my bf got his ex pregnant

My bf and I dated for approx. a year he goes distant for about 2 weeks come to find out he moved back into the home with his ex who he has children with. we break up the only reason i got was that I'm better off without him, so fine breakup path I took. I requested that I not be contacted. after getting anonymous flowers and not talking for about 10 weeks he reaches out to me telling me that he misses me and loves me My dumb ass meets him up listens to his reason for moving home(children got into some trouble) .He then tells me he loves me and has never loved someone like me. i forgave him. We talk about moving in and working things out. Fast forward 3 and 1/2 weeks into the relationship again he tells me he needs to talk. He got his ex pregnant that he only slept with her maybe 2-3 times! Although she is pregnant he still states he doesn't love her and wants to carry on with plans on moving in together and working things out. He also says most cases she will get an abortion to please not disclose this to anyone. 5 weeks has pass by and at this point he has informed me that she will not be getting an abortion and that he will not be in this woman or the newborns life. I love this man. I want to be strong enough to make it work even with the baby coming. But I am conflicted. Will I be able to see a man I love have a baby with a woman he claims he doesn't love but in theory left me for?

I guess he didn't have $5 for a pack of condoms?

How the heck is he not going to be in HIS OWN CHILD'S life?

Are you OK with being in a relationship with a deadbeat dad?

Run-- don't walk--away. The poor child.

He sounds like a total winner, I would mary him straight away

My ex recently kissed his ex and tried to hide it now I can’t seem to trust him and I don’t know if I would be able to. I’m also conflicted because he loves me and said the kids meant nothing.

If he had pregangated her, I would be sprinting the other way. Raising children is hard and expensive, it’s a lot of emotional investment and time. If you stay he would be having to invest a lot of his time and energy into the children and no just that but also would eventually ask you to do the same. Would you want that?

Oh, man, where do I start?

You went from being broken up to talking about moving in? Don't you think that's a big step to take when you're not even officially back together? He is talking about abandoning a child that isn't even born yet. Why would you love this man or think that a future with him is viable?

If you choose to continue dating him, you will suffer the same pain that his ex is undoubtedly experiencing.

Are you saying that you would live with/be in a relationship with a man who got his ex pregnant, and wants nothing to do with his child whom she's carrying?

Where is your pride and self-respect?

I am so sorry for the pain that this guy has caused you. He Is a liar and he is running game. He has not left her alone in all this time; the odds of him leaving her alone now because of the baby are slim. He may not love her but he loves banging her. He wasn't worried about NOT having anymore kids with her, which shows how irresponsible he is.

When he has problems with you, he runs and hops in her bed and plays daddy. When he's mad at her, he runs back to you. When future problems arise, his first stop will be over to her house and her bed.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that he leaves her alone for good. She still has a legal right to pursue child support and medical support, which he will be on the hook for for the next 18 years. Are you going to bond him out continuously when he doesn't pay it? Or are you going to pay it for him? If he says he won t be involved with this child, I'm also assuming financially as well as emotionally.

He abandoned you, he's abandoned her and the baby, now he's back to you... what's next? After all that he has done, whose to say he wont leave you for her again, leave you for someone else, or be faithful if he stays with you? His actions haven't demonstrated that he's a keeper. I would run, run, run away from this guy. All you will have is a future of anxiety, depression and uncertainty with him.

Ask yourself why on earth you'd want a man who was so irresponsible, careless and confused. He is no prize.

Let him deal with his own mess.

You should move onto better, honestly, this guy sounds like a straight up loser.

5 weeks has pass by and at this point he has informed me that she will not be getting an abortion and that he will not be in this woman or the newborns life. I love this man. I want to be strong enough to make it work even with the baby coming. But I am conflicted. Will I be able to see a man I love have a baby with a woman he claims he doesn't love but in theory left me for?

Sounds like his ex tried to trap him. Obviously didn't work because this guy is a horrible excuse of a human being.

Your seriously considering being with a man who won't be involved in his child life? How can he easily throw away an unborn baby and his other children like that?

Word of advice don't get pregnant. He will find another side chick and abandon you and your unborn child all while saying the same things he told you.

Sounds like his ex tried to trap him. Obviously didn't work because this guy is a horrible excuse of a human being.

Your seriously considering being with a man who won't be involved in his child life? How can he easily throw away an unborn baby and his other children like that?

 

Word of advice don't get pregnant. He will find another side chick and abandon you and your unborn child all while saying the same things he told you.

The truth is he is very involved in her life. She doesn’t work he takes care of everything for her and the children they have, so when he says he won’t be around I doubt it. He had been broken up with her two years before we dated. We broke up for ten weeks and he gets her pregnant, so I can’t help but feel like I’m the “other woman” when I’m not. But I agree with all the other replies. Sometimes you know what you should do it just takes a tad of time to implement it. Thank you all very much.

Sorry for sounding rude but you’re lucky you aren’t the pregnant one. You can leave and be done with the disaster that is about to happen. He wants to move in with you like nothing ever happened. Well something happened and if you think this is the last of it you are wrong. If you do stay you chose to live in the chaos. And what if it was you that was pregnant? Do you think he would be by your side? He runs at the sign of having to commit or be responsible for his actions. There would just be someone else in the mix and he would run from you too.

He is setting the example for the type of man he is. Do you want this for your life or not? What if that WAS you that was pregnant.. you would be ok with him saying he wants nothing to do with it? I hope not. You will never change him and you are not special in his eyes or he would not have gotten himself in this predicament.

Also this is the mother of his other children right?... what is his relationship with them? If he already has children with her she will always be a part of his life, no matter what. Am I missing something?

This guy is seriously a low-quality individual.

Raise your standards and find a real man, OP. This ain't one of them.

Yeah, you're letting this guy walk all over you. Are you going to settle for a cheater and a serial baby-daddy. Kick him to the curb and find a nice guy who will be into you and is not going to keep running back to his ex to impregnate her when he feels like it.

What are you conflicted about?

This guy ghosts you, after a year long relationship. Cowardly and disgraceful! Then, he sleeps with her and get her pregnant.

He does not love or respect either one of you. if you continue with this nonsense, he will continue to cheat and screw you over. This will be on you, as you took this louse back. He is a piece of garbage!

Don't you think it was time that you loved and respected yourself! Aim higher in life!

You are the other woman and realize this, but do not want to end things.

The truth is he is very involved in her life. She doesn’t work he takes care of everything for her and the children they have

Also this is the mother of his other children right?... what is his relationship with them? If he already has children with her she will always be a part of his life, no matter what. Am I missing something?

He has 1 biological son with her. He’s a great father to both children. He has 1 day off a week and spends it with them She was his first gf. She never disclosed she had a baby until they were 6+ months in at that point he met the child and fell in love with him and wanted to be the father figure because his biological father was never in the picture.

From what I understand and this is based on solely his words they have a very distant relationship they don’t talk don’t eat together don’t go out. She’s a controlling woman so controlling that the children has not seen his side of the family since the 2nd child was born (roughly 5yrs) His main purpose is to work and financially provide.

But regardless you are absolutely correct he will always be tied to her. And now with an additional it will even be a longer duration.

They aren't so distant if she is now pregnant. You need to see the reality of this.

He has 1 biological son with her. He’s a great father to both children. He has 1 day off a week and spends it with them She was his first gf. She never disclosed she had a baby until they were 6+ months in at that point he met the child and fell in love with him and wanted to be the father figure because his biological father was never in the picture.

 

From what I understand and this is based on solely his words they have a very distant relationship they don’t talk don’t eat together don’t go out. She’s a controlling woman so controlling that the children has not seen his side of the family since the 2nd child was born (roughly 5yrs) His main purpose is to work and financially provide.

 

But regardless you are absolutely correct he will always be tied to her. And now with an additional it will even be a longer duration.

You seriously need to wake up! He's a cheater and a loser. You deserve better. You wont get it from him. He is bad news.

Right, they are so gosh darn distant that she is now pregnant with another child with him. Who are you kidding? Time to wake up for you and understand that he is lying through his teeth to you about absolutely everything. Like it or not, you are the other woman in their relationship even if that relationship is dysfunctional and he is a cheater, a liar, and a loser. Find your self respect and get yourself a better man than this pathetic loser. Like seriously, talk about clinging to the very bottom of the barrel rotten fish.

She can't control him having sex with her or getting into her bed. He did that on his own free will. You need to place the blame on the right person here.

I know it's easy to blame her and make him out to be the victim but it just isn't the truth.

He choose her, he impregnated her more than once, he keeps going back to her (even after he met you) and it isn't innocent. He still wants her otherwise he would make sure to only see the kids and have absolutely nothing to do with her.

He did in fact cheat. It's not okay to fight with your partner and then end up in some one else's bed, even if it was a short break up. On some level you must see this.

It won't ever stop.

And please, you also have to see that he does not love you (or his version of love is very messed up). He ran back to her the second you and he had a problem.

That's not love. He is running in between you and her and as long as you stay, it will keep happening.

He will never be just yours.

I never am the one to say this but move on. Seriously you need to move on from this one.

If you guys get into another argument his going to run back to his ex. Who will try and trap him again!!! He slept with her 2-3 times and she became pregnant. Yet he was with you for a year and you never go pregnant. The whole thing is shady. She is shady and he is shady. I don't know why everyone is calling him a cheater when yall broke up. So I take back my side chick comment because at this point his ex sounds like the side chick. He sounds like a great father but future husband material is a bit much.

Lastly, he needs to practice safe sex. How is it that he didn't think about taking extra precautions when it comes to having sex with his ex. She already got pregnant twice.

If you take him back, you have no one to blame but you, when things go bad. I can't predict the future, but I would definitely bet against you.