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Glowguy

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About Glowguy

  • Birthday 08/03/1979

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  1. Where Men Win Glory - Jon Krakauer I'm seriously disgusted with our military after reading most of this.
  2. This is exactly the way I felt after my breakup. In general It's not like a switch that they can just shut off but rather like a hourglass that slowly diminishes over time. For the first few months the relationship was all I thought about but then it starts to turn as you focus more on yourself. At the six month mark I was still missing her and thought about her pretty often but usually without any hurt. At this point I also had trouble remembering what she looked like and I started to reflect more on all the bad stuff and realize it was the right decision. Now after a year I still do think of her but more out of concern that I hope she is doing well. I've stopped talking to her and I think I've finally moved on completely. I'm ready for the next good thing to come my way.
  3. The Passage by Justin Cronin. I'm completely hooked so far.
  4. Crap. I broke NC too. I caved and sent her an email for the holidays. I just wished her a happy holiday, told her I missed her, and discussed something I've been reading and asked for her address so I could mail her the rest of her stuff. I steered clear of any relationship discussion. I guess I wanted to her to know I was thinking about her and I don't expect any response (and haven't gotten any). I have been checking my email pretty frequently so I am hoping she says something. It's tough this time of year. Happy holidays everyone. I hope we all find someone special in the new year. I'll probably try this again when I get back to CA after the holidays.
  5. Day 5 Right after I posted yesterday I saw that I had a missed call. It was from the ex. I'm glad I didn't see it ringing because I would have been very tempted to answer it. She didn't leave a voice mail so I have no idea what she was calling about. It's probably for the best. It did set me back a little just seeing that she called and I was really curious. I almost reached out to her right before since I came accross something that I knew she would be interested in. I kept myself in check but I really felt like a terrible person for not making an attempt to talk to her. I felt so guilty and selfish. I can't be there for her in that way anymore and I know I'll just end up getting hurt. I realize that I have a lot of bitterness and resentment toward her and as much as I hate to admit, it's the only thing keeping me from contacting her. I know now that I just didn't trust her. She was so defensive and just didn't care how I felt. At the end, she was hiding things - she put new passwords on her phone and email, deleted all the texts between her and her guy friends, and went to see her most recent ex twice. I wanted to believe her so badly and I ignored the times she disrespected me. I'm just going to assume she's involved with her friend. All the evidence points to it and it will help me move on. At least tomorrow will be easy. No pressure to contact since I'll be on a plane all day.
  6. Day 4 Strange but I feel totally fine right now. I came home from work and took a short nap and felt great afterward. I have no idea why. Earlier in the day I was a wreck. I had to drive my car to the corner of the parking lot at work because I thought I was going to lose it. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I remember thinking about her while I was drifting off and how stubborn she was. There is no way she is coming back because she would never ever admit being wrong or accept any of the blame for us not working. Maybe I came to a place of acceptance and realized that I don't need her to define my happiness. Well whatever it is I'm glad to finally feel okay even if it's just for a moment.
  7. Day 3 Made it another day. It's getting harder rather than easier. Nights are the absolute worst for me. I seem to do fine throughout the day but towards the end I just run out of things to do and my mind starts wandering back to the relationship. I'm noticing couples every time I go outside and it's tough realizing I just don't have that anymore. I hope I can find someone better for me but I have plenty of work to do before I'm in a place to open myself up again. I haven't been able to go longer than a half hour without thinking about her yet. My emotions are bouncing between anger, anxiety, and despair. I keep second guessing the decision and wondering what would have happened if I did things differently I know she wants to see me over the holidays and suggested I bring some of her stuff, but I know that's a terrible idea. Part of me really wants to do it. The other part thinks is pointless and will just set me back. Thanks for the support everyone. We can do this!
  8. Day 2 Got a short email this morning: "imissyou". I felt ok for most of the day but now at the end of the night I'm feeling pretty miserable. My plans fell through because of the weather and my friends didn't make it into town so I stayed inside all day. I resorted to cleaning the apartment and reading to stay busy but I'm going a little stir crazy. I can't be staying inside on the weekends anymore. Hopefully I can get out tomorrow and at least do some xmas shopping to get my mind off of things. We had so many shared interests and I just don't see myself finding someone who connects with me the way she did. I'm just happy I'm going home to see my family over Christmas otherwise I don't know how I would get through this. Four more days to go until I leave. Jesus, I'm actually looking forward to work.
  9. I accept the challenge. Day 1. I'm feeling lots of anger and resentment over the way she treated me. The first day was really hard and I am glad she is giving me space and not trying to contact me again as I am afraid I might cave in. She did text me about missing me and feeling alone the day after she left, but I kept the responses short and told her I've put her things aside and they are waiting for her when she wants them. I've also had some feelings of relief but they are very brief. It's just me and the dog now and this place seems so empty.
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