Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: Trust issues

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7

    Trust issues

    Hi I am looking for some advice possibly from someone who is in or has been in a similar situation to me in the past.

    I have been with my partner for 3 years and our life is almost perfect apart from one niggling matter that comes up alot when we have a drink.. mostly on my part. a year ago i found out he had been messaging a girl from his past behind my back, telling her she looked amazing etc. i believe thats all it was as he has promised me this. and to most people i guess this is nothing to worry about. but i do. all the time.

    before i met my oh i was in a relationship for 10 years with somone who treated me very badly. he was controlling and abusive and he cheated on me multiple times.

    i have been to cbt counselling because of this but i am not sure if it has worked for me.

    i just cant get this betrayal of trust out of my head. i know to most it will seem very petty on my part.

    any advice on how i get past this will be grratly appreciated... be as brutal as u like ... tia xxx

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    653
    Gender
    Female
    How did you find out that he had been messaging this girl?

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7
    i seen the message on his phone. it happened a few months before i seen it. and he says he was drunk when he sent it.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    653
    Gender
    Female
    Well, you've said that your relationship is almost perfect and that the incident happened a year ago. You've been together for three years, and you're obsessing over one indiscretion? How can that be helpful to your relationship? Has he ever given you any other cause to doubt his love for you?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7
    no apart from that. there has been nothing. i just cant seem to stop worrying about it. i know this is my issue x

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,765
    Perhaps, more counseling is in order.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,383
    Gender
    Female
    well, to me it does not seem petty at all.

    we will never know everything our partner does, nor will our partner always behave in ways with which we are comfortable. Sometimes, relationships go through a painful period, and then heal and enjoy a reunion phase and so forth.

    Trust comes from within, that you trust your assessment of his character and that you trust yourself to be resilient enough to recover should you feel pain.

    His texting someone else is, in a sense, a separate issue.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,653
    Gender
    Female
    If it doesn't make you feel good, just follow your gut instincts. In the end it matters only what you think and what you believe. If you can't rest at ease regarding your partner's ongoings and whereabouts, the probability is that you do not trust him.

    Lack of trust generally leads to many problems and relationships are best functional with established trust or unbroken trust. If that trust is broken you have a decision to make: 1) repair the relationship together (it will take two) or 2) end it and move on.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7
    thank you. this makes sense xc

  11. #10
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    This body
    Age
    30
    Posts
    672
    Gender
    Male
    Mobile phones are the worst thing to happen to people in regards to maintining healthy relationships. I swear I see at least one topic about jealousy or conflict related to some form of online messaging or social media every time I come here.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •