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Thread: Closure: is it important?

  1. #1
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    Closure: is it important?

    Shattered in to pieces. That is what my heart probably looks like right now. I didn't see the break up coming, and it's even harder to heal because I didn't get any closure. I don't think that 'last text' counts. You don't end an almost three year relationship with a text. Some people are just really heartless like that, eh?

    Been crying for almost every night this February. It still hurts like hell as I am typing this, but I guess I'd just have to endure this and allow time to heal me. But it's easier said than done. Also trying my best not to contact her or be in touch, but still relapsing from time to time. (I would also appreciate if someone give advice on how to resist contacting your ex?).

    My head is messed up right now. It's tough to be dumped, but it's truly tougher not having any closure! I'll forever wonder what really went down that night. At this point, it feels like the wound is forever gonna linger. So tell me, is closure really essential to heal? At least, as a first step to move on?

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by notadoctor
    So tell me, is closure really essential to heal? At least, as a first step to move on?
    This entirely depends on what closure means to you.

    Can you elaborate on how you would personally define closure?

  3. #3
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    I would also like to add to this, that you will rarely get the whole truth from your ex.

    They might lie or avoid the whole truth for various reasons. Maybe they're ashamed, maybe they don't want to hurt you, or what ever else reason they might have. You will never know the whole 100% truth, or better said, rarely.

    You will have to accept, that her leaving you is all the closure you might get. If it helps, and it helped me, pick a story, a reason that will help you move on and take that as the truth. If she wasn't forthcoming, you have the freedom to construct your own truth that will empower you to move on.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What were the breakup and arguments about?
    Originally Posted by notadoctor
    I didn't get any closure. I don't think that 'last text' counts. You don't end an almost three year relationship with a text.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    This entirely depends on what closure means to you.

    Can you elaborate on how you would personally define closure?
    I want an explanation on what really happened, why she broke up with me that sudden? I feel so betrayed. She should've atleast the decency to break up with me formally... I feel worthless... I was so invested with her.
    Last edited by notadoctor; 02-27-2019 at 06:25 AM.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What were the breakup and arguments about?
    Originally Posted by BreadStick
    I would also like to add to this, that you will rarely get the whole truth from your ex.

    They might lie or avoid the whole truth for various reasons. Maybe they're ashamed, maybe they don't want to hurt you, or what ever else reason they might have. You will never know the whole 100% truth, or better said, rarely.

    You will have to accept, that her leaving you is all the closure you might get. If it helps, and it helped me, pick a story, a reason that will help you move on and take that as the truth. If she wasn't forthcoming, you have the freedom to construct your own truth that will empower you to move on.
    Thank you so much for your insight. I'll never know what is going on inside her head. But honestly, I'm still having a hard time trying to wrap my head around the situation. I hate it. I know she doesn't deserve to be taking up my time and consuming all my energy... I'm so lost.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What were the breakup and arguments about?

    We were honestly walking on eggshells early time this year due to minor inconvenieces but nothing really to be alarmed. I thought we just needed more time to bond together since we spent the holidays with our family and we just missed each other. Everything was just fine days before she broke up with me (or so that was I thought?)

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You don't need closure from her. In reality, closure comes from within. It would have hurt whichever way she had done it. I have been in your shoes and I have a notion of what you mean. You will get to the other side in time. When you become more detached after some time you may realize that there had been signs of what was coming that you missed. Chances are that your ex was too afraid of confrontation to break up face to face, not necessarily because you did something but because as a person she is too avoidant. It doesn't justify what she did, but it explains why she used such a cowardly cop out. It has nothing to do with your worth. It's about her being too weak and too bad at open communication.

    I was always good at nc so I am not sure how to help there. I would delete all her contact details, block her number and block her on all social media. Whatever you do, do not cyber stalk her. And if she comes back, I would advise you not to take her back. Mine did and he left the same cowardly way. Unless it was an abusive relationship, text message break ups indicate a serious inability to communicate openly and no communication = no relationship. The truth of the matter is that you two where incompatible in the long-term. If you think about it, her way of breaking up is all the information you need to reach the conclusion that the relationship was not viable. Once you accept that, that's your closure.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    Chances are that your ex was too afraid of confrontation to break up face to face, not necessarily because you did something but because as a person she is too avoidant. It doesn't justify what she did, but it explains why she used such a cowardly cop out. It has nothing to do with your worth. It's about her being too weak and too bad at open communication
    This is very true. Please consider this OP. I was broken up via text too, out of the blue, no warnings, after 2 years and 3 months with practically no arguments. You'll see the truth later, when you can see clearly and the mess has died down a bit. But all that aside, this is a very cowardly way to abandon someone, especially a good partner. Take this as a sign of how her character is. She would rather hurt you so badly than face the aftermath of her decisions. It's her problem in the long run.

    Clio gave a lot of very good advice, please consider it all.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    It's good that you're crying. Yes it's exhausting but nature evolved crying for a reason so if it needs to happen then let it happen.

    If crying wasn't important it would have been naturally selected out of us by now*
    Originally Posted by notadoctor
    I would also appreciate if someone give advice on how to resist contacting your ex?
    Watch this video - [Register to see the link] and others on that channel.

    Also this forum is littered with stories of those who did break no contact and lived to regret it....

    Three years is a long time so she won't be able to forget you in a hurry so none of us will be surprised if you hear from her if you stick to NC. But you'll have to be careful of what's called 'Breadcrumbing' or Cat Pawing.

    Try and sleep and eat the best you can. Stay off the alcohol. Your body and mind is going to need good care to get through this.

    Sorry for your pain. It really sux...I know*

    Carus*

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