pianogirl110 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 So I thought it would be best to write this down on here and get some advice from people outside my friends and family. I met my boyfriend around two years ago and we fell in love instantly. We were soulmates from the start, doing everything together, making each other so happy. People would often say he's "the male version of me" and visa versa. I couldn't have been more happy. I moved in after about 7 months and things were still really good. Around June last year things got a little tricky. I do modelling and he found some work I had done when I was very young (18) that he found to be very worrying. I had genuinely forgotten that I had done this shoot and apologised profusely to him. It was a shoot I massively regretted (wasn't porn or anything, they were some glamour nude photos) but I genuinely had forgotten about it. I was abroad when he found this out, on my way to the airport back home. He told me over WhatsApp that he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore. I had the worst panic attack of my life for around 5 hours, ending up so bad that I went to hospital as I got the most intense migraine I've ever had. He told me he did want to be with me still as I explained that I was influenced into doing the shoot, it wasn't really something I wanted to do and I regretted it massively and had genuinely forgotten about it. After this things got better again and then worse. We were bickering a lot and just falling out a fair bit over small things... Something really silly I can recall is me accidentally putting a spoon which had a little oil on in his coffee which ended in him saying "you don't care about me, thats why you do things like this." One night I realised things weren't great between us so I suggested we do a "date night". During the date he was avoiding eye contact and seemed really awkward. I asked what was the matter and he replied "it's not like we're in love anymore is it?" This hit me like a tonne of bricks, I felt like all the air had been punched out of me. I had a modelling tour the following day and spent the week feeling in a daze. (I have never stopped being in love) Around September had the worst argument one time going to see his family.... I'd spent the evening with his friends (all male) and it got to 2am so I was tired and was playing with my phone whilst they played pool. He went up to me and said "wow, are you that bored? can't you just make an effort for once" and I started crying and ran to the toilet where some random girl found me. She asked me what was going on, I told her (stupidly) and she threatened to beat up my boyfriend. I told her to leave me alone. So I ran out, found him and then she saw me speaking to him and asked him directly in front of all his friends "are you bullying this girl?" and then she asked me "is he bullying you?" and I just said (again, stupidly) to him, "I just want to make you happy!" We went home after that and he told me that he wants to break up with me and that he doesn't love me anymore. I was pleading on the floor for him to forgive me and he told me I'm "desperate". So I spent the night feeling panicky and horrible and had to socialise with his family after this, they had no clue what had happened the night before. I got teary in one car journey on the way to see one of his brothers and he told me that I was "embarrassing him." So I spent the day not talking to him and just spoke to his family + played with his nieces and nephews. He then warmed up to me and we started behaving like a couple again. Around October things got better again, and then november things got worse. During these times he would say he wants to "break up" after every fight we had. My anxiety just got worse and worse. One evening I had my friends over and he seemed off all night, my friends all agreed that he was not himself at all. They all love him to pieces, but it was the first time they noticed him talking to me in a really condescending way (he always speaks to me like this) and they even called me up on it. That evening I went into bed to give him a kiss and he turned over and shouted "I'm trying to ing sleep!" So again, I started crying and then he got up and said "I can't deal with this, I'm sleeping in the other room". (he did this often when he would make me cry) I had an emotional breakdown and he came in and told me that he wants me to move out. So I ended up moving out, staying at my friends for a few days. He then told me he wanted me to stay. We had another argument around a week later as he told me it's "creepy when I look at him" and it sent me into another emotional breakdown, which resulted in him asking me to move out. He then told me he wanted me to stay again, which I didn't this time. So I ended up moving to my dads. We went on holiday to Thailand, which was up and down. He broke up with me three more times whilst we were there. Now, when we came back my anxiety was really awful. Every time I would come back to my old flat (which my room had been replaced with some other girl living there, as well as his best mate who lived with us previously) it would just feel wrong. This was my old home, so I would feel quite down whilst I was there. If I ever felt down or wanted to talk about our relationship he'd tell me to "go home if I'm not feeling happy". Anyway, this went on for a few months so I eventually, decided to leave him. I really want to know if I've made the right decision. He's sent me messages saying he never wanted us to break up, I'm his soulmate and will be in his heart forever. That he is thinking of me everyday. Whilst bearing all the arguments in mind, we have A LOT in common. We're both into fitness, self development, the same music, have similar morals, love travelling... he's got a great sense of humour too... I would say the worst of our arguments started when he got his new job. When things were amazing between us is when he was studying for his course. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much. anon Link to comment
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