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Hey all, I am due to be marrying my beautiful fiancé in a couple of years. We originally had a place booked in, but my bride to be has always had her eyes on a wedding in Mauritius. Both of us liked the idea of this. So discussions begun, all her family said they would attend, our friends, and we looked into budgets. Now we spoke to my family, I am the youngest child, I haven’t seen my dad in my life so it’s just my mum and 3 siblings. My mum has had her health issues, and she has been informed she is not able to go to this wedding if it is abroad.. 1. She can’t get insurance, 2. She can’t get the medical treatment if she gets cancer again, 3. She could not afford it - however my partners parents offered to pay for 2 of my family members. My sister and brother are having children - 2 weeks apart. And when we are due to get married they will be just 1 or turning. So they have said no. My other sister said originally she would come, however her partner (whom myself and my fiancé don’t like anyway) is unable to come. So my sister has changed her mind. So this means none of my small family would be able to attend my wedding in Mauritius. Now what I need help with is what do I do.. my fiancé says it’s up to me. But no matter what I’m going to be the bad guy.. do I get married without my family and just my partners family and close friends and risk potential issues / resentment. Or do I say no to the location and upset my wife to be and ruin her perfect wedding? I need help please. It’s driving me insane, I’m becoming severely stressed, depressed and I’m starting to not want to get married at all. Thanks in advance

 

#GroomGutSaysRun

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Why plan an overpriced inconvenient destination wedding if it burdens everyone this much? If there is already this much strife and power/control issues and struggling with families finances etc, why even get married? Is this an arranged marriage? Are you both being forced into all this?

my fiancé says it’s up to me. #GroomGutSaysRun
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Wiseman2, thank you for your reply. This isn’t an arranged marriage. And it actually works out much cheaper than getting married in the UK (where we are) the money we saved over was for 2 of my family members to get cover with flights and hotel. So financially it is the most suitable choice in regards to wedding budget. But it does mean some friends and family have to pay their own way. It’s not the most expensive, but it’s just at the point where children are becoming a factor

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I think you need to talk to your fiance and come to a decision together. its not up to you, if she is going to resent it. Its not up to you if you are going to feel you let her or your family down.

 

Many people go way out for their weddings and put a lot on the day's meaning in there life. If course, its a big and important day, to not be taken lightly. but not because of the venue or the party. but because of weight and seriousness of the vow you are making to one person for the rest of your life.

 

You should be able to make a decision together. This is just the first of many tough choices YOU BOTH HAVE TO LIVE WITH.

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OP you say:

 

"I am due to be marrying my beautiful fiancé in a couple of years."

 

Much can happen in a couple of years.

 

You obviously (I hope) haven't booked anything yet or put money down.

 

Mauritius is a long way away.

 

There are wonderful destinations in Europe, offering amazing venues and wedding solutions, with great value for money, and travel time is only a couple of hours, at most. If she were originally from Mauritius then perhaps the idea might make some sense.

London to Mauritius flight time is TWELVE hours.

You say:

 

"It’s driving me insane, I’m becoming severely stressed, depressed and I’m starting to not want to get married at all."

 

You need to have a mature conversation with your fiancée, and explain exactly what you have written here.

Edited by LaHermes
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My daughter wanted to get married in the Caribbean and the logistics of putting it all together, the expense, the family who could and could not attend, made it just about impossible to put together. They got married here, at a beautiful golf course/country club in the end.

 

You could have a small wedding in Mauritius with minimal people and when you get back have a really big party for all the people who could or would not attend the wedding. Compromise is what's needed here and for the rest of your lives!

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It’s driving me insane, I’m becoming severely stressed, depressed and I’m starting to not want to get married at all. Thanks in advance

 

#GroomGutSaysRun

 

Good lord, just take your ball and go home, I guess? What a terrible attitude, to pout like this. I don't think you're ready for marriage. I don't think you're ready for adulthood, actually. You can't be a true adult if you are unable to continuously manage and resolve difficult challenges.

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There are many alternatives, and if your fiancé doesn't care about your feelings, then she shouldn't be your fiancé. It sounds, though, as though she is taking your feelings into consideration, saying it's up to you, so you're probably being harder on yourself than you need to be.

 

You could just get married, only the two of you, in Mauritius. Have your honeymoon there, and then upon your return, have a family gathering to celebrate the union. I've known many people who have done that sort of thing.

 

And if you have the wedding or post-celebration locally, it doesn't have to be expensive if you plan wisely. Instead of renting a place for a venue, perhaps someone has a spacious, beautiful backyard and you can rent chairs. You can have a buffet instead of individual dishes served. You can have a D.J. instead of a band.

 

You're supposed to be a team where decisions are made together, coming to a consensus, so make sure you're both capable of that, or perhaps you shouldn't be getting married. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

 

.

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A dream wedding isn't about a destination, but the people who are there to celebrate your special day with you. It also sounds to me like your fiance is perfectly fine with changing plans to accommodate your family. The only person creating imaginary drama and putting all this pressure on yourself is you. So get out of your head and talk to your fiance like two adults. If Mauritius doesn't work, it doesn't work and that should be OK. People change these sorts of plans all the time.

 

There is dreaming and then there is reality. You really need to learn to regulate your emotions, stop projecting end of the world doom and gloom and learn to deal with the fact that you won't always have everything you dream about and most importantly learn how to have a healthier reaction to that.

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Your fiancée has said it is up to you, so why do you think she will be upset if you decide on a different venue (other than an island off Africa).

 

" Or do I say no to the location and upset my wife to be and ruin her perfect wedding?"

 

Did she mean something else by "it's up to you"?

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Then why don't you go on your honeymoon there rather than burden and exclude guests and family? Is there a significant financial disparity between you and her or your family and hers?

The location is where her parents went on their honeymoon over 30 years ago, so it’s more sentimental to her.
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I see OP.

 

So, it is not actually "up to you" as regards Mauritius? No debate as regards the venue?

 

Well, you know, a couple of years can change circumstances so much. We can't foretell the future. Things happen, some good, some not so good.

 

And yes, there's a thought, what Wiseman said. Just go on your honeymoon there.

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The location is where her parents went on their honeymoon over 30 years ago, so it’s more sentimental to her.

 

She has always left it as ‘if you’re happy to get married with you family, if not.. it’s up to you’

 

So again, your fiance is actually being sensible and reasonable, you are the one creating drama out of nothing.

 

The location might be sentimental to her parents, but what on earth does it have to do with her? Nothing. Again, sounds like you are over dramatizing things.

 

That said, the simple compromise solution is have your wedding where your families can all attend and go on the honeymoon to Mauritius if it's really that critical. Problem solved.

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We have mentioned this, but she would prefer it all in Mauritius. She is from a very wealthy family grew up in houses with maids. Whereas I grew up in an council estate where my mum struggled to feed us all.

 

She is not snobby and she doesn’t take money for granted, her family do not gift her everything like hand outs which is good.

 

And even then they offered to pay for some of my family, to which they did not view as charity which was nice.

 

She is the only daughter so she and her parents would be gutted to not be their on her wedding day

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Have two weddings....I know a lot of people who chose to have a small destination wedding/honeymoon, then came home to have a more formal one. For you, you can do the opposite. Have your main wedding there, then have a nice lower budget backyard wedding for your family and others that couldn't attend.

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I thought so, OP!

 

"she would prefer it all in Mauritius. "

 

From the get go I got the impression this is a "status" thing.

 

"She is the only daughter so she and her parents would be gutted to not be their (there) on her wedding day"

 

"There" meaning Mauritius? Yes?

 

So, she isn't leaving it up to you. I also read what you said about your mother's ill-health and that she cannot travel for those reasons. And your Mum struggled to raise you all, and IMHO she deserves to be able to attend the wedding and since she cannot travel this wealthy family should show some understanding and have the wedding in a convenient venue (as upmarket as they like) .

 

LOL I get the impression, Smackie, that her family wouldn't be much into backyard weddings!

 

This is about "impressing". Believe me.

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How realistic is traveling to Mauritius for a wedding in the first place with travel restrictions? Have you both looked into this? When is the wedding date? What are your other commitments? Are both of you not working at the moment? What time can you afford to book off or work from home when it comes to quarantining upon your return?

 

The best thing to do is have a mature and adult discussion with your fiancee. She shouldn't be saying that it's your decision. She's pushing a major decision onto you and this is not a great sign if it means living and working together as a team the rest of your life together.

 

Encourage her to be more open and have a sincere dialogue together. Talk about your challenges and other commitments surrounding the wedding planning. Express your concerns and feelings about not having your close family present in Mauritius. See how she reacts to you too and whether she is blithely and totally emotionless about it or robotic or whether she's empathetic at all. I think it's a red flag if your fiancee is not able to see eye to eye with you or if, so early on, you're already seeing signs that she's got no compassion or care whatsoever.

 

This should be a time of great joy and celebration, not one of stress, confusion, second guessing your choice of partner or feeling hurt. Maybe both of you need to go back to basics and figure out whether you get along in the first place.

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A wedding shouldn't be about location, travel arrangements, status, recreating something from your family's past, etc. The purpose is officially uniting two people who love each other and are vowing to spend their life together. Everything else is a bonus. So the two of you need to talk it out and determine what is essential to each of you and how much each of you is willing to compromise. You will need to be able to do just that when you are married on a variety of subjects. If the wedding brings fighting, that is something that should be address before you get married.

 

Personally, if your family can't travel, then I think a local wedding makes more sense. If her parents were willing to pay for your family to travel, they can use that money to travel themselves. Then the honeymoon can be in Mauritius. No one gets everything they want, but you all get something. That's the kind of compromise you'll get used to in a marriage.

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