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Thread: Wife left with children, but I can't hate her

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good advice from your attorney.

  2. #22
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    She phoned me a little while ago, saying I don't care about the children because I haven't sent them any money (all my money I earn goes on rent and utilities etc to keep a roof over our heads, until they obviously left) so how can I suddenly start giving her money without coming to a proper agreement? She also said it's my fault that the girls are sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor at her mum's because I refused to leave the flat. But I NEVER told her to leave and I would never, not in a million years, tell her to take the girls out of this flat!

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RJB
    She phoned me a little while ago, saying I don't care about the children because I haven't sent them any money (all my money I earn goes on rent and utilities etc to keep a roof over our heads, until they obviously left) so how can I suddenly start giving her money without coming to a proper agreement? She also said it's my fault that the girls are sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor at her mum's because I refused to leave the flat. But I NEVER told her to leave and I would never, not in a million years, tell her to take the girls out of this flat!
    Look , she is emotionally abusing you. Tell her your lawyer will be getting in touch with her and hang up.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop arguing with her. Go through your lawyer with regard to visitation and child support.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This isn't the girl's fault so you both need to stop using them as a bargaining tool. Whatever issues you two have will have to be sorted out later, but in the meantime if the kids need a bed to sleep on, get them a bed. If they need shoes, buy them new shoes, clothes, games, whatever they need and keep the receipts. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY. You need to show the courts you are a concerned, caring father for the girls and are still providing for their needs. Don't talk or text with the ex, communicate through email so you have a record. This will come in handy in court. Also keep a journal of dates and times of interactions, and actions taken. Judges love documents, that backup your story. If there are phone conversations, record them.

  7. #26
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    This isn't the girl's fault so you both need to stop using them as a bargaining tool. Whatever issues you two have will have to be sorted out later, but in the meantime if the kids need a bed to sleep on, get them a bed. If they need shoes, buy them new shoes, clothes, games, whatever they need and keep the receipts. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY. You need to show the courts you are a concerned, caring father for the girls and are still providing for their needs. Don't talk or text with the ex, communicate through email so you have a record. This will come in handy in court. Also keep a journal of dates and times of interactions, and actions taken. Judges love documents, that backup your story. If there are phone conversations, record them.
    Exactly. Document document document and just bring what the kids need and go for 50/50 custody. My brother married an abusive rat too. His eldest daughter has lived with him for two years. The middle one will be 18 next year and the youngest will be 18 in 3 years. So he pays her for two and she has to pay him for one of the kids.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What were the kids sleeping on before she left? Your soon to be ex wife can come pick up their beds and take them with her. Then invest in a fold out couch or new beds for them to sleep on when they visit you. Alternatively, order beds or a fold out couch for them to be delivered to their grandmother's home.

    And yes, absolutely take notes of every phone conversation and keep all emails, messages and texts. Your attorney will need them to present to the court.

    Do not delay because you are "sad" or "miss her". See an attorney this week to start the process of getting half custody.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Stop arguing with her. Go through your lawyer with regard to visitation and child support.
    I'm trying to keep as calm as possible but she is getting angry with me. I haven't argues back as that wouldn't be a good move. I've been so down today, I miss her like mad and want her back, which is stupid after how much she has hurt me and how unhappy we've been for a while. It's my first day back at work today as I've been shielding, and I can't concentrate at all. I can't help but love her and miss her!

  10. #29
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You can "love her and miss her" all you want, but don't let that interfere with doing what's best for your children.

  11. #30
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    I am really sorry you are going through this.

    It's really tough because you simultaneously are

    -still healing from a broken heart
    -dealing with her abducting your kids and throwing you under the bus

    However, you need to be super strong... and right now!!!
    Get a good referral to a divorce lawyer and have them help you through this mess.
    Never forget, you are those children's parents and you have equal rights!
    What she has done has given you some rights and you are still in the marital home which gives you a little bit of an advantage.

    This will be one of the most stressful events in your life. Be strong and don't let it consume you.
    She has taken the first few punches at you in the ring, you are down and bleeding, but you need to find the strength to get up for the sake of your children now.

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