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ocean9

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Everything posted by ocean9

  1. ocean9
    Oh, man...did I EVER mess up. I was doing no contact with the ex, she asked to meet with me, and we started spending time together again (meanwhile, she is still with the other guy). We actually went on a couple of dates, she was affectionate with me, kissing, all that all over again. I thought maybe this time she was going to choose to come back to me. THEN the next time I call her, she tells me how the next day (after spending time with me) she had such a great time with the new guy and how things are better than ever with him! wtf! AND she came right out and told me that I'm such a boost for her ego (geez, thanks) THEN she told me how she almost got into a bar fight with two people last weekend when she got wasted, one of whom was a woman she has never even met before. She was verbally abusive to this poor woman! Apparently the new guy thought this was all a laugh riot! (rolling my eyes) I could hardly believe my ears! I was in shock when I got off the phone. I actually got sick to my stomach because I just can't take this sh*t anymore! Over the last couple of days, I've realized that I can NOT keep doing this to myself! I clearly cannot be 'just friends' with this woman, and I know for sure that I am indeed being played. This woman is TOXIC for me, and I have to cut ties! I keep asking myself how I got into this mess in the first place...she was never like this before though. She was giving, sweet, caring, open...it is almost as if she is jeckyl and hyde...or maybe she changes who she is depending on who she is with. Regardless, I don't want any part of this anymore. I've got to take care of me now! I have to! I HAVE to stay strong this time, and I HAVE to move on...for my own sake!
  2. ocean9
    That's a lot of intimate contact for a 'friend'. I suggest you distance yourself if you have feelings for her...because it is just not going to happen.
  3. ocean9
    flt, Whoa, you work with her? That's got to be really hard! Can you switch departments or locations at all? I'm going out tonight with a friend to stay the heck away from the phone and email. Maybe you could do the same? We've got to get our lives back!
  4. ocean9
    Whenever I've tried to do NC with her, I break, or she breaks, and we end up seeing each other. I don't know if I could even go a month without talking to her. The longest we've gone without communication is 8 days (I think) give or take a day. The longest we've gone without hanging out is three weeks. I'm trying to take this one day at a time. I am thinking about what I am going to say when she contacts me. I will not be contacting her.
  5. ocean9
    unlucky, I'm doing NC myself right now. This is day 2 for me. There are others here doing this too. Let's all stick together and help one another through this!
  6. ocean9
    Okay, so this will be day 2 of 'no contact'. I turned off the phone so that I don't go running to answer if it rings! How is everyone else doing today?
  7. ocean9
    Mentor, It sounds like this has been really hard for you. Have you thought of changing your email address, and not telling her? It sounds like contact from her causes you more harm than good. She could always call you if she really wanted to talk to you...and if she said anything weird, you could ask her in the moment what the heck she meant. It would prevent this double message nonsense.
  8. ocean9
    mentor, how are you doing today? are you feeling more balanced today? (less shaken up at all?)
  9. ocean9
    she gives me just enough to give me hope, but I think it is false hope I haven't called her all day, nor did I respond to her email...and it was hard not to, but I think I'm doing what's right for me today
  10. ocean9
    coda, I agree that we need to give ourselves time. I need to clear my head for sure! I need to give my heart a rest too!
  11. ocean9
    thanks vhs
  12. ocean9
    I am starting to believe it. I'm starting to see her excuses as excuses. I don't want to believe it though...do you know what I mean? I feel really dissappointed with her right now.
  13. ocean9
    vhs, I've had that talk with her a few times...she explains everything, cries (a lot), asks me to be patient, says she is trying, I could go on and on. She always has an excuse (or several excuses) for her behavior...but I've noticed that she keeps making excuses, and nothing is really changing. Her most recent email was a string of excuses. I'm tired of hearing the excuses. If she really wanted me, she'd be here with me, not off with some other guy. Her words don't match her actions. She says one thing, then turns around and does another. I can just imagine what she tells the other guy. Damn, it would probably break my heart to hear it
  14. ocean9
    hockey, hey man, I totally agree with you...I don't like playing games either...but the reality is, whether I see it as a game or not, she is playing a game (whether or not she is consciously aware of that, I have no idea) when her life sucks, she comes running to me...and so far, I've been there...but I am not happy about that...I feel like a sucker, y'know? I don't want to put my life on hold anymore I think that if I respond to her email, that sends the message to her that I am willing to be treated like this...that I willing to be used, that I am okay with these crumbs she tosses my way, that I am okay with her VERY mixed messages...and I don't want to send that message anymore (I realize that my actions have pretty much condoned her behavior towards me) the right one for me would not treat me like this, I know that for sure!
  15. ocean9
    Thanks everyone. I never thought of it like chess...I'm not much for that game really. LOL! I guess you could say my "next move" is to ignore her email! Yes, I know, she will contact me again...she always does.
  16. ocean9
    I was doing 'no contact', but it didn't feel quite right. She called me, asked to visit, I agreed, she brought me little presents because she wanted to make up for our time apart, we ended up holding hands, kissing, hugging, and ultimately in bed cuddling yet again! (she initiates this every time!) Then suddenly she had to leave when she checked the clock. I was like, wtf? So many freakin' mixed messages from this woman! ...blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we hugged and kissed goodbye, and she asked to see me again on Thursday. I agreed. I thought things were looking up a bit, y'know. I called her Wednesday to make sure our plans were still on. I left a message, she never called back. This morning I got some lame email. To paraphrase, she is just "so busy" with work she hardly has time for her boyfriend (so the new guy is now her *&$%# boyfriend! WTF?) and she doesn't have a lot of time for me and her other friends. She wanted to see, she is so sorry, but, but, but, blah, blah, blah..you get the picture. Oh, ya, and she wrote that she really loves me. Ya, right! I sure do feel loved! I didn't respond to her email. It's like I'm LAST on her list, and clearly I have friend status now, she has me on the same level as her other friends...wtf is that about? This is NOT what her actions have been telling me. (women don't generally kiss, hold hands, and cuddle with friends, do they? am I missing something here?) Anyway, I got my answer. This wasn't what I wanted, so I have to deal with this now. I feel like she played me for a lovesick fool! I think I'll be hanging out with you guys now! At least for a little while...while I get over this!
  17. ocean9
    I understand. If you know that you are too vulnerable, then it is wise to not see her yet.
  18. ocean9
    Mentor, Emails and ecards leave a lot to be desired in terms of clear communication. Words are just words...and then the reader projects all sorts of meaning onto those words. If you really do want to communicate with her, call her up, and ask her out for coffee. Communicate face to face so that you can see her body language, hear her tone of voice, and touch if appropriate. It has been a few months, and if you feel ready, why not meet up and catch up with each other for real? I suggest not using email, texting, IM, or ecards. Pick up the phone and give her a ring if you are serious about talking with her.
  19. ocean9
    no contact = no new pain I'm learning this the hard way too
  20. ocean9
    love isn't enough he is abusive, he needs a counsellor, not a girlfriend go to your library and get some books on verbal abuse, spouse abuse, and so on, and read them and educate yourself on the reality of staying in an abusive relationship go to link removed and do a search on verbal abuse, and spend time reading...there are sites out there specifically to help you with this type of abuse stay away from him
  21. ocean9
    kh7, This guy obviously isn't meeting your needs...and it's sound like your doing a lot of the work initiating invites and so on. He doesn't seem to be able to handle work and a relationship...and your left wanting more. It's only been two months...ending it now will be a lot less painful than ending it later. You shouldn't always be 'waiting' on a guy...IMO a guy who wants you will make room in his life for you more than once a week.
  22. ocean9
    It is a good thing that you found this information out now, rather than later! He sounds like someone you should stay far away from!
  23. ocean9
    exactly! no two people are exactly the same! generalizing doesn't help anyone. I think people need to stop trying to be someone they're not...because being untrue to one's self never works out in the long run...and it causes more harm than good to everyone involved.
  24. ocean9
    nice guy...bad guy...that is REALLY black and white thinking I'll be blunt: a woman who is attracted to a man who mistreats her has issues...she probably needs a counsellor, not a boyfriend and guys who are trying to be someone they are not...they have issues too! c'mon people...be true to who you really are! why on earth would you want someone who is not into the real you? that's messed up!
  25. ocean9
    kate, I think that she and I just are not on the same page...and nothing will change that. I want a serious relationship...she is not ready for that. (her actions and choices are showing that) Maybe at first she thought she was ready, but pretty much everytime the intimacy would grow, she would freak out, grow cold, and distance herself. She's got issues...and there is nothing I can do to change that. She seems to prefer 'light' relationships...and I'm not at that stage anymore. I'm ready to settle down...she clearly is not. I actually do know what I want in a relationship, and I know that she cannot give me what I need...not now, and maybe not ever. I think she knows this too...a few times she has broken down and cried and apologized for not being able to give me what I deserve....then she gives more for a little while, then she goes back to flirting with other people. She just isn't consistent at all...and her behavior is wearing me thin! I have to let go of the "dream" that keeps me connected to her...because it just isn't happening, and probably won't happen. It's like I'm attached to this illusion of her, not the 'real' her. I need my heart to catch up to my head. I know that I am just hurting myself by being at her beck and call...and I'm also harming my chances of actually be available for the 'right' woman when she comes along! I thought I could do this whole 'friends' thing...but it is costing me too much, and providing too little. I've got to get myself off of her hook! Yes...no contact may be necessary again. It seems so drastic...and then I start to think I'm being immature by doing that. I don't know. One day at a time!
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