Wife left with children, but I can't hate her

[Seraphim]

This isn't the girl's fault so you both need to stop using them as a bargaining tool. Whatever issues you two have will have to be sorted out later, but in the meantime if the kids need a bed to sleep on, get them a bed. If they need shoes, buy them new shoes, clothes, games, whatever they need and keep the receipts. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY. You need to show the courts you are a concerned, caring father for the girls and are still providing for their needs. Don't talk or text with the ex, communicate through email so you have a record. This will come in handy in court. Also keep a journal of dates and times of interactions, and actions taken. Judges love documents, that backup your story. If there are phone conversations, record them.

 

Exactly. Document document document and just bring what the kids need and go for 50/50 custody. My brother married an abusive rat too. His eldest daughter has lived with him for two years. The middle one will be 18 next year and the youngest will be 18 in 3 years. So he pays her for two and she has to pay him for one of the kids.

[boltnrun]

What were the kids sleeping on before she left? Your soon to be ex wife can come pick up their beds and take them with her. Then invest in a fold out couch or new beds for them to sleep on when they visit you. Alternatively, order beds or a fold out couch for them to be delivered to their grandmother's home.

 

And yes, absolutely take notes of every phone conversation and keep all emails, messages and texts. Your attorney will need them to present to the court.

 

Do not delay because you are "sad" or "miss her". See an attorney this week to start the process of getting half custody.

[RJB]

Stop arguing with her. Go through your lawyer with regard to visitation and child support.

 

I'm trying to keep as calm as possible but she is getting angry with me. I haven't argues back as that wouldn't be a good move. I've been so down today, I miss her like mad and want her back, which is stupid after how much she has hurt me and how unhappy we've been for a while. It's my first day back at work today as I've been shielding, and I can't concentrate at all. I can't help but love her and miss her!

[boltnrun]

You can "love her and miss her" all you want, but don't let that interfere with doing what's best for your children.

[Betterwithout]

I am really sorry you are going through this.

 

It's really tough because you simultaneously are

 

-still healing from a broken heart

-dealing with her abducting your kids and throwing you under the bus

 

However, you need to be super strong... and right now!!!

Get a good referral to a divorce lawyer and have them help you through this mess.

Never forget, you are those children's parents and you have equal rights!

What she has done has given you some rights and you are still in the marital home which gives you a little bit of an advantage.

 

This will be one of the most stressful events in your life. Be strong and don't let it consume you.

She has taken the first few punches at you in the ring, you are down and bleeding, but you need to find the strength to get up for the sake of your children now.

[maew]

Stay strong OP... she is just trying to get a rise out of you... don't let her gaslight you, don't give her anything until you talk to a lawyer... if she wants to be unreasonable so be it, just let your lawyers do the communicating and don't stoop to her level.

[abitbroken]

I would get an attorney but i would also ask if its wise to file a police report that she took your kids.

I would not pay her a dime. You pay for the house that the kids have to live in.

If the kids need food, they come eat at your house with you.

[Wiseman2]

The more you escalate and refuse to pay child support or follow the law the more trouble you are causing for your kids. Never use them as pawns. Since you have stalled, there is no custody/visitation order in place, therefore your kids are legally visiting their grandmother with their mother and you have been welcomed to visit there and see them.

I would get an attorney but i would also ask if its wise to file a police report that she took your kids.

[abitbroken]

The more you escalate and refuse to pay child support or follow the law the more trouble you are causing for your kids. Never use them as pawns. Since you have stalled, there is no custody/visitation order in place, therefore your kids are legally visiting their grandmother with their mother and you have been welcomed to visit there and see them.

 

There is no child support. That happens during a separation agreement/divorce proceedings. He is providing for the kids while in his home - she can't just up and take the kids, expect that he is okay and will pay their expenses at granny's house on top of the home he provides for them

[Wiseman2]

It's not even custodial interference, because he has stalled getting a court ordered custody/visitation order in place. So legally she is visiting her mother with the kids. Not only does he know where she and the kids are, he has been invited to visit with them.

 

It saddens me that so many angry adults mindlessly destroy their kids lives with their adult wars....like calling cops on each other, etc.

 

Never use kids as pawns and have cops showing up etc. Why traumatize/starve kids when parents can't agree or bother to get to courts/attorneys and handle adult matters like adults?

 

Getting in nonsense rows with the ex over the nonsense her and her mother are rambling instead of taking appropriate legal measures to develop an custody/visitation schedule and child support is why this unfortunate situation exists.

she can't just up and take the kids, expect that he is okay and will pay their expenses at granny's house on top of the home he provides for them

[LaHermes]

Wiseman.

 

Every word you say makes sense. But OP hasn't the slightest intention of taking the good advice to consult a lawyer.

 

After all:

 

" I miss her like mad and want her back, which is stupid after how much she has hurt me and how unhappy we've been for a while. It's my first day back at work today as I've been shielding, and I can't concentrate at all. I can't help but love her and miss her!"

 

So the unfortunate children are taking a back seat to his unchecked emotional turmoil.