alyira

Eeeee! Major props to your boy for really thinking every lil detail through! Congrats on an amazing proposal and for having an amazing boy! (Bet you still got the "newly engaged" perma-grin on the go )

itsallgrand, thanks, that's exactly what I was trying to convey!! Agree, and amen to your whole post, especially on the points that it can be a bonding experience and that mix n' matching can and does occur.

Nah, I don't think that shows whether you do or don't lack feelings. Like I said, me and my boy love this kind of sex occasionally, and we're definitely a very loving, affectionate, supportive couple. We actually both had to be very comfortable and trusting with each other before we could be relaxed enough to express ourselves that way. As with everything in a relationship, I think it has a lot to do with communication. If my boyfriend, who is a gentle person by nature, ever thinks he goes too far, he stops and asks if anything is bothering me. A lot of times, afterwards, when we're snuggling, he reminds me he didn't mean any of those things and he loves me. I like variety. I'd get bored if it was always slow love making, even though that is my favorite way to have sex. But I wouldn't always want it to be rough and dirty either.

Tea tree oil seems to do it for me. Just one lil dab before I go to bed. You can pick it up in any decent pharmacy.

Beautiful. Absolutely inspiringly beautiful. Thanks for sharing that *diamond*; I wish I had read something like that when I was going through an emotionally abusive relationship. Take heed, ladies who are still having a hard time in this kind of spot, it is tough to get out of, but you can do it bit by bit, especially when you read something like this. Re-learn to love, respect, and inspire yourself and someone worthy will love you how you truly need and deserved to be loved.

butterflies, I'd say f---ing is when it's hot and raunchy, the kind of sex where you don't care if you make it to the bed much less the bedroom, aka both partners hormones are through the roof. Sex is run of the mill vanilla everyday fooling around, nothing out of the ordinary, but of course satisfying nonetheless. Making love is usually when it's romantic, generally slow, whispering sweet nothings, and overall being mushtastic. Those would be my definitions; everyone generally has their own individual ones though. And Amore, it's sweet that your bf refers to it as making love when he talks to you about sex. Its understandable he uses a little more slang when talking to the guys, but it's respectful and gentlemanly of him to be more proper around you. Good show of character.

Hm, I honestly don't mind it. Me and my boy both are really, really into talking dirty when things are hot n' heavy, but we both also know when not to use it. We're also both huge fans of mushy "I love" romantic love-making, so it balances out really. I like both! EDIT: LostInMyThoughts, TOTALLY agree, couldn't have put it better.

I never did update this, sorry to resurrect it from the dead. We did resolve this issue after a wonderful talk, and he cut off contact with her. She didn't take it very well (he showed me a very angry email she sent the day he told her he was cutting off contact). I feel relieved, and am glad we resolved something thats often not easy and a touchy issue for couples. She has also been seeing someone since a bit before my bf cut off contact with her, so I'm happy that she's moving on. Hopefully now she can heal up, and this was a good practice for communicating on difficult issues. And once again, whenever me and him go through and resolve something together, we end up being even more lovey and appreciative of each other, so good for all involved in the end

Thanks for pointing out the common-law relationship protection tidbit RayKay! I think I will look into the specifics of that. Like I said in my second post in this thread, we both have lived on our own..me for two years, up until recently, and him for about 7. Without a doubt, we are on the same page when it comes to moving in together (communication is our strong point; we've both been in relationships with chronic liars/cheaters, so we've made it a point from the first to be straight out honest and open with each other.) And marriage is to occur when we've both finished our degrees, which should take another 3 years. So we have thought this through fairly well in an adult like manner (even though my boyfriend gets giddy as a school girl when he counts down the days till we get to live together Oh hell, I do too, who am I kidding?) I've also had relationships before where an ex bf of 3 years wanted to live together, and I knew the moment he brought it up that it wouldn't work and it wasn't right. This time around, it feels right and natural. Thanks for the excellent, practical advice!! And I am glad that it worked out for you and your partner so well! Also, student loans are the devil. Well...at least in the Maritimes.

I agree with what Scout said. NC is an AMAZING tool for healing yourself.. however... I NC'ed an ex, the 'love of my life' who I'd been with for 3 years at the time in order to finally clear my head and heart of him, because he was a chronic cheater, liar, and manipulator. He even wrote me this dramatic "It was never meant to be, farewell forevvvvvvver *cue cheesy music, seriously* email once I stopped talking to him. 7 months later, he was begging me via email to talk to him, to let him hear my voice over the phone. I did talk to him briefly, maybe 2 days, but I liked the strength that came with having nothing to do with him and having regained pride and love for myself. And within those two days, I could tell he hadn't changed any, so back to NC for him. He emailed me 4 months again later, about a year after we had broken up, saying that he didn't expect us to get back together, but if it was his way, he'd have us together again, and that his mom and dad, whom had never liked me that much, were telling him he had already lost the best girl for him. He kept emailing me, even tried to talk to me the first time I ran into him after over a year and half of not seeing him, and I just breezed on by and barely acknowledged him, while he tried to call me over to talk to him and his pregnant (on again off again) girlfriend. Yeaaaaa, I passed. Does he still email me? I dont even know. I blocked his email quite awhile ago, as they stopped ceasing to amuse me with their sad "take me back" messages. I know him way too well to fall for that. That to me, my friends, is the power of NC. Not the fact that it made him come back to me, as its often touted to do. But the fact that I, who was so thoroughly dependent, loyal and in love with this guy that I let him make me believe his cheating on me was my fault and wouldn't happen if I was better to him, could easily delete his emails with a laugh and a little tinge of admittedly cocky pride. I've since found that I quite enjoy this odd growing thing called self-love and confidence.

No probs Ta_ree_saw. If the story helped give you a little more motivation to talk to your sister if the need comes up, then I'm glad. I figure you can't change the past, but you sure as heck can use the knowledge you gained from it to help yourself and others in the present. I understand that it would be and has been a difficult subject to broach with your sister, but you will find the strength and words to do it if the need arises. It's the best for all involved. Take care!

This hit a little close to home. When I was 6, a 14 year old boy that had been hanging around my house for a few weeks to help out with yardwork and such started making innuendo casually for a few days, but I didnt think anything of it, and of course had no idea what most it meant. He started by asking me to show him certain parts, and really, at that age (was right before I started elementary school), I didn't see what the big deal was about nudity, so I showed. Then one day, he lured me a ways out into the woods by my house, and sexually assaulted me. My parents never knew until I was 17. The guy ended up being quite the delinquent as he got older. I'm not saying this is your nephew at all; this was a worst case scenario. As has been said above, it's probably befuddled hormones, and maybe he figures your daughter is the easiest way to satisfy his curiosity because they've played together and know each other already. I'd keep up the constant supervision of the two of them when they play together, because God knows I wished my parents had never let me out of their sight, and it's always better safe than sorry. If he keeps exhibiting this sort of behaviour, then I can only hope you can gently and diplomatically bring it up to your sister again, so that he can get help before he starts doing worse things.

Thanks everyone for the replies so far Me and my boy decided to move in together come the end of summer, so I've been curious as to what general reactions would be. We have both lived on our own (me, past two years, him, past 7 years as he's been out on his own since he went to boarding school at 16) though neither of us have moved in or wanted to move in with a S.O., we both have been in the token "several-year-long-very-painful-and-horrible-but-many-life-lessons-are-learned" relationships, as well as several other relationships, so we both feel like we know what we want and have 'had our fun' so to speak. I guess the weird thing is that everything has always been so natural between us, from the transition from friends, to courting, to being 'officially together', and this is no different. The weird part is that...well...it DOESN'T weird me out all to talk and plan with him on moving in. When my exboyfriend of three years brought it up back in the day, it freaked me out to no end and made me horribly anxious (he was a chronic cheater anyway, so good thing!) We communicate really well, and I know he's on the same page when it comes to wanting to live together, because heck, he gets all excited whenever we talk about it and brings it up as much as if not a bit more than me. Mind you, we don't obsess over it...we both have our own friends and other things on the go. I guess I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about the moving in together issue as it's a bit controversial, and I've got to say, it seems like we fit most of the criteria that people have pointed out. So yay! We will see how it goes

For anyone who was wondering about my oh so important life Alright, I confessed what I did, completely came clean about the whole thing, and apologized for carrying over old wounds from another relationship into this one. He didnt get mad like the sweetie he is, just said "Oh Britt" a few times while I was telling him. He told me to go delete his Plentyoffish account, and that he basically used it like I would use MySpace like I theorized earlier. He also said he understood that I'm still worried about being cheated on and working on being trusting, and that if I did snoop, to just call him and be like "I had a bad day and checked your email" and to not be scared to admit it, because honesty is the crucial part in his eyes. I feel sooooooo much better! Thanks you guys! Its kinda ironic, this whole situation just made me even more proud of him and love him even more because it reminded me of how gentle and understanding he is. It's amazing to have someone love you because of and despite your flaws. Thanks again! EDIT: Also, I mentioned elsewhere that we are moving in together at the end of summer, hence it is so important to me that I cancel my subscription to my issues, so to speak. When I do move, I think I will seek out therapy/counselling for some things that have happened that I never dealt with properly, especially the reasons behind having a trust issue. The main reason I haven't so far is because I live in a fairly isolated area atm, and my parents are sort of anti-therapy. But to keep something this special, and really, for my own good, I have decided to take the plunge.

Just out of curiosity. What sort of dating/commitment time requirement do you feel is necessary to shack up with someone? Not necessarily buy a house together, I'm moreso referring to just an apartment, or is it more of an individual 'go by what the relationship is like' deal? My parents believe strongly in not living together before marriage, which has its valid points, or at least waiting years and years to live together, and I just wanted to get some diff views.