New and this will probably just get removed.

[ProbablyALostCause]

I don't know how to even start this off. I don't even know if abominations like me are allowed here. What I can say is that I'm living my worst nightmare. This will probably get turned into a meme or a joke or get removed completely, or people will tell me to do what I'm already doing as a way to "improve" myself.

I've done everything I can. I've spent my life working since I was 15, working on jobs and on myself. Working hard to make my passions come to life. I'm not rich... Maybe that's the issue. But I know for sure that I'm horrendously ugly. I've never been in one relationship and I don't know what it's like to be kissed or flirted with.

I was obese in my early teens. Trimmed myself down to a healthy and athletic weight. I figured that might help but it didn't. People told me to improve myself. That's all I ever did. People told me to stop caring. For years I did. People told me to focus harder. And I did, so many times. Nothing worked. No matter what it seems that my face is getting in the way of not just my romantic life but now my life in general. I'm 28. When I was 16 I was already depressed because everyone around me was dating and it hit me deep in the heart, gave me pain like I can't describe, and nothing I can do is ever enough to dull it. 

Over the years inanimate objects and an empty home have started to feel not just unfulfilling, but like it's just causing me more pain. I spent years as an extrovert and now I can no longer do the things that I love. There are always people out there together... Seeing them hurts so much. I know this just makes me worthless and pathetic to women but that's how I feel and I can't help how I feel. Someone born male should be a stoic, strong image of perfection. And I used to be able to keep up an image that everything was alright. But I can't anymore.

 

This is severely damaging my mental health. Nothing I do or try is enough to fix it, and doing the things I used to love is impossible. You could tell me to work out more, I work out as much as I desire to and I'm in good shape. And as much as I never thought I should have to mold myself into someone else in order to be appreciated, I realize that only certain things are considered beautiful/handsome/etc.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if anyone even has any advice but to laugh at my face because I am what I've described myself as, an abomination. I just want to be able to love life again. I just want to be happy. And I know now that I can't be happy alone. Not everyone can. I can try to lie to myself for years and years and years, while they tell me "You'll find someone in your 20's" "You'll find someone in your 30's" 
 

I'm not sure I'm going to make it to my 30's. And I know. This is stupid and pathetic and every other negative thing in the book. I hate the labels and stigma that comes with being what I am. The only thing I ever asked for in life was for someone to be willing to see me for what is beneath the surface, to look past my unappealing face and to all of the effort I've put in, to all the talents I've picked up, to my humor, to my passion, or at least be willing to use me for a while and throw me away. 

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be the most disgusting person anymore. I don't want to be hideous anymore. And I don't know how to get help. I don't know if I can get help. 

 

If this gets taken down please just ban me from this site. All I want is to reach out and be heard. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

[Capricorn3]

28 minutes ago, ProbablyALostCause said:

If this gets taken down please just ban me from this site. All I want is to reach out and be heard. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

OP, there is no reason for your thread to be taken down, or to ban you.  That said :

You sound severely depressed and I think it would benefit you greatly if you looked into professional help, counselling/therapy.  There is no shame in it (just in case you think there is).  See a physician, get a full medical check-up.  Get a referral to see a psychologist etc etc.  I don't think you can fix this on your own.  Working with a counselor/therapist will help to dig deep down to figure out and understand where all the very low self-esteem comes from etc.

Do you have any support system? Friends? Siblings?

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

You sound severely depressed and I think it would benefit you greatly if you looked into professional help, counselling/therapy.

Yes, I agree. 

OP, I am sorry you're having such a tough time. 

[Kwothe28]

I dunno, I simply refuse to believe that just nobody wants you because "ugly". Its always some deeper issue. Sure, you will always have a tougher times in life than somebody fairly atractive, the world is designed that way. In dating, even at the regular stuff like your job. Fairly attractive person would just show up. You have to be willing to claw your way for your oportunity. And then some more. And sure that is not an easy way. But I am more inclined to believe that its probably combination of factors hat have nothing to do with your looks. Starting with your self-esteem, through you be willing to try not just to some girl but a fair number of them(again, unlike some else, you need to try and try before succeed) through you even having some "game" where you can present yourself, lead a conversation and at the end maybe get the girl. Start with self-esteem which is low. And yes I agree that therapy could greatly help there. And then even on other stuff. 

[1a1a]

Co signing the grey tinted glasses of depression making everything exponentially harder. 
 

What are the other connections in your life like? Friends? Family? Do you participate in any hobbies that bring you into contact with like minded people? Do you do any ‘contribution’ (an activity undertaken for the benefit of someone else, volunteering, making care packages for friends etc), do you have an idea of where you would like your life to go? (Leaving the question of finding a life partner aside for a moment, in all other aspects what would you like to do?) Are you working in an industry that engages and challenges you? Do you feel like you have control of the direction your life is going in and if not are there steps you can take to acquire more control? 
 

Bonus quest, read some Eckart Tolle and contemplate that you are more than just your ego and all it is currently identifying with, and or some Buddhist philosophy and beware the stories you tell yourself because they are powerful powerful things. 
 

Step one, repeat after me, ‘I notice I am feeling like I am an abomination’. Notice the thought and let it pass. It’s gonna pop up again, they always do. Notice each one. And let it pass. 

[DarkCh0c0]

I agree with others that you sound depressed. I highly suggest seeing a psychiatrist and therapist who will help you through all of this. This is a tough journey. Don't do it alone.

And I'm very sure it's not just the looks that keep you without dates. How's your attitude towards people? Men? Do you mingle? Try fun activities?

There's a lot that might be going on and a good qualified therapist will help you through this journey. I'm sorry it's tough like this. But don't do it alone and please get yourself help. You deserve help.

[mylolita]

Hey Probably,

 

My heart aches reading your post. No one should feel this bad about themselves. There are highly disabled, unable and disfigured people who form romantic relationships. Loving relationships are not left aside for the beautiful and the wealthy. In fact, that stuff can really complicate matters. Give you other sets of problems. I know you are thinking well I’d rather have the problem of women chasing me only for my money but still!

 

I don’t normally press therapy but because you seem so desperately down, and I think you need to be taken out of your own mind and try to see things through someone looking from the outside in, I would strongly suggest it, even just to get you started and lifted out of your thought patterns.

 

This life is so tough, most people need a partner in crime by their side just to help them through, make it all worth while. I understand that. You can have it, too! We just need a way of getting you out of your mental ditch that you are digging yourself here dear Probably!

 

You are still young, with your whole life ahead of you - please, you need to get help, hold on. You never know what’s waiting around the corner! Something amazing. Could be something great. You have to stick in to get there!

 

As others have suggested - do you have any friends? Or close family you could reach out too as well?

 

Therapy might really benefit you. Just talking through and getting some techniques for self confidence and calming anxiety and building yourself up.

 

There are much worse things in life - like being a horrible, terrible person. You can be the most gorgeous looking thing but, you sound like a really nice, sweet person. That Is worth its weight in gold. No man is perfect, stoic all the time, even the ones that seem it. I’m married to someone like that, and in our 14 years together he has cried, not often, but his head has been in his hands. Trust me. You can do this, we need to have you realising your worth here! 
 

x

[Wiseman2]

At any time, day or night, you can call a mental health hotline and someone will listen to you and help you. It's free and immediate. You'll also be directed to the appropriate resources for help, whether it's an ER or  recommended counseling services or mental health clinics.

If you work and have medical insurance make an appointment with a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

However look up the number for the mental health hotline in your area, you can talk to them at any time.

Mental health is not a DIY situation where people tell you to "fix yourself". It's a legitimate health problem. 

 

[smackie9]

I know someone that had a similar situation to yours....he didn't get counselling until he was in his 40's....don't wait any longer. Please seek out therapy asap.

[melancholy123]

You need therapy.  Please see your doctor and get referred to a qualified therapist.

[Batya33]

Great input here. It also struck me how many times you referenced what "people" told you.  At various points in my life "people" "told me" - to have a baby by myself, to settle so I could get married and have a baby, to be content with my career and ignore my ticking clock, to feel guilty for not giving my son a sibling, to feel less than because I didn't try to have a "natural" birth.  People say and advise lots of stuff.  Focus on finding a good therapist and be really selective with who you accept advice from and solicit advice from.  Ignore the rest.

[ProbablyALostCause]

Thanks everyone but it seems again the situation is being misunderstood.

My problem is that I can't meet someone and be more than a friend to them. I guess I'll just keep searching for a place where someone knows a way to help me with that... but I doubt it will ever happen.

[ProbablyALostCause]

On 6/19/2022 at 3:42 AM, mylolita said:

Hey Probably,

 

My heart aches reading your post. No one should feel this bad about themselves. There are highly disabled, unable and disfigured people who form romantic relationships. Loving relationships are not left aside for the beautiful and the wealthy. In fact, that stuff can really complicate matters. Give you other sets of problems. I know you are thinking well I’d rather have the problem of women chasing me only for my money but still!

 

I don’t normally press therapy but because you seem so desperately down, and I think you need to be taken out of your own mind and try to see things through someone looking from the outside in, I would strongly suggest it, even just to get you started and lifted out of your thought patterns.

 

This life is so tough, most people need a partner in crime by their side just to help them through, make it all worth while. I understand that. You can have it, too! We just need a way of getting you out of your mental ditch that you are digging yourself here dear Probably!

 

You are still young, with your whole life ahead of you - please, you need to get help, hold on. You never know what’s waiting around the corner! Something amazing. Could be something great. You have to stick in to get there!

 

As others have suggested - do you have any friends? Or close family you could reach out too as well?

 

Therapy might really benefit you. Just talking through and getting some techniques for self confidence and calming anxiety and building yourself up.

 

There are much worse things in life - like being a horrible, terrible person. You can be the most gorgeous looking thing but, you sound like a really nice, sweet person. That Is worth its weight in gold. No man is perfect, stoic all the time, even the ones that seem it. I’m married to someone like that, and in our 14 years together he has cried, not often, but his head has been in his hands. Trust me. You can do this, we need to have you realising your worth here! 
 

x

I always wonder why so many different kinds of people can form relationships and I can't. It's not that I think there's something wrong with them. It's that clearly, there is something wrong with me. Everyone is beautiful and I feel like the one exception.

I've had a lot of different perspectives but the problem I have is that none of those perspectives have ever seen me as a romantic option. Again... There's something wrong with me. I've been in all kinds of places in my head, good and bad, and now I just feel hopeless because no matter HOW things get, I am STILL alone. It can't change. Nothing can change it. Nothing is enough to fix me.

 

They say I'm still young. That I just need to wait. I was young at 17 when my heart was already broken. When I was already the odd one out who was just not good enough. It's just worse now. I'm just worse. I wouldn't think these things or say these things if they weren't true, if I were beautiful like anyone else.

 

Friends, family. But no one I can reach out to. Friends don't talk deep. Family isn't close. Maybe for others it's different.

Building myself up, being confident, calming anxiety, I have ways to do all of those things. But they never make me attractive or even slightly worthwhile. I'm like that one human with no redeeming features. I just don't understand why. 

 

You're married to someone.

You have no idea how much I wish I could be more like him. More like the person you love. More like someone who CAN BE loved. I can't explain in words how much I wish I could be that good. How much I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with someone. How much I wish I knew what is so disgusting about me so I can fix it.

[Alex39]

This isn't a meme and this isn't funny. This is your life and it's serious. 

I'm 30, have dated a ton. Think I'm pretty cute. Curvy, but cute. And I can't find a good man. 

It's hard and like you, I hurt seeing couples holding hands and out together. I went to four weddings last year solo. I have two more this year where I'm going single. It hurts, it's sad, I feel bad. But I pick myself up every time, I dress up, I look my best, and I make it fun for myself. 

I have heard people say "Oh you'll meet someone when you least expect it"

I think it's true. Your path is your own. God has a plan for you. Guys are lucky, they can date, and have kids as long as they want. 

Us women, we have a clock and at 30, it really freaks you out. 

I sometimes think, why me. Why can't I meet a good man. But then I turn on the TV and laugh. 

Jennifer Lopez has been married and divorced a good three to four times. Brad Pitt can't make anything work for him. Many of the most beautiful celebrities are single, divorced, sometimes more than once. Look at Gwen Stefani. She's gorgeous,  talented, smart. Her husband cheated on her with their nanny. So looks and beauty had nothing to do with it. Years later, she's healed and she met a fellow divorced country boy- Blake Shelton. They are so opposite but they are now happily married. 

Looks fade. But yes, they do attract people. You just haven't met Miss Right yet. God has a plan for you. Create goals,achieve them, create more. Live your life, do fun things. Enjoy life now. The right girl will appear. 

[ProbablyALostCause]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

This isn't a meme and this isn't funny. This is your life and it's serious. 

I'm 30, have dated a ton. Think I'm pretty cute. Curvy, but cute. And I can't find a good man. 

It's hard and like you, I hurt seeing couples holding hands and out together. I went to four weddings last year solo. I have two more this year where I'm going single. It hurts, it's sad, I feel bad. But I pick myself up every time, I dress up, I look my best, and I make it fun for myself. 

I have heard people say "Oh you'll meet someone when you least expect it"

I think it's true. Your path is your own. God has a plan for you. Guys are lucky, they can date, and have kids as long as they want. 

Us women, we have a clock and at 30, it really freaks you out. 

I sometimes think, why me. Why can't I meet a good man. But then I turn on the TV and laugh. 

Jennifer Lopez has been married and divorced a good three to four times. Brad Pitt can't make anything work for him. Many of the most beautiful celebrities are single, divorced, sometimes more than once. Look at Gwen Stefani. She's gorgeous,  talented, smart. Her husband cheated on her with their nanny. So looks and beauty had nothing to do with it. Years later, she's healed and she met a fellow divorced country boy- Blake Shelton. They are so opposite but they are now happily married. 

Looks fade. But yes, they do attract people. You just haven't met Miss Right yet. God has a plan for you. Create goals,achieve them, create more. Live your life, do fun things. Enjoy life now. The right girl will appear. 

I wish it weren't funny. Seems everyone except for a handful of people gain endless humor out of it. Idk. I wish I wasn't me. All I've wanted for years is to be something other than me.

I'm glad you can make it fun for yourself. I wish I had that kind of strength. I see my brother having fun with his wife and daughter and I feel like such a disgusting waste of human flesh.

 

"guys are lucky, they can date and have kids as long as they want" if they can. If I'm waiting until I am 50 to finally meet that person... it is pointless. That and I'd want to BE there for any children I ever had... What good does it do to die within a year or two of their birth. 

 

I guess the problem is... Something makes me not a good man. Beautiful celebrities, in a world where people go after money and looks over character... Go figure... But if I had been with any one of them, I wouldn't have made them miserable... I wouldn't have cheated. Just one relationship has been impossible for me. I guess I'm just in the pathetic mindset of that if there was someone in my life I wouldn't betray them. I wouldn't want them to be gone again.

I know I just sound stupid. But I'm old enough and have been through enough not to be naive. I know what I want, I know what I need... And I know who I am and how I treat others. I wish I knew what makes me a wrong guy. 

Look, they got married again, they could find someone again, someone would date them again... There wasn't even a first time for me.

God's plan seems for me to be alone and miserable until I've passed away and everyone has forgotten me. I don't love god anymore. I could have handled challenges, I could have handled obstacles, hurdles, struggles. But I can't overcome being the most disgusting thing, living my own worst nightmare.

 

I just wish there could be ANYTHING I could do to change this. Anything at all. You've dated a ton, people gave you a chance. You'll meet the right person. No one would touch me with a fifty foot pole.

[Alex39]

40 minutes ago, ProbablyALostCause said:

I wish it weren't funny. Seems everyone except for a handful of people gain endless humor out of it. Idk. I wish I wasn't me. All I've wanted for years is to be something other than me.

I'm glad you can make it fun for yourself. I wish I had that kind of strength. I see my brother having fun with his wife and daughter and I feel like such a disgusting waste of human flesh.

 

"guys are lucky, they can date and have kids as long as they want" if they can. If I'm waiting until I am 50 to finally meet that person... it is pointless. That and I'd want to BE there for any children I ever had... What good does it do to die within a year or two of their birth. 

 

I guess the problem is... Something makes me not a good man. Beautiful celebrities, in a world where people go after money and looks over character... Go figure... But if I had been with any one of them, I wouldn't have made them miserable... I wouldn't have cheated. Just one relationship has been impossible for me. I guess I'm just in the pathetic mindset of that if there was someone in my life I wouldn't betray them. I wouldn't want them to be gone again.

I know I just sound stupid. But I'm old enough and have been through enough not to be naive. I know what I want, I know what I need... And I know who I am and how I treat others. I wish I knew what makes me a wrong guy. 

Look, they got married again, they could find someone again, someone would date them again... There wasn't even a first time for me.

God's plan seems for me to be alone and miserable until I've passed away and everyone has forgotten me. I don't love god anymore. I could have handled challenges, I could have handled obstacles, hurdles, struggles. But I can't overcome being the most disgusting thing, living my own worst nightmare.

 

I just wish there could be ANYTHING I could do to change this. Anything at all. You've dated a ton, people gave you a chance. You'll meet the right person. No one would touch me with a fifty foot pole.

Reading this all I hear is you putting yourself in a box. You, and no one else. 

 

And trust me, I've done this to myself.

 

You are saying you don't want to be you. But you are,so embrace who you are. Are you smart? Most people arent. My cousin is gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful and she is dumb as a doornail. Are you financially independent? If so, most people aren't. Are you fun? Or funny? People love funny people. Are you career focused? Great! My friends are married. My one friends husband doesn't want to work at all. My other friend's husband works for nothing. They live in his childhood bedroom with his parents. They are married. Are you handy? If so, most guys aren't. They hire out because they can't. 

You are throwing yourself a pity party. My one friend got married really young. Her husband was 14 years older than her. They had two kids. By the time her kids were in high school her husband slept on the couch and they got divorced. She's lived alone ever since. She is so happy. She travels the world, she goes to beaches all over. She loves living alone. She embraces that it's her life. 

I live alone. I can't find a nice man. But I fill my time making myself look nice, gardening, cooking, doing activities that make me happy. I could just sit feeling bad, but I choose everyday not to. Are some days harder? Sure. 

 

You know what you want. So get out there. Join book clubs, join amateur sports teams, join Facebook groups, get out and meet others and do fun stuff. That's how you meet single girls. Don't give up, get up everyday and keep trying to live your life. God does have a plan. It's hard to see it. 

I've dated and dated and dated. I've cried thinking why hasn't this worked for me?

Then I saw a psychic. She said that my failed relationships were a part of God's plan and that God plans me to meet someone later in my 30s. She said I wasn't ready in my 20s. 

Your time isn't now, but that's okay. Your time might be perfect in a few years. If I had married any of the guts I dated. I'd be divorced or even dead. 

Your time will come. Start praying. Start praying and thanking God for your life and letting him know you trust his plan. 

[Wiseman2]

58 minutes ago, ProbablyALostCause said:

 Beautiful celebrities, in a world where people go after money and looks over character... Go figure... 

The problem isn't that you're not a beautiful rich celebrity, the problem is that you are so morose and depressed. The self pity is so extreme. No one wants that. 

[mylolita]

6 hours ago, ProbablyALostCause said:

I always wonder why so many different kinds of people can form relationships and I can't. It's not that I think there's something wrong with them. It's that clearly, there is something wrong with me. Everyone is beautiful and I feel like the one exception.

I've had a lot of different perspectives but the problem I have is that none of those perspectives have ever seen me as a romantic option. Again... There's something wrong with me. I've been in all kinds of places in my head, good and bad, and now I just feel hopeless because no matter HOW things get, I am STILL alone. It can't change. Nothing can change it. Nothing is enough to fix me.

 

They say I'm still young. That I just need to wait. I was young at 17 when my heart was already broken. When I was already the odd one out who was just not good enough. It's just worse now. I'm just worse. I wouldn't think these things or say these things if they weren't true, if I were beautiful like anyone else.

 

Friends, family. But no one I can reach out to. Friends don't talk deep. Family isn't close. Maybe for others it's different.

Building myself up, being confident, calming anxiety, I have ways to do all of those things. But they never make me attractive or even slightly worthwhile. I'm like that one human with no redeeming features. I just don't understand why. 

 

You're married to someone.

You have no idea how much I wish I could be more like him. More like the person you love. More like someone who CAN BE loved. I can't explain in words how much I wish I could be that good. How much I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with someone. How much I wish I knew what is so disgusting about me so I can fix it.

Hey Probably,

 

I know this will seem trivial to say it but, remember, what you wish for and desire also has massive down sides. Nothing is perfect!

 

Me and my husband just had a huge fight this morning before he had to go out to work. Trouble in paradise and all of that. Remember that a relationship is not everything and will not complete you or make you happy forever or solve much at all. Sometimes it can even make you more lonely, if you are in the wrong one. I am not downing in marriage or my husband, and I am not patronising you as if you do not realise this already (I know you will!) but, I just wanted to put it to the surface.

 

Sometimes we can idolise what we don’t have or can’t seem to get so much we forget any drawbacks. We sometimes look to others and think their emotions must be handled correctly, their lives organised to perfection. Some people have it “right” and “sorted” and “good”. Everyone has their own set of problems at any given time. You solve one and another can just crop on right back up. 
 

Your main problem (I am presuming here, apologies!) in life maybe at the moment is lack of love, lack of someone wanting a relationship with you? Other people will be married and struggling financially. Or have sick children or parents. 
 

This problem in your life, it may likely resolve in 5 years, and you might look back on this time and wish you had the problem you have back now, as you may have inherited another problem, which vexes you more than this ever could!

 

I am not trying to belittle your issue - it is extremely valid and I wish you the best of luck but, I am just trying to take a step back, put things in perspective and look at the big picture.

 

x

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, mylolita said:

Hey Probably,

 

I know this will seem trivial to say it but, remember, what you wish for and desire also has massive down sides. Nothing is perfect!

 

Me and my husband just had a huge fight this morning before he had to go out to work. Trouble in paradise and all of that. Remember that a relationship is not everything and will not complete you or make you happy forever or solve much at all. Sometimes it can even make you more lonely, if you are in the wrong one. I am not downing in marriage or my husband, and I am not patronising you as if you do not realise this already (I know you will!) but, I just wanted to put it to the surface.

 

Sometimes we can idolise what we don’t have or can’t seem to get so much we forget any drawbacks. We sometimes look to others and think their emotions must be handled correctly, their lives organised to perfection. Some people have it “right” and “sorted” and “good”. Everyone has their own set of problems at any given time. You solve one and another can just crop on right back up. 
 

Your main problem (I am presuming here, apologies!) in life maybe at the moment is lack of love, lack of someone wanting a relationship with you? Other people will be married and struggling financially. Or have sick children or parents. 
 

This problem in your life, it may likely resolve in 5 years, and you might look back on this time and wish you had the problem you have back now, as you may have inherited another problem, which vexes you more than this ever could!

 

I am not trying to belittle your issue - it is extremely valid and I wish you the best of luck but, I am just trying to take a step back, put things in perspective and look at the big picture.

 

x

By the way Probably,

 

I am one of the biggest champion for love and romance and freedom and all of that. I am not darkening relationships and telling you to just be happy with being single because you may split up with someone or fight or have them break your heart.

 

I am just saying that, sometimes it is fit to remember the grass can be greener on the other side, but sometimes it is just different, not always necessarily better!

 

x

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I have heard people say "Oh you'll meet someone when you least expect it"

I think it's true. Your path is your own. God has a plan for you. Guys are lucky, they can date, and have kids as long as they want. 

Us women, we have a clock and at 30, it really freaks you out. 

I never believed that -I believed for many people it requires a proactive approach -not desperation -being proactive.  My story read like a classic least expect it.  Classic.  But I know it wasn't.  I had to become the right person to find the right person.  Be out there constantly often like a part time job -so when I met the right person -when I least expected it in one way -I was the right person to recognize him as my person.

I found when I was single in my 30s -I started dating my husband at age 39 -in the major city in which I dated -women who were overweight had a much harder time in every way of meeting people- whether on line or in person.  So did short men.  I was thin/slim -always was, still am at 55 -I worked on that but also was lucky with good genes.  I preferred shorter men so it widened my dating pool.  

Also I worked hard at not letting myself get jaded or cynical or bitter other than for very short amounts of time after a particularly bad date, etc.  And I've always had close platonic male friends.  And I was honest with myself -there are no guarantees of finding the right person.   I wanted marriage and the opportunity to get pregnant so I screened out anyone who didn't want that 100% enthusiastically.  I was up front on my dating profile about that -in a positive way -and typically the men I met otherwise wanted me to know up front that they were interested in that. And if they weren't I moved on ASAP. This helped me not chase unavailable men.  

I did freak out from the biological clock because at age 32 I wanted to freeze my eggs and it wasn't yet a viable procedure -yes for embryos, no for just eggs. It was scary.  I had one pregnancy in my life -natural -I was almost 42. I was darn lucky.  It was emotionally stressful to be pregnant at that age. So scary.  So if you can freeze eggs (if the OP is a woman) or if you can be proactive and meet the right person sooner and want a family, I'd go for it.  I would have tried adopting, I couldn't be a single mom by choice biologically.  

To me guys are lucky to an extent - many women don't want to start out with a man in his 50s for example and sperm do age as far as making babies.  We're 55 with a 13 year old and in great health and I'm in better shape than I was in my 30s for sure.  And a lot of good people who want marriage couple up in their 20s and 30s so a man in his late 40s and older who wants a woman who is still fertile will have a harder time.  I am friends with men in their 50s who are single and don't want to be but want women much younger.  Not easy.  

Good luck!  It's worth it despite the no guarantees.  

Some of it is fair, some not.  

[Kwothe28]

16 hours ago, ProbablyALostCause said:

My problem is that I can't meet someone and be more than a friend to them.

And again, I dont think that you being "ugly" is why. Plenty of people are not conventionally beautiful in a sense of that word. Or fit. Or even rich or famous(very very small percentage is that in general). And they still get girlfriends. Your problem is that you focus too much on that aspect of yourself. While you do in fact described that you have at least something to offer. You said that you are working so that means you have a steady job. And that you are athletic. That two puts you that you have something to offer in dating world. But instead of focusing on stuff like that, you focus on one negative quality. That is maybe just in your mind and that is only a blockade for yourself. So you would indeed need the therapy to change that line of thinking. You said that you did work on yourself. So consider it one more step in that work.

[tattoobunnie]

Why would this post get banned?

100% honest here, hire a matchmaker.  They will go over your style, dating tips and etiquette, and pair you with people that may be a good fit for you.  And buddy, I know short run of the mills looking millionaires who have dated and married and divorced plenty of bad apples.  Don't beat yourself up.  You just haven't met the right person yet.  

My old buddy was built like a hot adonis, and women were constantly throwing themselves at him.  He never, ever noticed.

[ProbablyALostCause]

On 7/7/2022 at 11:01 AM, tattoobunnie said:

Why would this post get banned?

100% honest here, hire a matchmaker.  They will go over your style, dating tips and etiquette, and pair you with people that may be a good fit for you.  And buddy, I know short run of the mills looking millionaires who have dated and married and divorced plenty of bad apples.  Don't beat yourself up.  You just haven't met the right person yet.  

My old buddy was built like a hot adonis, and women were constantly throwing themselves at him.  He never, ever noticed.

You're talking about some city stuff that in non-culture hubs, does not exist. Would be nice to travel to a city for that but I'd never get anywhere with it.

They always tell me that I haven't met the right person. I meet all the right people. They just 100% choose someone better than me.

I wish face mattered less and what is beneath the skin could matter more.

It's a shame your friend didn't notice. It seems like perhaps he had a preference that wasn't being met, or simply had higher priorities.

[ProbablyALostCause]

On 7/6/2022 at 3:20 AM, mylolita said:

By the way Probably,

 

I am one of the biggest champion for love and romance and freedom and all of that. I am not darkening relationships and telling you to just be happy with being single because you may split up with someone or fight or have them break your heart.

 

I am just saying that, sometimes it is fit to remember the grass can be greener on the other side, but sometimes it is just different, not always necessarily better!

 

x

I would rather be used for my body or be someone's plan B than be forever-alone scum with this nightmare hanging over my shoulders every day.

 

I just wish I knew what everyone else has that I don't. How people who blatantly are known for cheating and manipulating are NEVER single but I am so gross facially that no matter what I do it's never, ever enough.

[ProbablyALostCause]

On 7/5/2022 at 11:15 PM, Wiseman2 said:

The problem isn't that you're not a beautiful rich celebrity, the problem is that you are so morose and depressed. The self pity is so extreme. No one wants that. 

You are guessing my entire personality by the thing I am most depressed about.

Of course you would say that's the problem.

Society says the effect created the cause. This is not true. But you didn't read what I originally posted.