Should I give up on him or is it too early?

I met a guy on tinder recently that I really liked. We’ve been on two really good dates. Since then he’s been working away for a week so it’s now nearly two weeks since our last date. He said he’s available next week, but hasn’t initiated a date. I told him to let me know this weekend.

He’s not been a massive texter since we met, but over the last few days he’s not been in touch much at all, just one text per day at night. I feel like it’s hard because it’s losing momentum, and I can’t get momentum until we meet up again! Two weeks is a long time when you don’t really know someone all that well.

Becaus I instantly liked him, I feel like I’ve lost my rationale on how it’s normal to feel after two dates. Should I wait and see if he gets in touch and we go out again? I’m confused as to why he’s texting me every day but not getting things moving! How should I approach it?

Why would you need more than one text a day from someone that you have only been on two dates with? He is working and busy. It is not even the weekend yet. Slow your roll.

Maybe he's truly busy at work, maybe he is busy dating other women. It's hard to tell after two dates, I'd just wait for him to make plans.

Why are you "waiting" for anything?

No woman should be " waiting" for a man after only two dates.

Simply live your life, including meeting/dating other men, or why not initiate yourself?

Something light and casual; he initiated and made plans for the first two, has been consistentoy texting every night; I don't get why you can't initiate the next -- something light and casual.

This "waiting" around for a man is for the birds imo; chill, lower expectations.

It's only been two dates, relax and and allow it to play out gradually and organically.

You sound quite intense, relax, enjoy the process!

Did he actually initiate the first two dates? Maybe I've missed something.

Jmo but since she is stressing about him not initiating another date, and her "waiting" to see if he does before she jumps ship, I made the leap in assuming he initiated the previous dates, and she "expects" him to continue initiating.

Jmo but since she is stressing about him not initiating another date, and her "waiting" to see if he does before she jumps ship, I made the leap in assuming he initiated the previous dates, and she "expects" him to continue initiating.

Makes sense, let's wait for the OP to clarify this :)

He said he’s available next week, but hasn’t initiated a date. I told him to let me know this weekend.

You don't spell it out, but it sounds like you were the one asking if he was free, initially. At the beginning, it's better to let him take the lead in asking you out without prompting and to let him initiate communication. Don't put any more effort in than him. This will allow you to see his interest or disinterest, instead of him just responding to a text you sent first, and giving you a vague answer when you ask when you two will get together again.

This will probably give you an answer far sooner, because if it's lack of interest, many people are too cowardly to say, "I've enjoyed our dates but don't feel the chemistry I need to move forward." Instead, they might hope the person gets the message while they fade away.

Time will tell if he's interested or not, and in the mean time, keep up with your girlfriends/hobbies/career/education/luxurious alone time, etc.

Don’t wait around but don’t write him off completely. Just enjoy spending time with friends or doing your hobbies. If he’s truly interested he’ll let you know. If you never hear from him again so be it. Time should never be wasted on any guy you barely know.

If he is too busy, he will always be too busy to date regularly. Or he's just not that into you. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If you want texting between dates and to be able to see them at least a couple times a week...you are going after the wrong guy. This is about you and your expectations....right now, this guy sucks, he's too busy to text you or have a date...fail.

^^He's been consistently texting her every night smackie.

I still don't get why she can't initiate something light and casual, like drinks and apps after work, assumimg he initiated the first two. In my experience, men love that confidence in a woman.

If he makes excuses, with no alternative, then next. Easy peasy. Done.

But if she'd rather be passive and "wait" around for him, then so be it, to each his own.

Good luck OP.

I feel like it’s hard because it’s losing momentum, and I can’t get momentum until we meet up again! Two weeks is a long time when you don’t really know someone all that well.

?

- I agree. Two weeks is too long between dates, I like once a week.

And if he knows he's available this weekend, why don;t you have a date set? I would not put all my eggs in one basket and would, at the least, multi-date.

I initiated the second date, I’m a confident person and am happy to do this type of thing, but knowing he was away I thought I’d see earlier in the week if he wanted to schedule one in when he got back. He said he’s free next week, so I told him to let me know when, over the weekend. I’m just nervous it’s losing momentum and will fizzle away, which I don’t want at this point, but also don’t want to have to convince someone to go on a third date with me. I’m well aware I’m better than that! I’m just confused with that balance between not interested (which would be why he’s not jumping to arrange a date) and interested (staying in touch after the last date). Conversation can’t really progress when it’s one text a day, and can become stale!

>>I initiated the second date

Ok, then I take back what I advised. Wish you had mentioned this in your original post, it makes a huge difference!!

My advice given this new info?

Do nothing, live your life same as before you met him; do not become a convenient text buddy!

He's got you on the backburner, not a good or fun place to be.

Maybe he's truly busy at work, maybe he is busy dating other women. It's hard to tell after two dates, I'd just wait for him to make plans.

Why should she wait for him to make plans? I think initiating it could be a good way of gauging his interest. Either he'll bite or she can move on.

You told him to get a hold of you over the weekend to set up a date next week. Looking at my calendar... yep, not the weekend yet. Not seeing the issue here.

For many grown adults, texting gets stale regardless of the frequency. Conversation progresses when you go on actual dates. If he doesn't follow through, you've got your sign. Until then, make plans for yourself. Don't put your life on hold for a third date. And certainly don't get emotionally hung up on one.

She initiated the second date, and then she told him to let her know when he's free. I think the ball is in his court now. To be honest, i don't think he's very interested, it's been two weeks, he texts her once a day, I'd back off, but that's just me.

Why should she wait for him to make plans? I think initiating it could be a good way of gauging his interest. Either he'll bite or she can move on.

She initiated the second date, and then she told him to let her know when he's free. I think the ball is in his court now. To be honest, i don't think he's very interested, it's been two weeks, he texts her once a day, I'd back off, but that's just me.

Actually, no it's not just you kim, I feel same as you. I have no doubt many other women do too, and again I wish OP would have mentioned that she initiated the second date in her original post, not sure why she did not, as it's very very relevant, and for me at least, a total game changer.

In fact, if I had initiated the second date, and it's the Friday right before the weekend and he hadn't mentioned anything about a third date, I'd just assume he's not as into the whole thing as I am, and put him on the backburner.

Yeah I'd be disappointed for sure, but I wouldn't "give up on him," I'd just pull back a bit (not be so responsive to his once a day texts), live my life same as I always do, continue chatting and meeting other men, and try to not stress about it, again it was only two dates.

My attitude would be, should he ever decide to take the initiative and ask me out again, I would see how I feel at that time.

In the mean time, just live my happy life same as I did before I met him.

Two dates and he's been out of town. Not sure why she's white knuckling it at this point. Dates are nothing more than that. They aren't marriage proposals and there are no guarantees of future dates.

This is anxiety running the show. Irregardless of who initiated what and when, the last play was - he's to let her know this weekend. It's not the weekend yet and the anxiety is building and instead of either letting things play out they way they are going to, she's coming up with some preemptive strike to save herself from some anticipated disappointment.

How about she just get busy with her life and manage her expectations of people she don't really know. The momentum may have been stalled by no fault of any one person. A trip fell in the middle of the mix. If she can't handle the unexpected and be a little more resilient, then maybe that's something she should focus on. Besides, he is texting every single day.

Balls in his court. In the meanwhile if something comes, up plan accordingly.

Unfortunately, that may be what he wants, since that is what he is doing since the last date, rather than planning another date. Don't chase this hard, back-burner this and keep dating others. If he comes through great, if not great.

it’s losing momentum and will fizzle away. Conversation can’t really progress when it’s one text a day, and can become stale!

Two dates and he's been out of town. Not sure why she's white knuckling it at this point. Dates are nothing more than that. They aren't marriage proposals and there are no guarantees of future dates.

 

This is anxiety running the show. Irregardless of who initiated what and when, the last play was - he's to let her know this weekend. It's not the weekend yet and the anxiety is building and instead of either letting things play out they way they are going to, she's coming up with some preemptive strike to save herself from some anticipated disappointment.

 

How about she just get busy with her life and manage her expectations of people she don't really know. The momentum may have been stalled by no fault of any one person. A trip fell in the middle of the mix. If she can't handle the unexpected and be a little more resilient, then maybe that's something she should focus on. Besides, he is texting every single day.

 

Balls in his court. In the meanwhile if something comes, up plan accordingly.

My sentiments exactly and echoes what I advised as well in my later posts.

OP, let go of your anxiety, and try and chill.

Go for a run or do what I do when anxiety strikes, take a yoga class!

You'd be surprised how calm and peaceful you will feel afterwards.

My sentiments exactly and echoes what I advised as well in my later posts.

 

OP, let go of your anxiety, and try and chill.

 

Go for a run or do what I do when anxiety strikes, take a yoga class!

 

You'd be surprised how calm and peaceful you will feel afterwards.

Though the time investment was grueling, I multi-dated when I could.

(It wasn't always that way. I white knuckled it much like this poster, initially)

If someone wasn't picking up the pace, there was someone else to distract me.

If I felt someone was falling off to the way side, I could literally think about it for a moment and then shrug it off. Oh well.

I committed viewing it as "I only have time for people who were enthusiastically interested"

That and booking up my free time with my friends.

Don't give up on him yet. Give him a chance!

Not everyone is into texting. I know a lot of people who text hardly at all. It's not uncommon to avoid texting as much as possible!

He's working away. He's very busy.

Give him some time. Wait and remain patient. Give him a week and then call him. Leave a voicemail and ask him what time is a good time to chat on the phone? Then you call him by appointment only. Sometimes guys are not good at remembering what time to call you even after an agreement. Sometimes you have to nudge him a little and nicely to get things moving such as the next date, meeting place, time, etc.

There is a way to approach him nicely so try that. Just make sure you're not perceived as pushy, demanding and impatient otherwise it's easy to drift apart quickly.

If he's obviously not putting forth the effort to see you and losing interest in you with his actions, then take it as a message that both of you should move on.

 

Wait and remain patient.

Hi Cherylyn, I am curious, what is she "waiting" for exactly? Serious question.

Waiting for him to decide if he'd like to see her again and ask her out?

If so, I'm confused why she needs to "wait" for that, can you clarify?

They've had two dates, would not it be better to simply live her life, including meeting and dating others (which is what he is mostly likely doing), and if and when he ever asks her out for that third date, decide how she feels then?

I dunno, maybe I am misunderstanding what you and some others mean by waiting.

I really don't think it's smart to wait for any man, especially after only two dates, it's implies putting your life "on hold" waiting for him to make up his mind, or not be "busy."

Not smart imho, again especially after only two dates, the last date of which she initiated.

JMO.

Hi Cherylyn, I am curious, what is she "waiting" for exactly? Serious question.

 

Waiting for him to decide if he'd like to see her again and ask her out?

 

If so, I'm confused why she needs to "wait" for that, can you clarify?

 

They've had two dates, would not it be better to simply live her life, including meeting and dating others (which is what he is mostly likely doing), and if and when he ever asks her out for that third date, decide how she feels then?

 

I dunno, maybe I am misunderstanding what you and some others mean by waiting.

 

I really don't think it's smart to wait for any man, especially after only two dates, it's implies putting your life "on hold" waiting for him to make up his mind, or not be "busy."

 

Not smart imho, again especially after only two dates, the last date of which she initiated.

 

JMO.

Hi Katrina1980, I'm sorry, I need to clarify here. I meant wait for him to come around, however, in the meantime, yes, live your life! If he comes around and receptive to going out again with her, then great and if not, continue enjoying her social life. She doesn't have to remain a shut in on account of him. She doesn't have to put her life on hold. I was merely saying to give him a chance and proceed from there. If it looks as if he's obviously lost interest and already moving forward with his life, she should too. If he's not serious, there's no reason she should be seriously interested in him either. It works both ways.