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Thread: True or False Men should be providers/breadwinners?

  1. #1
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    True or False Men should be providers/breadwinners?

    I was raised to believe that in a marriage the men should be providers. And what I mean by that is that the man should be the breadwinner and the woman should be able to stay at home. If the woman chooses to work then she can, but it's solely her choice--her income is not needed. The man should be able to not only provide the minimum(shelter, food, water, insurance, benefits, bills) but he should also be able to afford to allow his wife to have a good amount of spending money for her to do as she pleases with it(whether it be her hair, shopping, etc) and make enough money so that one does not have to penny pinch or worry about each bill each month. If a man cannot do this with his income alone, then he isn't a good provider, and if he is not willing to do this then something is wrong with him. Again to reiterate if the woman wants to work, she can. But her income should not be needed to sustain all of the above. And he should be doing everything he can to make that amlunt of money so that he can do all of the above--even if that means working two jobs, or going back school, etc.

    This was how I was raised. My dad may not have been a good husband or even the best father, but he was a GREAT provider. My mom never had to work. She only worked when she chose to. With all that being said--I was talking to two friends about this(because me and my bf disagree with what providing means and such) and one of them disagreed with me and said I was outdated and "wrong" to require that a man must be a breadwinner esp. in this economy. The other agreed to an extent--she said that a man should ONLY be able to provide the minimum(housing, shelter, food, water, insurance, and bills) and that spending money, entertainment money, and even having "extra" money left over so that one does not worry about bills should NOT be that man's concern-in other words she believes that providing means that a man only provide for the minimum and that if a woman wants those "extra" things then she must get a job to do that. My boyfriend agrees with my second friend(that he should only have to provide the minimum and that I can stay at home, BUT if I want the "Extra" stuff I must get a job myself). My question--what do you guys think?

    Thanks.

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    I understand it is highly convenient for you to want all of that but I think you are wrong.

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    Platinum Member guynextdoor's Avatar
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    I'll leave it at false, this would probably turn into a heated debate.

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    I was brought up with the same idea, men should work, women stay at home. Alot of people i know who have gotten married have it this way.

    I think that in this economy it will be necessary for both to work. I plan to despite how i was brought up. However, that being said, i dont really believe in nannies, and i dont want my children being raised by someone else other than myself. So at least for a year or two id like to have my guy be the breadwinner so i can spend time with my kids.

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    So........ how come only the woman gets to choose if she works or not? I'm pretty old fashioned myself and plan to go to med school next year, become a doctor, and be able to provide for a family. But why would any self respecting woman want to be totally reliant on a man? If there were kids involved it would be different and she wants to be a mom I'd understand otherwise, false.

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    Platinum Member Glowguy's Avatar
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    That mentality is extremely outdated in today's society. I would be offended if my gf had that expectation of me and I would probably stop dating her.

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    Nope sorry, you equal rights means equal sweat.

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    Heh...if I believed that I'd be living a very different - and much poorer - lifestyle.

    My mom was a stay-at-home mom/housewife for most of my childhood, so I grew up with that sort of income structure you describe. In fact, I'm from a generation where you'd probably expect I'd believe that.

    I don't.

    Why should I get essentially a "free ride" just because I have ovaries?

    That structure also puts you in a very precarious position when life happens - what happens if he loses his job? That's a very common scenario these days. If you are a one-income household, you're screwed. If you are a two-income household, you have something of a safety net/cushion. How about if the relationship doesn't work out? Do you think it's going to be any easier to get a job if you've been out of the workforce for a while? How do you propose to support yourself if you are not working and things don't work out?

    Sorry, but I see so many negatives to having this belief. It puts the "provider" in a position of power. Lucky you, your dad (apparently) didn't abuse that position of power, but not all men would be like that. It would be far, far too easy for a man with less integrity to take advantage of that position to control his wife. It puts an unnecessary amount of stress on the person in the "provider" position. I have seen several threads on here where guys have talked about how they were avoiding getting married because of that percieved burden of being the "provider" for 2 or for a family. My husband's first wife believed as you do and the amount of stress that put on him was ridiculous.

    If a couple mutually decides that one or the other will stay home (for whatever reason) that's one thing. But to have an expectation that one gender or the other "should" be the provider? Absolutely not. There's no free lunch in this world, and no one gets a free ride.

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    I forgot to add that the woman choosing whether or not she should work or stay at home will depend on if she has kids. If she does not have kids she will work, but the man will STILL be the breadwinner. If she does have kids she can CHOOSE if she wants to work or stay at home. Her job, however, is to take care of the home, the kids, cook, clean, and run all the errands, so that all the husband has to do when he comes home is relax. Again this is how I was raised.

    I know its controversial. I'm really just gauging opinions. @BrianH--the women gets to choose ONLY if she has kids.

    I was also raised that a man is NOT a man if he can barely support his family, and/or if he wants to stay at home with the kids, or not work.

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    Everyone I tried to edit it but could not.

    What I wanted to added is that a woman GETS to choose whether she works or NOT if she has kids. If she does not have kids yet, then she will work, but again her income should not be needed to sustain the family, the man will still make more than her and should make more than her even if she does work.
    IF a woman does choose to stay at home, once she has kids, she must cook, clean, take care of the home, run errands, and take care of the children.

    Hope this helps.

    I am getting ready to go, but I will be back later on tonight. Thank you for everyone that is responding.

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