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how should I approach him?


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for context, me and my boyfriend had an argument yesterday and it was never resolved but eventually got worse late at night. It was about me opening up to him how in the past he constantly kept saying that we’re broken up whenever we have a big fight, I told him how it affected me and even though he somewhat changed, I still felt like it wasnt properly discussed. Eventually it turned into a big fight and to him saying he’s done with me, then proceeds to block me everywhere.


After an hour he came and apologized, mostly saying:“ im sorry mahal, im trying to be better from my past, no matter how many times I say im done i still want you“. Of course it made me feel good but I still hesitated, I didnt blast at him when he apologized but instead I stood by what I have been saying to him since morning that him constantly saying to break up with me upsets me. After saying those things he said he wanted to call me in order to talk about it, but sadly I had to go to the mall with my family, so I told him we can call later.


Once I head back home I messaged him, the whole time I was still not fine with him and was still pretty upset. When I messaged him, he was trying to lighten up the mood between me and him by sending photos with silly filters, even though I was slightly mad, I couldnt help but laugh a long with him in the chat. We then continued talking in the call, he then started joking around with me with our college friends in the chat and I was not having it.


I was slightly hostile towards him when that happened and he apologized but I just kept going off at him by saying that “why do you have to involve in those jokes?” “can you stop it?” “Im not having it”. He then responds to asking me if i was still mad about earlier or is it because I didnt like joking with our college friends as of the moment. I answered that Im still mad at what he did, and then I proceeded to telling him how he doesnt know how I feel when he kept breaking up with him, I just said a lot of things regarding that issue.


It then again turned into an argument with him just saying: “wow” “do you really think im like that towards you?” “Just look at the things you do”. In that argument he seemed more pissed about the fact that my mood in the chat was so misleading, how i seemed fine in the chats but now in the call I was mad. It then lead to him ending the call again.


We then continued fighting in text, it was him saying how I cant even tell how uncomfortable I still was even after the fight. It then continued to him saying he doesnt want this anymore, hes deleting all our pictures, he regrets apologizing to me earlier, hes throwing away the letters i gave him and many more.


I have a lot in my mind right now and I dont know if I should blame myself for not telling him in the chats that Im not in the mood to joke around but instead went with the flow with him, but in call proceeded to be mad at him for the things he did. Its morning here and I really wanna approach him but im scared and dont know how. I dont know if we’re already broken up or what. Im mostly scared because I dont know how I can justify about the chats thing, I want to approach him just to settle things straight with him now if this is really it.

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I used to have a boyfriend like yours. He would tell me it's over every time we had a problem and because I wanted the relationship to work I would end up apologizing. It had taken me 2 years before I finally snapped and ended things. You deserve better than someone who can't carry a conversation without saying it's over.

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Did you read any of the responses in your previous thread about this?


Or the one before that? Op, what is it that you are looking for from replies, because it's obvious that you don't seem to be getting anything from those you've already received in previous threads. I said much the same thing in yesterday's thread. You are going round and round in circles with this guy and only you can decide when it's time to get off. You need to find some courage and self esteem; nobody can do that for you.

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The best advice I can give you is to stick with the original thread you created only yesterday on the exact same topic.


It’s actually quite rude of you not to respond to the people that took time out to respond and give YOU advice.


At this point and given your dismissive attitude to people here, I think your bf did the right thing by ending it.


This was my original response which I took time out to give and that you simply ignored, but here it is again.

Thanks to copy and paste I don’t have to spend more time on you. That you just threw back at me anyway. And others.


If someone would rather break up with you than resolve issues that are normal within a relationship then allow them to break up with you and do NOT allow them to return.


You have allowed him to return without any resolution of arguments in the past , you need to accept your responsibility in that.


You absolutely should be able to discuss your feelings with a partner and argue about them without the fear of being dumped for it. And when you are dumped for it , it is essentially him invalidating your feelings and making you feel worthless and disposable.


Unfortunately for you , you have gone back every time , In an attempt to feel worthy again and loved.

But with each time you get disposed of so easily , like now, further damage is being done to your self esteem.


The good news is that YOU can take back control of your own self worth but you can only do this by losing him.

He treats you so poorly and you accept it time and time again. Why?

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OP it's not that he doesn't know how it affects you and hurts you, he does. It's that he doesn't care.


He thinks it's actually amusing that he'll treat you like dirt and you'll keep coming back for more no matter what. That's pretty sad on your part, btw.


No, it's not you it's him and he'll never change. He demonstrated this to you yet again. You wanted to talk about how you feel, he shut you out and ignored that by turning to joking around. When that didn't work and you still wanted to have an actual conversation, he pitched a manipulative fit and back to block/delete.


OP - this is a golden rule of dating - the first break up is the final break up. No take backs ever. Learn it live it. It will save your sanity.

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This is how the relationship will be for however long you choose to continue in this miserable situation.


You can stop it today by ending this "relationship". I mean, there are so many people you can chat with online, why choose this guy?

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Both of you need to work on your communication. It does appear misleading when you join in on chats and then behave differently in private. He also appears manipulative and immature threatening to throw away things. This is spiteful behaviour.


Lower your spite for each other. All that vitriol and spite needs to stop. Contempt, as they say is one of the four horsemen of disaster and the end of a relationship. You can read about some of the ideas from Dr. John Gottman or the Gottman Institute.


The trick for all that? Time. Learn to step away from an issue and stop crowding each other every hour of every day with chats on phones. Excess noise creates friction and doesn't allow two individuals to work things out peacefully. You're also doing a great disservice to each of you involving or making any one of you the butt of the jokes with friends and family. If you're not comfortable around this person start asking yourself why and give yourself a lot of time away from excessive phone and chatting.

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