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Everything posted by rchubn

  1. And if he had TOO MUCH dating experience one might get intimidated. 1. It sounds like he is work oriented. I'm not sure why you're giving him a hard time or insinuating something is wrong with him because he's not dating. Ever think that's why he's on the dating sites? He's actively looking to date and I'm sure you're not the only woman he's chatted with online. Dating is hard when you're older. Just because none of his past experiences led to a relationship doesn't mean theres something wrong with him. 2. He most likely DID NOT tell his family he was official with you, he probably told them he was "seeing" someone or hanging out with someone special. It's exciting when you first meet people, he probably wants to share that with his family. 3. He is the marrying type. He doesn't have messy exs. He doesn't have children from abother relationship. Sounds like he's successful. Clearly, even during his bachelor years he clearly wasn't into hooking up with just anyone and anything. Idk, if i met a guy like that I would think he was made specifically for me. You could have a man that has loved only one woman: you
  2. He could have social anxiety. Given everything your family is dealing with I would be uncomfortable too. - Are you putting him in low stress situations? Ex: are you talking behind his back with family? Are you putting him in a room where he's already been discussed. People can sense energy and the vibe. If there's preconceived emotions about him he'll definitely be able to sense it and will definitely feel uncomfortable. Are you discussing all your relationship issues with the same people he's supposed to like/feel comfortable around? Vice versa ... Are you venting about how horrible your family is WITH him? Have you told him stories about a painful traumatic childhood? - Are you meeting in neutral spaces/low stress outings? Ex: if you guys went to lunch with your family and met up at the restaurant in your own vehicles, the interaction would be neutral. He could seek comfort in the fact that he's in control and can remove himself if things get too uncomfortable. - Are you forcing him to meet them in THEIR home? Ex; imagine being uncomfortable or nervous and having to meet the person in their own personal space. Not only does he have to worry about them liking him, he's also in an uncomfortable environment. He has to convince them while he's standing in their home.
  3. I'm not proud of this so please dont judge me but the anonymous person could be telling the truth. I've made anonymous accounts to message "the other woman" before. My ex was talking to her while talking to me and we both didn't know he was doing this/didn't even know each other even existed. When I first found out I made a fake account and dropped a bomb that he was playing her. My reasoning? - I knew she didn't even know I existed. - I was petty and hurt. I got annoyed that he did what he did with zero consequences and jumped right into another relationship as if it didn't happen. - I knew that she was the one actually nearing a relationship with him and that it would be ethical to tell her the circumstances - I knew this particular man has never been caught and would freeze up if he were questioned by her. I wanted to plant a seed of doubt because I knew once she confronted him, his reaction would immediately tell on himself. - I knew if I messaged from my own account I would be seen as a threat and she would immediately write me off as "the scorned woman" Her reaction? She didn't take it seriously because it came from an anonymous account. A few weeks went by and she was online discussing how she was cheated on which leads me to believe that she found ANOTHER woman he was playing. Moral of the story? If someone is anonymously messaging you with stuff like this, you should always do your research.
  4. Unless you're married to him or in a long term relationship the idea that you'll personally know/meet ALL of his friends is unrealistic and kind of unreasonable. You're making it seem like you're trying to meet everyone important in his life when in reality you're just being nosy. It sounds like you're suspicious over the fact that he's close to another individual (close enough to move to the same spot) and you want to size up this other individual you're boyfriend is spending time with because you want to determine if he's worthy of all the attention he's taking from you. I understand your best friends got together and it became a triad friendship but not everyone WANTS that kind of friendship. Some people prefer to have their own friends outside of their partner. If you become best friends with his friend, where will he go when he needs advice or emotional support when it comes to you guy's relationship?
  5. You're better off. Matter of fact, he sounds like he has someone psychotic ego disorder. He doesn't come off as someone who cares about the pedestal or your expectations. This is someone who did all the rigorous steps to become a doctor (gets doctor praise) but lives a completely different life outside of work. He has somehow mastered keeping his rigorous job AND spiraling out of control, if he does not want to change there is nothing and no one that could FORCE him to change? Why? Because his professional path surpasses anyone in his life that could hold him accountable for his behavior. This is a red flag. At his age. With his professional success, he should not be experimenting with drugs and spiraling like an angsty teenager.
  6. This happened to me except it wasn't abroad, we just had a long distance thing going on (1-2 hours away). He broke it off with me very unexpectedly. I was devastated. What did I do? I was in shock and denial for a while. I kept calling him and even begged which didn't help my case at all because he lost respect for me. Its a messed up thing to do to a person. If you find yourself getting uninterested you NEED to express this immediately. Instead, my ex healed himself to make sure HE was okay with the relationship ending and then blindsided me and dumped me and then a month later went to someone else. I suspect that him and this girl were "talking" during our relationship and once he determined he could effortlessly dump me and walk into a relationship with her, he did just that. He claimed he didn't cheat but I find it hard to believe. However months later he realized she wasn't what he thought she was and that he was better off with me so he attempted to contact me multiple times. First time: to rub it in. He attempted to give me closure I did not ask for and out of the blue messages me listing off all the reasons why he broke up with me/didnt pick me. It was traumatizing Second time: he had blocked me weeks before but unblocked me. Once I saw him in my fb recommendations I immediately blocked him and he texted me about how sorry he was and that I was the only one who cared for him. Third time: I had ghosted him and he decided to send a "How are you?" Text but I sent him away and didn't speak to him again.
  7. A little alarming tbh. Him using P*rnhub would be different because then he's looking at actual entertainers (women that he will never meet or touch because she's doing it for entertainment only and she's being backed by a large production and legally has limits to how she can interact with those who watch her content) With Onlyfans is different. He's interacting with a woman that most likely has a normal job outside of onlyfans and she's probably normal making her way more approachable and an eligible person he could have some kind of emotional-sexual affair with. With any other porn site he would do surface level browsing until he finds something he likes. With Onlyfans he's literally saying "I find this SPECIFIC woman attractive and I'm okay with going out of my way to have access to her exclusive content"
  8. Also... Im around your age and people in that age group will literally have full on relationships without having the formal boyfriend/girlfriend "what are we" talk. People will literally have a sexual relationship or have children in a relationship that was never formally confirmed by both parties and once things go south there's always someone that crosses basic monogamous boundaries and using the fact that they weren't official as their excuse
  9. Be straight up and ask. Your age range is a little too neutral...You guys are both at an age where things could be SUPER casual or SUPER serious with a potential future. He could be enjoying his 20s/he could just be enjoying your company or he could super serious. (If a long term partner is what you're looking for) Asking will keep you from wasting your time and feelings.
  10. 1. He is ashamed for people to know I was married? - He's most likely ashamed that you're publicly displaying THE PERSON you married. You're allowed to have a past but that doesn't mean everyone visiting your page has to see it. 2. If you would take the photos down based on his request? - Yes. Because its reasonable and there's no logical explanation as to why you need to keep them in a public place like that. You could simply private them on social media (so you're the only one that can see them) and go on with life. 3. If you think taking pics down is a slippery slope and can lead to things being controlling later on? - No. Controlling would be someone going behind your back trying to get them removed. It clearly bothers him and he's asking you directly. Why do you want to keep these photos?
  11. People will say keeping photos isn't a big deal BUT it is a big deal. His family and friends will be able to see that you have WEDDING photos up and itll leave room for them to make assumptions and YOU and the relationship. It's not bad to keep memories and photos of your past but in respect for your new man and your exs future partners, you should delete the photos. Or AT LEAST remove the tags or "private them" so you're the only person to see them. Your social media should be tailored to CURRENT life. Your ex is no longer part of your story so there's no logical explanation for keeping photos, especially WEDDING photos.
  12. Two things that put pressure on relationships: family and social media. You're thinking too much...I rarely used to post my old partner on social media (if I did it was always him looking away from the camera or something) and I called him "friend" to my family. Why? Because I didn't feel like discussing my personal life or updating social media about my personal life. Some people ACTUALLY enjoy private relationships...I found it uncomfortable when I had to talk about my ex boyfriend with family and I didn't want my extended family on Facebook prying into my relationship. I didn't like when my ex posted stuff about me on his pages either...once you bring your relationship public online, everyone will have emotions about it (good and bad) and I didnt want that negative energy floating around our relationship. Sometimes you need to hide good things so you can actually enjoy them. If she has a bunch of toxic ppl in her life she probably doesn't feel safe enough to share relationships that make her happy.
  13. In the future avoid ex conversations and you'll avoid the ex jealousy as well. There is no need to give him names and show him pictures. I think we all talk about ex's when we meet someone knew but most people have limits: - they don't talk about their intimate life with their ex unless its for health reasons. - they talk about how frequent he talks to his ex (if theyre still friends) - they don't show pictures and they don't give names - they vaguely discuss the REASON they broke up (in case there's some healing or grace that needs to be given in the new relationship) He's probably jealous because you were inappropriate with sharing your past personal life. There are married couples that don't even discuss their ex's to that degree.
  14. I just want to put it out there that I would be absolutely gutted if I lost her. I want her to like me and I want her in my life. Our relationship is only extremes. We're either getting along or fighting. In order to have a close relationship with her I'll have to take the emotional blows when we fight also. I can laugh and enjoy her company but theres still a risk that she could say something hurtful to me
  15. I accidentally posted this in the wrong thread. Apologies
  16. Theyre only suggesting reconciliation but theyre not realizing that she's not self aware enough to see any wrongdoing on her part. Because I have limited relationships my therapist is trying to get me to heal and keep as many relationships as possible.
  17. I love her and I feel bad that I want to keep her at a distance but living the rest of my life (or the rest of her life) dealing with this makes me feel like I'm in hell. I just want a beautiful family of my own. I want to be happy and secure in my relationships with those close to me. I want to be treated like a human being. I want to feel seen and heard whenever I'm struggling and I have so much love to give. Keeping her in my life (as close as she is now) feels like an emotional burden. It feels like I'll be 40 years old and still a slave to the way she treats me and the sadness it brings me. I want to share my life with her (my future children or whoever else I have in my life) but her view of me (and her trying to control how people see me) makes me feel uncomfortable with her being in close proximity.
  18. I think I need to cut my mom out of my life but I feel guilty about it. She is not kind to me and she's always been hot and cold. I was the child that frequently got the wrath from her unstable emotions. We had a conversation last night about our relationship and I shared how I felt (that I felt isolated and unloved during my childhood) and she refuses to validate my emotions and accept them but she's also refusing to correct me and prove me wrong, she then flipped it on me saying if I wasn't such a bad teenager I wouldn't of been abused or picked on by her. The thing is, I wasn't a bad teenager. I was a normal teenager and she was unfit to be raising a teenager because she used my complicated years as her reason to dislike me. I was a child. This wasn't "discipline" this was abuse: - mocking me when I attempt to express myself - attempting to persuade my grandmother to change her opinions about me (the only adult in my life that I felt close to) - Keeping me away from my father because of their past personal issues - denying me a relationship with my second parent but mistreating me - Allowing her boyfriend to watch me in the tub as a child but gaslighting when I bring it to her awareness. - allowing her boyfriends to bully me as a child simply to punish my dad. - choosing my sibling over me in every situation. - putting me in therapy as a child and forcefully asking what I discussed with the counselor. I never felt like I could safely heal - when I asked her WHY she treats me the way she does, she couldn't give me any answers. - her knowing I'm on the spectrum (autism) but denying me the proper help and holding my emotional and behavioral struggles against me. I'm not nuerotypical. When I'd get overwhelmed in my younger years it was excruciating for me. Whenever I'd have an episode I'd feel DEEP hopelessness, fear, frustration, sadness and anger all at ONCE, at its highest degree and at the time, tatrums and acting out was the only way I could cognitively release these emotions. I know this now that I'm an adult but as a child I had no idea WHY I struggled with this. I didn't even know my behavior was wrong and I couldn't read social cues. When I'd have an episode/beforehand it liyerally felt like emotional torture. It felt like my emotions where attacking me all at once and .u body would get into fight or flight, I'd get a rush of adrenaline and then get headaches. I was in distress I need to cut her off completely. I can't do this anymore. She was a single mother and I feel bad for her but I literally CANT take it anymore. The trauma I have is complicating my adult life. Being in her presence makes me feel like I did when I was a child. She's not willing to change or give me unconditional love and she's flat out denying my feelings and she's not willing to take any responsibility (like I am) I'm just so done. Shes making me feel unlovable and I deserve a happy and healthy life. She's clinically depressed but is mistreating me. How can I walk away without feeling guilty?
  19. Well... if you guys are meant to be you'll reconcile regardless how long you've been in NC. You should move on/live your life assuming it's actually over until proven otherwise. I had a similar situation and it ended up giving me more pain because the first few months after the breakup I was waiting by the phone hoping he'd return. (And he did) but the whole vibe was off.
  20. I wouldn't even tell them I found it or that it was sent to me. Why embarrass them? If they get exposed further let them take the loss privately. You dont need to embarrass them further by communicating you've watched it. If you make a big deal about it and they confront the person it'll just start a whole war. The person sending it is just being malicious for their own pleasure and if you don't react they'll eventually get bored and leave you guys alone. Some people actually enjoy the idea of voyeurism and although they posted publicly its probably a part of their sex life they probably don't want to share with people that know them. Its something they're doing within their marriage and bedroom and unless they're brain dead they're probably aware of the risks.
  21. Block it and move on with your life. Its not your job to keep up with what's happening in the bedroom of two consenting adults. Your parents are clearly smart enough to understand the risks of participating in stuff like that so whatever happens (this person sending it around) is on them. Chances are its some loser sitting in their basement sending it around. Chances are your parents don't even get enough views for it to even impact their actual lives, theyre literally a pair of amatuer genitals in a whole ocean of online porngraphic content. No one cares about their identities.
  22. Everyone answering seems to be older... as someone younger I'm 90% sure its spam lmao. Spammers try to create situations that would lead someone to click those links. Most of the time it's their attempt to get your financial information (expect if you've ordered stuff online via mobile device) or they try to get your email address and location so they can sell that information to random advertisers. Not real and your parents most likely DONT have any tape floating around online lmao. If they did (and they were traceable) you'd get more than one person messaging you about it 😂 and theyd most likely contact you on Facebook by searching real names lol. Even if you do have your name on your IG Its pretty hard to find instagram profiles based on someone's name alone.
  23. You guys have different needs and should break up honestly. 1. I see people on here blaming you, calling you needy or whatever but I disagree. Your needs matter. Just because you require MORE than the average female does not mean you should compromise and feel deprived. You need to find someone who is equally reliant. Your love language is clearly MORE than he can handle but there are other men in the world that will be up to the challenge and will be able to give you what you need WHILE taking care of themselves. Your boyfriend is too weak. 2. I never understood the whole "we need a break thing". DO NOT tolerate that. If he wants to break up, he needs to grow a pair and do it. You are a human being with needs. He cannot suggest a "break" and keep you in his back pocket until he feels like dealing with you. That is not fair to you. A break isn't just cooling off and "seeing what happens" a break is a soft breakup. I had a partner that suggested a break and I did not tolerate it. I have no regrets. Why? Because if he has to STEP AWAY from you/exist in your absence just to weigh your worth to him---he does not love you. When two people in a loving relationship fight they normally take a few hours separated to cool off they don't END the relationship, the end the argument.
  24. The internet is a place where peoples dark desires live. Think about all the notorious serial killers back in the day? Imagine if we had internet and search history back then, those sick individuals would've been spotted and held accountable before they decided to hurt someone. Imagine what a teenage Jeffrey Dahmers search history would say...
  25. Your bridesmaids should be women you care about. Women you check up on. Friends you care about. If "bridemaid" was an appropriate title for her you should be able to drop by her house and check up on her but I'm guessing you don't?
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