Alec

Hey um, I think there should be a definition here of "Cousin". Um I do believe if memory serves me correct it is illegal to marry your first cousin/have children with tthem in nearly all states though i'm not sure. Um if this person is your say, 2nd cousin then it is still NOT good and might be illegal to have sex/marriage. If she is your 3rd cousin or farther back then I think you will have no problems. LEGALLY SPEAKING. That's still messed up though man. But maybe that's because i'm a Christian from Texas.

First time in my life i've ever heard of a relationship getting started between a spotter and a lifter. Good thinkin Michael . But yea man just start having conversations with her. Start small talk and work your way up, when you feel there is compatability ask her out on a date.

Do you ever see her/ hang out with her?

Aye, just keep going with your life.

Hey man, what do you mean by ask her "out"? I'm hoping you mean like, "Hey, remember me." "Oh that's good how have you been?" "Great, hey listen I was just wondering if you wuold like to maybe get together sometime and [insert private activity here (movies etc..)]" "Oh you would?" Then go from there.........that is if she says yes. If she blows you off with an excuse again judge it by if it sounds too far fetched. If she gives you an excuse make sure there is a time limit, not the crap of "Oh i'm busy that day sorry." If she says this however, "Well hey i'm kinda busy this weekend maybe monday?" See the difference?

1) he could be in shock, in that case give him a day, but make sure you bring it back up etleast one more time before you get too down. 2) He could not like you and is being rude by not giving you a response. Depending on how you know him choose which one best applies. Best of luck.

Yea be careful at your age, don't get caught up in any serious relationship mumbo-jumbo. Just play it cool.

Sure I admit i'm attracted to the way girls look on the outside but I don't think twice about asking anyone on a date until I talk to them for quite awhile. My main thing is personality though I do judge looks under the basis of, "Does this girl take care of herself."

Ok, my girlfriend broke up with me about, oh 2 and a half maybe 3 weeks ago. The break-up occurred not because of me, but because of how she felt. She is going through a time in her life where she is extremely frustrated at home, she's had a rough time growing up. Anyways not going to explain it too much, just saying it's the kind where she simply can't have a boyfriend right now because she doesn't want to get depressed knowing she isn't ok with how things are going in her life right now, and that she can't persue a relationship with anybody. TOTALLY understandable. Ok so here is my strategy could you tell me if i'm screwing up. 1) I'm staying the friendly type, it was rough I admit at first, I kept getting frustrated when I was around her (I can't do no contact, sorry not a possibility we see each other too much). But i'm past that. I'm more controlled now and I realize that if I get down or get upset about the breakup that it isn't really presenting me as a very likeable person to her. 2) So what i'm going to do is, lighten up. I've had time to be by myself and control how I feel. I admit I love her, I care about her etc... So my main base of action is to continue being friends, be happy when i'm around her, and never make her think i'm sad or mad etc... I'm hoping to just become a good friend of hers and be there until she can work this out. Once things start settling down, she has centered herself and can actually persue a relationship i'll just pick up as a friend and start the whole process over again. We dated for about a 2 months, she was so busy with things beyond her control plus frustration with her family and their new house that she couldn't spend that much time for me. So if I stay happy around her and show her i'm alright hopefully she won't feel guilty if we ever get back together and that I won't drive her away now. So am I doing this right?

Lol, what the hell is her problem. You should slap her, honestly. Then move on with your life. Is there any type of background from her that would give insight into why she is so, wishy washy? Maybe a bad past, rough childhood?

I know the sense of frustration you are going through. Yes, separate yourself from him. He doesn't seem like he cares enough about you to cherish you as a friend.

Good, appreciate it though I would be greatly thankful for a few more responses. Well I've been thinking about it for the past 2 days. I told her last night that I had something I really need to talk to her about, for her to to msg me or leave me a voice mail of when she can talk to me (She is currently in that other city and I'm personally tired of always cathching her at a time when she's doing something). So here is my plan. 1) Talk to her calmly outlining that everytime I talk to her she is busy and that I know it's just the stress of everything but I really think it would be best if I did not call or message her rarely if anymore. If she needs something I would like her to come to me, because everytime I check up on her she is busy and I don't get more than a 15 minute conversation. During this talk I also want to outline that I really believe that she should not seek out any relationship with her ex, nor me. That she needs no boyfriend (she told me herself she can't have a boyfriend right now, and it would contradict that if she was even remotely thinking about dating her ex). I know she understands that everyone is concerned she'll get hurt again I don't really need to emphasize that. I just want to sum up those things in that conversation and tell her that I'll give her that book I was reading on monday. 2) I will not message her anymore for at minimum of 5 days with the exception of if my friends decide to go bowling wednesday night it would help her if she escaped not only the stress of the day to day life but also being in that other town, which if she over-dose I think would be unhealthy for her emotionally. 3) If she messages me I will talk to her during the week, if not I'll be fine. Next saturday if she has not messaged me I will message her once checking up on her, and if a conversation insues ask if she would like to go to church again (she needs this desperately). That's all i have right now

Well hmm, that's not exactly the kind of support I was looking for

Alright, before I get started let me state that I have currently finished discussing this with my friends, and thinking about it. I have read a book over the past few days entitled "The 10 Commandments of Dating." An insightful read I would recommend it to any christian to solidify a relationship. What my problem is is that after having read it I am extremely concerned the path that my ex-girlfriend is on. So with that said let's begin. The Situation - Alright about 5 days ago my girlfriend informed me that she could no longer have a boyfriend or be in that kind of relationship with me. Let it be known that she has moved several times before coming to my town earlier this year. Her last move was from a big city near here where she went to a private school. There she had a boyfriend named for the sake of the internet "Tom". Anyways, Tom was a very good friend to her and helped her through the rough time of her dad leaving her to be with another woman. (She had been raised by her dad, not her mom for the past 16 years). After her dad left her, her mom came and got her and brought her to my town at the beginning of this past school year. She was still dating Tom. Tom, once she moved, and possibly even before that cheated on her at minimum, 3 times. Cheated as in had sex with 3 other girls. Tom is a partier, a classic American Teenager. She is a devout christian, practices abstinence, and does not party, drink, or do drugs. Needless to say she was deeply hurt by this. From December to February they were off and on until finally she said she could take no more. Which leads up to where she finally gets into the dating process again in April. She goes out on a few dates and hangs out with a friend of mine to meet people. My friend, is a partier (not a drinker or drug user, a christian) but still not her type. He sort of led her on and hurt her feelings rather deeply. For that next week she was a lame duck, depressed, but still wanted to hang out with people. I eventually coaxed her to that friends birthday party where we went out to a dance hall. I danced with her, had fun, and that is where we hit it off. Well to sum it up we dated each other from May to June, (5 days ago). I listened to her, helped her, and guided her to a church and a loving family which she badly needed. But, this past weekend for reasons i'm still iffy about, she called me and told me the news that she couldn't date me, and said couldn't date ANYONE. Here is the current problem. So Thursday (3 days after breakup) I ask her, you know how have things been. She tells me OK, just some family problmes (such as they mihgt not be able to move into their new house due to realtor trouble). So I ask if she had confronted Tom (which during the breakup she had said she was confused about him and her feelings). She said yes, that her, her friends, him, and her family had gone to see Harry Potter on Wednesday night. I immediately call her and tell her my freelings of NO, that is not right you cannot go back to him, it's just not right. She told me she knows what i'm talking about and that everyone tells her that, but then her tone went sarcastic when she said "It's not like anything is going on, we just went to the movies as friends, I haven't seen him in 4 months, come on". So, in the back of my mind I know that she might not be wanting to date him, or go back to him, but I know she is trying to go back to her past since her present situation at home isn't that great. I'm trying to be a carrying and loving friend, but i'm not sure exactly what to do. My only solution currently right now is to give her the book I read "The Ten Commandments of Dating." Which I hope will make her realize that he isn't the right kind of guy to go back to, and help her solve her problems, fears of course from all of these relationships that have ended badly, her constant moving, her father abandoning her, the house not w*orking out etc... She constantly tells me that she doesn't want to hurt me, and doesn't know what she can do to help me deal with this (the breakup) I really want to confront her and tell her it would help a great deal if you would simply talk to me in a non-stressful environment (such as go eat lunch or something) so that I can understand and help you (also give me a chance to give her the book. In conclusion, (I know this is long sorry), how should I approach this situation. What should I do to show her that I truthfully care, am concerned, but AM FIRM THAT SHE SHOULD NOT GO BACK TO HIM. Any help would be appreciated.

Hey hold on there a second man, 8th grade? Commandment 4 of dating, thou shalt take it slow. But, i don't want to be the kind to tell you this sort of thing to scare you off from your relationship. It's good that you connect with someone but also, give it time. Realize that you have quite awhile to make decisions so always have that in the back of your head if ever you want to rush into anything, whether it be upping your relationship or whatever. Just keep that in your thoughts.

Welp I had a talk with her last night, summed up that I was her friend, and I'm not going to bother with it anymore. Best thing for me to do is leave her alone, if she wants something she can call me for a change. Which is how it should be. Thanks guys.

*update* I talked to her today. The true reason why she wants space and to be separated is because over the course of our relationship she's had alot of conflicts whenever it came to spending time with me. Stuff seemed to always come up, all of it she couldn't control. I told her I was fine with it but she feels guilty, add this guilt to the amount of stress she's under she just wants to feel better for a change. So that's why.

Thanks for the advice, I'm waiting on her to get out of a summer class she's taking that is also something that is stressing her out. I left her a message using some of the advice given to me by you guys. See how it works. I'm trying my best to stay supportive/ be a good friend, I had trouble doing that when this whole thing happened, my life isn't all that and a bag of potatoe chips at the moment either. See how it w*orks out.

Before I start let me provide some back-ground. My girlfriend, I guess now temporarily ex if I understand her correct, has moved all her life. She lived with her dad from the time she was 2 till the time she was 16 when her parents got a divorce and moved to New Orleans. She lived in New Orleans most of her life, having a brief stop in Chicago for about 2 years. While in New Orleans she rarely saw her mother. She's had 3 boy-friends. And I believe this is where most of the problems come from. 1) First boyfriend was in Chicago when she was 14. He was a senior and had sex with a friend of hers at his graduation party. She tried off and on to work things out but never really worked. Now she moved back down to New Orleans. 2) Her second boyfriend was an ass, she is the type of girl who doesn't do sex, boyfriend coming over to the house with no parents home etc... He was really adament about those rules and resented her for it. He broke up with her on the beach when she came to supposedly meet him and found him with 2 other girls lounging in the sand. 3) Her last boyfriend she was real close to. When her dad left her to be with another woman who already had 3 kids he was there for her; however, he was an even bigger ass. He had sex with 3 of her friends, she had about a 2 month denial period and then finally confronted him about it. There was a long and hard break-up period where they tried to make things work but it just wasn't going to happen. Now her mother came and got her, pulled her away from the people she was accostomed to in New Orleans and brought her back to her home-town in Mississippi. There she had a rough time in school trying to deal with everything. Everything seemed to go bad until she well.....met me. I became her shoulder to cry on, a good friend, and she admitted that she loved me. This brings you up to where I am now. Lately she's been under stress, summer school classes, parntes making her work, and they are getting a new house she is nervous about because new homes haven't lasted long for her in the past. Well a week ago she talked to one of her friends in a visit to New Orleans and remembered alot of stuff about her past and now is having some kind of problem. She called me last night and said she was having trouble dealing with things, all things. That this type of problem she had had once before and the only way to deal w/ith it is on her own. She just couldn't have a boy-friend right now. Here I am, I woke up this morning and thought we were still going out, and it hit me. I'm having a pretty rough time dealing with this because i'm confused to high heaven. I know I should probably talk to her but I told her i'd give her space to deal with her concerns, and that the earliest i'd call her is 4 days from now. So I'm not really sure what to do. I don't want to lose her, not like this. We had too much going for us. Any help would be greatly appreciated.