Boyfriend upset about me wanting to be there for my sister

[Kl1018]

So I have been planning my sister’s gender reveal for about 2 weeks now. I just found out the gender a few days ago and i’m the only one that knows. This is her first kid and it’s a really special moment for everyone. My boyfriend has been upset since the moment i told him she was pregnant because he wants a kid and mad that I don’t want one right now. So I never even brought up the gender reveal or anything bc I just didn’t want to deal with it. So now he’s telling me he got us movie tickets for the same exact day/time as her gender reveal. And he’s extremely upset because I won’t miss it. I have told him how important this is to me but he just doesn’t care. I told him he could easily just switch the tickets for another day even literally the next day. But he won’t do it. We are having a huge argument over it he’s saying i am choosing her over him etc. Am i in the wrong here?? I really don’t understand why he can’t just change them since the gender reveal can’t be changed. This is like going to end our relationship he will not listen to me. Any advice helps please and thank you.

[boltnrun]

How long have the two of you been together? Why is he pushing you for a baby? 

[Kl1018]

Just now, boltnrun said:

How long have the two of you been together? Why is he pushing you for a baby? 

We have been together 5 years i’m 22 and he’s 26. Says he feels like he’s running out of time and some of his friends have kids by now. I have tried telling him we are both still

young and it doesn’t need to be rushed. Our relationship isn’t the best and i just am not ready to have a kid right now. 

[Kl1018]

20 minutes ago, Kl1018 said:

So I have been planning my sister’s gender reveal for about 2 weeks now. I just found out the gender a few days ago and i’m the only one that knows. This is her first kid and it’s a really special moment for everyone. My boyfriend has been upset since the moment i told him she was pregnant because he wants a kid and mad that I don’t want one right now. So I never even brought up the gender reveal or anything bc I just didn’t want to deal with it. So now he’s telling me he got us movie tickets for the same exact day/time as her gender reveal. And he’s extremely upset because I won’t miss it. I have told him how important this is to me but he just doesn’t care. I told him he could easily just switch the tickets for another day even literally the next day. But he won’t do it. We are having a huge argument over it he’s saying i am choosing her over him etc. Am i in the wrong here?? I really don’t understand why he can’t just change them since the gender reveal can’t be changed. This is like going to end our relationship he will not listen to me. Any advice helps please and thank you.

Update: he is ending the relationship over this

[Batya33]

25 minutes ago, Kl1018 said:

Update: he is ending the relationship over this

No. I think it's most likely an excuse.  (My husband and I got married and became parents at 42  -yes later than average -no not too late at all -our son is 15!)

I'm so sorry about your situation and best wishes to your sister for a continued healthy pregnancy.

[boltnrun]

33 minutes ago, Kl1018 said:

Update: he is ending the relationship over this

I know it's hard to see now, but this could be for the best. You two have been a couple since you were a teenager. He is not everything you could ever know about men and how they feel, think, etc. 

You have plenty of time. Jeez, AT LEAST 13 years before you even fall into the "high risk" pregnancy category.  

I hope you have a nice time at the party.

[Seraphim]

He is NOT running out of time . 

[Wiseman2]

58 minutes ago, Kl1018 said:

We have been together 5 years i’m 22 and he’s 26. . Our relationship isn’t the best 

Sorry this is happening. You dodged a bullet. Hopefully you don't live together. Please talk to trusted friends and family about his controlling, undermining behavior and trying to isolate you from friends and family.

Please understand that some of these are red flags for abusive relationships. Please read up on that.  "Ending the relationship" is yet another manipulation tactic. Unfortunately he may probably return because creating chaos, drama and inflicting emotional pain are fun for him. Please leave for good. 

[catfeeder]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I can only tell you that there is no healthy or valid motivation behind trying to keep you from celebrating your sister and your future niece or nephew. While it may not feel apparent right now, if BF stands behind this breakup, that could be the very best thing that has ever happened for your future.

I hope you won't allow this man to squelch you and the kind of loving partnership you want and deserve for yourself. He doesn't sound capable of giving you this.

[itsallgrand]

I don't know you but I'm proud of you for standing your ground and doing what is right for you. It says a lot of good things about your character and healthy sense of self that you won't allow to be bullied into having a child and/or bullied from celebrating with your sister. Dude needs to grow up! Not the kind of guy you want to be in a marriage or raising a child with.

[Capricorn3]

I agree with all the above posts.  You're not doing anything wrong and you should go to your sister's celebration.  It would be awful if you didn't.

I know you're upset and hurting, but quite frankly he sounds really immature. You probably dodged a bullet here.  I'm sorry it turned out that way.

[boltnrun]

I agree with Wiseman. I would bet a lot of money he will come back, offering you the chance to redeem yourself in his eyes 🙄 Don't fall for it. There's a reason why he wants a younger, inexperienced girlfriend. He expects you to be subservient to him. 

I hope you stand strong and don't allow him to lure you back. You can truly meet someone better, someone who doesn't manipulate you or insist you adhere to his silly demands. 

[Andrina]

He's too immature and toxic to be a good partner and to become a parent. Read up on signs a partner is abusive and you will likely also see a lot more traits than you've written about here.

Be firm about making this breakup final. Besides the gender reveal party, it'd be good if you could take some vacation time and make yourself scarce because knowing his type, he will try to hound you at your home, at work, and hit up your friends as to your whereabouts to win you back. Be careful.

[Seraphim]

I agree with everyone here. ANYONE that tries to separate you from family is abusive. Please don’t go back. 

[poorlittlefish]

Man ends long-term relationship because he feels that going to the cinema should take priority over a close family member's one-off occasion. How pathetic does that sound? 

If he'd have been reasonable about it, you could have offered to by tickets to go to the cinema the next night. Instead he acted like a petulant child, throwing his toys out of his pram. You are right not to want to be saddled with a baby when you're only 22 and I think he's done you a favour in ending things. 

 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, Kl1018 said:

So I have been planning my sister’s gender reveal

Are people still doing those? Especially after California Forest woldfires caused by one of those obcene parties. Such needless thing. 

Anyway, I think he is way too immature about it. And certanly not somebody who should even have a kid. Because he acts like a kid himself. To expect somebody to go with you to cinema and not to her sister reveal just because he thinks you are excited about her but dont want a baby yourself, is a kids stuff. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are people still doing those? Especially after California Forest woldfires caused by one of those obcene parties. Such needless thing. 

Anyway, I think he is way too immature about it. And certanly not somebody who should even have a kid. Because he acts like a kid himself. To expect somebody to go with you to cinema and not to her sister reveal just because he thinks you are excited about her but dont want a baby yourself, is a kids stuff. 

I agree with all including the first paragraph -not a fan of all the expansion of "gimme gifts!!" around pregnancy and engagement and marriage.  You dodged a bullet OP because he'd do the same thing if you planned an event he didn't want to go to or thought was silly -act like a passive aggressive toddler.

[MissCanuck]

This guy is a jerk. 

Let him stay gone. He is not worth the hassle and not a good boyfriend. 

[Coily]

13 hours ago, Kl1018 said:

 So I never even brought up the gender reveal or anything bc I just didn’t want to deal with it. So now he’s telling me he got us movie tickets for the same exact day/time as her gender reveal. And he’s extremely upset because I won’t miss it. I have told him how important this is to me but he just doesn’t care.

It's moot point now that things are over, and the ex being a jerk being the root cause. But this lack of communication seems to be the straw that broke the camels back. The OP clearly saw the writing on the wall from his past behavior, hence hiding the forest fire party from him; but having this mindset of mild deception should have been enough to end the relationship on the OP's part.

Hopefully lessons learned so future BFs will be less jerky.

[Lambert]

This guy is too immature to be a parent. This is not someone you want to have a kid with. 

You have been together a long time, but it's been mostly as kids & young adults. 

As youths we mesh with many people and relationships can be easy because frankly, life up  to that point doesn't have a lot of deal breakers. We are all students, we are all living at home, we are having fun. 

As we grow and age, our choices change and we grow away from our younger self. 

His ending this is a power play to manipulate you. I think this is a blessing. He'll be back but you should really think about what you want from a partner.  Hiding or not bringing something up, is no way to have a relationship. I think you know this and too bad for him!  

[smackie9]

Any man who treats you like that, needs to be sent off out into the street. Complete jerk. Girl you are so much better off with this guy. Enjoy your freedom and live life the way you want to. Don't go back to this guy please.