True or False Men should be providers/breadwinners?

[lostnscared]

You don't believe that is putting pressure on your partner?

 

Then there is no point continuing the discussion.

 

I don't believe it's putting pressure on a partner if he ALSO agreed to that type of arrangement and had similar beliefs. Like attracts like. If your looking to have that type of arrangement, then wouldn't you seek someone who had similar thoughts? A woman that wanted a man to be a provider would not be interested in settling down with a man who didn't want that role. It is only in cases where a man truly never wanted that role to begin with, where I could see him being pressured into(or the woman being pressured into it) otherwise if both parties had similar beliefs or upbringing then how is one being pressured? And again if one was feeling pressured or burdened with such an arrangement, they need to speak up. But there ARE men who have these exact beliefs--I've met them. In fact my dad was one of them. And he was willing to do all the above and though it was hard, he never felt pressured into it, in fact he WANTED that role because he NEVER wanted my mom to work.

 

It's actually obvious from this thread, that most people NO longer believe in my original post, so yes I could see how the role I described would make them feel pressured, however for those who still do believe in that type of role, it would not feel like "pressure" to provide because they believe and agree with that arrangement(if that makes any sense).

[Batya33]

Why do you think breast feeding mothers have no interest in the fathers bonding with the kids? That is not true at all. Feeding is not the only way to bond. You bond with your child every time you touch them, look at them play with them, bath them, change them, sing to them, read them a book, put them to bed, cuddle and hug them. ALL of which men CAN do.

 

I really resent you think that breast feeding mothers want men out of the picture or that most mothers do in general. That is wrong and untrue.

 

If I had been able to nurse I would have done whatever was best for the baby (i.e. I read about nipple/bottle confusion too) and I also agree that fathers do not need to give the baby a bottle in order to bond with the baby. Actually, since my husband works fairly intense hours I'm happier now that our son is off the bottle and finishes his nighttime milk in a few minutes -that way he can spend more time playing with him since he did the bedtime bottle to help me out. I also suspect that the bonding that comes from nursing is different from giving the baby a bottle (I found it bonding but I can imagine it's a very different experience) and since men can't do that anyway I'm not sure they're missing out on bonding time/experiences by having the mom do the nursing.

[Batya33]

Yes there are lots of steerotypes. Luckily in the 2 years I've been a full time mom (not counting my maternity leave where I was expected to be in regular touch with my job and available for questions, etc -and I was) there've been no such judgments and indeed the opposite as far as when I couldn't breastfeed. There was one comment in an email referring to me as a lady of leisure (and not really joking either) and that came from a married female friend of mine who doesn't have children. When I've been asked what I do all day it's always been in a very respectful way - they really do want to know and my working mother friends are surprised at how much I love being a full time mom given their experiences managing everything on the weekends.

 

Oh yes there was one other comment - I said to a friend of mine - a married mom of a similarly aged child - that I was having "mommy brain" because I was so sleep deprived I was forgetting things and she said "I can't afford to have mommy brain because I work".

DN -maybe my experiences are atypical but it's so in the minority to hear anything but respect and support for our decision as a couple. Maybe it's because we both are happy with the arrangement and give off that energy. That's probably an important part.

[mindi]

Wow, this topic is totally exploding. As you guys may or may not have read from my previous post (pages and pages ago) I am an example of someone who's milk depleted due to pumping and was forced to switch to formula. I was devastated.

[civilservant]

 

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[avman]

Thread closed.