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Cannelle

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About Cannelle

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  1. I agree with the other posters. An abusive person is not someone you try to build something with. He's asking for therapy because he's desperate. He never thought you would have the courage to leave him. He doesn't even believe that he has a problem. You have to work on your guilt. Very important. Your guilt is what kept you in a toxic relation for so long. You also have to start beleiving that you deserve happiness. So go for that happiness. You won't get it with him. And like you said, you want kids so no time to lose trying to fix someone through therapy. No time to loose if you
  2. It's a good thing you finally broke up with her. I hope you had the humanity to tell her the truth: that you don't love her in a way that is sufficient to sustain a relationship. That even if you were staying in the same contry, you don't see a future with her... She deserves to know the truth so she doesn't keep questioning herself about what went wrong or hope that one day, you will come back to her. Reading your post, it felt that you strung her along for quite some time. When she would ask you what is wrong, instead of saying "nothing" , you could have just told her the truth: that you j
  3. Thanks for your answers, Suzuki. So you left him once already. GOOD. It shows that you have some strength inside of you. It is also very good that you are going through therapy although, to be frank, if your therapist is aware of all those details from your relationship and doesn't strongly suggest you to leave, then I don't know what's his/her use. Everyone in this forum is concerned for your safety. In an ideal world, we would take you out of that situation ourselves but this is the real world and only you can do it. It must be overwhelming for you to have so many people urging y
  4. You know what? your fiance is right "you ARE the girl who gets beaten and doesn't know why." And you will keep on being that woman who get cursed at, yelled at, grabbed by the throat and much more if you do not learn how to answer properly that question. You got abused because you are with an abuser. As simple as that. It's like a soldier being surprised to receive a bullet while on war. It comes with the territory. "is it abuse?" You Know it is. You are asking us because you do not trust yourself. You also got used to be abused and somewhat think you don't deserve better. The latter
  5. I wish you the best! Usually when 2 people succeed at a second chance for a relationship it's either because they fixed or agree to fix the issues that made the relationship fall apart the first time. Have you guys address those issues? Is he gonna be monogamous now? Does he want a serious relationship now? Is his depression cured? What about you, do you feel safe in this new relationship with him, meaning that this time you feel that you are on the same page and building a future together? Sometime people get back together because they missed each other but if you want it to last, don't
  6. "The exhaustion he says he feels about trying to love me, left me wondering why should he be feeling exhausted. I have never forced him or pressured him. I only showed him love so he can respond to and receive my love. Love should flow naturally to the timing of ones heart. Why should he be trying?" Hi OP, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It's hard to understand why someone would leave us if ourselves don't feel the need to. To answer your question above, it is exhausting to try to love someone we don't love. It's not a pressure coming from you but from himself. Since he thinks you'r
  7. You cannot "have your cake and eat it too" in a situation where there is No cake at all! OP, those are two virtual relationships with 2 people you don't engage physically. You don't go to walks together, don't hug, don't meet their friends etc. You are not included in each others life. So to me, it seems like you're creating a lot of drama in your head for nothing. What are your goals with the younger guy? Are you working towards living in the same town anytime soon? If not, then it's not a relationship therefore you are dissatisfied. No wonder you need another person to entertain you.
  8. Melonella, If you are still there, now would be the time to completly cut your ex from your life. Block and delete him from all social media. That's another action you need to take. Letting him reaching out to you even if you reject him is keeping you in that state of "confusion". Next time you meet a guy who "has problems with your independance" and wants "control" over you, you get rid of him Right away. Keep in mind that " empath" is often a code for " very codependant people " who put the needs of other before their own because they feel lost in their life without that person.
  9. Not only is he looking only for sex but he is assaulting you. He is touching you everywhere and tries again after you pushes him.away and even cried twice! Why would you want to be with someone so disrespectful? You should never accept unconfortable situations because you " didn't know what to do". Don't be so eager to be someone girlfriend when he hasn't even proven to you that he is valuable. Dating is , as you say , to get to know someone . And you should take all the time You need before You decide if YOU would like him as a boyfriend. Then, if he feels the same, it's a match.
  10. Wow, that was hard to read. Your relationship with this man should have ended right after you realised that he had molested your daughter. (Because that is what he did and god knows how far he would have gone with times if she didn't tell you). I know you are looking for compassion but in order for your daughter and you to heal from this experience, you have to understand where your response towards this situation was flawed: YOu did good by confronting him and believing your daughter. But you kept him in your life, even allowed him to spend the weekends. You even tried to find excuse
  11. You cannot be friends with someone you have feeling for. I understand that it's hard to have your friends being closer to him than you are but sometimes you have to be strong and keep moving. You have to get over him if you want a chance to be in a loving relationship in your future. Right now You want him back in your life so you will suppress all your feelings for him so he can be confortable. What about you? Are you gonna be happy to grab a coffee with him and his new girlfriend when he will have one? Can you picture yourself attending his marriage one day and be so happy for him??
  12. Stop it. Stop forcing a love story where there is only hearthaches and humiliations for you. Your intuition and common sense where right from the beginning : this guy was enfatuated by another woman and doesn't love you. He wants you for companionship and affection only when he can't get the girls he wants. Now that you are aware of it you have 2 choices : to stay with him and be humiliated daily by his critics and the fact that you are not loved OR to leave this nightmare of a guy and give yourself the opportunity to make your dream come true which is to be with someone who is crazy about
  13. It was never a committed relationship. You were hesitant half of the time and still exploring. On his part , he's a liar and a cheater. So if you're ready to be in a relationship, this guy will only bring you pain and drama. He could have told you that he was seeing other people but he chose to lie. That says a lot about him. Also, someone cutting himself is Not a sign of guilt and growth. It' a sign of extreme emotional instability and he needs professionnal help for that. Take time to be alone for a while. It takes courage but you will lean to be strong by yourself so it will be easie
  14. What do you mean by " he expects you to wait in his room"??? Does it mean he doesn't want you to sit with him and his friends? He wants to be alone with them and you are not welcome in the group? Or you chose to wait for "your turn" in the room because you wanted alone time with him? Please give us more precision so we can provide helpful answers.
  15. You received very good point of views regarding the long distance aspect of your relationship... Considering the lenght of time you spend with him in a year, Which is not much, I would be enclined to think that you're the part time gf with whom he gets to spend great vacations with and she is the partner he gets to live real life moments with: the everyday stuff. And again, I would say there is a very High possibility that she is also his lover. That would explain her jealousy and his nonchalant attitude regarding living with you. He seems to be in no hurry to move in your town. You too
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