katrina1980 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Update - he has now text me 3 times. He is asking why I unfollowed him on social media and ask when I will ‘grow up’. I really need help to respond to this constructively! OMG, this dude has got issues! Serious issues. He tells you he doesn't feel the "spark" anymore, wants a break to see if he misses you, and when you fully comply with what HE asked for, he has the freakin balls to ask why you unfollowed him and that you should grow up?! My advice is don't respond at all, in fact block and delete him and take steps to extricate this lame ass from your consciousness! He is the worst of the worst, the bottom of the barrel, and if you fall for the crap he is currently dishing out, you would only be hurting yourself. I can't tell if he is just another commitment "phobe" or something worse; what I do know is that it would be in your best interests to forget you ever knew this guy, and take steps to move on. Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 No, never set an agreement or time. He just said ‘I need space, this isn’t the vibes I want right now’. Granted, I then did not respond and gave him no contact. He has now text me 4 days later asking why I unfollowed him on social media and if I am ready to ‘grow up’ ! Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 I know, I completely agree. I have never felt more of a combination than confused and actually angry! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 No, never set an agreement or time. He just said ‘I need space, this isn’t the vibes I want right now’. Granted, I then did not respond and gave him no contact. He has now text me 4 days later asking why I unfollowed him on social media and if I am ready to ‘grow up’ ! This guy is quite the entitled and self-centred p**ck. He doesn't give a crap about you, OP. He cares about himself and having you around as an option if his current crush doesn't work out. You're seeing his true colours now, and they ain't pretty. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Sorry you’re dealing with this Chloe. My advice is just ignore him completely. Don’t be surprised if his messages get nastier because you’re not begging him back. He sounds like an abusive narcissist. I can’t confirm that, but based on your short history it definitely sounds like it. Rather than respond to him....post here. Good luck!! 😉 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Unfortunately this is a breakup, not a break.. Stay no contact and delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.. After only 20 weeks of dating, cut your losses, it just wasn't working. Now you are free to find someone more compatible.. Never be on hold or on the back burner for someone who is so indifferent that they have to "think about" if they want you. He may have met someone else but is stringing you along until that pans out . said he wants a break. He said he still likes me, but feels the spark is absent at present. He said he wants to go on a break and needs ‘space’ to see if he misses me. Of course, this has hurt me really bad. We have now had no contact for 4 days. Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 Another update. My ex called me today. I did not pick up. I believe he is now regretting this. I feel so conflicted to get back with him and risk being hurt again :( Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 Also would just like to say thanks SO much to everyone that replied. You have all been most helpful and this really is a great platform for those in need of some wise words and even wake up calls! Chlo x Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 I should have been clearer. I meant an excuse for a break so he can mess around. I don't know of anyone who breaks up with the intention of never taking up with anyone else. If you'd prefer that he broke up to go pursue a life of celibacy, then go ahead and adopt that premise if it will help you to move your focus forward. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Another update. My ex called me today. I did not pick up. I believe he is now regretting this. I feel so conflicted to get back with him and risk being hurt again :( If you talk to him, communicate with him in any way even if its to get the last word in... any pain, hurt, crying, sadness from this day on is because you wanted it. You are currently free and clear from this guy and if you engage, talk, discuss, debate, negotiate, with him, all you are going to do is feel pain. You have the power to decide your happiness. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 This has never sounded promising, per my first post here about too much turbulence for a flight just beginning, but the little comment about whether or not you are ready to "grow up?" Um, no. As in: NO. That right there should be the end. That right there should—maybe not this second, but hopefully soon, like very soon—send something coursing through you that feels like relief. Your power—the power that is you—flooding back. Because what he showed you right there is that he is a shell of a man, small and petty and manipulative and not worth any woman's time, and certainly not their heart. People with spines don't say things like that to people. You want to date a man with a spine. I know this all hurts. That pain will fade—faster, I think, than you know. Sometimes we need a little messed up relationship like this to sharpen our focus a bit, to see ourselves a little more clearly so we can choose more carefully in who we invest in and how we invest. He's given you the gift of stronger boundaries—great, and goodbye. Time to find someone who will respect them. If you need any more contact, I'd say a firm, respectful goodbye to him. "I've given this some thought and it's not working for me. I wish you all the best." And, with that, nothing more. It's hard—there's always that little itchy temptation to keep the door open. Give that temptation the middle finger. Your spirit will thank you. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Good God please don’t talk to him ever again!!! Don’t be surprised if he just wants to be mean and nasty to you again. Don’t even give him the chance!> stay strong!!! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 So? Why be his yo-yo on a string? I believe he is now regretting this. I feel so conflicted to get back with him and risk being hurt again :( Link to comment
Sableja12 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Wow thank you. I think I really needed to hear all of that. I am slowly realising it’s the fear of being temporarily alone that made me stick and hurt so much. As I’ve never really been single before. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 You can do it. Just because he called doesn’t mean he wants you back. If he did he would make it clear and without blaming you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Thank you, I am trying x What happened to Chloe? Did you create a new account and repost the question under the Sable account? That's not allowed. Anyway, no matter what account you're using I hope you stay away from this guy. Curious, though, what horrible catastrophe do you think will befall you if you don't have a boyfriend? If you're "alone"? Link to comment
Blonde1993 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Sorry to hear of your situation Chloe, I know to some it may seem minor, but to me when your partner goes away and meets women, and thinks enough of them to connect online, I find that very hurtful. In my opinion and my experience, breaks do not fix things, occasionally they will make the miss you and come back, but the underlying issues are still there. The best thing you can do is cut him out and move on. Someone will come in to your life and make you wonder why you were so upset before. I am hoping this happens to me too. Best of luck x Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 I wanted to ask the question update and wasn’t sure how it worked on here. Wouldn’t let me post another question but now I know why! I guess I’m just really struggling being alone, in relation to the boyfriend question . My mental health is deteriorating from everything each day Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 You are right. My heart is hurting right now as I didn’t do anything wrong and really tried. It has put me off ever wanting to meet anyone again and go through this hurt Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 Thank you, I also wish you the best and hope you heal from this. In a way, it is good to connect with those who are also going through the same thing. Please also share your issues, if i can help at all, I will try x Link to comment
Blonde1993 Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Thank you, I also wish you the best and hope you heal from this. In a way, it is good to connect with those who are also going through the same thing. Please also share your issues, if i can help at all, I will try x These threads have really helped me understand how he could be feeling when he won’t tell me himself, people have replied to me that have been in his situation and told me how they felt and what they needed. Everything was amazing with us, until both his parents died within 6 weeks, and he shut me out and told me he needed to be alone. He never said the words we are over, but I can feel it, and the more I think about how he has behaved the last few weeks, he has also shown it. I have to accept it, and I am not holding out hope we will reconnect, it is just very difficult getting used to being alone again, building your own life, when you are so used to sharing it with another. I can do it, and so can you x Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 So sorry to hear you’re going through this. It does sound like emotionally he is in turmoil, and people do irrational things to cope with grief. Sometimes even shutting out those he cares about most. Perhaps he feels like he doesn’t physically have the love to give you right now as he may well be consumed with just grief. Here’s hoping you reconcile or at least get closure x Link to comment
Chloej123 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 I thought I would post another update, as things have pretty much got worse for me and the advice on here has actually been second to none however. I did end up sleeping with ex partner, which was a terrible, terrible mistake on my part. I am still vulnerable and hurt, and now I haven’t contact him, but have not heard a single thing from him since. It has completely tore me apart and I am really struggling to rebuild my strength. I wish there was a timescale for getting over these things that was short :( Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 I just read your update that you had sex with him (I assume over the weekend?) and you now feel like crap. PLEASE allow this to be a big lesson learned. Read back through all our posts, specifically after he asked you why you unfollowed him on SM and telling you to "grow up." HE was the one to wanted the break!! May I ask why you allowed him to manipulate you back into bed? You don't have to answer, just ask yourself this question and please use this unfortunate experience as a big lesson learned, and vow to never allow a man to manipulate you like this again. Will you block him now? Anyway, I am so sorry Chloe and hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
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