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James1982

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  1. I totally relate to this post. I’ve been told I do it because I have low self esteem... well I don’t believe I do. And in my situation I date them, feel no spark but I have several dates as people say you need to let it grow and get to know someone... so I don’t think a good many dates makes you a horrible person and that it will hurt the person. I’ve only ever had that spark once maybe twice.. I hate the fact I may never find someone I do have the spark with again... I’ve dated incredible women and for some reason I just don’t look at them and feel I want to rip their clothes off... so to me they’re just ‘friends’ I don’t want to be like this but what can I do? I can’t force myself and it wouldn’t be fair Where as other people I know go from one marriage to the next all in love one minute, divorced the next and within a few months in love with someone else Wish that was me but I don’t think I’m wired like that. I think I just have to accept it’s how I am
  2. Thanks for the replies!! I guess I never wanted it to end originally and I just can’t figure out how someone can one day be one way and the next like people have said, flick of a switch and you never existed to that person. I really just wish it didn’t waste this energy on her. What I hate is the thought of her happy doing whatever with someone else yet me... I’m alone now, have to start again when I don’t want to, I don’t want to start again but I’m left with no choice, I’m sad she’s happy. Really upsets me that I am the loser out of it
  3. Yeah she had to drive past me, couldn’t miss me. I just think it speaks volumes but I don’t listen to myself. I know she’s rubbish. But can’t stop myself being misser
  4. See my ex today at traffic lights she didn’t even look at me yet she see me. Either way had she looked/smiled/ignored me, would have left me to over think everything Just disappointed that after 5 years, holidays good times etc etc she couldn’t even look at me. Was only a few months ago she’s saying she loved me and we are doing cool stuff together. Not sure how you can lie or just flick feelings off like a light switch :(
  5. Had about 7/8 sessions now. Some weeks I think I learned something today and some days I think it was just me getting things off my chest... I’ll stick with it but I’m also going to go to the doctors, I’m still struggling and feel depressed I think I need some help to take the edge off things. I don’t think I’m learning that much (yet) just I have low self esteem and I shouldn’t have... apparently I’m a catch.
  6. Struggled with it today... didn’t enjoy it. Sat not talking for a bit and felt I had to talk so was talking about random stuff.
  7. I have the same thoughts of my ex with someone else. My mind obsesses and before I know it I have made some fantasy up in my head and I’m panicking I try to keep busy on things to take my mind off of it but that’s also hard. I find myself wanting to think about it. Try listening to break up recovery podcasts there’s some decent ones out there and on YouTube Journaling is also good, write how you feel etc just let it out. Do workouts at home, since covid I swear I have never been as busy as I am now, I do a workout in the morning or a run, and a hour walk in the evening, catch up with people I havnt spoke to for a while, and I’m on the dating ups just to keep busy and talk to new people My thoughts as slowly starting to fade but I also worry I won’t find someone who hooks me. It took me 10 odd years to find my now ex but what can you do about it! Just have to keep going Good luck
  8. First session today guys and felt good to let it out. Seemed positive so far went through my breakup(S) there has 5 or 6 with my ex... I believed my ex was narcissistic and that was also backed up today in my session so that made me feel that I wasn’t imagining the behaviour. I still miss her and us and can’t stop obsessive thinking that she is probably with someone else... but I guess I need a lot more time... and I am trying to fix things and help myself so I’m proud of myself for doing it today Thanks
  9. Done it guys, got an appointment with a counsellor let’s see what happens. Really low today. Mind is on over drive just can’t control it
  10. Hi thank you for posting. We live close like 10 min but I think we could go a long time and not see each other. But you know it’s going to happen one day. I’m my own worst enemy. I don’t have enough going on in my life. That’s the fact of the matter. So I have all this time to sit here going over conversations 2 months back now and thinking too much. In the past few days my minds escalated- from her talking to someone in the final days of the relationship- to being in isolation together her and the new guy... to now in my head she’s pregnant - I just can’t turn it off. I’m losing my mind guys My family are good to talk too but I worry I’m going to get them down.. they don’t want to keep hearing it. If I was giving my friend advice I’d be like what are you doing?!! Look at x, y z what she did to you... but I can’t tell myself that!! My friends are all settled so I don’t have many people I can socialise with... I was always with her. I just can’t figure out how she’s saying she loves me one day and the next she can’t make herself want to touch me - literally one day to the next. I’m in full NC (2months) and have no way of contacting her and I’ll be honest I’ll never reach out I’m stubborn It’s just weird. One minute we are about to move away with my job or as she said if we Don’t go then we move into a place together as to move forward.... then to never hearing from her again. I have watched every YouTube video every pod cast even coming on here I feel it soothes it a bit but also I think maybe it’s not healthy as I’m forcing myself to think about her/the situation I don’t get how some people move from one serious relationship to another so quickly
  11. Just want to thank people that posted replies to me. It’s nice people take time to do so and help. Even reading the posts feels therapeutic I’m trying to do this cold turkey, trying to block out these negative thoughts that don’t help me. I think I panic, everyone I know are settled, families etc and I’m back flying solo, and I know I shouldn’t but the thought of her moving on having kids and I’m still searching for a partner and not any further forward really worries me
  12. No it’s the same pattern it will be ok for a few months then once the novelty wears off no doubt I’ll be back here again... see I know the problem I just got to go cold turkey Yeah I do like my own company like the lockdown it’ll fine with it, I find it chilled out and no pressure I should be out and doing something - you know FOMO lol But life’s better with two right who wants to be alone
  13. Probably just because it would take this pain away give me a rush. Don’t want to be on my own. Im worried I won’t find them feelings again Probably power too I feel hurt and can’t believe it’s happened again. All I keep thinking is I’m here feeling awful and she’s there on a massive high with someone else
  14. Thank you I appreciate your posts. It feels like a drug and the supply has just been turned off. Now I’m going cold turkey not through choice as I wouldn’t of split up with her. We were in the process of going abroad with my job, completed the visa application etc etc then I noticed she was constantly online on WhatsApp which rang alarm bells... then what do you know excuses for not meeting up until the messages to me stopped... then all of a sudden it’s over again... If I was to go back no one would respect me (I’d they still do) my mum even said I’d be on my own if I went back. I’m tired now of this being my life... this break up feeling that everyone on here has been through... that panic and constant brain chatter, over thinking, panic attacks, sleepless nights, fantasies of who she’s with etc etc well I d had that every year for the past 5 years.... I am a fool and no one to blame but me. I’m exhausted I do need to fix myself and I’ve been looking up therapists but how do you know who to choose etc. They’re not cheap either but I am going to speak to one, once I work out which one. I don’t know how it works to be honest
  15. I would as I know he is thoughtful, kind, caring but at the moment, no I wouldn’t because I think he’s still hung up on his ex... You offer some great advice thank you In a previous relationship I do feel I was ‘settling’ we were good to hang out with yet things were missing for example she was as keen on going on holidays - in three years we never had one!!! We finished and I met my current ex a month or two down the line. Instantly i was hooked and knew this is what I had been waiting for... she is attractive but not you know 10/10 I don’t want to give the impression I am looking for this model miss universe type - I’m not! Just someone I find attractive looks wise yet makes me want to pick up the phone and reply to her message straight away etc I find i can just take it or leave it with others - pre and post this break up. She treated me bad like took drugs, guys messaging her, didn’t respect or support me, and some other deep stuff... Yet every day 10 months at most she would just disappear on me... I’d message her and she would not be interested in meeting to talk things thru, just told me we don’t get on we always argue etc etc (arguing true but most people do) it felt like an excuse to get out... after a few days of messaging her I would just stop and go no contact and then wouldn’t ever hear from her again... until I happen to bump in to her (around 4 months down the line each time) and then she would message me. The last time she actually turned up at my place 4 months later of NC begging me back I guess I kind of liked the chase for once... when I gave in a few months later I’m back to NC again constant thoughts of who she is with etc it’s not healthy but I can’t switch off Maybe I just need to get help, don’t talk to other women because it’s not fair. And try to get my head right
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