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Everything posted by Carus

  1. Sorry for your loss. Your post is full of pain and I see you* How did he die..? There are stages of grief and you will now start the journey through those. Please take care of your health. You will need it to survive this* Regards Carus*
  2. It's a good post from IAmFCA*^^ Ah but you actually are moving on, as evidenced in your very same post: This is moving on...Albeit a lot slower than you'd like but still....Grief and Healing have no set in stone timelines* Over 2 years for me too. I still think about my xwife every day and still dream about her often too, but I'm pushing on, taking care of the day to day stuff and living life. This is moving on right....? I still think about all my exes from time to time but there's little to no pain associated with those thoughts anymore. This is moving on right...? Sorry DB but unless you get a complete frontal lobe lobotomy you'll probably never fully forget about these people....or her.... So long as they have their own little box in the attic of your mind. You have your health. You have your income. You have your border collie. You have food on the table, a dry bed, a roof over your head and an internet connection.....You have a LOT to be grateful for every day! Sounds to me like you and life are moving on* That is a trauma response and best dealt with with a very good psychotherapist..... The first part: If you really think about it you will know that's not entirely true. 2 years ago you were in an awful amount of pain. And if it is true then hopefully it will only be a fleeting moment....that is normal too. The goal is not to be 110% stupendously happy every single day....They'll lock you up for that as well* :) The second part: That sounds like depression and perhaps even suicidal ideation...I think you need to adjust your diet and lifestyle* Perhaps what you could do is save some money, put your stuff in storage and go and volunteer in Jonglei State in South Sudan for 3-6 months. I have people on the ground down there. You will come back a changed man* Regards Carus*
  3. Even more reason to cut the cord and move on with your life....Easier said than done right? But do it you must* By the way, there's been no true NC here yet so you can forget that.... Carus*
  4. Hi MissCanuck* - I generally enjoy your posts as well* I’ve been chased, bullied, beaten up, cheated on and shot at yes... Actually I found emotional abuse quite worse. More insidious and longer lasting* Yep. Totally agree. There were some in my Uni course who I really thought should not be counselors! However, what doesn’t work for one person may work for another. That’s why I always advocate shopping around. Carus*
  5. My opinion is I agree with you and that the OP should get help and do his best to move on from this period of his life* I don’t assume that and never stated that. That is how You have read my post. I’m sure there are some posters here that are very qualified and ENA even has a counseling service that you can pay for...But no, I don’t see the ‘good reason’ someone wouldn’t mention that they have a qualification. Do tell? And again, any qualified person who believes it’s beneficial to just rehash a point over and over and over and keep bringing it up and throwing it in the clients face...wellll, I for one would be seeking out a new counselor* Thanks for the post* I don’t want to hijack this thread but I’m always open to receiving PMs. I do like a good debate. It’s how I learn stuff :) Carus*
  6. I knew my post would incite the response it did but I decided to leave it up anyway. Of course I don’t condone what the OP did...but I just don’t see how constantly going over and pointing out what he did is helpful? I see one line posts like ‘But you hit her!’ over and over. He knows that. I know it. We all know it. But how exactly is that helpful in moving forward..? It’s like somebody trying to give up smoking and all their friends constantly telling them ‘But you used to smoke!’.... I see this type of thing a lot on ENA. And hey, maybe it actually works for some people...* I love and respect you all. Just my 2 satoshis. Carus*
  7. See, everybody here seems to be focusing on one thing you did and yes it wasn't good, but as a trained counselor I think it's a positive that you recognise that and feel remorse. It's one thing that saddens me about ENA. People come here in pain and looking for answers and help only to get beaten up....Still, it is an open, public forum manned mainly by people volunteering their time.... But anyway, hopefully you will learn from this and never let it happen again. And so, moving forward from here, I can also see you are still quite in the denial stage...and yes that's all part of healing and grieving. The sooner you can work towards acceptance, the sooner you can find peace..... Your time starts now* Carus*
  8. And come back here and read that again if you ever feel like doing anything different*^^ As for "just reply to her texts whenever she initiates"...I would say it depends on what she wants....No reply at all might be your best path out of this fire* Grieving the loss of someone we were in love with/obsessed with/addicted to...whatever the label. can be difficult, long and arduous...But you can do it Ric* I have faith in you! And never forget the lessons learned here* Carus*
  9. My GF wants to get married. I just say No. Doesn’t matter what the Universe wants, I just don’t want to nor do I see why it’s so important. That’s just me though and maybe one day I’ll change my mind. If my GF decides to leave me over that issue then she is well within her rights to do that and so be it* A question I have is: If you love this man and are building a good life together, why is it so important to you? Is it financial or religious reasons? Or do you believe that marriage means ‘together forever’..? I do hope it’s not the latter... As for your message, I’m not sure it will make much difference. It may just add extra pressure to the situation... Anyway, some things to ponder. I wish you luck* Carus*
  10. Firstly, you are not weak. You’re actually just...human* Grief is a beeyatch and we all deal with it the best we can in our own way* It’s been a little over 2 years for me too and I still miss my x as well. But I figure so long as I’m pushing on and doing good in the world then it’s ok and that can do it’s own thing* ‘The Journey From Abandonment to Healing’ by Susan Anderson is a brilliant book and was a life saver for me! I got the book but mostly listened to the audio book on the Audible app. I also usually recommend this YT channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions I agree with BoltnRun* on this but it will take time. We cannot just switch those thoughts off instantly... unfortunately. But that’s the process of healing* Sending you strength* Carus*
  11. Unfortunately looks like another 'One and Done' poster..... :-/
  12. Well, you guys were broken up so let me ask you this: Had she had other relationships before you or was she a virgin? If the former then what’s the big deal/difference...? Anyway, I’m happy for you bud (and slightly envious). You’ve got a chance at something the majority of people want but never get... Appreciate that and make it work. Best of Luck Carus*
  13. If you break up with him and he kills himself that is on him....not you! People do what they must do and we all have to own our own reactions*
  14. Whilst I agree, did you actually look at the link I posted...? Then again, perhaps you weren’t actually referring to that in particular.... Carus*
  15. For a start, try this video- You are right to not want to be friends right now. It hurts YOU too much and it wouldn’t be authentic anyway... Take good care of your health. You will need it to get through this...but eventually, you will* Carus*
  16. Hmm...Oh dear....I think you should stay tuned on that one....Time heals all wounds and reveals all secrets.... It may work out, but I wouldn't go betting any money on it* One of the hardest things we as humans have to endure....But your philosophy is correct...Some alone time now is definitely going to be valuable as you build a new foundation.. Being single has it's perks so enjoy that whilst you can* Pretty much, yeh....I'm not a huge fan of it myself....It's painful, draining and ongoing....But it does eventually subside, especially if you take the right steps to navigate through it...Stay healthy, your body will need good health to support you through this....Eat and sleep the best you can. Stay off the alcohol! Yep, that's usually how it goes....Mainly because the other person has checked out of the relationship well before we even know what's happening...What seems to come 'out of the blue' for us is many times not the case for them.... But as for him being all happy with someone else, yeh sure, the honeymoon stage is always the best stage of a relationship....Time will tell....You just focus on what YOU need to do going forward and we’ll see where your at compared to him in 6 months to a year....(hopefully you won't really care too much by then anyway).... That's why it's never really a good idea to date whilst you're still in a fragile state....Any slight rejection can cause more pain, and not all relationships get off the ground... Here's some videos for you to watch to keep you occupied for a while....Hope they help: https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions/videos?view_as=subscriber Well that's kinda good really....That's how you process it....You have to feel it to heal it....Not push it all away with distractions....Eventually your mind and body will level up* You are beautiful* Carus*
  17. Yes. I believe there’s deeper issues going on here...as in, it’s not just about the hair.... She sounds like what could be termed a ‘Control Freak’ who needs to feel like she has control of everything. The problem with that is that let’s say OP does cut his hair the way she wants...then it will be something else, then something else...ad nauseum... Only ways to deal with that is have good boundaries and a firm constitution....or leave... People will treat you how you let them* Again OP, Google A&M and see what you can find...You don’t have to be losing your hair at all* Regards Carus*
  18. I’ve been a customer of Ashley&Martin hair growth company for years now and I have a full head of hair. It really works! A&M are in Australia but perhaps you could see if they have an equivalent in Canada....* The ingredients to look for are: Finisteride. Saw Palmetto. Minoxinil. To your question, my gf wants me to cut my hair all the time. I tell her ‘No’....I’ll cut my hair when I’m good and ready! S’up to you bud. Becoming a ‘Yes Man’ or a doormat will not bode well for your relationship..* Carus*
  19. Thankyou both for the kind thoughts. What wonderful empathic people you are Thankfully yes I’m ok at the moment. The only problem here at the moment is a small drought..in the tropics during what’s supposed to be wet season...! My main concern (although I try not to think about it) is the volcano and earthquakes... The planet is not happy that’s for sure. These fires are definitely some of the worst we’ve seen. I’m praying daily that things will subside soon* The firefighters have also copped a bit of flak here and there but I understand. People are afraid and get angry and have to direct that somewhere...even at the very people who are doing their best I’m sure* Stages of grief for sure..... Carus*
  20. Sounds like it was more about him than you.... Not ALL guys will sleep with anything that moves....and even the most sexy, gorgeous, good looking women have trouble because their looks actually can intimidate men... So no, I don't think it's just about looks.... What I suggest is to not focus on relationships so much and get into doing things that make you feel good...Volunteering is always good...Connecting with nature...Learning about health and cooking...etc....Just a couple of suggestions...You'll find what works for you when you look.... Also, try to remove words like 'Failed', 'Hate', 'Can't'....etc from your vocabulary...You would be amazed the power that words can have on our day to day mentality.... Turn off the TV. Don't watch the news or current affair type shows....Start looking at stuff you're interested in on YouTube etc..... Once you lift your vibration a bit, guys (and people in general) will gravitate towards you more.... Your time starts now* Carus*
  21. Define 'normal'...What is 'normal'..? What we see on TV or in magazines...? Hmm, dunno.... If you knew me you would definitely not say I was 'normal'....Yet here I am :) I'm unique, like everybody else....* I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as you think and it's certainly not quick and painless like Hollywood would have you believe...Only 1 in 20 attempts actually succeeds so you could end up worse than you are now...Like my father. He will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life now. Hang in there Boo....The world will need people like you* Carus*
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