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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times???


Charlutte

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The second time has left me distraught. It took a while for the tears to flow, a week later.

 

The first break-up: He said he wanted to feel it in his heart "etc etc" I went to his house and he told me the break-up reason. I was crushed, and as much as I did not want to cry a few tear flowed. He was caring and tender held me very close as I was walking out. I did not contact him after that day. He reached out about 2 months later. but I took it slow before deciding to give it another try. We rarely argue, and we communicate pretty well, I feel. We are both matured adults with grown children.

 

The second break-up Just over a year later. He called one night from work and left a message. I called him the next morning. He told me over the phone about "our relationship' that he tried to fall in love with me and he was feeling exhausted. He said he called the night before because he wanted to come by to talk, I guess it was to tell me this. He went on to say that it is not me it was him (sounds familiar anyone), that I deserve to be loved the way I want to. That I am the best woman he has ever been with. it is not about another woman; That we remain friends (not an option for me), etc etc,. He provided various reasons for his decisions. Of course I was not as calm as I am writing this now., but I was not hysterical either. I expressed my heart also about my deep love for him not begging in the least, but to remind him that I do, and because of the way I feel, I cannot even entertain the thought of how we'll be after this conversation. My heart was slowly being broken in pieces with each passing second.

 

So to conclude this demise he said he will drop by in a day or two of drop of my car key (It is a spare key to my Audi, and he had went with me to pick it up at the dealership so I just handed him the extra key the sales person gave me)

 

So after the break-up phone call it all had to sink in, the sadness, heart break, feeling of being let down all came rushing in.. As the day went on, I texted him to send me my car key in the mail because I need to heal from all this. He responded "K"

 

That Monday he showed up at my house to drop off the key. He called and I heard the door bell. He hung a bag on the door knob. I opened the door as he was walking away. I told him that I had ask that he send it to me in the mail. He responded, "you don't want me to come by anymore?" My response "You know why" and I went inside.

 

Since he broke up with me I called him once, to apologize about an argument we had a week before. he did not answer so I left a voicemail explaining my reason for the call and the apology. It was a discussion on real estate, and we had a silly disagreement. It was on my mind because I do not like to argue and he knows this, but my head strong streak can get in the way sometimes. We've had typical arguments/disagreements here and there but nothing that is toxic and disruptive. He called back the next day and I did not answer and have not contacted him since. No Contact.

 

Try to fill in the blanks with the pleasant amicable relationship we had, full of affection, tenderness lots of laughter, and conversation of various topics.

 

But there is always more needed or something missing for someone to throw in the towel. Me, I give it my all because it is worth the effort. He is not perfect, but I can live with his imperfections.

 

The exhaustion he says he feels about trying to love me, left me wondering why should he be feeling exhausted. I have never forced him or pressured him. I only showed him love so he can respond to and receive my love. Love should flow naturally to the timing of ones heart. Why should he be trying?

 

Will I give him a third time should he come back again? I do not know. Should I?

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Unrequited love is painful but let me ask you this. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? How can there ever be a future? I think it’s best if you continue no contact and move onto someone who loves you more then you could have ever imagined and vice versa.

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Will I give him a third time should he come back again? I do not know. Should I?

 

Are you up for placing yourself at his mercy, while giving him the power to jerk you around a third time? It's time to up your value, and regain your self-respect. Life is short...

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Tell me something OP... I wanted cereal this morning.. the milk I have had lately has been the best milk but this morning its gone bad. So I put it back in the fridge hoping that its going to be better in the morning.

 

Is that the right thing to do?

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I'm not sure what he means by feeling exhausted. Do you mind explaining that a little more or what your perception of that might be? You're giving the impression that this was a very metered, reasonable and mature relationship but he's reacting to you as if it's a high speed (emotional?) chase of exhausting proportions.

 

Do you feel a bit rigid when it comes to relationships? My way or the highway? It's normal to be set in our own ways of thinking over time especially after a lot of lived experiences. School of hard knocks, as they say. It happens. Every now and then though, another experience comes along to wake us up and remind us that we might have stayed too long in cruise control. Maybe it's time to break out of our comfort zone.

 

The general vibe I'm getting is that he seems to unsure about you a great deal and I also wonder whether he was emotionally available to start. Was he fresh out of a relationship when you both first met or started your relationship?

 

This person doesn't seem to have completely reciprocated any of the feelings that you're describing you have for him. Is this just dawning on you now? It is ok to realize this in the moment and as it happens, no matter how early or late. It's better to realize than not at all. I don't think he was all there to begin with.

 

Keep your boundaries and remain calm and kind to yourself. Good for you for maintaining that he's not welcome around your house or to come by. If you don't share any children or there is no particular reason for him to be there, this should be a clean break. Give yourselves time to grow forwards as individuals. It's always painful at the start and it can be awkward and uncomfortable too.

 

Don't give in and be with him out of loneliness. Turn to friends and family, make new friends. Find a new hobby or rekindle old hobbies.

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"The exhaustion he says he feels about trying to love me, left me wondering why should he be feeling exhausted. I have never forced him or pressured him. I only showed him love so he can respond to and receive my love. Love should flow naturally to the timing of ones heart. Why should he be trying?"

 

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It's hard to understand why someone would leave us if ourselves don't feel the need to.

 

To answer your question above, it is exhausting to try to love someone we don't love. It's not a pressure coming from you but from himself. Since he thinks you're a great person and enjoy so many things about you, he really wants to make it work and tries to "feel" the kind of love needed to make this relationship work.

That feeling flows naturally to you, it doesn't for him. Even after forcing himself twice. He probably feels guilty for not succeeding.

 

You have to accept the reality even if it hurts: He likes you but he's not "in love" with you. Lonliness, regrets might make him come back and your refusal to accept reality will put you at risk to take him back and endure another break up.

 

Give your self a chance to be loved by a man who will do it effortlessly. You'll be happy again if you take the time to heal from this. Also, adress the issues that made you stay with someone who didn't " feel it": maybe you are lonely in your life? Maybe you don't believe you can find true love so you settle?

Spend time with your friends or make new ones. engage in group activities or a new hobby, meditate, travel if you can.

Bottom line, it's time to create a great life for yourself. Only allow worthy people in it.

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Really! Girl, why are you so hell bent on hurting yourself! Is he the only male in your town? Why haven't you blocked and deleted this guy?

 

If he has not fallen involve with you in all of this time, he never will. Do better for yourself!

 

" fool me twice, shame on me."

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  • 4 weeks later...

Interesting feed backs. Thank you all very much. It's good to try and see situations from others perspective.

 

Well, I am not lost for a good life. I consider myself very blessed. Love and romance is serious for me. He was not a jerk, at least I would not categorize him that way. I've been around his children and siblings and he has been around mine. Ive seen his good qualities and he has never ill treated me.

 

Anyway, a month later he did reach out to me via text (some of you predicted that he would, likely out of boredom or guilt.:icon_sad:) what ever his reason or objective behind his text it did not warrant a response from me. Yes, I do love him still, but I am not delusional of us getting back together. If he does come back I will deal with that at that time if it ever comes. Thanks again for your feedbacks. It helps. Shalom!

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