mr sad

well it started off with another friend trying to fix us up. i wasnt keen on being fixed up but i eventually fell for her on my own accord. then we became really close. we did a lot of stuff together. we got to the stage where we were talking about our parents and would mine approve of her and would hers approve of me. i dont intend to talk to her about it, she has hurt me more then everyone else collectively in my 19yrs and 8months of living. i can understand ppl holding stuff back so they wont hurt them, but the longer u hold it back the more it will hurt in the end. this has really got me questioning our friendship and my impression of her. any adivce appreciated, many thanks - mr sad

thanks for the replies ppls. but ur not seeing my point she has been a really good friend to me. yet she knew that i liked her and stuff yet she let it go. only now do i find out that may have just been f**king with me. but she is a good friend yet she didnt tell me. she decieved me, would a friend do that to someone? its got me question my entire friendship with her. you might be thinking that im over reacting. but its about honesty, a friend will always be honest. i really dont know what to think plz help me

its been a while since ive been here so ill recap. we never got that cab. she was sick before she left home and never made it out. i finally did get the balls up to totally let her know how i felt. that ended badly, we didnt speak for a solid 2months. we're starting to talk again... but only today i found out that back on the nye when we almost got together and the time after that she had a boyfriend. i feel deceived and i am questioning much of our past and all that we have done together

ok heres the thing. a yr ago i was involved with a girl. we did a lot together, hung out, did stuff, etc. i wasnt sad, i was glad to wake up of a morning knowing that we kinda more then friends. i only find out tonight that at that time she had a boyfriend. im so dissillusioned right now. was she messing with me? did she know i was interested in her? .. but yea it eventually ended when i saw her with another guy doing all the things she did with me that made me feel special. (i assure you this particular guy wasnt her bf). she broke my heart not only once but on two separate occasions. it wasnt half obvious to her that i liked her. shes still a really good friend now, but this has got me confused. did she deceive me? was she being dishonest? this has got me thinking about the whole time ive known her. and all that we've been thru. has it all been a lie? is she the beautiful person i thought she was? please reply

as was said, "life is full of second chances" and i like many others did poorly at school. but i knew where i wanted to go and put in like nothing else to get there ... and yesterday i got a letter telling me that i have been accepted into the universtiy course that i applied for. if you want something bad enough you will put in for it. you just have to know what you want

my words have been misinterpreted. i think of them differently then to the way you all have reacted upon them. the thing is my intentions are good. my point was that im trying to show you that the human spirit is not like any other. you seem to underestimate the power of one person. all i have trying to get as is that should you go about this alone and overcome it alone you will be a stronger more independent person. then for future problems you will be more confident that you will be able to overcome it. as they say "say what you mean, not mean what you say" or however it goes. apologies if i have offended anyone, my intentions are good.

well what you see as a waste is all a matter of focus. your guitar teacher has focused on music, to him / her any time used on anything other then music is considered to be a waste. if you believe that your time with friends and in front of the tv was of some value to you then the time hasnt been wasted. why do you want us to do this? (i do that already anyway) but still the point is that its personal choice. many who read this may even see this exercise as a waste of time. i myself would see it as a waste of time ... unless it was consistent. one trip to the gym wont tone you up. it would have to be done over and over to see results? after all these gym visits and you still dont reach your desired result would you consider that a waste? i probably would its about focus and results your 16, dont focus on time running out and death creeping up on you. just enjoy it all as it comes. but i see where your coming from with the guitar teacher tho, my bass teacher gets cranky if i dont practice for like 3hrs a night.

hello spoondiddly you said well you have identified this as you biggest obstacle. the only advice i could offer you is to take notice of your behaviour. instead of it being subconscious, actively be aware of your behaviour to the point that you can consciously control what you do. this way you will notice what you are doing that you dislike and try to aviod it and change it to a different pattern that you desire. about the kid in northern california. forget about him, hes shallow and you deserve better. : )

well i would say that he is shy. dont let all these things turn you off, bare with him. i know its frustrating and all but if you truly like him then you shouldnt just give up on him. im the same. when i talk to people on the net and on the phone i wont shut up but when it comes to in person communication i lack the social skills to be able to be the same as on the phone thats an easy question to answer 1. generally its the guy who makes the move 2. possible rejection 3. embarrasment 4. etc but really just bare with him, give him time, people dont just develop social skills overnight. good luck : )

i can see your point Princess. but. the point of this thread is for diana084, not to push our opinions. my point is that diana084 seems to be going about daily tasks and in her times of solitude has these strong feelings. you maybe diagnosed as clinically depressed Princess but from what diana084 has stated do you believe that she is also clinically depressed? i would doubt it. so you must admit that the circumstances are different, thereforeeee the solution is different. Princess' situation seems to be extreme thereforeeee and extreme solution is required. Diana084 you sound as tho you arent in a position where you need extreme measures to find happiness. we are all seeking happiness, even me. my only adivce would be to find someone who has achieved this and ask them what makes them so happy? what were they doing? where were they? and try to find some way that you could partially replicate their successes. i bid you good luck

depression is a state of mind. i stongly disagree with you Princess. drugs arent the answer. dont they say "winners dont use drugs" a therapist is for someone who believes that they cannot overcome the problem by themselves. the answer is that we can overcome it on our own, we simply choose not to do it alone. its your choice. be independent, look inside and see what causes it, try to do it alone. if you dont believe that you can then by all means go for it. but again, i strongly disagree with the use of drugs. a study was done on some kids who wanted to be part of an experiment. the students were divided into 2 even groups. then there were 2 pills, a red one and a blue one. they were told that the blue one contained a tranquiliser and the red one was an anphetamine. after taking the pills the students who had taken the blue pills seemed lifeless and less active while the students who had the anphetamine where hyperactive. but they had been lied to. in actuality the red one contained the tranquiliser and the blue one was the anphetamine. the kids minds had tricked them into believing that the drugs were working. when they were the opposite ones. drugs are not the answer

um yea i have felt the same way. for about a year and a half after seeing my dad beaten to within an inch of his life i was extremely sad, suicidal, etc. you can get through this (and no u dont need a therapist, that seems to be everyones crappy piece of advice). you have bf who cares for you deeply. from what you have said it looks as tho he wants to be there for you, dont push him away. i would have killed for someone to be there for me in my time of need. find what makes you happy or less sad. do those things, recreate those events and be happy. : )

its kind of fitting that you called you thread the name that you did. may i ask why you have to find someone else? you should be able to be happy enough on your own without the need for someone to make you happy. im not sure who said it but If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed. but yes i have the exact same issue at the moment. the girl i fell for is one of my closest friends. i told her how i felt, i destroyed our friendship by doing this. we havent talking in about 2months now. not a day goes by when i dont kick myself for it. just be her friend, a friend is better then no friend. many would think that it would be very shallow to have high standards expecting inner and outer beauty when it comes to partners. you shouldnt have to "settle" for someone and you shouldnt expect perfection, so thats kind iffy for ya there. from this it can be seen your decisions arent influenced by others and societys view on what makes people considered beautiful. this is a sign of individuality and true character. just be open to things and take it all as it comes. enjoy university. being unshy you will be able to meet new people and make new friends. enjoy : )

allo. well the first thing is that depression is not a "thing" its an idea or a belief in your self that you have put much emotional emphasis on. im not going to tell you what you need, instead i will offer you alternatives which you may wish to adopt or not, its up to you. unlike a lot of other people they will all tell you that you need drugs and/or a "therapist" or "councilor" to make it all better for you. i cant stand people telling me that i need a councilor so i wont consider that. you may think that im having a go at you, not true. i too am facing tough times. parental divorce, rejected by the girl i love, close friends death and the list goes on. simply dwelling on it will not work. you have make a decision and take action. i too live in the dark with few friends, little self worth and not much of a life. but ... you have to want to change. you have to know what you want and how to get it. it seems that you want happiness. think back. what brought you happiness? what were you doing? who was there? etc... try to replicate this. or you could find someone else who has what you want and ask them how they got to where they are? where did they fail? and try to replicate it that way. if you have no will or drive to change then what you have at the moment is all you will ever have. its all up to you, life is what you make it. i havent made much of my life to date, but i intend to. change can happen in an instant. but you need to take action, long term action to keep it going. at the moment im reading into Neuro Associative Conditioning (NAC) its a step by step process that can condition your nervous system to associate pleasure to those things you want to continuously move toward and pain to those things you need to avoid in order to success consistently in your life without constant effort or willpower. you may think its a heap of crap but its working for me so learn more if you wish. its up to you. if you just need to vent or to talk to anyone im also here. PM, email me. im willing to listen, people do care. - mr sad

there are like 2-3 people that i do depend on, its not that they dont like me depending on them but me feeling as tho im doing it too much, like im becoming a continuing problem for them by depending on them as much as i have. im not going to "take advantage" of other people as i dont know them well enough to confide in them and ask for help, they would most likely laugh about it and be of no assistance at all. We all need to become self reliant, hence the reason why i bought the book. to "awaken the giant within". its good so far, should give it or something similar a look

does anyone else have anything to add? forces and criticisms? ideas, etc....

you do know that i can easily change that alabama : P but i dont, for the reason that someone, maybe just one person might be sad if i was gone. i dont really know who it could be but its just one of those "what if questions" that boggles the mind. ive had a few days away from my problems doing my own thing alone. so i spose all i can do is do my own thing and read a book that has changed the lives of thousands ... maybe it will work for me, who knows....

well AN2004, we do differ here tho. you seem to be happy enough relying on your friends ... i dont. i feel as tho i have crossed the line lately, asking them for more help to me would be asking too much. im not going to see a therapist. i dont need to go to someone and pay them a rediculous amount of money for them to tell me what i already know. i know what my problems are: - i lack self confidence - poor self esteem - poor communication skills - have a sadistic approach to life - etc instead i have bought a book. this book is by Tony Robbins. i have taken a step to fixing my problems on my own. my friends have helped me enough, its time to be independent and go it on my own. Finally AN2004 you said that i know it will pass, but here is where yours differs to mine. knowing that this slump will pass is not what gets me thru the days. but instead what brightened my days was seeing the smiling face of the girl i love... and after i blew that and ruined the friendship there were only dark days that seemed to get darker day by day.

dont be too worried about it. when your own parents start ignoring you completely is when you could start to worry. dont take it to heart, just be happy and take it all as it comes "nothing is as it seems"

actions do speak louder then words. i read somewhere that "86% of a conversation is non-verbal" from your facial expressions and body language a person says more then words do. watch her body language, watch her actions, they will tell you more then her words do.

thank you all for your advice, it is much appreciated. there are a few things that need clarifying tho. firstly about my job. my job is in no threat at the moment. my boss cant fire me and she knows it. the thing was that an event occurred at work that was out of my power, i was told that the boss wasnt too happy about it. the next day i went into work. i went to apologise for this incident as i had been told that she wasnt happy about. she thought people had been gossiping about her behind her back and went off at me... we still arent talking, she seems happy enough and my job is not threatened. next is the divorce. back in 1999 my father cheated on my mother. she had been crying for a week and i had no idea why. then one day i found out. the husband of the woman my dad was with beat my father to within an inch of his life, i was there with 5 other kids watching it powerless to do anything, something i will never forget. ... i was only 14. so my mum kicked my dad out and they had been separated since. i dont know for how long but my dad has been seeing someone else and now he wants to "finalise this" by divorcing my mum. my dad left the papers under the door. that night my mum tried calling my dad for hours, but he wouldnt answer. now my dad is calling my mum and she refuses to answer the phone. i see little things like this in my own relationships. i hate who i am, i can see why they have all failed. when i see things like this i think i reckon i should give up on the girl i like. i have few friends so then i think i shouldnt give up on her and just be a friend to her. we talk very little so it would be safe to say that i have lost a friend and i should let her go her own way. do the scars of broken friendships ever heal? this girl was special to me, i love her more then anyone (even my parents) but i have only myself to blame. i have lost people dear to me before, so i know the scars of a deceased friend will heal over time. just remember the good times : ( then to my friends. not something i like saying but i know its true. im insecure, nervous and unconfident. so you can see why i have few friends. people are uneasy around me, its easy to tell .. their body language just yells "i want to get away from you". but the 2 true friends i have are great. its as tho they ignore these things about me. i have relied on them alot, many of you are saying that i should be greedy and rely on them now. i cant, its just how i am. for my whole life i have put others ahead of myself. i would even give someone my last dollar if they asked for it. i could sum up my life to date in just 4 words "well mannered door mat" well thats what i thought would need clarifying, if you have anymore comments, questions, etc please dont hesitate to PM me. any and all advice is deeply appreciated. thank you all, you are making a difference - mr sad

they say " when it rains it pours", well its really pouring on me at the moment. i had an argument with my boss at work and we are no longer on speaking terms. the girl i like rejected me, we used to be such close friends. she said she wants to be "just friends", it doesnt feel like it tho. its like we're strangers now, we rarely talk, and when we do its only "hi" and "bye", i have destroyed a great friendship. i have 2 true friends and very few friends. its not easy for me to make friends as im boring and have little in common with people. a friend died a few days ago, i went to his funeral and im still not over it. and to top it off my dad is divorcing my mum. to make it worse, my dad has been seeing someone for some time now. my mum doesnt know of this other woman. i dont know where to start, or what i should do. i dont want to talk to the few friends i do have about these issues. they have helped me enough already, i would only burden them in asking them for more help. im falling apart here, what should i do? i dont know what to, what would you do if you were me?

for starters calm down .. relax. life is what you make it. choose the life that YOU want. dont let other people tell you how to run your life and what you need. only you know what you need. if you want to get all A's then do what you have to do to get that. the main thing in life is happiness. your 15, you have many many yrs ahead of yourself. just calm down, relax and be happy. do what makes you happy.

betty you said - this doesnt work. if she thinks that im mad at her she will keep her distance, wont try to fix things and just let me be. but you are right, keep busy and dont think about her. and the only real way to do that is to go and crawl back under my rock and do my own thing. if she wants to talk to me then she will and if she doesnt then so be it. the more i talk to her, the more i embarrass myself and increase the amount of akwardness between us. well thats the update, news yrs was terrible and i dont remember a thing.. i hope your new yrs was better tb and betty thanks again

good to hear about ur good news tb. i am trying to not think about her but its not something that just stops over night. this is going to take some time. i do intend to try talking to her after the new yr, etc. but i dont think i will be asking her about her new yr tho. shes gone away for new yr and im staying here. the thing is that i spent last new yr with her and well ... i can honestly say i was happy if only for one night. and yea if i bring up new yr she will ask me how mine was and then will talk about last yrs and yea, ill be back at the start again. but yea, thinking rationally she has blown off many conversations recently. so im in the mindset that i should let her start conversations, etc with me if she wants to talk to me. do u think this is a good thing? it could be in the way that im giving her her space, but then she could see it as me being distant and that im "not talking to her". how should i go about this? i dont want to be around all the time and not around enough. all input appreciated. thanks again betty and tb, all input is much appreciated. enjoy the new yr ppls