What the f is going on?

Few months back, I met this guy on tinder whose 8 years old than me and very attractive. We were speaking for a week.

Anyway, he never responded back.

Then about two months later, I bumped into him on a night out (he doesn’t live in my area so was surprised to see him) he saw me, I smiled and walked away and immediately text me asking where I had gone and he wanted to meet me. I said to him I’m not interested after he ghosted.

Then he called and we met up after the night ended and he apologised for ghosting me and said he really wants to take me out, I told him not to do this to me again as I don’t play games. We went our separate ways.

So fast forward a month. We went on 5 dates during that time and it was super nice. (Can I just state I’m 20, he’s 28 and he’s got a very good job, he’s actually a genuinely nice person and he treats me well.)

We went for dinner, went to a bar, went for a walk, watched a movie at his (nothing happened apart from a few kisses as I take things slow) then he asked me on another date to a pub a few days later. We then arranged to meet one Sunday and I never heard from him on the day. He replied 4 hours later saying he was hungover and felt rough and I said shall we arrange another day and he just said yes. I didn’t hear from him for two days. 2 weeks later we still hadn’t met and we had only briefly exchanged messages as he became distant. So I confronted him and said ‘for someone your age I would expect to be told you had lost interest, it takes two seconds to send a text message and I do not want to here from you again.’ He replied ‘ok no worries.’

Fast forward ANOTHER month, on my day off, I got told by my close friend who I work with he had come to my work but stood outside the whole time while his friend dropped his car off for servicing (I work in car industry). He knows I work there and has no reason to come to my work, which is weird.

Then yesterday, out of no where he popped up saying ‘i think we should have contact and you should forgive me.’ I was stunned if I’m honest after I told him NOT to contact me again. ‘I said give me a good reason’ and he said ‘I’m not a bad guy and I’m sorry for becoming distant, I didn’t realise I was doing it, I had a lot on at the time but I would really like to take you out again. Once again I’m sorry’ then I said ‘no more disappearing acts for days on end then, if you have an issue talk to me about it. Communication is key.’

We’ve been speaking briefly and have arranged to meet Thursday. He was supposed to call me last night but didn’t as he was tired, so he said he would call me tonight. He also responded to my text at 12pm about meeting Thursday. Then I replied and heard nothing back until 9pm saying he had just got home from work and how was my day. I responded and was waiting for him to call, then he said ‘it’s been a long day, I’m shattered. Time for bed.’ And I just haven’t responded. F*** knows if he forgot to call me as I didn’t mention it but this is what winds me up.

What the is going on? When I’m with him he’s SO INTO ME. but when we’re apaet it’s like draining blood from a stone. I’m bored. Do I walk away?

Also, he said he has always really liked me, he didn’t realise he was becoming distant and he didn’t know how I felt. I said to him I’m pretty sure I made it clear how I felt. I then proceeded to say he should’ve spoken to me about it as communication is key. He is the one who asked to meet me this week. Am I overreacting?

Yes, you walk away.

From the start this guy has shown you who he is, what he's capable of, how he communicates. He's into you when he's into being into something, but goes cold when he's busy, hungover, or, who knows, juggling some other options. Maybe there's someone else who is cool with this kind of "chill," hot/cold thing, but that's not you.

Thanks for the advice. What baffles me the most is that HE’S the one whose ALWAYS come crawling back. Ive never been pushy just honest about the situation with him like an adult. I’ve walked away once before without looking back, I can do it again. I thought for someone his age, he would’ve at least learnt his lesson. I understand he has an extremely busy job, but he PROMISED this time around it won’t happen again. I’m sorry but it doesn’t take 9 hours to respond to a message. And when you like someone you DON’T forget to call them. So f*****g bored of it. Really am.

Few months back, I met this guy on tinder whose 8 years old than me and very attractive. We were speaking for a week.

Anyway, he never responded back.

 

kimbles, right off the bat, I think the guy is full of crap and you should block and delete him once and for all.

But I am curious about what's quoted^^. You say you were "talking" for one week, had you ever met in person, gone on a date? Or was this talking strictly on line or text?

If you had never met in person and were only chatting on line or over text for one week, I think your reaction about him "ghosting" (and subsequent response to him when you bumped into him two months later) was a bit over the top.

Lower the expectations, people drop off all the time when chatting on line, it's the nature of the "beast" (so to speak) and it had only been one week, after all.

That said re all the rest of his behavior since then, the guy is a flake, block and delete.

The end.

We were talking only on tinder the first time around. We had never met when talking on there as he lives 20 miles away. But we had spoken about meeting then he never responded. I know he had a difficult breakup 3 years ago and hasn’t really dated properly since. Not an excuse though.

Agree with katrina here.

One, this dude is just a flake. He's swimming around in his own navel, and when he gets tired of those waters he pops back up on the scene, looking for some fun and light connection. That's a lot of dudes on the planet, especially at 28, and they're not worth your time.

Two, I'd also lower expectations with anything that happens on a screen. Banter leads to quick silences all the time on there, and you just kind of have to accept that that's what dating is. People fly back off into the digitized ether all the time, for a variety of reasons. You just kind of shrug.

How may chances are you going to give this d-bag?

I'll suggest you get off of Tinder (which is mostly for hook ups and that's likely what he's up to when he's not gaming you) and start a profile on a more serious intended platform.

You're smart and you have boundaries but you're letting them down and allowing him to cross them. Don't do that for anyone. If a guy is interested he shows he values you consistently. This guy isn't valuing you much at all.

We were talking only on tinder the first time around. We had never met when talking on there as he lives 20 miles away. But we had spoken about meeting then he never responded. I know he had a difficult breakup 3 years ago and hasn’t really dated properly since. Not an excuse though.

Talking about meeting and actually setting up a date are two different things. People initially drop off for all sorts or reasons.

In fact, my own boyfriend dropped off after we had been chatting for almost two weeks. And he had suggested meeting up too!

I didn't take it personally, and shot him a text! A cute meme of something we had discussed. He responded back in ten minutes, we made a date and have been together ever since - almost six months!

Just food for thought going forward re texting or chatting on line.

However, again, his behavior/actions since then leave much to be desired, especially considering you had eventually met and had several dates.

FLAKE! Some guys get off on "the chase" after a woman gets fed up with his flakey behavior and walks. So they chase, get her to agree to give him another chance, after which he flakes again, rinse, repeat. It can become a vicious cycle!

Just block him and be done with it.

So do you know anything about his background? Does he have a tough job? Does he work long hours? I mean, you gave absolutely no information about the guy. Is there a reason for him flaking out on you?

I'm just saying, my advice would be different depending on what he's doing when he's not with you. If he has an easy job and is just going out with friends, then I would say he's irresponsible. But if he's working 60 hours a week and making good money, I would cut him some slack, especially if he takes you to nice restaurants and other places with his income.

You really are a glutton for punishment! You should not have spoken to him after the first time he ghosted you. He has shown you who he is.

Are there so few men in your area, that you allow a man to repeatedly disrespect you, again and again?

Talking about meeting and actually setting up a date are two different things. People initially drop off for all sorts or reasons.

 

In fact, my own boyfriend dropped off after we had been chatting for almost two weeks. And he had suggested meeting up too!

 

I didn't take it personally, and shot him a text! A cute meme of something we had discussed. He responded back in ten minutes, we made a date and have been together ever since - almost six months!

 

Just food for thought going forward re texting or chatting on line.

 

However, again, his behavior/actions since then leave much to be desired, especially considering you had eventually met and had several dates.

 

FLAKE! Some guys get off on "the chase" after a woman gets fed up with his flakey behavior and walks. So they chase, get her to agree to give him another chance, after which he flakes again, rinse, repeat. It can become a vicious cycle!

 

Just block him and be done with it.

I think you and I are living parallel lives, katrina.

Also, he said he has always really liked me, he didn’t realise he was becoming distant and he didn’t know how I felt. I said to him I’m pretty sure I made it clear how I felt. I then proceeded to say he should’ve spoken to me about it as communication is key. He is the one who asked to meet me this week. Am I overreacting?

He doesn't like you, and he doesn't care. His actions clearly demonstrate this.

He is the one who asked to meet me this week. Am I overreacting?

Block and delete him and do yourself the favor of ending the game altogether. You've already given him too many chances as it is.

Why would you feel that you have to teach people how to behave. You should have walked away.

Omg, this guy is totally playing you. It's not difficult to figure out that he has another woman/women on the go besides you. Why you keep chasing him and chasing him, I do not know.

I would block and delete and move on, unless you enjoy head games and a man who is obviously playing around.

These situations will happen unless you heal and fix yourself before you date.

Maybe I'm the only one who remembers your posts but theres no way youre ready to be dating.

Youre a pushover and accepting of any scraps being thrown at you, why wouldnt you be, your self esteem is in the gutter after your breakup and you havent bothered to pick yourself back up.

We were talking only on tinder the first time around. We had never met when talking on there as he lives 20 miles away. But we had spoken about meeting then he never responded. I know he had a difficult breakup 3 years ago and hasn’t really dated properly since. Not an excuse though.

Below is a quote from another post on this thread:

Then about two months later, I bumped into him on a night out (he doesn’t live in my area so was surprised to see him) he saw me, I smiled and walked away and immediately text me asking where I had gone and he wanted to meet me. I said to him I’m not interested after he ghosted.

Then he called and we met up after the night ended and he apologised for ghosting me and said he really wants to take me out, I told him not to do this to me again as I don’t play games. We went our separate ways.

I'm confused, as it appears that you have met him. ?

Below is a quote from another post on this thread:

 

I'm confused, as it appears that you have met him. ?

That *is* a bit confusing. kimbles, after he first "ghosted," when you ran into him two months later, you said he "saw" you.

How did he know it was you if you had only *talked* on Tinder but never met?

Did he recognize you from photos or something?

Can you clarify? Not that it matters, the guy is a flake regardless, just curious mostly.

Thanks for the advice. What baffles me the most is that HE’S the one whose ALWAYS come crawling back. Ive never been pushy just honest about the situation with him like an adult. I’ve walked away once before without looking back, I can do it again. I thought for someone his age, he would’ve at least learnt his lesson. I understand he has an extremely busy job, but he PROMISED this time around it won’t happen again. I’m sorry but it doesn’t take 9 hours to respond to a message. And when you like someone you DON’T forget to call them. So f*****g bored of it. Really am.

How is he "crawling back"? All he does is randomly pop up, feed you a couple lines, and you fall for it. It's taken practically zero effort on his part.

You have to stop letting him play you. He comes to you when his other options don't work out. That's all there is to it. Stop buying into it, and stop responding to him. He's not interested in actually dating you. You're the filler when he wants attention.

It sounds like he's looking for casual and not more.🐎

OK....am I the only one who thinks this dude is creepy af, especially the showing up where she works part....

OP, that's not cute, not caring, it's a creep messing with your head because you've already shown him that if he sweet talks you, you are going to go fall for it. Please for the love off, stand by your own words and block and delete him. Listen to your gut, because your first reaction telling him to get lost was the correct one and you should have stuck with it. Since you didn't, it will be hard to get rid of him now. He now knows he can push you around like a fool. If he shows up at your workplace, inform your manager immediately. This is creep/stalker territory and pretty far from being a nice guy. He is a lot of things, OP, but nice isn't one of them. Also, age has nothing to do with decency or maturity. Don't kid yourself.

Your expectations of this guy are way too high.

He’s a flake and will only contact you when it’s convenient for him.

He’s shown you his true colours, so there’s no reason to expect otherwise from him.

I’d focus your attention and energy elsewhere. He’s wasting your time.

Block, delete...

Thanks for the replies. I guess I’m going to walk away again... I know everything about his background, his family life, his career, his friends. We went on 5 dates and we would be together for a good 6-7 hours each time. It’s just annoying because he’s the exact type of guy I’d go for, good job, nice person, funny, good looking (bonus) and we hit it off. He’s just hit and miss.

I think people are getting confused with the story, we originally chatted on tinder. Then we never spoke again, then I bumped into him on a night out randomly a month later and we dated for 5 weeks. Then he became distant and then I told him I’m not interested and don’t contact me again. Then he turned up at my work with his mate who was dropping off a car. (It was my day off so I wasn’t there) then he popped up yesterday after a month no contact. I guess it’s hard to establish the situation as I can’t explain every little detail over text. I won’t be a push over. If he doesn’t contact me about Thursday I’ll block him and delete him. He has asked to call me tonight after work as he works up in London and has to travel hours to and from work and is a project manager for a high end company.

Thanks for the advice guys.

He's not consistent and that's all that matters.