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Carus

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Carus last won the day on May 24 2019

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  1. Sorry for your loss. Your post is full of pain and I see you* How did he die..? There are stages of grief and you will now start the journey through those. Please take care of your health. You will need it to survive this* Regards Carus*
  2. It's a good post from IAmFCA*^^ Ah but you actually are moving on, as evidenced in your very same post: This is moving on...Albeit a lot slower than you'd like but still....Grief and Healing have no set in stone timelines* Over 2 years for me too. I still think about my xwife every day and still dream about her often too, but I'm pushing on, taking care of the day to day stuff and living life. This is moving on right....? I still think about all my exes from time to time but there's little to no pain associated with those thoughts anymore. This is moving on right...? Sorry DB but unless you get a complete frontal lobe lobotomy you'll probably never fully forget about these people....or her.... So long as they have their own little box in the attic of your mind. You have your health. You have your income. You have your border collie. You have food on the table, a dry bed, a roof over your head and an internet connection.....You have a LOT to be grateful for every day! Sounds to me like you and life are moving on* That is a trauma response and best dealt with with a very good psychotherapist..... The first part: If you really think about it you will know that's not entirely true. 2 years ago you were in an awful amount of pain. And if it is true then hopefully it will only be a fleeting moment....that is normal too. The goal is not to be 110% stupendously happy every single day....They'll lock you up for that as well* :) The second part: That sounds like depression and perhaps even suicidal ideation...I think you need to adjust your diet and lifestyle* Perhaps what you could do is save some money, put your stuff in storage and go and volunteer in Jonglei State in South Sudan for 3-6 months. I have people on the ground down there. You will come back a changed man* Regards Carus*
  3. Even more reason to cut the cord and move on with your life....Easier said than done right? But do it you must* By the way, there's been no true NC here yet so you can forget that.... Carus*
  4. Hi MissCanuck* - I generally enjoy your posts as well* I’ve been chased, bullied, beaten up, cheated on and shot at yes... Actually I found emotional abuse quite worse. More insidious and longer lasting* Yep. Totally agree. There were some in my Uni course who I really thought should not be counselors! However, what doesn’t work for one person may work for another. That’s why I always advocate shopping around. Carus*
  5. My opinion is I agree with you and that the OP should get help and do his best to move on from this period of his life* I don’t assume that and never stated that. That is how You have read my post. I’m sure there are some posters here that are very qualified and ENA even has a counseling service that you can pay for...But no, I don’t see the ‘good reason’ someone wouldn’t mention that they have a qualification. Do tell? And again, any qualified person who believes it’s beneficial to just rehash a point over and over and over and keep bringing it up and throwing it in the clients face...wellll, I for one would be seeking out a new counselor* Thanks for the post* I don’t want to hijack this thread but I’m always open to receiving PMs. I do like a good debate. It’s how I learn stuff :) Carus*
  6. I knew my post would incite the response it did but I decided to leave it up anyway. Of course I don’t condone what the OP did...but I just don’t see how constantly going over and pointing out what he did is helpful? I see one line posts like ‘But you hit her!’ over and over. He knows that. I know it. We all know it. But how exactly is that helpful in moving forward..? It’s like somebody trying to give up smoking and all their friends constantly telling them ‘But you used to smoke!’.... I see this type of thing a lot on ENA. And hey, maybe it actually works for some people...* I love and respect you all. Just my 2 satoshis. Carus*
  7. See, everybody here seems to be focusing on one thing you did and yes it wasn't good, but as a trained counselor I think it's a positive that you recognise that and feel remorse. It's one thing that saddens me about ENA. People come here in pain and looking for answers and help only to get beaten up....Still, it is an open, public forum manned mainly by people volunteering their time.... But anyway, hopefully you will learn from this and never let it happen again. And so, moving forward from here, I can also see you are still quite in the denial stage...and yes that's all part of healing and grieving. The sooner you can work towards acceptance, the sooner you can find peace..... Your time starts now* Carus*
  8. And come back here and read that again if you ever feel like doing anything different*^^ As for "just reply to her texts whenever she initiates"...I would say it depends on what she wants....No reply at all might be your best path out of this fire* Grieving the loss of someone we were in love with/obsessed with/addicted to...whatever the label. can be difficult, long and arduous...But you can do it Ric* I have faith in you! And never forget the lessons learned here* Carus*
  9. My GF wants to get married. I just say No. Doesn’t matter what the Universe wants, I just don’t want to nor do I see why it’s so important. That’s just me though and maybe one day I’ll change my mind. If my GF decides to leave me over that issue then she is well within her rights to do that and so be it* A question I have is: If you love this man and are building a good life together, why is it so important to you? Is it financial or religious reasons? Or do you believe that marriage means ‘together forever’..? I do hope it’s not the latter... As for your message, I’m not sure it will make much difference. It may just add extra pressure to the situation... Anyway, some things to ponder. I wish you luck* Carus*
  10. Firstly, you are not weak. You’re actually just...human* Grief is a beeyatch and we all deal with it the best we can in our own way* It’s been a little over 2 years for me too and I still miss my x as well. But I figure so long as I’m pushing on and doing good in the world then it’s ok and that can do it’s own thing* ‘The Journey From Abandonment to Healing’ by Susan Anderson is a brilliant book and was a life saver for me! I got the book but mostly listened to the audio book on the Audible app. I also usually recommend this YT channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions I agree with BoltnRun* on this but it will take time. We cannot just switch those thoughts off instantly... unfortunately. But that’s the process of healing* Sending you strength* Carus*
  11. Unfortunately looks like another 'One and Done' poster..... :-/
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