mayflower165 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 So I’ve been seeing a guy for the past 4 months. In those months a lot has happened. At month 2 we decided to be exclusive. We’ve been seeing each other consistently and at month 3 he invited me for a weekend away with him in another state. We took that trip together and It was amazing. He paid for our stay, as well as bought me some gifts. We both stated that we’re looking for a relationship. We’ve been on a double date with my friend and her husband with plans to see them again next month. He’s also invited me to a double date with his friend and fiancé sometime this month. We call each other the couple nicknames such as baby and bae. And there was a time where he referred to me as his girl. I’m pretty sure that everyone on his side knows about me and it’s the same for me. My only concern is that I’m ready to call him my boyfriend, but we’ve never had that talk yet where we’ve said we were going to be an official couple. What are some ways I can get him say that we’re going to be an official couple, boyfriend/girlfriend. What can I do to motivate him a bit more. Any tips? Link to comment
FenixReborn Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 As a guy, I would not be calling a women baby and saying she was my girl unless I already considered her my girlfriend. If you've already talked about being exclusive, that sounds like you've had the talk already. So, is it just that he doesn't use the words? Because everything else sounds like it is going great. Maybe he just doesn't see how important those words are to you. If you really need it, let him know. Ask him if he wants to make it official. If you are comfortable, playfully call him your boyfriend. The best way to handle any situation is straight forward and honestly. Oh, and don't get so caught up in labels and little things, that you miss out on the great relationship happening all around you. Link to comment
Tinydance Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Well to be honest it sounds like he already does consider you his girlfriend. Many signs point to it. Do you mean you want to put it on Facebook? In what way do you want him to express that he's your boyfriend? Link to comment
mayflower165 Posted September 7, 2020 Author Share Posted September 7, 2020 We’ve never used the terms. Like if i were to introduce him to someone I want to be able to say that he’s my boyfriend. I’m guessing I’ll just playfully call him my boyfriend one day and see how that plays out. Link to comment
limichelle Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 He treats you like a girlfriend so it wouldn’t hurt to ask. In any relationship you have to be able to communicate things like this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Why can't you use his name? Why do you have to introduce him as your bf? I would think that would be obvious by how you interacted. Personally, I don't anyone that introduces their bf/gf in that manner. I think it is time that you became more secure in your relationship. How old are you? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Would the title change anything? It's someone's actions that count. Not the label. Focus on how he treats you and don't get stuck on the label. If it's meant to be it will happen on its own. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 What is wrong with the relationship that you can’t just ask him if he considers you to be his gf? I think you are highly anxious and need to chill out a bit. How do you currently introduce him?? And what’s wrong with introducing someone by their name without a label? Does it really matter whether you say to someone “this is Simon” or “this is my boyfriend Simon”? What is more important to you? How you get on or how you label each other? Personally I always disliked a guy introducing me as “my gf Billie “ , just freaking introduce me as “Billie” People will deduce what they like. But who cares? And why do you think anyone else cares? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 The issue is communication - look up the song from fiddler on the roof "Do you love me" - it's like your situation. Does he tell you what his intentions are towards you as far as future potential? Have you told him? That's the really important discussion. Also never try to motivate someone or convince someone to want to be with you or to want to be with you in a more serious way. Just be you. And let him be him. And let him come to that decision on his own. Link to comment
mayflower165 Posted September 7, 2020 Author Share Posted September 7, 2020 Thanks, I guess I am being a bit anxious. We both have had talks about the future and what we both are looking for and we both seem to be on the same page. He does treat me like his girlfriend, so I guess I shouldnÂ’t be too hung up on the labels. I guess weÂ’re in one of those situations where you wake up one day and realize youÂ’re already in a relationship! Link to comment
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Maybe if you start calling him your BF, he will follow suit. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Thanks, I guess I am being a bit anxious. We both have had talks about the future and what we both are looking for and we both seem to be on the same page. He does treat me like his girlfriend, so I guess I shouldnÂ’t be too hung up on the labels. I guess weÂ’re in one of those situations where you wake up one day and realize youÂ’re already in a relationship! As long as the substance is there - you're on the same page, future intentions, exclusivity I wouldn't worry much about what he calls you. I personally didn't like being called "friend" by someone I was dating so there's that. But it all sounds good. Enjoy!!! Link to comment
LaHermes Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Less is always more, Mayflower. Keep it light. And I agree with the others. Introduce him by his name. Just to ask how does he feel about your son? Link to comment
mayflower165 Posted September 7, 2020 Author Share Posted September 7, 2020 Less is always more, Mayflower. Keep it light. And I agree with the others. Introduce him by his name. Just to ask how does he feel about your son? He’s fine with dating a woman with a child. He’s done it in the past. But I haven’t introduced them yet. I’m waiting for when I feel the time is right. Link to comment
mayflower165 Posted September 7, 2020 Author Share Posted September 7, 2020 How old are you? I am 29 and a bit of a late bloomer, I know. Haha Link to comment
LaHermes Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 It would be best to wait a year before introducing this man to your son. From what you say do I gather that this man is local to your area/city? How did you meet him? Have you ever considered that it might be better to take a break of a few months at least between a break-up (April) and immediately getting involved with a new person (current man)? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Trying to ' motivate ' someone to do something before they choose to do it on their own tends to back fire. Wouldn't it mean more if he did so spontaneously? Pushing for It , I'd be wondering if he did it to appease me rather than it coming from a genuine place. It feels like an anxious desire to further cement a new relationship that seems to be going fine just the way it is. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 I am 29 and a bit of a late bloomer, I know. Haha Hon, no labels are necessary. All that matters, is how he treats you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Are you exclusive? Why do you need a "talk" for a title? Is that a big deal in your culture? Titles mean nothing. Focus on what actions you observe. Focus on quality in-person interaction.What are some ways I can get him say that we’re going to be an official couple, boyfriend/girlfriend. What can I do to motivate him a bit more. Any tips? Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Have that talk with him and ask him where he stands regarding the relationship. Ask him if you're just dating or official girlfriend / boyfriend? Get an answer from him and let him be clear so you will understand exactly what he thinks. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 It's okay to be nervous, I think of the times where I was in your shoes and yeah, it's good to know 100% if you're on the same page. I'm guessing that by the way you describe everything, that you're definitely his girlfriend. The way I went about it back when I was in your shoes was I casually asked the man I was dating, if he minded me introducing him as my boyfriend when he met my friends or family and see what he said. It's an exciting time in your relationship though and it sounds as though it's going really well. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 Since you've both already agreed to be exclusive, what does 'official gf/bf' look like to you? In other words, what does that require? A status change on social media? A celebration of some kind? Just a sentence of admission from him? Figure out exactly what you want him to say or do that he's not saying or doing. Let us know what that is, and we can go from there knowing what we're talking about. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 Yes, curious to know if you need to make your relationship social media "official"? Since you've both already agreed to be exclusive, what does 'official gf/bf' look like to you? In other words, what does that require? A status change on social media? Link to comment
mayflower165 Posted September 9, 2020 Author Share Posted September 9, 2020 Since you've both already agreed to be exclusive, what does 'official gf/bf' look like to you? In other words, what does that require? A status change on social media? A celebration of some kind? Just a sentence of admission from him? Figure out exactly what you want him to say or do that he's not saying or doing. Let us know what that is, and we can go from there knowing what we're talking about. I’d like there to be more of an acknowledgement. A sentence of admission! That’s what it is! Link to comment
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