Andrina

Everyone has their own opinion on this. I don't believe in staying friends with exes. To me, it sometimes prevents one from totally moving on and properly bonding with a new love. Many new partners aren't comfortable with their love interest regularly communicating with an ex. Especially when one would have stayed with the ex if circumstances were different, and with hopes to reconcile when the stars align. I've never welcomed exes contacting me (this happened before cell phones allowed blocking). To me it was a rude interruption on my closure.

I think it's better to behave with good ethics and let the cards fall where they may. That means don't make such faraway plans so that someone is putting themselves on ice for you. Nobody is worth waiting around for, in instances like this, IMO. To me, it's selfish to present this idea. And what if you suggested that, and he turns down others because in the back of his mind, you two will be reuniting in a few years? You might fall for someone during this time, and then you'll have to pick the scab off his wound yet again, as the promise of reuniting fell through.

You don't try to talk sense into someone like this. You observe how someone behaves--inappropriate boundaries with an ex, uncaring when you are physically hurt, and then you act accordingly. People with a healthy self-worth don't put up with this BS. I'm not getting why you don't walk away when you've witnessed this instead of sticking around for more of the same and thinking he'll improve just because you've asked. Doesn't all this show he doesn't care about you and so why would he care what you think?

Your relationship boundaries about who you can follow and who you can't are a bit strange with you both following exes and both followed this girl. Since he already followed her, how was he supposed to know your rule that he can't follow the new one she created? In the future, when you become exclusive with someone, make sure they share your rules on every element of relationship rules. As for me, after a cooling off period of one day after an argument, I'd assume a guy who loved me and wanted forever with me would want to talk and make up. If he went 4 days without a word to me, I'd have to admit he's really not interested in patching things up. That he's glad things will fade away in silence with no drama. With time and distance away from him, you will probably see with more clarity that this relationship has run its course. One day you'll probably realize that's for the best. Take care.

If something doesn't make sense, then take that as a red flag next time. Yeah, if he is so smokin' hot, and actually is a firefighter as he claims, many women's fantasy, why would he choose to look for longterm dating partners who live 3 hours away? No, that doesn't make sense. Therefore, the opposite can be deduced, that he was seeking short term. Locally, he might not be able to fade away from a woman who is totally crushing on him as easily. Or, of course, to prevent bumping into anybody at a restaurant who'd rat him out when they saw him cheating. After my first marriage tanked, I made numerous mistakes myself in the dating world. I only agreed to dates with men who posted longterm as their goal on their profiles. Had to learn the hard way that for some of them, it was a lie, and they were making their way through as many women as possible on the site. I did meet my second husband online, but had learned about, and gone to a few Meet up groups before I met him. I recommend Meetup. com groups as a less stressful way to meet singles in your age group. Look and see what's available in your area. I wouldn't say I have a thick skin. I'd just say my goal of finding a lifetime companion was such a strong motivation that I put up with all the frustrating and upsetting dating experiences I had to achieve my goal. Take care.

I only skimmed over your post. If any girl/woman read this lengthy text, it's likely they would steer clear of the guy who wrote it. It speaks of someone too intense, too overly focused on someone he barely knows, with warning signs that if she dated him and it didn't work out for her, and she attempted to break up, he'd become hysterical or stalker-like, or he'd be pleading with her to stay. I suggest making an appointment with a therapist to learn how not to be this overly focused where you spend 30 hours to draw someone and probably spend 3 hours typing a mini book about someone you have a crush on. This behavior will scare any woman off. Even if they don't see the evidence, a woman's gut feeling will sense something is off about a guy this intense and will likely steer herself far away from a risky situation.

More likely she wanted to retain a healthy mental state by distancing herself from the BS you dished out. You two are not exclusive and she didn't owe you anything, and there is never a reason to call someone out on your feeling that you're being neglected or not made a priority in a new dating scenario like this. What you should do is have a wait and see attitude. After you asked her out on Sunday and she said no, the ball would've been in her court to suggest a date with you. And if she didn't, and never initiated communication, it's your signal she's just not that into you. At that point, you can fade away or simply say: This isn't working for me. Keep people in your life who reciprocate effort. Make sure your expectations aren't unreasonable of what a healthy relationship entails. If you see a pattern that a person doesn't match you in how much you want to communicate or date, try dating someone else. You already know your faults, so have those under control before attempting to date again or you will drive away all women who have healthy self-esteems (women will low self-worth might put up with the mistreatment). So my advice is to leave her alone. You've burned that bridge.

It's hurting him more to stay with someone who has been doing one of the most hurtful things you can do to a person. Yes, free him so he can eventually find someone who is worthy of him.

Really? Finally? At age 18? Why at this young age is it your goal to nail down a forever love? Perhaps you're more like a forty year old in a teen body. To be frank, I'm surprised he hasn't bolted yet, because just reading this, if I was in his shoes, I'd feel like a ton of bricks was laying on my chest. Sorry, but at your age, for me dating was about having fun with a bf/gf by eating at restaurants, going to the beach, the movies, miniature golfing, holding hands, making out, and spending time together with groups of friends. I don't recall bringing up deeper connections and support systems and extremely heavy topics. That is just strange. Leave the therapeutic talk for your own sessions with a psychologist. I see you as the toxicity, not him. From what you've written, you've taken away his choice for when HE FEELS like texting you. You are commanding him to keep track of time so that no more than 3 hours pass before you hear from him. Instead of it being his choice to reach out to a gf because he misses her, he's now being controlled by an anxiety-ridden control freak. Sounds like you're the only one asking to get together which he accepts or rejects. You've never allowed him to make an equal effort. After getting together on Thursday, I'm assuming you've never just busied yourself and set up plans for your own life and felt like the ball is now in his court to ask you out for the next time. And if he didn't, you'd find other fulfilling activities to fill your days. To gauge a person's continuing interest, you have to sit back and wait for a bf to reciprocate effort, and if he doesn't, it's your clue he doesn't meet your needs and it's time to exit. You're expecting too much, and I have have a feeling he's probably not the type to forget about plans. He's likely putting up boundaries in his own way because he'd rather lie than deal with whatever you will dish out when he doesn't want to meet with you every night after work. I'm guessing he's too cowardly to do the breaking up, and hoping you will do the deed to save himself from drama. When you have emotional baggage from past relationships, you're not ready to date. A guy shouldn't pay the price for a crime someone else committed. Read some books and articles on how to rid yourself from that. Always keep a fulfilling life of hobbies, enjoying solo time, and time spent with girlfriends, even if you have a bf. He doesn't want to be the sole center of your universe and happiness. It's too smothering. Take care and good luck.

If your significant other doesn't ease your troubles in the most difficult of times, how can you call him significant? That's more like an acquaintance roommate who doesn't owe you anything, and your importance to him means no more to him than the local cashier. Before this 3 year mark, haven't you witnessed instances of this sort of behavior in other ways, even if more minor? Did you ignore the red flags? Even if he grew up in a cave and lacks social skills, he witnessed how you took care of him when he was sick, so if he didn't learn from that, he's hopeless. He should've asked what you need before you had to ask for him to go to the store. And then when you did, it was a very cold action on his part to grumble or say no. Yeah, tell him you're too sick and tired to take out the garbage, so he can haul himself to the curb.

I can't even believe you thought a woman with these traits and personality would forego dating the numerous prospects of single men her age to stay faithful, and quite satisfied to see an exclusive, long-distance partner 2 to 4 times a year. Your decision-making skills are in dire need of a major overhaul.

Sometimes you can tell her to have some nice solo time while you occupy your daughter doing something fun. You can get some lotion and massage her feet or shoulders while you're watching t.v. Make sure you do your fair of chores, and maybe take on an extra one she normally does once in a while. Write her a note to tell her everything you appreciate about her. Even if it's inexpensive, pick her up a little trinket without their being a special occasion. If you have a store called Claire's at the mall, they have some cute inexpensive earrings and ankle bracelets, etc.

Those were some awfully strange, heavy topics on a first or second date. Aborting a child or not, toxic relative not doing chores, etc. Sounds like a blast! I can see why you want more of that 😫 Don't let a stranger know your home address. If they are cuckoo, you don't want them knowing where you live. Meet at a public location until you can trust they are not unhinged. Do you have a wish list on the ideal guy you'd want to date? It sounds like you'd like a someone you can do things with a few times a week. So that's not going to happen with this guy, right? Usually when the beginning of dating someone you're bonkers over, everything seems to be in overdrive and hormones are running wild. And then things come down to a nice normal. If this is all he's got at the beginning, with you having to inquire if there's going to be another date--why are you sinking this low as if you're pleading for his time? At your age, seems like you'd be meeting a large pool of single guys. This fish doesn't want to stay on your hook. Release him back into the sea. And you need to start considering your own needs and cut the losers loose quickly, so you'll be free when someone who will make it crystal clear he's into you, comes along.

I would be cautious about this situation and my advice remains the same. Sometimes men create a phony out, like saying they are moving, so they can speed in and out, and the family death might be true or not. You don't know him at all. Hope for the best but remain cautious. He could be inventing things so that he sees you at his convenience because he already has a gf/wife. Maybe he's decent. Either scenario is possible. Keep your feet on the ground and let him prove himself because it sounds like your strong emotions will overtake your brain. Facebook can sometimes reveal important info. Good luck.

I've only shaken when very angry or upset, so no. I find it odd that he would choose to ask someone out where you live when he knew he'd soon be moving that far away. Just speaking for myself, I'd put online dating on hold until I moved to my new location. If it were me, I'd wait even longer to be intimate with someone like this. I'd first see if he'd be putting effort into this long distance relationship and see if he really wants to get to know you without knocking boots--has the patience. Your chemistry and attraction might have you racing too fast and you might regret your actions if your expectations don't pan out how you wished. I'd enjoy the moments with him with a wait-and-see attitude. Let time tell you all you need to know. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I'd ask her to attend marital counseling with you so that perhaps an impartial, skilled professional will have a positive effect. If she refuses to go, go to a counselor yourself to show your spouse the seriousness of the matter. If she sees the importance you're giving to the matter, it might be a wake up call to her. The boy is not the only one disrespecting you. His mother is for allowing him to treat you like this, and the fact that a portion of your salary is going toward housing and feeding a lazy boy who hasn't been taught to respect his elders. I'd be considering divorce as well if none of the above works.

I don't think you should take what you guess your child's wants or benefits or burdens will be into consideration about this decision. There are too many variables in this world to predict what will make the child happy or unhappy. You and your husband will have to eventually come to a consensus if you two feel a second child should be your destiny. Examples of variables: I have two brothers but have been the sole person to take care of elderly parent needs because one brother can barely even take care of himself because of past drug use and health problems, and the other brother lives in another country. I always wanted a sister and was jealous of my younger brother when I was young because he got more attention from my mother. Oh, well. I don't know anybody who lives a totally charmed life. I only tolerate the older brother and am glad I rarely have to see him, and with my younger brother, it's a half and half thing where we have good times sometimes and irritate each other at other times. I originally wanted four children like my family of cousins who I thought had a fun life. After I had one, I saw how tiring it could be so I decided two was a good number and that they should be 3 years apart. But when the time came to create that timespan, I wasn't ready, and then when I was ready, it took me longer than I thought to get pregnant. They are 4 and a half years apart. My niece is an only child and she never asked for siblings. The good thing in life is that a person never has to be lonely. There are always friends to hang out with. Play dates can be arranged. Sleepovers. Etc. Etc. Good luck in whatever you eventually decide.

If I was with a man who regularly mentioned women's looks, I'd be both bored and disgusted. Of course everyone occasionally sees someone on screen or while out and about and is wowed by the person's looks. But IMO, someone who says these things more than the norm is what I consider ogling--like what another poster said--objectifying women. What a person talks about is what is active on their mind, and women's looks seem to take up a lot of space in his brain. I wouldn't even bother speaking to him about shutting up about it, since he won't be changing what he enjoys thinking about. He'll just be stuffing a sock in it. Why is he so attractive to you when he behaves like this?

This statement by itself shows that you are nowhere near being ready to enter into another romance. You have emotional baggage and are too vulnerable to recognize and choose a mentally healthy man. Geez, you've been serious with someone four of your teen years and a year beyond. Don't you want a break from being part of a duo and find out who you are without a man? Take the time to find a fulfilling life without a man for now. Enjoy some freedom as a single woman. You have plenty of time to settle down again later, when you're mentally ready. Let me take a wild guess. You think your friends are useless because they see the opposite of all the good traits you're seeing in him. Why can't you see what other posters have mentioned about him being intimate with his best friend, knowing this would emotionally hurt her? Plus, the fact that he called her his best friend means they probably still hang out and communicate. That wouldn't fly for me once that boundary has been crossed. It sounds like getting drunk is quite common for him. Just so you know, not every guy your age does this. You might have better luck in the future dating men who have hobbies that don't involve regular partying and getting drunk. Look after yourself for now without the stress a man, especially one with poor ethics like him, can bring to your life. It's nice to have a support system but if you've never figured out how to be independent and care for yourself, you'll continue playing the part of easy prey for predators.

I can't imagine my husband or any of my female friends' partners wanting to tag along when said friend needs a shoulder to cry on. They'd breathe a sigh of relief when left out of it. You're seeing a pattern here, so trust your gut and don't ignore that strange behavior. If it were me, I wouldn't even have a discussion with him. You can't change what's been on his mind even if he were to no longer to voice it because you've told him to stop. Even if he were never to go after her, he could indulge in voyeurism and fantasy and act differently around her than your other friends. Just because you knew him as an acquaintance or friend before you started dating doesn't mean you knew how he'd be as a bf. What is his relationship history? How old are you two? You've only been dating a few months. I'd get out now before you waste any more time since you feel like your relationship is built on quicksand versus concrete.

Never expect a partner to change in a major way. If he were the type of person who established boundaries, he would have told his employees to only send work-related texts and that he didn't want them to communicate their personal business to him. He hasn't done this so he likes thing as is. You communicated your thoughts on what you perceive as a problem and he doesn't care what you think. And if you don't know what the heart emoji could mean from the girl, what makes you think anybody else would? Since you don't like that behavior in a bf, get a new bf.

Maybe she had her period and was embarrassed to say so. But anyway you just have to believe what she said since guessing is speculation you can't prove. You were the last to suggest Saturday which she turned down. I'd let her be the one to ask for the next date. The ball is in her court. This will give you a sign if she's still interested. If she's not, she won't ask and will let communication fade away.

Subconsciously, we choose who we think we deserve in life. You're lacking low self worth to think this misery is all you deserve. Be alone and read articles and books to learn skills of self-love. If you don't, your man-picker skills will stay the same and the next guy will be just as unhealthy for you.

Your self-worth isn't at the best level you thought it was. He's not an ethically decent man. If he were and was unhappy in his relationship and yet not willing to break up, he would be doing everything in his power to fix the relationship. Instead, he wants the comforts of an intact family plus a side-piece who he cares nothing for. He doesn't care that his side-piece will never fully have him, either physically or emotionally. How she will spend all the major holidays without him. How she will have to be a dirty secret. Chemistry only makes up one part of who you should be with. That seems to be the only part you two possess. You say he respects you? Wow, it's quite the opposite. If he did, he wouldn't have reached out to a naive, thirsty woman he knows lacks self-respect. You were easy prey for him. And his excuse he'd lose time with his children is nonsense. Unless a parent is neglectful or abusive, he will receive his fair share of custody. Regardless, if the excuse was valid, it's still not right to use other people for his own lustful needs. This is a small town, so if you don't think many see what's going on, you're wrong. Save your sanity and reputation and delete him from your life ASAP. As a mother, you especially don't want to be this sort of role model for you child, who sees and hears everything and will witness how you run your life. Yeah, your fantasy of who he is will never match reality. Being alone is better than being in an inappropriate relationship. You have far more work to do on yourself. Good luck.

Once you get time and distance away from him, you will say good riddance versus wanting him back. I know it happened to me with someone I dated a year who I could see I was not a priority with, yet I kept wishing and hoping things would improve instead of realizing he was the wrong man. The next man I dated about 9 months later ended up being a million times better in every way, and he became my husband. You are too close to the situation now to realize it, but he did you a favor by freeing you to meet someone far better. Just make sure you possess a healthy self worth so you won't accept anything less than a man who treats you the way you should be treated. Pamper yourself now and I hope the healing process goes well both physically and emotionally during this difficult time.