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Thread: Struggle to find attraction

  1. #31
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    Thank you I appreciate your posts.

    It feels like a drug and the supply has just been turned off. Now Iím going cold turkey not through choice as I wouldnít of split up with her. We were in the process of going abroad with my job, completed the visa application etc etc then I noticed she was constantly online on WhatsApp which rang alarm bells... then what do you know excuses for not meeting up until the messages to me stopped... then all of a sudden itís over again...

    If I was to go back no one would respect me (Iíd they still do) my mum even said Iíd be on my own if I went back.

    Iím tired now of this being my life... this break up feeling that everyone on here has been through... that panic and constant brain chatter, over thinking, panic attacks, sleepless nights, fantasies of who sheís with etc etc well I d had that every year for the past 5 years.... I am a fool and no one to blame but me.

    Iím exhausted

    I do need to fix myself and Iíve been looking up therapists but how do you know who to choose etc. Theyíre not cheap either but I am going to speak to one, once I work out which one. I donít know how it works to be honest

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by James1982
    Thank you I appreciate your posts.

    It feels like a drug and the supply has just been turned off. Now Iím going cold turkey not through choice as I wouldnít of split up with her. We were in the process of going abroad with my job, completed the visa application etc etc then I noticed she was constantly online on WhatsApp which rang alarm bells... then what do you know excuses for not meeting up until the messages to me stopped... then all of a sudden itís over again...

    If I was to go back no one would respect me (Iíd they still do) my mum even said Iíd be on my own if I went back.

    Iím tired now of this being my life... this break up feeling that everyone on here has been through... that panic and constant brain chatter, over thinking, panic attacks, sleepless nights, fantasies of who sheís with etc etc well I d had that every year for the past 5 years.... I am a fool and no one to blame but me.

    Iím exhausted

    I do need to fix myself and Iíve been looking up therapists but how do you know who to choose etc. Theyíre not cheap either but I am going to speak to one, once I work out which one. I donít know how it works to be honest
    Ask your physican or call your insurance for some referrals. Then find ones that are taking new patients. Call to ask for a consultation, as you are looking for a therapist.

    Then "interview" the therapists. Ask what their philosophy is, what you can expect from them.

    Google them to see if they have any reviews. Try to make an educated guess.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If you're "tired" of that relationship, why do you say you would go right back if she wanted you?

  4. #34
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    Probably just because it would take this pain away give me a rush. Donít want to be on my own. Im worried I wonít find them feelings again
    Probably power too I feel hurt and canít believe itís happened again.
    All I keep thinking is Iím here feeling awful and sheís there on a massive high with someone else

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Do you think it would be different if you two did get back together?

    Why don't you want to be on your own? Do you like yourself?

  7. #36
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    No itís the same pattern it will be ok for a few months then once the novelty wears off no doubt Iíll be back here again... see I know the problem I just got to go cold turkey

    Yeah I do like my own company like the lockdown itíll fine with it, I find it chilled out and no pressure I should be out and doing something - you know FOMO lol

    But lifeís better with two right who wants to be alone

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by James1982
    No itís the same pattern it will be ok for a few months then once the novelty wears off no doubt Iíll be back here again... see I know the problem I just got to go cold turkey

    Yeah I do like my own company like the lockdown itíll fine with it, I find it chilled out and no pressure I should be out and doing something - you know FOMO lol

    But lifeís better with two right who wants to be alone
    I wasn't alone when I was single -I had friends, family, coworkers, co-volunteers, etc. My sister loves being on her own and single. She was married for 20 years then had a boyfriend for 7 -she's only in her 50s and loves hanging with a couple of friends, her daughters, her grandchildren, she works hard (when there's not coronavirus), she loves to sing and she's pretty and has no interest in dating again. It wouldn't be for me but yes she wants to be uncoupled.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    James,

    I am a do it yourself guy with everything, including at one time mental health. That was until my wife of 20 years cheated on me. I was reluctant to speak to a therapist but my work had a short term 3-4 sessions get you started type of thing that had all kinds of financial help, therapists, life coaches and the like so I set up an appointment and went. It was a pretty big eye opener and the guy I spoke to was straight with me and really helped me see that wishing things were different and putting my hopes on her snapping out of it was foolish. I eventually saw my MD and he prescribed a very mild med to help calm my brain while I sorted everything out. I do not take pills either but I did as he suggested and it helped.

    Getting that outside perspective from someone that is experienced is very helpful. Give your doctors office a call today and ask the MD to call you back. Give them a quick rundown and see what they suggest. You are not the first person to go through this exact thing and in fact if you read through posts on here you will see your story over and over again.

    This woman you have been dating is broken and you got caught in her gravitational pull but now is the time to break orbit and get as far away from her as possible.

    Lost

  10. #39
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by James1982
    No itís the same pattern it will be ok for a few months then once the novelty wears off no doubt Iíll be back here again... see I know the problem I just got to go cold turkey

    Yeah I do like my own company like the lockdown itíll fine with it, I find it chilled out and no pressure I should be out and doing something - you know FOMO lol

    But lifeís better with two right who wants to be alone
    I think quarantine is a good time for you to grow up a little. The FOMO, wanting someone that doesn't want you, not being realistic in expectations, all good to address now and move forward with life, a much more confident and happier man.

    Which will make you more attractive to healthier prospects. Its a misnomer that all good looking girls are crazy or dumb

    The best women are looking for equals, not projects. That's where it's better to be together.

    I can't speak for others, but I'd rather be alone than with a boa constrictor or a rat, just to name couple of my exes

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I think quarantine is a good time for you to grow up a little. The FOMO, wanting someone that doesn't want you, not being realistic in expectations, all good to address now and move forward with life, a much more confident and happier man.

    Which will make you more attractive to healthier prospects. Its a misnomer that all good looking girls are crazy or dumb

    The best women are looking for equals, not projects. That's where it's better to be together.

    I can't speak for others, but I'd rather be alone than with a boa constrictor or a rat, just to name couple of my exes
    Awesome!! No cockroaches??? ;-)

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