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smJackson last won the day on July 13 2020

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  1. This is exactly why you never go back to an ex. Once the relationship has officially ended, you should never trust them again if they try to come back. Theres a motive, and not a good one. Most exes dont come back to us because they finally realize our worth. Some come back only to hurt us some more. Or to settle a score, especially if you left them first. So they want revenge. They also come back to use us for sex, attention, praise and adulation, or for validation that they are still loved after their new conquests didnt work out. A man that truly loves you will never let you go. If he does, he is NOT the one and the relationship wasnt meant to be. And that's okay. The right man is still out there for you. Moving forward, please take time out to yourself to heal. You have to love yourself first-- really love yourself and know your own worth- before you can expect anyone else to. If you dont love and value you first- you will continue to attract abusers, users, manipulators and overall bad men. These men will only drain you and make you feel like you should be lucky to be with them- when in reality, it's quite the opposite. You're too good for them and they know it. That's why they break you down slowly with criticisms, comparisons to an ex of theirs, etc. This relationship is a lesson. Learn the lesson. A man will come into your life either to build you up and build with you, or to destroy you, drain you and take what he can get, or some other self serving reason. Keyword: self serving. This relationship no doubt has damaged you. And this is why it's so important to examine why you allowed a man to treat you that way. Who in your life made you feel that mistreatment is acceptable? A parent? Another ex? More importantly, why you allowed it. People can only do what we ALLOW. Dont let someone's dusty ass son mistreat you. Ever again. Once you know who you are, and what you will and will not tolerate, the type of men that you attract will change. And type of men that you like will change. Men like your ex wont even appeal to you anymore either. There are some really good men out here. There are some women out here that are really being loved, respected and valued by men who protect them emotionally and physically. Men can detect women with values, morals, self esteem and confidence. And you want a high quality man that values these things. One that will marry you and not shack up with you for years or leave you constantly. Please learn the lesson here dear. That relationship should have atleast taught you what you do and dont want out of a relationship, if nothing else. YOU are the prize, not him! Stop entertaining guys who feel like THEY are the prize- because you'll never be good enough for them(in their mind) and they will treat you horrifically. They stick with the women that they can be assh*les to. Dont let him come back a third time. You might not survive the devastation!!! It took me a lifetime of dealing with abusive, insecure, accusatory, narcissistic, predatory men before I finally tapped into my worth and said enough!! Please go to therapy if possible. It will give you a different outlook on yourself, on life, and on relationships in general. And when your ex tries to come back again, you wont even take him seriously-- you'll laugh to yourself and send him back down the highway to hell. Let him go lie, cheat on and abuse another woman. Dont ever let that woman be you again. Good luck to you.
  2. Stick to no contact. It is selfish of her to want you to keep loving her, while telling you that there is no chance for the relationship to ever work. She cannot have it both ways. That is selfish and you deserve to be loved and valued just the same as she does. She doesnt want you to stop loving her because she wants to keep that door open to your heart in the event that her other relationships fail and she needs a soft place to fall. As hard as it is, please avoid contact with her as much as possible. You will get through this.
  3. No do not make any more contact with this guy. You are doing all of the initiating- which tells me he is just not that into you. He will respond back, but makes no effort toward you at all. And you deserve a man that will make an effort to be in your life. Men will pursue you if they are interested. They will make sure you know. They will call you, make plans to see you, etc. He is not doing any of that. Leave this guy alone for good. If he can go weeks and months without talking to you, he is not the guy for you.
  4. You took the right steps in blocking her and going no contact. She is using you as a backup plan. You are familiar and you provide attention and validation when she cant get it elsewhere. It would take too much effort and time for her to find a new attention source. And yes, she will ghost you as soon as the new guy shows her some attention. Block her out of your life for good. She will never come back to you and want an exclusive relationship because she likes the new guy more. That should be all the information you need to stay away from her. Never settle for being second because you never get promoted back to first place once you do. You deserve to be first and the only priority in your partners life. I agree with bluecastles comment about generalizing everyone in one category. All exes dont do that. For most of us, when we are done with you, we are done for good. Good luck to you.
  5. Exes breadcrumb because you allow it. The only thing that manipulators understand is ACTION. It doesnt matter how you ACT, you are still engaging her by remaining available to her. Yes, she uses you for attention, validation and as a plan B. You went from the main source to a backup source. Breadcrumbing and using you along with her current bf shows a huge lack of respect for the both of you. Shes using you guys. Take your attention away from her and see how quickly she disappears from your life without a fight. She does not love you. She isnt even emotionally available to you because her new man comes first. You come second or third. Juggling men is exhausting, and there are only so many hours in a day. As a former breadcrumber, I can tell you that there is NO future with this woman. The day will come when she will have no more use for you and she will discard you permanently. There is nothing that you can do to prevent this. Leave now before that happens. Save yourself further trauma. Even if you say you don't care or want friendship, she knows by your actions that deep down, you really DO. Example: An ex that I ran Into tried to act indifferent with me while we talked. But the fact that he stood out in the hot ass sun in his work uniform and talked to me for over an hour-- meant that he still "cared" on some level. He was working- and he didnt even have to stop to talk to me at all. Or he could've talked to me for 5 minutes. But he stood in 90 degree temps with me for over an hour. So him having a girlfriend didnt even matter at that point because he was still "entertaining" me. If he had one, he wasnt too happy with her. Just like you concluded that shes not happy with her new man since she's contacting you. I did enjoy his company while I was there. I was in a relationship that I had no Intention of leaving and he knew that. He knew that I was still with my boyfriend that I had when I dumped him. Even though I said differently, I could tell that he knew the truth because it was a recurring dynamic when we were together.How likely was it that things had changed 8 months later? And that's why I didn't trust his motives. Besides, he wasnt good side dude material anymore and it wasnt worth the trouble. Just like you know that shes still with him, no matter how unhappy she tells you she is. So we know that If you still entertain us knowing we have someone else, you still CARE. We also know that you cannot be trusted if you still entertain us. I know that I'm foul as hell with what I'm doing. If you are willing to remain open to me on ANY level knowing I have someone else- that means that you are foul just like we are and a doormat. If we do come back to you, you'll do to us what were doing and we cannot have that.(You could simply still care for us and not be foul at all but we wont see it that way) This is why you need to leave. See this for what it really is. Grow a backbone. Go no contact. People break up and get back together all the time. But if an ex comes back to you after a breakup and they have someone new, NOTHING GOOD will come of it. You are in a love triangle thats going nowhere. People get killed over these situations daily. Your ex is in a who*e phase in her life right now. She will one day mature and stop playing those games. Double lives are exhausting. And she will then find one partner. But she will never return to you, if that's what you're secretly hoping. Not because she didnt care, but because most people want someone that has self respect. We wont respect you if you dont respect yourself. If you ask to come back to our team(our harem of guys, former and current) we may give you a seat on the bench with the others if we feel you can benefit us some way without being too much of a problem with our new man. But when we grow, mature, and realize that we want a real relationship, you wont even enter into the equation. Good luck to you. (Sorry for the third person) Ps. There are quite a few good men(loyal, honest, thoughtful, hard working and stable) that love dramatic, crazy, whorish, mentally unstable women. Youd be surprised how many men leave these tumultuous relationships only to find themselves bored and missing the woman. They miss the drama, the sex, and the highs and lows. They tend to be "fixers.". Please get away and stay away from that dramatic, noncommittal woman. Do some self reflection on why you entertained her and continue to do so.
  6. I feel so bad for what you are going through. This may sting a little bit, but please hear me out. The fact that you JUST met this man and you guys have been "together" for two months- makes me believe that he may have been rebounding with you. Jumping head first into a new relationship after a 5 year abusive relationship means that he could possibly be seeking an escape from loneliness and the void that comes with a breakup. I'm not taking anything away from what you shared with him. It just sounds like as soon as his ex noticed that he was moving on in his life, she notices and comes back to reclaim her power over him. A baby changes the dynamic altogether though, and while he has to acknowledge that being a father is a possibility, he also needs to determine if the baby is in fact his. He can be there for her for prenatal visits- and should be there rregularly for emotional support, until he finds out the paternity. But if he really cares about you and the relationship, he could easily place boundaries and make her respect you as his new woman, and make sure its understood that they will only have a co parenting relationship once paternity has been established. Your boyfriend is missing during a nationwide quarantine. Theres only a few places that he could be. Everything is closed except for essential businesses. The fact that he is not responding back to you during a crisis situation speaks volumes. Hes probably with her- otherwise, he would still be in regular contact with you just like before. Unless hes in the hospital, at work, shopping for essential necessities, or at home-- he could only be one other place. Listen to your intuition. It's there for a reason. There is nothing you can do if he is quarantining with her and ignoring you at the moment. I know it hurts, but it looks like he has already made his choice. Even if he needed time to himself to sort some things out, he could have had a conversation with you and not leave you wondering. In the future, it's best to not get involved with someone fresh out of a breakup because they havent had time to heal, process the breakup and adjust. Sometimes newly single people are lonely, bored or just using you to get over their previous partner. Judging by what you said here, he isnt over her. Good luck
  7. I believe that he cares about you. He thinks highly of you, but something was lacking in the relationship. It could be attraction or chemistry, or some other element that he hasnt disclosed to you. Whatever it is, its strong enough that he left and took a chance on losing you forever. He joined dating apps so that he could see "what else is out there." So I dont believe he was confused or unsure about you. He wants to keep his options open. I know it hurts and it doesnt make any sense. You may never understand why, or get closure. Leave this guy alone and allow yourself time to process the breakup. Go no contact so that you can heal and move forward. Just understand that he may come back and want a relationship, but he also may not. Dont put your life on hold in the meantime. That will make you feel even worse. I can tell you from personal experience that most exes live to regret letting a good woman go. They thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, only to get a serious reality check. By the time they realize this and try to come back to you, you wont even want them back. You will have healed and moved on. You won't be interested in giving a second chance to someone who already walked away and hurt you so deeply the first time. You are the prize, and you are HIS loss. One man's loss is another mans gain. He is the one who will miss out. Hugs.
  8. Just give this incident a little time to blow over. You extended an "olive branch" by letting him know that he can reach back out to you if he wanted to. Your feelings are hurt because he chose not to do so. And that is okay. Yes you butt dialed him, it is what it is. You feel rejected all over again since he chose not to make contact. This too shall pass. Something good did come out of this. At least now you know where you stand with him. He has moved on. So just get back to living your life as you did before you butt dialed him.
  9. I know you saw me the other night when I was dropping my ex husband off. I know you saw us because you slowed all the way down to like 40 mph, so as to not catch up to us. It ticked me because for one, I wasnt even driving my car and you clearly recognized me from having the light on inside that car. Second, the more I slowed down, the more you slowed down. You gave me a reaction that I wasnt even trying to get. Because believe me, you could pull up beside me with a woman in your car and it wouldn't affect me one way or another. I'm not speeding up, slowing down, trying to get your attention or anything- I'm going about my way as if I didnt even see you. Because that's what I do now. My ex husband saw you when we were passing you anyway because I told him that was you. He just laughed because he knew that you were just another dumped side dude of the many that I had back when we were stil together. But thank you for slowing all the way down and letting me know that you saw us. I know it still must hurt to see me with the man that I was with before you came along, and while we were together. We recently split and I was dropping him at his girlfriend's house that night. That's how amicable our break up was. My ex husband was my backup all while we together anyway so cutting you off and going on was easy. I got out of the way so you could focus on the new victim in your life. Because any woman you date is a victim boo. You gone beat that ass, you will never compliment or build her up. You will criticize her and beat down her self esteem so that she wont leave. But they ALWAYS leave- you know deep down you're a cocaine snorting woman beater. You been beating, abusing and breaking women for 50 years. Just another abuser is what you are. Please understand that this was just an observation. I know it hurts your fragile ego to see me with another man, especially after I shot down your attempts to reconnect one year ago. Remember that you wanted it this way. You are the one that told me to get the F away from you and get out of your personal space. All I did was exactly what you told me to do- and I've held you to it ever since. Because you dont tell me to get the F away, then turn around and ask me for sex. Youre not going to tell me to go away, then ask me to come back to serve your sexual needs. I played with you, but you damn sure wasnt going to play with me. You'll miss my sex before I miss yours, considering that it wasnt good anyway. You never did anything I wanted or needed sexually because it was all about you. Everything was always about you. You had it made when I was around, because you could get back door action from me and anything else you wanted sexually. We both were sleeping with other people, and I didnt care what you did and you didnt care what I did. You didnt have to wine and dine me, or even do anything for me. I didnt do pop ups at your house and ruin what you had going with other women while we were together. I didnt even demand respect and tolerated the beatings you inflicted, you putting down my kids, and a lot more abuse. And I still gave you sex, unprotected at that. What man in his right mind would fu*k that type of arrangement up? You would. You made the mistake of thinking that another woman would give you a similar arrangement. I CAN be replaced, but there is only one Shan. I'm batsh*t crazy at times, moody as hell, and I've been disloyal in my past life. But I'm also highly Intelligent, educated, hard working, very intense emotionally and sexually. Im responsible and now I am a one man woman. I bought my Infiniti truck cash, along with my car. I'm putting my mini me through college and I'm a a great mother. I'm a high functioning borderline- and after being loved by one, admired by one, worshipped by one, and having intense sex with one- you'll never be the same again. The women you date afterward will be boring compared to us. I'm unapologetically ME. And one thing you'll never forget is, that you were very special and beloved to me. I loved you with a reckless abandon. I love very hard, deeply and intensely. You told me that 1(I'm not your priority 2)my autistic son is retarded 3)get the F away from you and get out of your personal space 4)you didnt give a F about me and never did And those the reasons why^^^^^ I declined your offer of reconnecting back in March of 2019. Why would I want to go back to a man that said such hurtful things about me and my child? It was very difficult for me to break away from you once and for all. I had to pray to God to let go of you. There is a man that I have an extremely huge crush on at my place of worship. I have been observing him and studying him for at least the last 8 months. He is a religious man that doesnt believe in sex before marriage. He is 53 years old, divorced, and he isnt even the best looking guy in the congregation. But when he speaks from the platform and gives his talks, he makes love to my mind. When he hugs me after the service is over, his cologne along with his tight embrace makes my legs weak. The way that he holds the bible for his elderly mother shows me how gentle and respectful he is. The way that he treats his 5 sisters is commendable. But as I learned from you Kenneth, men can act one way in public and abuse under a cloak of secrecy behind doors. So as I continue to learn to be alone for the first time since I was 16, I also pray about this man. God knows his heart, his innermost emotions and motives- the Lord knows the things about him that nobody else can see. And as i continue to heal from all the abusive relationships of my past, i also pray that he continues to give me the gift of discernment. That gift of discernment tells me to never trust you again. It's a god given gift and I use it wisely. You dont even like me. Why would I ever bother you again anyway??? You gave me a response and some attention that I wasnt even seeking from you. Thank you for letting me know that I still matter to you. If only you had shown me that when we were together. Then we would probably still be together right now. Peace
  10. Yes, when an ex appears with someone new soon after the breakup, 9 times out of 10 they were already around when they were still with you. She is a deceitful, disloyal woman- continue to process the breakup and see her for what she really is. Feel the anger, sadness and range of emotions. You are now well on your way to healing. Once you get through the stage of acceptance- 1)that she is who she is. 2) that she will never change or feel bad for what she put you through, and 3)that she just isnt the right person for you-- it's smooth sailing from there. It wont always hurt as bad as it does right now. One day, you wont feel a single thing at all for her- not anger or sadness, just indifference. Youll light a candle and thank the universe that she is someone else's problem now. The new guy just stepped into your old shoes- and all the turmoil, pain, deception, lies and stress that she put you through is now all his for the taking. Ps. Transfer that gym membership to a different location. Avoid both of them as much as possible for your sanity, healing and peace of mind.
  11. I am so sorry that you are going through such heartbreak, humiliation and despair. Your ex gf slept with you last week to keep you hooked on her and to maintain control. She does NOT love you or the new guy she is with either. This is all a game to her, and she uses sex to keep you attached. She knows that her sex is good, and she uses it as a controlling tool. If she is sleeping with both of you in such a close proximity, then she is triangulating the two of you, perhaps to spark a competition between you guys. She is a drama queen who thrives on excitement and you need to cut her off completely. Having sex maintains the spiritual soul tie to her, and it keeps you stuck in quick sand. As a woman that has been the subject of a similar love triangle in years past, I can tell you that she doesnt love or care about you. Shes using both of you for validation. Thats it. My ex tolerated me having a side dude even though he hated it. But he knew that it was just a matter of time before the side dude "messed up" and would be dumped without a second thought- and I would move on as if he never existed. You are the side dude in your situation. She slept with you and went on back to the new guy, knowing that you're still hurting from the breakup. And she doesnt care. She DOES NOT care. Shes caught up in the excitement of some new attention and validation. You are now a backup source. Take your power back today and disappear. Dont call her, speak to her and stop sleeping with her. Move away so that you dont even see her anymore. Block her on social media, phone and email. Let her wonder what you've been up to. Take that time to lick your wounds, heal and pull yourself together. She will wonder what's going on with you, and may even reach out. Hopefully, for your sake, she will realize that she can get her needs met elsewhere and she will not contact you, sealing the breakup as permanent. You have to see her for the manipulative, selfish woman that she really is. Even if she reaches out, what good will come of it? You've had a tumultuous 5 years with her already. How many more years do you want to waste on her?? Now shes added a new guy into the mix. What if she has other sex buddies that you dont even know about? Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Do some soul searching and understand that you deserve better. If you keep interacting with her, she will devastate you to the point that you will have no choice but to leave her alone.
  12. Men are hunters, even the shy guys will find a way to approach a woman if they really like her. Since you like him, why not express your interest directly? You may have made it obvious, but if you like him that much, just tell him. Then you'll know where you stand.
  13. I think your suspicions are right on point. It does appear that he is only a sex partner and nothing more. You want regular contact from him when you're apart-which is what a normal, healthy relationship entails. His inconsistency is what has you feeling like all he wants is sex, and I agree. After you expressed how you felt, nothing changed. He became distant and even more cold to you. That sounds like hes trying to manipulate you back in line- where he wants you- and by treating you coldly that you'll come back to him begging to remain a sex buddy. He doesn't want to put in the "work" needed to make you feel differently. He wants the sex, but wont make any real effort. Calling you regularly, checking in, spending quality time with you outside of sex are things that he just doesnt want to do. If you feel like you are being used just for sex, then you probably are. Women have the gift of intuition for a reason. He sees nothing wrong with the current situation and therefore, he wont change. And you deserve some measure of effort from a man that you give your body to. You are giving him the best part of you and that's how he behaves? Cut him off--never sleep with him again and let that be his loss. It's okay to desire more than what hes giving you. So move on from him and go get it!!
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