Should I Walk Away?

[rosecoloredglasses]

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for eight months and broke up in early February. The relationship was great, and we shared a great love for each other. He broke up with me rather suddenly, which caused a rocky breakup with us going in and out of contact. But from March to May, we had very little communication with each other. In May, he reached out asking if I wanted to start to hang out again and see where it goes. He said he was thinking a lot about me and wanted to know if I would be interested in being in each other's lives again. I agreed because I was very much still in love with him at the time. We continued to hang out frequently, in which we were intimate a few times and shared physical affection every time we saw each other. The issue is that we were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend without the label. Although this was the case, I started to accept we weren't going to be together again, and my mind became okay with the fact we weren't together. Mind you, it's now August, so multiple months have passed. I started talking to other people and being open to the idea that we are just not meant to be together. Although, I still do have so much love for him and care deeply about him being a part of my life. I did mention to him a few times that I was open to seeing other people. Now the tricky part is recently, we were hanging out, and he saw that another guy had texted me. He asked who it was and if I would tell him about the guy. I told him I owed him no loyalty because I had waited on him for months, but he never pursued another relationship. He seemed pretty upset that I was opening up to the idea of another person. This led to a meaningful conversation when he shared that he wasn't ready for a relationship and felt lost in his school and future career plans. He's a great guy, and I believe that he would never act in a way with malicious intent, so I believe that he is being honest when he says he is genuinely not ready. We agreed that it would be best not to stay in contact because we needed to heal. Except, he has kept contacting me the past few days. He tells me that he feels like he's letting the love of his life walk away, which hurts my heart to hear cause I waited for so long for him to come around. Do I walk away, or do I remain in his life? 

[reinventmyself]

He's only contacting you because you allow it.  Be firm on your stance.  Wish him luck. And tell him to get in touch with you if anything changes but until then you will not have any further contact with him.  

The downside if he was to want you now is not out of love, but more so out of duress.   

Things that don't start well don't end well.  

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Explain to him that it's time to go your separate ways and request that he not contact you permanently.  Mention the words 'please and thank you.'  Wish him all the best and ask him to respect and honor your wishes.  If he refuses to acquiesce, then ghost, block and delete him.  Give him fair warning and if he doesn't take heed, then know that he had been forewarned. 

[SooSad33]

He sounds a little unsettled.

HE broke it off with you months ago.. is almost like 'using you to get over you'.. or 'having his cake and eat it too'.

This is happening because you are allowing it.

He reached out possibly because he was lonely or bored.. But, he made his choice.. then is it maybe time to let him sit in this bed he made?

I had an ex try to act out like this.. but no thanks!  You don't come back because you're bored or lonely.  You made your choice, leave me alone! 

As for your contact with him.. this needs to stop.  In order for you both to work on accepting and healing.. and being truly able to move on. ( I say it's all or nothing. As we usually can't see an ex as just 'a friend' anymore.  you crossed that line when you got involved- and can be very hard to 'go backwards 😕 ).

Yeah, it can be hard sometimes, but necessary... for your own good.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, rosecoloredglasses said:

In May, he reached out asking if I wanted to start to hang out again and see where it goes.  he shared that he wasn't ready for a relationship and felt lost in his school and future career plans.

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? How old is he? Whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons such as just got dumped, lonely, attention, sex or dry spell.

In this case he wants to demote you to FWB. On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts, incompatibilities combined with a lack of better opportunities and an unhealthy attachment.

Delete and block him so you can move forward. If he wants to "work on himself" let him do it without dragging you into casual sex.

[Kwothe28]

I think that you should walk away. You had a relationship. And then started basically being FWB. But then when he found out that you are dating others, he got upset. Even though he cant offer you a relationship again. This is on him, not on you. And you cant wait for him as you yourself say how you know he doesnt want a relationship. Nore keep him in your life because you(and him) need to move on your own. You will never trully move on with him there as there are feeling involved. And him there even as a friend would complicate dating others. So, go "no contact". Delete and block if neccessery. You need time away from him, accepting that its over completely and focusing in time on some new relationship.

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, rosecoloredglasses said:

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for eight months and broke up in early February. The relationship was great, and we shared a great love for each other. He broke up with me rather suddenly, which caused a rocky breakup with us going in and out of contact. But from March to May, we had very little communication with each other. In May, he reached out asking if I wanted to start to hang out again and see where it goes. He said he was thinking a lot about me and wanted to know if I would be interested in being in each other's lives again. I agreed because I was very much still in love with him at the time. We continued to hang out frequently, in which we were intimate a few times and shared physical affection every time we saw each other. The issue is that we were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend without the label. Although this was the case, I started to accept we weren't going to be together again, and my mind became okay with the fact we weren't together. Mind you, it's now August, so multiple months have passed. I started talking to other people and being open to the idea that we are just not meant to be together. Although, I still do have so much love for him and care deeply about him being a part of my life. I did mention to him a few times that I was open to seeing other people. Now the tricky part is recently, we were hanging out, and he saw that another guy had texted me. He asked who it was and if I would tell him about the guy. I told him I owed him no loyalty because I had waited on him for months, but he never pursued another relationship. He seemed pretty upset that I was opening up to the idea of another person. This led to a meaningful conversation when he shared that he wasn't ready for a relationship and felt lost in his school and future career plans. He's a great guy, and I believe that he would never act in a way with malicious intent, so I believe that he is being honest when he says he is genuinely not ready. We agreed that it would be best not to stay in contact because we needed to heal. Except, he has kept contacting me the past few days. He tells me that he feels like he's letting the love of his life walk away, which hurts my heart to hear cause I waited for so long for him to come around. Do I walk away, or do I remain in his life? 

It wouldn’t matter to you if you didn’t see him that way anymore or your feelings changed. It seems you still haven’t gotten over the relationship so move on. Give yourself a chance to find what you’re looking for and distance yourself.

He’s feeling sad? Well, tough. He doesn’t seem to feel bad for stringing you along or not offering much, does he? He has a lot of growing up to do. If he isn’t open to a relationship, the least he can do is let you go. 

[smackie9]

Reality check: if he really was in love with you and you were the love of his life, he would do everything to make your relationship official. Block/delete all his contact info, stop responding to any messages. You have a lot of catching up to do with all the missed opportunities with guys that want to be your BF. 

[smackie9]

10 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

 

He’s feeling sad? Well, tough. He doesn’t seem to feel bad for stringing you along or not offering much, does he? He has a lot of growing up to do. If he isn’t open to a relationship, the least he can do is let you go. 

This 100%^^^^^

[boltnrun]

He doesn't want to lose the commitment free sex. He figures if he uses the word "love" you'll be willing to give it up to him again.

And yes, even people we love can be capable of being selfish.

[lostandhurt]

What do you gain by staying in contact?

Do you think it would hurt him more to walk away now or do it when you have a new bf?

He is being selfish and so are you.   You are using him for an emotional safety net while you look for his replacement.  He is being selfish by knowing you want a relationship but is unable to give you that but he continues to use words and actions to keep you close.

You want a real relationship and he is incapable of that so why do you want to keep an ex around?  I don't think the new guy is going to be thrilled with him hanging around do you?

Lost

[jul-els]

He’s told you he’s not ready for a relationship. Believe him. You need to move on. 

[languatics22]

It seems like he really may genuinely have changed and sincerely wants you back.

[tattoobunnie]

So only jealousy motivated him?  NEXT!

[catfeeder]

18 hours ago, languatics22 said:

It seems like he really may genuinely have changed and sincerely wants you back.

If this were true, you wouldn't read it from a stranger, you'd hear it clearly and directly from the guy.

I'd move forward and trust that if ex ever wants to reconcile and offer the kind of relationship you deserve, he'll have no trouble catching up with you to tell you this.

Anything less is a waste of your time.

Head high.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're giving him all the benefits of a relationship, and (not to sound harsh) but he's being granted his wish of, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." (imo).

Respect yourself, and others will follow.

[MissCanuck]

If you were the love of his life, he wouldn’t have broken up with you, nor would you two not be official again now.

He’s blowing hot air up your backside. Don’t fall for sweet words when the actions don’t match.