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Everything posted by James1982

  1. I totally relate to this post. I’ve been told I do it because I have low self esteem... well I don’t believe I do. And in my situation I date them, feel no spark but I have several dates as people say you need to let it grow and get to know someone... so I don’t think a good many dates makes you a horrible person and that it will hurt the person. I’ve only ever had that spark once maybe twice.. I hate the fact I may never find someone I do have the spark with again... I’ve dated incredible women and for some reason I just don’t look at them and feel I want to rip their clothes
  2. Thanks for the replies!! I guess I never wanted it to end originally and I just can’t figure out how someone can one day be one way and the next like people have said, flick of a switch and you never existed to that person. I really just wish it didn’t waste this energy on her. What I hate is the thought of her happy doing whatever with someone else yet me... I’m alone now, have to start again when I don’t want to, I don’t want to start again but I’m left with no choice, I’m sad she’s happy. Really upsets me that I am the loser out of it
  3. Yeah she had to drive past me, couldn’t miss me. I just think it speaks volumes but I don’t listen to myself. I know she’s rubbish. But can’t stop myself being misser
  4. See my ex today at traffic lights she didn’t even look at me yet she see me. Either way had she looked/smiled/ignored me, would have left me to over think everything Just disappointed that after 5 years, holidays good times etc etc she couldn’t even look at me. Was only a few months ago she’s saying she loved me and we are doing cool stuff together. Not sure how you can lie or just flick feelings off like a light switch :(
  5. Had about 7/8 sessions now. Some weeks I think I learned something today and some days I think it was just me getting things off my chest... I’ll stick with it but I’m also going to go to the doctors, I’m still struggling and feel depressed I think I need some help to take the edge off things. I don’t think I’m learning that much (yet) just I have low self esteem and I shouldn’t have... apparently I’m a catch.
  6. Struggled with it today... didn’t enjoy it. Sat not talking for a bit and felt I had to talk so was talking about random stuff.
  7. I have the same thoughts of my ex with someone else. My mind obsesses and before I know it I have made some fantasy up in my head and I’m panicking I try to keep busy on things to take my mind off of it but that’s also hard. I find myself wanting to think about it. Try listening to break up recovery podcasts there’s some decent ones out there and on YouTube Journaling is also good, write how you feel etc just let it out. Do workouts at home, since covid I swear I have never been as busy as I am now, I do a workout in the morning or a run, and a hour walk in the evening, catch up
  8. First session today guys and felt good to let it out. Seemed positive so far went through my breakup(S) there has 5 or 6 with my ex... I believed my ex was narcissistic and that was also backed up today in my session so that made me feel that I wasn’t imagining the behaviour. I still miss her and us and can’t stop obsessive thinking that she is probably with someone else... but I guess I need a lot more time... and I am trying to fix things and help myself so I’m proud of myself for doing it today Thanks
  9. Done it guys, got an appointment with a counsellor let’s see what happens. Really low today. Mind is on over drive just can’t control it
  10. Hi thank you for posting. We live close like 10 min but I think we could go a long time and not see each other. But you know it’s going to happen one day. I’m my own worst enemy. I don’t have enough going on in my life. That’s the fact of the matter. So I have all this time to sit here going over conversations 2 months back now and thinking too much. In the past few days my minds escalated- from her talking to someone in the final days of the relationship- to being in isolation together her and the new guy... to now in my head she’s pregnant - I just can’t turn it off. I’m losing my mind
  11. Just want to thank people that posted replies to me. It’s nice people take time to do so and help. Even reading the posts feels therapeutic I’m trying to do this cold turkey, trying to block out these negative thoughts that don’t help me. I think I panic, everyone I know are settled, families etc and I’m back flying solo, and I know I shouldn’t but the thought of her moving on having kids and I’m still searching for a partner and not any further forward really worries me
  12. No it’s the same pattern it will be ok for a few months then once the novelty wears off no doubt I’ll be back here again... see I know the problem I just got to go cold turkey Yeah I do like my own company like the lockdown it’ll fine with it, I find it chilled out and no pressure I should be out and doing something - you know FOMO lol But life’s better with two right who wants to be alone
  13. Probably just because it would take this pain away give me a rush. Don’t want to be on my own. Im worried I won’t find them feelings again Probably power too I feel hurt and can’t believe it’s happened again. All I keep thinking is I’m here feeling awful and she’s there on a massive high with someone else
  14. Thank you I appreciate your posts. It feels like a drug and the supply has just been turned off. Now I’m going cold turkey not through choice as I wouldn’t of split up with her. We were in the process of going abroad with my job, completed the visa application etc etc then I noticed she was constantly online on WhatsApp which rang alarm bells... then what do you know excuses for not meeting up until the messages to me stopped... then all of a sudden it’s over again... If I was to go back no one would respect me (I’d they still do) my mum even said I’d be on my own if I went back. I’m
  15. I would as I know he is thoughtful, kind, caring but at the moment, no I wouldn’t because I think he’s still hung up on his ex... You offer some great advice thank you In a previous relationship I do feel I was ‘settling’ we were good to hang out with yet things were missing for example she was as keen on going on holidays - in three years we never had one!!! We finished and I met my current ex a month or two down the line. Instantly i was hooked and knew this is what I had been waiting for... she is attractive but not you know 10/10 I don’t want to give the impression I am looking
  16. I’d like to do therapy but don’t know where to start. What would I even search for? What are of expertise would they need to have? Relationship coach? Attachment? I don’t know where to start
  17. I wonder if you did meet and get into a relationship with a woman you were extremely attracted to and then fell in love and then she put on a few pounds or cut her hair short would you dump her? There is a lot to explore for you and talking to a therapist is a great place to start. Have you ever been in love? I mean deeply in love. Lost No I definitely would not dump her... so my ex she had something happen to her which I won’t go into, yet it didn’t put me off. I stood by her and helped and supported her through it. I never changed how I felt about her or her physical look
  18. This is where I can’t work myself out... yes it’s all online... and this is the issue... they are attractive but I start chatting and then I’ll just get put off by something or I don’t know it lacks a spark and I don’t know why. Like for example I’m talking to a really nice girl at the moment (over the past two-four weeks) whatsapp, video, voice calls... she’s attractive, into the same things... yet now I don’t think of her and want to say get intimate. Could it be I’m not over my ex perhaps? I’m not sure as I feel I’ve been like this my whole life hence all my friends are settled and have ch
  19. Thanks for all your replies. Maybe I explained myself wrongly. I’m not looking for a trophy on my arm. Everyone says to me I shouldn’t go for looks but for someone I have the same interests with etc etc and I agree that’s what I want too but I am not physically attracted to these women looks wise(the ones so far)And if I’m not physically attracted to them i can’t see myself intimate with them.... I might as well just hang out with my friend who likes the same things as I do? My ex treated me bad, I put up with it... and then she finished with me every 9-10 months saying she can’t fo
  20. Hi all I’m 39, all my friends are settled, have their own families.. I’m back single after wasting 5 years on someone who would dump me everything 9/10 months I think the reason I kept getting reeled back in by her is that in my 39 years I have dated ALOT of girls yet I just can’t seem to find a spark with any of them... where with her despite the horrible things she did to me I was really attracted to her.. and when things were good it was great I think it must be physiological. Some of the girls I’ve dated have been great yet i feel shallow... it’s all about looks for me and it’s not
  21. I just know she’s toxic, horrible to me, doesn’t at all respect me so why am I down and missing her? Why and I think in god her with someone else and upset about it? How do I turn that off and snap out of it!! I feel so flat and well I don’t even feel any emotion. I feel very hazy and foggy if that makes sense
  22. Thank you Yes I agree with all of that. I just can’t snap out of it that’s the problem
  23. When did I say I was in contact? Or that I hadn’t deleted and blocked? I’m far from a commitment phobe
  24. Thank you so much for the replies it really helps Yes it’s definitely like a drug! And right now I’m having to withdraw and I’m struggling I get sucked back in because I like the feeling of being with her and believe things will change. It I guess maybe also a power thing... like now I’ve not spoke to her, she’s not reached out, and I won’t because I’m NC but if she did reach out I guess I wouldn’t have this feeling of loss or panic that she is now happy with someone else which is constantly constantly playing on repeat in my head Everyone tells me she is bad news, and I know it deep
  25. I just needed to post to get this off my chest im a fool. im 39, and had a few relationships but never felt how I did with my gf of 5 years i say 5 years but the longest we ever did together without her dumping me was max 10 months... she would break off by going silent.. or waiting for an argument and then say we just don’t get on/we run our course... various things - I would be devastated for 3/4 months soul searching see therapists and then she would come back tell me how she made such a mistake, and reel me in again and again i know I am a fool for letting her do this to me but
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