ocean9

sweetsparkle, Deep down, there is that small voice deep within urging you to do what is right for you, what do YOU think you should do?

The weird thing is, she is still ALL over me when we spend time together. "Friends" don't do certain things. I didn't even react when she told me. I was just so numb. I managed to actually spend several hours hanging out with her, and I kissed her goodbye when she left. I don't think it has 'hit' me yet.

...at least she told me the truth though.

I feel numb.

Here is my update: In a nutshell, she loves me dearly but doesn't feel romantic love for me. She wants to remain friends.

sweetsparkle, In essense, he is stringing you along. Are you willing to be strung along? How much longer can you handle this? I vote YOU break up with him! Two months? That's a load of crap!

The above words are very telling. From what you say in your post, I think you are better off without her as a friend frankly. Maybe you are just curious from time to time, and want to know how she is doing, which is normal...but because of the nature of your past relationship with her, the on/off crush and all, I think you are better off staying away from this one. IMHO.

I haven't seen that movie in ages! BTW, I meant that my question was totally off topic...I didn't mean what you said was.

Awesome! What kind of music?

Mr. Lonely, Ya, I agree. Women at the age need to explore, it's like they have to get it out of their system, so that they can settle down later on. Timing is everything. Sucks for you though. Sorry.

marty, Ya, she is really young. I honestly don't think a 21-year-old can handle a mature relationship. They really need to explore at that age. Probably not what you want to hear, but it could spell so much trouble in so many ways later on. If she is already feeling pressured/overwhelmed, that will only increase if you call her...I can pretty much guarantee that. Can you wait at least another week before calling her? I think that two weeks is a reasonable time to wait before calling. At 21, she is going to be very influenced by friends and family, more so than a 31 year-old would be...if you know what I mean.

From_Now_On... This is totally off topic, but was IS that avatar? I love it!

marty, Ya, once that line has been crossed (intimacy) it is hard to go back...sometimes it is not possible to be friends again until much time has passed. How old is she? Maybe she got really scared of the emotional intensity? She may not be ready for a mature relationship. If the drinking was an issue, she'll probably need to see you sober for a long time before trusting it won't be an issue again. If this breakup helped you to make that decision, to ease back/stop the drinking, that is huge, and ultimately something to be thankful for. (even if it doesn't seem that way right now) If she is uncomfortable, that's not a very good sign. Ya, she probably is trying to chill out with family. She needs that time to destress and just enjoy. My family is really far away, but I know if that wasn't the case, I would have been chilling out with them myself!

marty, seven days isn't that long...I honestly think there's still a lot of hope. Just keep on improving yourself, so that when she does show up, she sees a new and improved marty! I think that if they let like a month go by, then it's dead in the water...less than a month, and I think there's still a pretty good chance. I'll have to google Mylo...sounds interesting! Just keep giving her space. If she likes you ENOUGH, she'll come back. Try to give her at least another week. There is no way to know how she is feeling, but soon enough her actions will tell you loud and clear! Keep going out though! You never know what is waiting just around the bend!

I was completely unaware of the extent of the PMs between the two of you. I thought your messages (on here) seemed a little harsh, like really driving the point home...but of course, there is no way to read intention through this sort of communication, and I am not privy to the content of PMs No problem here, I just misinterpreted....my bad. It's all cool.

Mr. Lonely, She started to pull away a couple of weeks ago. I did "no contact" for three days, then she called. I think that's a really awesome sign. Thanks man!

amanda, I plan on having fun and keeping it light. I'll go with the flow, but I will stick to my new boundaries. I never exactly had boundaries with her before (my fault). I see this as a fresh start in a way. I know that if necessary, I could walk away from this, and that is really empowering! I think I was getting too deep, too fast (emotionally) and that it would be smart for me to chill out somewhat. Truthfully, I think I made the decision about wanting more too soon. I need to get to know this woman a lot better before I consider her long-term relationship material. I need to see how her actions are over time. marty, Thanks! What CDs did you buy? I stopped contact for 3 days (it felt much longer though). No, I didn't beg and plead. I came here and posted. I cried like a baby in private. I ate way too much (chips and Coke man!) She has no idea that I even noticed that she pulled away. She didn't see any of my reaction to her pulling away. I didn't bring it up in conversation, and I don't plan on bringing it up either. I'll talk about it only if she brings it up. She talked about being majorly stressed out at work, and some family issues she is going through. I need to listen to her more when she shares, because when she does open up, a lot of her behavior starts to make sense. I completely recommend giving them their space when they pull away. Whatever happens tomorrow, I know that I am strong enough to be without her...and that was so worth learning!

ticklebug, The thing is, he didn't go...his actions spoke volumes. That's a huge step for him, at least I think so. A lot of us here are feeling really proud of him for that.

Lonly, Try not to be so hard on yourself. Obviously you are a very loving person to even give her a second chance. I can just imagine the pain (and anger) you are feeling right now. Unbelievable! Is this woman in therapy? It sounds like she needs it (no offense).

Hi everyone, She called me today and we talked for about 20 minutes or so. I kept it light. She said that she really misses me, wants to spend the day with me tomorrow, and really does love me. I told her to call me tomorrow, and I will make some time for her if she is serious about getting together and talking. She said she was. She promised to call as soon as she wakes up. I told her to only call if she is certain she wants to see me and actually will make proper time for us. I told her quite clearly that I don't want anymore cancelling and ambivalence, that I am tired of feeling disappointed, and that it doesn't work for me to be strung along. She actually sounded really relieved to hear me say that, which took me by surprise a little. I'm so glad that I held off contacting her, and gave her the space to miss me and call me. Thanks to the people here who shared their time and opinions with me! I am so very grateful! I was a posting maniac yesterday, but it kept me from calling her, and maybe I actually helped a few people out here and there (I hope so anyway!)

I think that a respectful person will give a reason(s) if asked. If the person doesn't respect the dumpee enough to have that f2f discussion, then frankly the dumpee is probably better off without this person in her/his life. Cold and harsh perhaps, but actions do speak louder than words.

Honestly, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. Sorry.

I think it takes time too. Sad, but true. Replacing old memories with new ones might help. Form new associations. Don't avoid life because of 'triggers'. Don't immerse yourself in 'triggers' either though, you don't need the mental abuse, y'know?

I think that you did the right thing. It sounds like you really do need some time away from her.

In some cases, I'm sure that 'why' might be obvious, but at other times, people just pull away (like what committment phobic people do) expecting us to still be there when they want back in.