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Thread: Uncomfortable (sex related) interaction with coworker?

  1. #21
    Originally Posted by rchubn
    I think at some point people need to consider how certain situations will be viewed by others.

    If someone walked in on me in the office doing yoga, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm not doing my work.

    If someone walked in the office and I had Hulu pulled up, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm watching TV while being on the clock.

    So in this situation... where someone walks in on someone else listening to porn, it's fair for someone to assume that they possibly walked in on someone elses inappropriate behavior at work.
    But you have no proof of what he was doing or what he was watching. You don't even have any proof that the mass email was anything to do with him at all. Obviously someone was seen on their phone or using a work computer to check personal emails or whatever. That mass email happens at my work often because we are not allowed to use personal devises or work devises for personal use. Everything you have said is simply speculation, nothing more. You appear to get rather bitter and snappy when everyone else points this out to you.

    Also, i never said it was acceptable to do things like that at work, hence what i wrote in brackets.

  2. 04-08-2019, 07:51 AM
    Reason
    Disrespectful/Flaming

  3. 04-08-2019, 07:57 AM
    Reason
    Reference to deleted post.

  4. 04-08-2019, 07:58 AM
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    Reference to deleted post.

  5. 04-08-2019, 08:15 AM
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    Reference to deleted post.

  6. 04-08-2019, 08:23 AM
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    Reference to deleted post.

  7. #22
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rchubn

    For those justifying masturbating/watching porn at work, I really hope you're saying this just to be harsh on random people online and you don't actually feel like this behavior is appropriate in the workplace. I definitely will knock beforehand for now on but cmon... Let's not be stupid for shock value. I don't want anyone fired.

    Thanks for the responses...
    I think it's absolutely wrong watching porn and masturbating at work, specially in a public office and I think most people here agree that it's wrong. The issue is that you don't have any direct evidence or 100% sure that was that he was doing. I'm curious, how did he react when you entered the room? Has he been treating you differently than usual?

    I think it's one thing if you complain to the bosses or HR that you caught a co-worker using his phone to do non related work stuff during the work time (like that e-mail mentions) but not complain to the HR that he was masturbating at work because you're not sure if it was that he was doing. And I'm saying this not as a way of excusing masturbation at work (if that was what was happening), but to avoid you getting into trouble or making serious false accusations you're not sure nor can prove.

    As to the discomfort you feel, there's not much you can do. I'd say avoid him besides work matters if you feel so uncomfortable around him and try to move on. If you feel so bad and traumatised I suggest therapy or changing jobs for your own mental health good.

    ( Just as a personal experience, I never use my phone at work (I literally have no time even if I wanted as I don't stop for a minute while working), but I'm in a whatsapp group with friends that sometimes send very inappropriate videos (comedic, not porn itself). Were I to open those videos at work or in a public setting in general and someone looked at my phone or listened to the videos, they'd probably think I was watching porn or something like that in public. However, I have the common sense and discretion of never opening those videos or group conversations in public. I think he should have too, because it's careless to watch inappropriate videos, comedic or not in public settings and with sound. But still, you haven't seen enough to be 100% sure he was getting off with porn at work )

  8. #23
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'm aware that it's natural and it's just masturbation
    Not natural at work, obviously, so glad to hear that someone else likely reported the incident. There's something sick about someone who's willing to risk their job and reputation to do this on the job, so I'd be on high alert regarding this coworker--he's got a screw loose.

  9. 04-08-2019, 08:50 AM
    Reason
    Refers to deleted post.

  10. #24
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    What exactly did you see, OP?

    You heard noises coming from his phone. We get that. Perhaps he was indeed watching porn.

    But you went on to say you are sure he was masturbating, which is not the same as simply watching. That's the part you haven't been able to clarify. So, what was this man actually doing? Did he have his hand in his pants? Did he jump and try to zip up when you entered? Was he embarrassed to see you walk in? Did he try to rearrange himself and cover his crotch? Or?

    The details of what you actually witnessed are scant, so it would be helpful if you'd paint a more detailed picture if you would like posters to see where you're coming from.

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  12. #25
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I know it’s been said, but you really need to be in the habit of knocking.

    I worked with a woman who was breastfeeding so she’d shut her door to pump. She got walked in on, and that was uncomfortable for everyone. She shouldn’t have to put up a sign that says “pumping!” - people should instead have enough respect to knock.

    That being said. Masturbating is not pumping. I’m aware of that.

    But you don’t know what he did, for sure, so don’t report it. That’ll make you look bad.

    Why would reporting this make you more comfortable?

    How would you report it? I think I saw? I think I heard?

    YOU will lose credibility here. Unless you can say something definitive, it’s a losing battle.

  13. #26
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I think it's absolutely wrong watching porn and masturbating at work, specially in a public office and I think most people here agree that it's wrong. The issue is that you don't have any direct evidence or 100% sure that was that he was doing. I'm curious, how did he react when you entered the room? Has he been treating you differently than usual?

    I think it's one thing if you complain to the bosses or HR that you caught a co-worker using his phone to do non related work stuff during the work time (like that e-mail mentions) but not complain to the HR that he was masturbating at work because you're not sure if it was that he was doing. And I'm saying this not as a way of excusing masturbation at work (if that was what was happening), but to avoid you getting into trouble or making serious false accusations you're not sure nor can prove.

    As to the discomfort you feel, there's not much you can do. I'd say avoid him besides work matters if you feel so uncomfortable around him and try to move on. If you feel so bad and traumatised I suggest therapy or changing jobs for your own mental health good.

    ( Just as a personal experience, I never use my phone at work (I literally have no time even if I wanted as I don't stop for a minute while working), but I'm in a whatsapp group with friends that sometimes send very inappropriate videos (comedic, not porn itself). Were I to open those videos at work or in a public setting in general and someone looked at my phone or listened to the videos, they'd probably think I was watching porn or something like that in public. However, I have the common sense and discretion of never opening those videos or group conversations in public. I think he should have too, because it's careless to watch inappropriate videos, comedic or not in public settings and with sound. But still, you haven't seen enough to be 100% sure he was getting off with porn at work )
    He was jittery and the room felt heavy as if I had walked into something inappropriate. Had he brushed it off and acted normal, I don't think I would've gave it any thought but the vibe I got with later interactions made me feel like I walked into something private

  14. 04-08-2019, 10:55 AM
    Reason
    Disrespectful/Flaming

  15. #27
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Jerkin off at the office is a very common thing...not a good thing but is common...even women do it.
    As a manager myself, I expect things like this be reported. you can report it to HR or a supervisor. Reporting this cannot get you fired. If this happened in my company the individual would have been dismissed immediately. Tho it's natural thing to do... not when it's in a public place.

  16. #28
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    Not one person said masturbating in the work place is appropriate.
    Quote them in your response if I missed it?

    You asked about regaining comfort in your workplace and I suggested you knock before entering an office with a closed door.

    The likelihood is that your coworker was NOT masturbating and that’s what people are responding to.
    You heard “noises” from his phone ONLY!
    As I said in my initial reply there are memes that are jokes about these “noises” and that’s a very good possible explanation as to what you heard. So why are YOU uncomfortable at work?

    I don’t actually believe you when you say now that you are concerned about your workmates.
    Your workmates have not expressed to you any discomfort in their workplace , you did.
    And you say you are uncomfortable being in staff meetings with a “pervert” !!!

    People watch porn , men and women, it does not make them perverted.
    Of course there is an appropriate place and time. But you have no idea if he even was watching porn. And that’s the point people are replying to!!!
    Last edited by Capricorn3; 04-08-2019 at 05:37 PM.

  17. #29
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    The office is a shared office. There are two work desks inside meaning there's a possibility that two employees can work in it at the same time. That rarely happens except in this situation, I was asked to run a small errand and needed access to the office to do it. This office was collaboratively decorated and even has photos of peoples family inside. Matter of a fact, another coworker stores his bike in the office daily. It is automatically assumed that because it's a shared office, you might see a coworker in and out of it at some point.

    I can admit I'm overreacting but I can't comprehend how/why he thought this space would be private enough to do something like this unless he gets a high off the possibility of being caught. We also have students walking around constantly and that brings up another sick feeling but I'm not even going to go there. Again, I don't know know what I walked into so I'm not going to report but that doesn't mend my discomfort at the idea that I possibly walked into something inappropriate and it doesn't mend the worry I have that someone else might of walked into something similar and that there might be a serious issue here.

    So, my initial reaction is definitely an over reaction but there's a lot at stake and although I'm not going to say anything, I get uncomfortable at the idea that I might of saw something/a part of something that might be a bigger issue and I didn't say anything.

  18. #30
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What exactly did you see, OP?

    You heard noises coming from his phone. We get that. Perhaps he was indeed watching porn.

    But you went on to say you are sure he was masturbating, which is not the same as simply watching. That's the part you haven't been able to clarify. So, what was this man actually doing? Did he have his hand in his pants? Did he jump and try to zip up when you entered? Was he embarrassed to see you walk in? Did he try to rearrange himself and cover his crotch? Or?

    The details of what you actually witnessed are scant, so it would be helpful if you'd paint a more detailed picture if you would like posters to see where you're coming from.
    I saw him jump and act jittery and the first thing I said to him was a work question which took him a back and he went "ohh.. blah blah" but as he was speaking to me he was fumbling to get whatever was playing on his phone off and for whatever reason he popped the back off his phone and popped the battery out as if he couldn't get whatever was on his phone clicked out in enough time.

    At first I didn't comprehend what I had walked in on until I was sitting in the office with him asking him a work question and felt like the room vibe was unusually heavy. I sat there wondering why this felt so weird, replaying the interaction. Wondering why the hell he was jittery and basically took his phone apart. That's when I realized I might of walked into something inappropriate which then made me jittery and I made some excuse to go work in one of the spare cubicals outside.

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