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Thread: Im afraid to lose him

  1. #1

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    Im afraid to lose him

    hey y'all,

    Ive dated this guy for almost 4 months. he is a really great guy it's really sad to say but, probably the first guy to really treat me with respect and love because ive had pretty bad past relationships. were from the same town and live about 5 minutes from each other. We had a pretty good relationship we talked everyday and he came to see me every weekend. he seemed pretty serious about me ive met his mom and he did express about meeting my family one day as well. Although he was great, he was struggling with personal issues. In January, he got out of a relationship and as well a few weeks before his birthday his father passed away and while we dating a co-worker that he was close to passed away in June. When i was with him i knew he was struggling with this, he would have nightmares and sometimes shut down. i tried my best to be there for him as much as possible. he told me this was the first time he was happy in a while since he has met me and expressed to him that if his father met me he would of been proud of him. In july, he decided to break things off because he felt like he wasn't 100% in it because of the crazy year his been having. the breakup was and is still hard on me. i was emotional and he was emotional as well. i told him i didnt want lose him because he was important to me and i was fearing of losing him or never seeing each other again. he promised to me that we would see each other again and hang out one day. so fast forward, i didnt speak to him for two months until early september i decided to reach out to see how he was doing. we texted and ended up facetiming that night. we both said we missed each other and he told me he is doing okay and is currently attending therapy and working on himself. i asked if he was still down to hang out and he said yes but not right now because he wants to be okay first. we talked about the relationship and he said that rn he is feeling things out but he said that he didnt want to reach out just yet to make things confusing so after that conversation i realized on facebook that he restricted his posts which basically means were still friends but he can control which posts to make private or public. i freaked out but i asked my friend to look at his page and she saw the same thing so i tried my best not to take it personally. i decided to reach out again a week ago but he hasnt responded. so should i give him his space?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    so should i give him his space?
    The guy asked broke up with you and you waited a couple months and reached out to him and got more of the same.
    He is still asking for time and space.
    Of course you should respect his wishes and give him the space he is asking for.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It seems he's being sincere that he is not in a position to be involved in a relationship at this time. Just give him space...all you can do in this case.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Yes, please definitely give him space. He's not in a good headspace and that is going to influence everything he says and does. If you push for something you will come across as self-centered and disrespectful. Try not to do that. Please also do not ask your friends or anyone else to spy on him.

    You should work on your self-esteem in the meantime and don't second guess yourself or others if you trusted that connection. Someone who deceives you is worth losing. You do not have to take care of that. The universe will take care of it for you.

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  6. #5
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    I agree with others, give him space, he needs to figure this out on his own. I know its hard but he seems to be honest. Keep yourself busy in the meantime.

  7. #6
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    Yes, give him his space. His silence is evidence that he doesn't wish to communicate right now.

    He hasn't sought you out at this point. He was responsive and friendly to you, but he didn't take the initiative to contact you first. I am not sure I would wait around for him, though. There is no telling that he will come back, so it's important that you concentrate on moving on.

    Out of curiosity, how did you realize he was restricting what he posted on FB?

  8. #7

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    I went on his Facebook and I saw a bunch of old posts from like 2018 and it said this user has control over their posts

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    I went on his Facebook and I saw a bunch of old posts from like 2018 and it said this user has control over their posts
    Did you read any of the responses on here?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok. He has good boundaries and is using this time to keep himself protected from unwanted contact or intrusions. He knows where you are. Try to leave him alone. As far as dating it seems like a lost cause, so try moving forward not backward.
    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    i realized on facebook that he restricted his posts which basically means were still friends but he can control which posts to make private or public. i freaked out but i asked my friend to look at his page and she saw the same thing so i tried my best not to take it personally.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by hughkayl
    I went on his Facebook and I saw a bunch of old posts from like 2018 and it said this user has control over their posts
    Hmmm, did he control his posts while you were together?

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