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Thread: Just friends?

  1. #1
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    Just friends?

    Not exactly looking for advice as much as the 2 cents of others.
    So there was a woman at work who I was pretty flirty/friendly with. I like her but I wasnít going to risk an issue by pushing for more. I changed positions a little while ago, same company but different location so I assumed it was the end of it. But a few weeks later she reached out wanting to meet up. So we did and it was nice, still a lot of flirting etc but I didnít make any sort of move because I was worried about the work thing. So she leaves and tells me sheíd like to meet up again and has time this weekend.
    So I feel kinda stupid for not advancing things so the next time she texts (soon after) I directly ask her and she tells me she has a BF. My thinking was that it was stupid to ask and think I put her on the spot so I keep texting er.
    So meet up again the next week. So more flirting and date activities followed by her coming to my place. Iím still kinda hesitant despite the date being nice and her seeming to have a nice time. So lots of touching and flirting are going on and eventually I try to move in for some kissing. And.. she rebuffs me. I stop of course and we kinda pretend nothing had happened until she invents a reason to leave.
    So she texts and says we canít be friends if Iím going to try for more. So I reply that I like her etc but that Iím not into just being friends and she should contact me if she changes her mind. So that was a week or so ago. Iím not going to reach out and Iíll be friendly if I see her but not make conversation or anything. Nothing else to do in my opinion.
    So did I mess that up by being hesitant at first? If she has a bf why would you be so flirty with another guy and put yourself in his orbit? Think sheíll reach out? We seem to get along really well and have fun together.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I mean she told you she had a boyfriend.

    If sheís lying, consider why, no woman or man who is interested in you and single, would close that door.

    Any advances past this event are a bad idea, time to call it, sorry.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately she thinks of you as a friend. Just bow out and date local available women you don't work with.
    Originally Posted by Tomthumb88
    I directly ask her and she tells me she has a BF.

    I try to move in for some kissing. And.. she rebuffs me. So she texts and says we canít be friends if Iím going to try for more.

  4. #4
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    I have no plans to do anything.
    The whole episode is just confusing to me though. If she had a bf why would you go out alone with a single guy youíve been flirting with for months?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tomthumb88
    I have no plans to do anything.
    The whole episode is just confusing to me though. If she had a bf why would you go out alone with a single guy youíve been flirting with for months?
    Unfortunately, only she knows the answer to that.

    Or, itís possible you misconstrued her friendship as flirting, itís happens a lot, especially in work settings.

    Donít stress too much about it, she said what she said, if she wants you, she will rectify it, she will have to be the one to, because sheís shut you down, thereís really no where else to go with it.

    I think it will be best to let it go.

  7. #6
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    I stated my piece clearly so I know there ball in in her court (or punted) and Iím not talking any further action.
    There was lots of touching etc.. I didnít misconstrue anything except where it was going. I know if I was the bf and I observed us that would probably be the end of things.
    Iím just sort of venting by the way, Iím not pursuing this further.

  8. #7
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    Iím actually happy date number 2 happened because at least I was clear and made the attempt.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It's just what it is - she has a boyfriend and only likes you as a friend.
    If she has a bf why would you be so flirty with another guy and put yourself in his orbit?
    - maybe she's bored or just wants a friend. You can only have one lover but you can't have too many friends

    Obviously, you are attracted to her in another way. If you can't be friends without getting a crush, if you can't date other women (most guys can't), you'll have to cut contact.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Tomthumb88
    I have no plans to do anything.
    The whole episode is just confusing to me though. If she had a bf why would you go out alone with a single guy youíve been flirting with for months?
    Eh, maybe she and the boyfriend hit a rough patch and she wanted some male attention and knew you'd be a convenient source. Or maybe she was into the idea of side action and her boyfriend caught on so she shut it all down.

    Either way, when a woman tells you she has a boyfriend and rejects your advances - you need to assume the interest is no longer there and keep moving.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Why would a woman who is only a ď friendĒ flirt and touch and go to someoneís house? If she has a bf that is over the line.

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