Just friends?

[Cherylyn]

I’m supposed to do this to protect the sanctity if their relationship? I’m not even sure there is a BF or how advanced this relationship is. If I put everyone who dating as “off limits” there aren’t going to be many options

 

Yes, you're supposed to know your boundaries because she has a BF. Out of respect for the BF and their BF / GF relationship, you need to play it cool. You can still remain civil and peaceful but you control yourself by backing away politely and with integrity. Those who have a BF or GF are certainly "off limits" to you and anybody. This is the purpose of having a GF / BF relationship. Outsiders are just that: Outsiders to a GF / BF relationship. It's common sense.

[Cherylyn]

Ok but I wasn’t the driver of all this, she was. That’s were the confusion came from. Why would I ask a woman if she had a bf after she asked me on a date?

 

It doesn't matter if you weren't the driver in all this. You can't control other people. However, you can control yourself and become empowering. Since she is acting inappropriately, you're the one who should know how to decline her overtures and act like a classy, honorable gentleman. She has a BF. Know where to draw the line.

 

There are people whom I don't like in my life. They're the driver, too but I know when and how to say, "NO." I say, "No, thank you" quite often. You can remain respectful yet firm. You'll receive respect taking this route, too. Or, should, at least.

[katrina1980]

 

Or, it’s possible you misconstrued her friendship as flirting, it’s happens a lot, especially in work settings.

 

 

I was just about to ask this^; in my life I've had men misinterpret my being friendly as flirting, especially at work.

 

I'd never go on "dates" though or back to their homes, so that's a bit confusing.

 

OP can you give us a few examples of how she was "flirting"? We may be more objective than you since we're not emotionally involved.

 

IF she was genuinely flirting and you felt like she was coming on to you, she has extremely poor boundaries and can you imagine if she was your girlfriend and behaving that way with other men, under the guise as "friends"?

 

Going on "dates" and back to theirs?

 

Anyway, I'm interested in examples of how she was flirting or why you interpreted it as flirting.

[Tomthumb88]

Ha.. I’m able to tell when women are being flirty and I was also being very flirty. And I’m not blaming her for anything, I like her and we had fun together. When I originally posted this I was having the urge to force something to happen so I came here to vent a bit so I wouldn’t.

[Tomthumb88]

Also, she said she was “seeing someone” not that she was in some serious relationship. Now I didn’t push for more information so I have no idea if that means “been on a few dates” or “talking marriage”.

[smackie9]

Again...she's using you for attention....she gives you enough flirting to keep you engaged, and on the hook.....you keep swimming back. I will tell you this...a woman flirting with you doesn't mean she's gonna sleep with you.

[Tomthumb88]

She’s not getting anything from me, I said I wasn’t down with the friends thing and walked.

[figureitout23]

Also, she said she was “seeing someone” not that she was in some serious relationship. Now I didn’t push for more information so I have no idea if that means “been on a few dates” or “talking marriage”.

 

Tom, I’m going to give you some advice, if a woman is casually dating someone and you have her attention, there is NO WAY in hell shes going to say, ‘I’m seeing someone’, so play it safe, seeing someone= peace out, going through a divorce = peace out, separated = peace out. The best way to avoid drama is to avoid people who willingly tell you they have someone else in the picture.

[katrina1980]

Tom, I’m going to give you some advice, if a woman is casually dating someone and you have her attention, there is NO WAY in hell shes going to say, ‘I’m seeing someone’, so play it safe, seeing someone= peace out, going through a divorce = peace out, separated = peace out. The best way to avoid drama is to avoid people who willingly tell you they have someone else in the picture.

 

Again I agree fio, but I am seriously beginning to believe that some people literally need that drama, it makes them feel alive, it's exciting, it's challenging, it gets their adrenaline pumping, which they interpret as chemistry or "having feelings", and it's a turn on for them.

 

I can relate to this actually, at least when I was younger (20s), but I seem to have grown out of it and am now in search of peace and harmony with a partner.

 

I mean take Chloe for example, she is a perfect example of someone who literally needs that type of drama, she admitted this morning she's not even able to develop an attraction for a man unless what he offers includes drama and uncertainty.

[Honeycomb8]

If someone is taken you should never flirt with them and go on dates. Treat others with respect and you'll get the same respect back.

 

She sounds dodgy and you need to work on your integrity.

[Tomthumb88]

So.. she reached out. Do I assume she wants more than friends? I was pretty clear

[figureitout23]

So.. she reached out. Do I assume she wants more than friends? I was pretty clear

 

NO!

 

We walk away from the hot stove, not towards it.

[katrina1980]

 

We walk away from the hot stove, not towards it.

 

I love this phrase so much I was thinking of making it my signature!

 

But you own it FIO, so I won't.

[Tomthumb88]

How can you make dinner if you’re scared of the stove? I’m supposed to starve?

[Sixersfan234]

How can you make dinner if you’re scared of the stove? I’m supposed to starve?

Just go for it.. when she reaches out.. set a date

[katrina1980]

So.. she reached out. Do I assume she wants more than friends? I was pretty clear

 

Best to not "assume" anything when it comes to interpreting a woman's texts.

 

Can you tell us what she said when she "reached out"?

[reinventmyself]

Every time a man who has a gf has flirted me, I don't see it as a compliment. I just mutter to myself `I'm sure glad he's not my boyfriend'

[figureitout23]

How can you make dinner if you’re scared of the stove? I’m supposed to starve?

 

You keep acting as if she’s your only option and the risk is worth the hurt, so go for it, but recognize you’re going into this eyes completely wide open, you don’t get to act shocked when all this is actually innocent or you become the side dude. Those are the two doors. The door you want, the one where she dates you free clear and drama free is non existent with the facts given.

[Sportster2005]

I stated my piece clearly so I know there ball in in her court (or punted) and I’m not talking any further action.

There was lots of touching etc.. I didn’t misconstrue anything except where it was going. I know if I was the bf and I observed us that would probably be the end of things.

I’m just sort of venting by the way, I’m not pursuing this further.

 

Punting is the proper call, the timing was wrong. In the future when they play the BF card, that's when you punt.

 

Whatever her motives, you know where she stands. I would go one step further and not invite her to contact you in the future. You're teaching her she string you along without any consequences.

[Tomthumb88]

Punting is the proper call, the timing was wrong. In the future when they play the BF card, that's when you punt.

 

Whatever her motives, you know where she stands. I would go one step further and not invite her to contact you in the future. You're teaching her she string you along without any consequences.

 

That women showed back up and we had sex for a few weeks then she disappeared again..