could be the case with your guy. i would say to get past it spend more time with him and the little things like smiling and holding hands. he may be holding back because he may feel that your not serious about him or hes diddled with self doubt, could be anything (theyre the reasons for my shyness). but if you are serious, bare with him and dont lose interest. he will appreciate you not giving up i assure you. just keep trying, dont be disheartened. - mr sad

annie24 i feel even dumber because i couldnt distinguish from friends and more then friends. as i mentioned before she is a work mate .... these other guys also work with us so its not like i can escape it completely. lusitana i need not fear this, to her its as tho it never happened. she can tell when im holding back, she knows me better then that and could see right through me. but yes, you are right about the choice of conversation ... distance her from the real me, i will try. i thank you both for your input once again - mr sad

its ok. interaction with the other sex is fine, but to me a kiss means something. its not some meaningless thing 2 people do when theyre drunk out of their heads. and the quantity of times it happened.. i didnt ask her because i couldnt believe that a girl as sweet as her could seriously be interested in someone like me. if you didnt notice i lack self confidence

you dont seem to be very understanding for a moderator. my views are traditional yes i do admit that, yours seem to lean toward conventional and non distinctive. i posted looking for help, not be be judged. if a guy was to do the same thing i would also look down on him, its not a gender related issue. lets talk about "the perfect woman" would the perfect woman forget your birthday? would the perfect woman tell you she loves you then go off pashing another guy minutes later? would the perfect girl act as tho she didnt know you in front of her friends? perfection is not possible, i apologise for my previous choice of words. So what's the big deal? for starters at the time she had only just turned 18 and the age of the guys varied from 24 - 29. dark blue was not pro counselling by the way

its possible, i keep my distance from psychologists and psychiatrists. dont apologise, im not going to get angry. if assuming your reasoning is valid then i would come to the conclusion: no i cant talk to her about it, we arent good friends. i would be highly embarrased. she would probably say a few words smile then probably change the subject, worse case scenario she would laugh in my face. Well it did kinda go away. I hadnt talked to her in a month things were going great and NC was good, but this all came back because a few friends brought it up. Shes overseas at the moment so i dont have to worry about running into her for a few months.

i know i should get over her. i couldnt possibly do #1. It would be embarrasing for both of us, she may even brush it off and say that it never happened. Its hard to do #2. If when i see her i keep to myself and she will ask whats wrong and wont stop until i make some phony excuse. She says im one of her best friends, yet she complains that i dont keep in touch with her, i would feel bad if i told her that i didnt want to keep in touch. She totally forgot my birthday as well, i dont know what to do

we were involved in a way that we would be in continual contact, every day i would call her or vice versa. well we rarely see each other, we rarely talk. i do feel bad about her 'getting around' in that sense at it was around the time of this continual contact true, she wasnt sexual with them. three: we work together. so when i do see her its extremely ackward. and still calls me pet names (which is like a kick in the face) im just so disillusioned, i had this picture of her being this perfect person and now i hear about this. i really dont know what to think about her, there could be more and she could have been sexual for all i know.

heres the 4-1-1. a girl and i were involved about a year back now, we werent officially together but we were quite close. things went south, i got cut etc. only now i hear that around the time we were involved that she was getting around (not in a sexual sense but more of one night of pashing then dashing, she did this with almost all the guys in my workplace). she was a good friend, i thought less of her after things went south, i think even less of her now after hearing about these events. I know these events happened months ago, but it still cut me up inside hearing about it. I know im not totally over her ... there is a part of me that will always love her. Is it wrong of me to think less of her? I know I dont sound like a good friend to her but she hurt me more then anyone ever has

to be honest im really not sure if i could forgive her for it. i certainly wont forget it thats for sure. she didnt tell me that she had a bf, the questions just boggle the mind now. like what else is she hiding? and is my impression of her accurate? to be honest i still have feelings for her, i hate myself for feeling this way. i dont want to like her because of whats shes done to me, but when i see her shes so sweet and nice to me. kuroshiro youve made sense, well i made sense out of it. many thanks.