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Stinkweed

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  1. Stinkweed
    You say you are too proud to let your friends see you cry. So, I guess you are too proud to let them see you in a coffin too. I know what you are going through. Sometimes it feels as if the world was against you. But you just shouldn't care. I also find making new friends very hard. I get nervous in new situations too. But lately I have been trying to push myself into those new situations. That way, you get used to it. It's like staying at home forever. Yes, you are in a safe place, and outside there could be many bad things. But there can also be many good things. If you never go out, those good things will not come in looking for you. Suicidal thoughts cross my mind also. But I think I won't give up that easily. I won't let life beat the crap out of me without putting up a fight first. If you are too proud to let your friends see you cry, then you surely are too proud to let anyone see you die, or dead for that matter. About going out for a jog. I would suggest you do that, because it will make you feel better (it is scientifically proven, but you don't want to hear that stuff). Why should anyone think you look stupid? Even some really old people in tights go out for jogs, and no one makes fun of them. And about what you eat. You should definitively try to eat. You feel overweight, but in my case, I am 100% sure I am. Even though sometimes I get conscious about it, I just don't care about what others think. You are not there for everyone to like you. The only thing everyone likes, no matter what, is money. But you are not money. You are a person. If they don't like you, it's their loss. Also, forget about that guy that calls you bad names. I personally think he should just drop dead. Nobody should call any lady those kind of words. About the guy you fancy. It's his loss if he doesn't care about you. You have to know that you are a wonderful and unique person. Too bad for him if he thinks you aren't without even knowing you deeply. He isn't even a real man if he doesn't help a lady when she needs him. Well, I wish you the best from now on. I hope you find this helpful. If you want to talk more, you can pm me.
  2. Stinkweed
    Hi shy_guy. I am in a similar situation (take a look at my post "Need help (or a miracle) talking to a girl", except that I am moving, to make things worse. I also start shaking when she looks into my eyes (which is very rarely). I get very nervous around her. So, if anyone says something to helpfull to you, I will listen too.
  3. Stinkweed
    Thanks. Well, tonight I am on a high. I hope it last all weekend long, as well as monday. You are right. I haven't even hurt a fly. I have not even been a bad kid since I moved to this school. I hope I feel like I felt on Tuesday again. But this time, I hope she is there too. There is also no reason she should dislike me. I mean, I may not be physically attractive, but if she is who I think she is, she won't care at all.
  4. Stinkweed
    Well, today I saw her, and I just couldn't talk to her. It wasn't my day anyway. I don't know if she noticed me. But Tuesday, I felt so ready to do it. I was 100% sure I was going to do it. But I didn't see her. Maybe this weekend is just what I need to regain some confidence and pull myself together. I don't know if she is scared of me. Because sometimes she acts as if I was a menace. But sometimes, she doesn't care I am around. I have finally decided I will talk to her. I just need to set things straight. Because I don't want, in the near future, to look back and ask myself about what could have been.
  5. Stinkweed
    You are right. Well, I was planning on first asking her for her email and phone number, and then, after we get to know each other a little better, I would tell her how I feel about her. I am not stalkish. The thing is, sometimes she doesn't seem to mind that I am around, and if she notices me, she just looks at me once. But sometimes, though, she gets this very serious expression in her face. As if I was a menace. The truth, though, is that I am more "scared" of her than she is of me (I think). Well, I would never do anything to hurt anyone, especially if it's a girl. I have a friend, who I think, knows her. And if I was a menace, wouldn't she know it by now? It's just kind of weird. I need to set these things straight before it's too late. I mean, I can't read her mind. If I notice I make her too uncomfortable, then I will just back off, I guess. Well, about the small conversations, I think it wouldn't really be convenient. I haven't talked to her throughout the whole year, and suddenly I come up and just say "Hi, what's your next class?". It would sound and feel kind of weird. I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. Last week it was my mission. This week, my mission is simple: Do not go insane.
  6. Stinkweed
    I know exactly how you feel, and... wait.... I don't think I can help you. I like a girl very much, and I don't even know if she likes me, or hates me. I think she seems to not like when I look at her, because she just looks at me as if she was about to give me the middle finger. She also avoids me. Because if she is in some place, and I walk through that place more than twice in a week, she suddenly stops going to that same place, until she notices I don't go there anymore. You know what I mean? The only way to know is by asking that person. If you think that is too direct (I do, and I would have a heart attack if I tried, because I am extremely shy), then just say hi, and make eye contact and see how that person responds.
  7. Stinkweed
    Well, I always have looked at life as "the big picture". Until a couple of years ago, I said that I would work with computers, and stuff (maybe as a programmer). But I know very little about it. Now, I don't. I basically lost all interest in everything. I don't think I will ever learn programming language, because I don't find it interesting anymore. Well, I feel interest toward music, though. I really like listening to music, and if I could have a band, it would be cool. But there are many problems with that. First of all, like always, my parents wouldn't agree. Second. the only instrument I know how to play is the clarinet (I don't even like it, but in my old school it was obligatory to learn). I would like to learn how to play the guitar, and the bass. I like heavy music. By heavy, I mean stuff like Death Metal, Grindcore, and Thrash/Speed Metal. Well, so I guess I can forget about that. I consider joining the marines an option, but my parents very strongly disagree. In fact, my father says he would rather die than let me join them because it's dangerous and blah, blah. Besides, I don't know if I could adapt to their way of life. I recently took a Career aptitude test, but I don't think it will help. Because I do well at school (I have made it to honors in all four quarters this year, and last year I made it to Distinguished honors all 4 quarters). But in that exam, I just know I did horrible, because I couldn't even finish most of the sections in it. So, in the results I expect to see that I am only good at breaking stones with my head, or something similar So, does anybody have any ideas on that. Also, I need to add that I have no place to call home. By that I mean that my life isn't centered in any place. I mean, I will move to another state where I have nothing to look forward to, and here I won't miss anything. It would be interesting to be a writer too. Even though english is my second language, I do very well in it (I take College prep English, not English as a Second Language, and I get a lot of A's). I don't have any interests in sports either. Does anybody have any suggestions?
  8. Stinkweed
    I will surely do that. I have posted a lot of things related to this, and how I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Now I feel I am not alone. Thanks for your advice ~Tinkerbell~.
  9. Stinkweed
    Well, the treatment I have been undergoing was for my thyroid gland, not for depression. I'll do what you suggest. But not yet, because it hasn't really gotten so much in my way. I have gotten in fights with my brother, but just verbally. But if it starts getting out of control, I will seek medical help.
  10. Stinkweed
    Well, this happens to me a lot. I can't help but think that I may have a mental illness. Sometimes, it's very hard for me to control my anger. Sometimes, it isn't. Sometimes, I go from being very happy, to being very angry, and depressed. Sometimes, the same happens, but from depressed to happy. Well, I also think it may be external factors, such as stress, and many other things. For example, sometimes I definitively feel like dying, but sometimes, I don't. My thyroid gland doesn't produce enough amounts of some hormone, so I am overweight. They say that thyroid problems are linked to depression. So, maybe that could be it. But, I have been undergoing a treatment for this last 3 years, or so, and have been feeling a lot better than before. Or, maybe it's just adolescence. I just wanted to know if anyone had something to say.
  11. Stinkweed
    Well, I guess you should approach the one you like the most. I am very shy too (extremely shy, actually). So, in your case, I would also consider which one you know better. You say you even know 1's name. So, unless you are sure she definitively doesn't like you, then she's the one you should approach (I think Well, I have never been in a situation like that, so I can't really give you any advice.
  12. Stinkweed
    I like your poem. It's very realistic. I am a guy, but I am sort of going through the same stuff your poem describes. But I won't bore you with details. I also fail when trying to achieve my goals, and I have thought about suicide countless times. So, finding a lot of similarities between your poem and my feelings makes me enjoy it even more. This also happens to me with some good songs. Good job!
  13. Stinkweed
    The problem is that I don't have that much time. I am probably going to move, and I won't be back next year. But if things go well, then I could come back in twelf grade. The problem is that she would be the only reason I would come back. If she has no idea I exist, and I never tell her how I feel, there wouldn't be much point in coming back. Besides, I used to stare at her, and she noticed. I think she is angry at me and is avoiding me (I hope it's just me being paranoid). But if she is, then she is going to see me as a stalker when she sees that I got her email address. I tried to do what you told me like 6 months ago, but never could find out her email. I have a friend, who I think, may have it. But I don't know if it's a very good idea. Do you think it will work even if I move? I mean, I feel she is so special, that I would be willing to wait. But, I just don't know. I feel a little skeptical about what you say. It's sounds so easy, that I don't know if it will work for me (don't get me wrong, I like easy, it's just that I don't know what she will think). I just have a bad feeling about it. But I will use it as a last resort. Thanks for your advice, guitar*girl. Does anybody else have something to say?
  14. Stinkweed
    There is a girl I like very much, and I would like to talk to her before the year ends. Well, for more information, you could take a look at my other posts. But they don't matter as much. I don't need help in what to say, because I am just going to say the truth about how I feel. Last week, I had proposed myself to do it on wednesday, but like always, I just couldn't. This made me feel very bad. I know her name, and she was in one of my classes last year, but I never really talked to her. This year I see her occasionally, and most of the time she is with her friends. Well, I am almost sure I will see her tomorrow before our first classes. The problem is, that I know she will be waiting for her friends, and will be in a hurry to go to her first class, because she only has 5 minutes to get there. Besides, I have tried to do this a couple of times, and always end up doing what I always do, which is to walk by past her. It is as if my mind wanted to talk to her, but my body wanted to just walk by past her. So, they told me that I could tell her that I am not good talking to girls, because I get very nervous, and then I can give her a letter with what I wanted to tell her and my email address and my phone number, and I would also ask for hers and then I would tell her that I hope to talk to her soon. I think it is a good idea, but still don't know if I can do it. What I feel can't be fear of rejection because I know I am already rejected by default. So, what should I do? Is writing the letter a good idea? Well, I think it is. Because I sincerely think there is no other way. Does anybody know why I always end up just walking past her and how to not let that happen again? I need advice fast, because I don't want to feel tomorrow like I have been feeling today the whole day
  15. Stinkweed
    I think your poem is really good. Is your life really that way? Well, mine is. Well, mostly. I even am overweight, and have never had a girlfriend, and have never been to a dance There is a girl I like a lot, but haven't been able to talk to. Besides, I believe she thinks I am stalking her, so she avoids me (I hope it's all in my head). I also have two female friends. They are the only people in this school I can call friends. The problem is that I'm the one moving. I think that not even they will remember me and wonder where I have gone when next year arrives. But sometimes, moving is not enough. I would have to change who I am, which is easier said than done. I just give up. I know there will be new chances for everything, but I know I will blow them just like I did here. I just can't help it. I don't want to start over. I just wish I had done things the right way since the beginning. I have nothing to look forward to, and no one around me (including me too) is getting any younger. I feel so old, but for some people I obviously don't look like it. So, remember you are not alone in this suffering.
  16. Stinkweed
    Thanks for posting. Also, thanks for the web site, it was very helpful
  17. Stinkweed
    Can anyone tell me what NLP is really about, how it can be used, and what it can be used for? In the site dianabeaver.co.uk/nlp_faqs.htm, you can find some information, but I would like to know more. It says that " NLP simply applies objectivity (which is the way we are supposed to think - logically of course!) to subjectivity (which is the way that we really think - because we are humans rather than robots). Have you ever been in a situation where you knew exactly what you 'should' say or do - but blown it nonetheless? That was you, being human - just like the rest of us". Well, I have been in that type of situation countless numbers of time. I would like to fix that (for example, I would like to be able to talk to the girl I like). I am starting to get a little desperate because summer is almost here, and I would very much like to talk to her before the break. If NLP really works, then it is my only hope. My goal was to talk to her on Wednesday, and it's already Sunday, and I haven't. This has made my weekend a living hell. I probably won't have another chance to talk to her until Tuesday, and I would like this time to be different. I want to actually talk to her, instead of doing what I always do, which is just walk past her in the hallways. I was so decided to do it on wednesday, but I still couldn't. It was as if my mind actually wanted to do it, but my body wanted to just do what it always does, walk by past her. I am following the advise Knighmare365 posted in my topic "I hate myself and want to die" in the Emotions section. He said that stuff with subliminal language helps a lot and that I could find it on kazaa. It may sound ridiculous to some, but I found 2 that looked promising that are titled "Audio books - Anthony Robbins Self Help Total Self-Confidence" and "Audio Books-NLP-Hypnosis- Confidence (meeting women sleep-learning)". I would like to know if that stuff really helps and how to use it. I hope it does, because it's my only hope. I need both self-confidence, and confidence in talking to the girl I like. What should I do? Does anyone have something to say?
  18. Stinkweed
    shyguy69, I was asking for help, not for a competition on who is doing worse. Like you said, nobody here knows me, and that includes you. I mean, do you really think that what I posted is really all the problems I have? Besides, I do know that there are people that live worse lives than I (maybe you are one, or maybe not). But those people, many go crazy, some commit suicide (a couple of months ago a 13 yr old girl did it in the area where I live) and some are just plain miserable, like I am. When you said "and u gotta sometimes think *beep* everyone else, they donno u, *beep* live ur life and play ur role and stop worrying about playing the role wrong", you were basically telling me that I should blame the others for my trouble. I suck as a human being, and I don't want to wake up ever again, and I don't want to have dreams, but I know it's all my fault, not everyone else's. I really don't care that I don't have friends, because some people aren't interested in me, and I am not interested in them either, and I understand that. But many times I have been given opportunities for many things, and I just stand there and ignore them. My folks have all these expectations about me, but I think they ask for too much, and they definitively don't know who I am anymore. They just don't understand how different I am from everyone else (I am the black sheep, I guess). That's another reason why I am a loner, because nobody is really like me. I feel mediocre because I could have done everything so much better. If I were in your school, you would ask yourself "Why doesn't he shoot himself?". And probably a lot of people say that about you too. My birth is probably some sort of accident. I wish I could be like my brothers, or my parents. But they're so different from me. They are actually normal. They think they can help me, but they have no idea of how wrong they are. Nobody understands me, not even in these forums apparently.
  19. Stinkweed
    But what should I do? This self-hatred hasn't always been in me. I "developed" it this year, and it's because of many reasons (not just about the issue with the girl). Well, it seems that I just can't fight destiny, so I won't even bother trying to talk to her (so many people have said that I should, but why?). But, I still hate myself. In fact, there is no battle to fight, and I have no goal, so I guess that now I can die in peace. I don't fear physical pain, but I'm worried about my family. I just want to disappear, so I won't give them a hard time.
  20. Stinkweed
    The reason I say that is because I screw everything up. I'm a procrastinator, and I have no confidence in myself. I hate myself. There is this girl I haven't been able to talk to and I know that this weekend, like last weekend, will be full of anguish and despair. I can't do anything right. The worst part is that I think some other guy is after her. I don't think he is superior or something, but it's just that it seems as if I had a sign that said "anti-everything" in my face, because I just know she would prefer him over me. I just don't care about anything anymore. I know that smoking dope is bad, but I envy the people that find their escape that way, because I don't smoke. Why does everything go so well for some people but for others, life just seems to be hell on earth? I know it's my fault, but it's so hard to change. The worst part is that dying wouldn't produce any satisfaction for me, because the fact that I didn't even try to talk to that girl and find out what she thinks about me makes me feel so pathetic. It would be like running away from a fight. Running away is much more humiliating than actually loosing, because at least you tried. But the problem is that I can't even try to loose. Man, it just sucks to be me. I am moving away, and even though I can't picture myself in the future (I feel as if I had no future), I just know, that if I don't die, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering about this. But even if I talk to her, what would that lead to? What would be the next step? There is nothing. I don't think I should even waste my time posting this, because no matter what I do, the results will inevitably not be what I want.
  21. Stinkweed
    Well, exactly the same happens to me. I find it hard to smile and say hi (I said before it would be easy, but I guess it really is hard). I feel stupid, because I think I won't see her again until next week, and my goal was to do it yesterday. I feel like crap. The problem is that, like many people would say about others, I think she is "out of my league". I have no confidence. I wish I knew at least where she hangs out, so I could go there and try to talk to her. I wish I saw her more often (alone).
  22. Stinkweed
    It's just that doing that is easier said than done. Besides, I would like to talk to her ASAP (tomorrow unless I chicken out again). Time is running, and my goal was to do it today. I feel so bad and helpless. I don't mind feeling nervous, but I would like to actually talk. The words just don't come out of my mouth. I know it's sort of pathetic to be very nervous, but not even being able to talk is a lot worse.
  23. Stinkweed
    Yeah, but the problem is that I don't have much time to do that. Summer is almost here, and I doubt I'll be back to this same school next year. Besides, everyone else I have received advice from has told me that I should tell her the truth, which is what I said I would say before. My real problem is that I freeze and words don't come out when I see her, no matter how hard I try. She is in none of my classes this year, so I only see her occasionally in the hallways. Most of the time she is with her friends. About what you said "Just act like nothing has happened because in all likelihood you are just inventing this in your head. You mentioned something about confidence and that quote, if you told her that, would indicate to her that you have none. That's basically telling her, "i'm below you...but if you plz, plz gimme a chance", honestly I do feel I am below her. I mean, I am not handsome, and all I could have to offer her she wouldn't be able to see until she gets to know me. But she is a goddess. She is the most beautiful girl I have seen. She is also kind toward others and seems to be very friendly. But she has seen nothing of me (which is a problem). So, I don't think I need so much help on what to say as I do on how to approach her.
  24. Stinkweed
    First of all, you can see my other posts for background information about my problems. Well, my problem is that there is a girl I like, but can't talk to. I don't know if she hates me (for more informations see my other post "Does she Hate Me?"), but I am willing to find out. The problem is that eveytime I see her, words just don't come out of my mouth. This happens only when I see this girl. In fact, most of the friends I have made since I moved her are girls. But it's just this girl that makes me "freeze". I don't know what to do. I have no confidence. What I feel is not completely fear of rejection, because I would actually feel better if she rejected me than how I feel right now. Right now I am rejected as a default because I haven't talked to her. Not being able to talk to her produces such anguish in me. It burns my soul. I was so determined to talk to her today, but still did what I always do, just pass by her. First of all, I would like to know what is it that really makes me so stupid (not being able to talk to her makes me feel stupid). And second, I would like to know what I should do so this doesn't happen again. I want to actually talk to her tomorrow, but I just know I will chicken out again, like always. All I would like to do is tell her how I feel about her, and apologize for staring at her (see my other post for more information on that one). Well, that's about it. Please help, and don't just read this, please post.
  25. Stinkweed
    Well, the problem is that I haven't seen her before class anymore. I'll try to tell one of my friends so he can talk to her, or at least he could tell me where she hangs out. I still feel very frustrated, and I am running out of time. I just feel like a procrastinator
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