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FenixReborn last won the day on August 28 2020

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  1. This is the best plan. Honestly, I'm not sure if your environment was ever a very healthy place for you. Your father cheating and the problems between your parents feel like they took on toll everyone. While you tried to make things better and focus on keeping everyone together, you're brother has always acted out. Moving away only gave him a taste of "freedom" and seems to have encouraged him in his self-destructive behavior. He needs to address why he is behaving this way and the family needs to call him out on it and put a stop to it. He can't fix everyone else, especially when he is adding more drama to the situation. For your own health, it is best to remove yourself from the situation.
  2. I've heard good things about Life on Mars before. Think I should give it a try now. I know they tried an American version of the show that only lasted one season. Dalesboy, did you ever see that one? And I know I'm way late on this, but not focusing on dating is probably a good thing. Especially with how the year has been, probably better to just focus on yourself.
  3. Trust yourself. You're already got a good read on the situation. Use the weekend to see if she seems okay after the breakup and to just have fun with her. When you do say something, I feel like you two will be able to work out whatever happens. So when you feel comfortable, go for it. You'll never know until you try.
  4. Things can happen, so once you can forgive a person and give them the benefit of the doubt. But when it becomes a pattern, then you have a problem. He continued to do this after you told him you had a problem with it. Even if you want go with his friend doing it, why would he let his friend use the phone knowing his friend could do something like that? Honesty should be a part of a healthy relationship. You can't trust him to be honest. You are being hurt emotionally and physically (losing sleep) by this. It's not healthy for you to see him. There are other guys who will not make you work this hard and who be honest and respectful.
  5. I'm sure he can be a great, wonderful, caring guy at times. I'm sure there are many great qualities he has and that when things are good, you feel amazing. But those times don't last. He sounds like a very emotionally unstable person with issues that HE needs to work out. But instead of working through his own problems, he uses you to justify and excuse his behavior. You are not the cause of his problems. As much as you want to be there for him and help him, you can't fix what he is going through. And you don't deserve to be blamed for it. The hardest thing to see is that we can't be the one that makes someone better, only they can do it for themselves. If you can't handle the stress and pain, then you need to walk away for your own health. Don't let his depression and issues cause you to have issues of your own.
  6. Sonic, I see a lot of myself in you. The over-thinking and analyzing everything. The wondering if she's ready and has moved on. While I applaud your reasons, I worry you'll worry about this too much and miss your chance. I've been there. So, how recent is this breakup? I know some will say it takes months and months to get over a relationship, but it may not be as long as you think. Please, don't drive yourself crazy over this for months on end and build it up in your head. Try to just enjoy your time together and go with the flow. Be playful, have fun. Even be a little flirty (it can come naturally if you're thinking about it). If she is enjoying herself and hasn't shown any signs of still being hurt, casually bring stuff up like DancingFool suggested. Ironic, for someone names Sonic, I'm worried you'll go too slow.
  7. Hi Imawreck. I don't do well socially either. In my case it's that I'm naturally a shy, introverted person. Anything that involves groups of people makes me uncomfortable. I know what it's like to question myself and wonder why I don't have a life. I know what's it's like to lack motivation. But it doesn't have to be that way. I've found that the way to feel better about yourself is to not worry about what others think and just focus on you. Don't try to have a social life, try to live your life. What are the things you enjoy in life? Sports? Art? Theater? Something else entirely? What is it that at some point made you smile and got you excited? Pursue that. Find a way to fit it into the schedule. When you are doing something you love, your mind isn't focused on the negative thoughts that just become a cycle of negativity. You can find yourself energized and having fun. When you see that you are good at something, it helps your confidence and self-esteem. I'd get out of the cycle of going to bars. I work during the day and by the time I finish, I'm ready to go home and not look for much else. You have the chance to do things when it's actually light out. There are plenty of clubs, classes, shops, places to go, etc open during the day. You just need to do the research to find something that interests you. These places can provide a laid back environment. And it'll give you a group of people with a common interest to help start you out on getting to know them. These people could become friends just as easily, if not more so, then people at a bar. I've always wondered why someone would want to be in a dark bar during the day when you can actually be out in the daylight. I don't think you are "creepy" for going to a bar and talking to women, but I don't think it's helping you. It sounds like you are hoping to hook up with random girls and essentially having one night (day?) stands. You say you hope to "get lucky." But these types of encounters aren't likely to lead to more. So in the end, you are still alone. It ends up re-enforcing all the negative feelings you have, making you feel even more isolated. If you are doing this, you have no incentive to talk to approach women that could possibly lead to something real. Again, I'd say to not worry about. Focus on yourself first. Do something you love for yourself. When that natural confidence kicks in, you won't be as nervous about dealing with women. And you may have already meet someone from whatever activity you choose to do. Good luck.
  8. I knew a guy who had been married for years and the marriage feel apart. They were just starting the process of divorce. A family member arranged for him to meet an old flame. They instantly got together and he used that as a means to cover up the pain and loneliness that he was feeling. The divorce got ugly and he justified that since he had someone new, the problems in the marriage was all her fault. In reality, he didn't want to face being alone and coming to terms with his own mistakes. Don't make a similar mistake. If she is married, then she is off limits. If she was single, then yes you could pursue an old flame and try to rekindle what was there. But you are risking ruining a marriage. After going through a divorce yourself, which I'm sure was not an easy thing, do you really want to risk making her go through the same? If you do love her, why would you want to endanger the happiness that she has found? If you two are supposed to be together in the end, love will find a way to make it happen. But for now it's not your place to interfere. You told her not to right back, and she respected your wishes. To continue would be putting her on an unfair emotional roller-coaster. And it's really not fair to her family who don't deserve to have someone interfering in their life. You will find someone else in time. For know, just get comfortable with your own life. You do not need to be with someone to be happy. Enjoy the freedom of being single again. Do the hobbies you couldn't do before because your time was taken up with the family. And make sure your child is taken care of. I don't know the age, but divorce is hard on a child at any age. Make sure he is okay. A parent's first responsibility should always be their child.
  9. Sometimes things don't work out and the healthiest choice is to walk away. Keep focusing on you and things will get better eventually.
  10. Sonic, you're dealing with the same problem friends everywhere have dealt with. And sadly, there are no easy answers. Every person reacts differently. Only thing I know for sure is that nothing happens unless you try. So you have to decide if the risk is worth the potential reward. Yes, plenty could go wrong. Plenty could also go right. If you don't try, you keep the friendship, but you'll never know what would have happened. And in my experience, the never knowing is the worse part. That you're worried about all these things shows that you're a good guy at heat. No matter how she feels about you romantically, I'm sure she sees that you are a good guy and won't think anything negative or that you were trying to get close to her all this time.
  11. At times we all feel powerless and helpless. Especially this year, life can seem pointless and that we are all trapped with no way out. So it's normal to have a fantasy of being able to overcome something, do something amazing and heroic. Why do you think superhero movies are so popular? We all want to have hope that a regular person can somehow become this heroic figure that saves the world. And we feel the most hope when the hero has his back to the wall, has lost everything, and still manages to overcome and prevail. "Generally I struggle with depression which usually causes apathy and lack of interest in life... I’m not usually someone who cares about being centre of attention, and I always go out of my way to make sure people are happy and safe.." Sounds to me like you are already overcoming something and being heroic. As a friend taught me, start small. You don't have to be tested through some huge crisis. You can grow through even the smallest of things. Fighting depression isn't easy and is a major accomplishment. Every day you don't give into it, you are being brave and strong. Every-time you think about someone else, making them happy and safe, you are doing something great and amazing. You are already a fighter.
  12. jennylove, you sound like a remarkably honest and sincere person. You want people to do the decent thing. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen and you seem to be around people who don't think that way. While your intentions are good, there needs to be that space so you aren't constantly driving yourself crazy over other people's issues. I've banged my head against the wall many times dealing with people who refuse to change or show the tiniest bit of decency in some area. And all it got me was a sore head. These other people will face the consequences of their actions in time. As soon as you are able, please move and surround yourself with a new, more positive environment. Hopefully a fresh start can bring you some peace of mind.
  13. Sorry you're going through this. It's probably for the best that you stay with your father. Your mother sounds like she isn't handling this well. Instead of being around her and constantly have to deal with a negative environment and fights, you should be able to have a peaceful environment to focus on you. Maybe the time apart will give your mom a chance to heal herself and reflect on everything. Hopefully you can repair things in time. For now, enjoy this time before adulthood kicks in. Work towards your goals. And most of all, have fun.
  14. Don't answer any question that you are not comfortable with. Be honest that you're comfortable. If the person has a valid reason for asking, they should be able to explain rather then just expect you to answer. And if they don't respect that you don't want to share that with someone you've barely met, then you probably don't want to be going any further with them.
  15. So, call me old fashioned, but I don't get texting in the first place. How can I have a connection to words on a screen? If you really want to connect and bond with a person, you need to meet in person and be able to see them. Or at the very least, actually use a phone to make a phone call. I feel a lot closer to someone when I can hear their voice. If you are more comfortable in person, then skip the texts and be together in person as soon as you can. It's a lot more fun.
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