Attracted to guy I've only seen in passing. Wondering if he feels the same?

[milly007]

That's about all you can do realistically in this situation, if and when you do see him again, fuss his dog in order to say hello and see how it goes..who knows, it might be much better than my scenario.

Or if there's no dog, just smile and say 'hello'. At least then you've tried.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you, SherrySher! I really appreciate your help!

[dias]

I've done it many times when I was in my late teens/early twenties . It worked only once, so I do think there are chances that can lead to something more.

 

In the end, the worst thing it can happen is to be rejected (combined with some awkwardness). Just don't say just hi and stop there, lead the conversation a bit.

[Jibralta]

So I seen him, and I bent down to his dog, gave the dog some cuddles and said..."You have such a sweet dog"..he smiled and said.."thank you"....then a long awkward silence.

I didn't want to seem weird and say..."Can I have your phone number?" I would have sounded desperate or possibly weird.

He seemed red faced and awkward and didn't say anything either.

So finally I started walking away and said..."Okay, well hope you have a good day"...he said..."Yeah, thanks"..

 

LOL. Yup, sometimes it can be anticlimactic like that. Or horribly awkward.

 

I used to always make eye contact with this cute sushi chef when I'd go to pick up my order. This literally happened every time. I felt pretty certain that he liked me. And he wasn't so bad himself.

 

But any potential that could have been there was destroyed when I ordered delivery and he showed up. My dog ran out the door and I nearly knocked the guy off my porch as I lurched after her. Then, I was so flustered while I was paying that not only did I not tip him, but I short-changed him for the order. I am really awesome at being a total ass.

 

Anyway, I never saw that guy waiting around when I picked up my sushi after that, nor did he ever attempt to deliver my food again lol.

[bluecastle]

What's interesting is that this guy is a complete mystery. I know I'm attracted, but have no idea if he's nice, kind, down-to-earth, or if he's aloof, cray-cray or a womanizer. At least if it were someone at work (thank gawd it isn't), or school, I could get a better sense of who he is as a person based on how he treats others, etc. But I have nothing to work with here. My little novel is only based on the little encounters we've had (based on my own interpretation) on my way to work, but that's about it. :)

 

Yup, exactly. But the truth is that what you just wrote here—that he's a complete mystery—is what is inherently so exciting about people and romance. And potentially disappointing, of course. Or annoying. Or boring. But also: exciting!

 

Sure, there'd be some more "knowns" if this was someone at work, or school, but even then those "knowns" are kind of illusory. They may quell anxieties, provide a sense of familiarity, but still: total mystery at the core.

 

I'm just a big believer of leaning into that idea, with everyone.

[Batya33]

A story (not mine!). My former friend/coworker (we lost touch) was tall and beautiful and unassuming. She told me the following. One day she was shopping with her mom. Her mom noticed that she kept looking down (I suspect that it was one of those posture things where tall people sometimes slouch/look down. She said - you know these men keep checking you out and you don't even know. So she (in her late 20s) decided to look up instead. Shortly after she was walking on a busy city street and noticed an attractive man across the street. He smiled at her and crossed the street (I know - in a big city especially probably not the safest feeling but I guess it was ok -and this was pre-cell phone, etc the 1990s). Last I had info about her they were still married for many years and had a lovely family.

 

I really love that story and your story reminded me! Maybe it will inspire you....

[James516]

I run or walk a lot around my city. I tend to keep a routine time frame and route until getting tired of that route and switching it. At first, the people along a route all appear random until some will begin to become more familiar as they seem to have a similar time or area routine as I do. Eventually, it is natural to begin saying hello to each other since we've seen each other enough. Some it is just a regular wave and that is all it ever is. Others, a conversation eventually starts. Without trying, I have met some women this way who I ended up dating.

 

You are describing a similar situation - two people who have run into each other enough to recognize each other as familiar. The only way you know he is staring is that you have to be staring at him. He may be amused that you keep looking without saying anything, but clearly is not worried that you are a "stalker".

 

That said, there is a major problem. It appears that you have been storyboarding about this guy for a very long time and have built a massive fantasy. Sometimes having the fantasy is better without ever having to find out that he burps, farts, and has bad coffee breath like the rest of us mortals. Or that he has a girlfriend or wife that you find out about after hooking up.

 

But if you actually are interested in stepping out of the fantasy, keep it simple. Wave hello next time. He probably will wave back. Maybe that is all for the first time. You seem to bump into him enough. If attempting a conversation, try to reel in the expectations and also not expect to leave it all up to him - curling hair #132 while saying the sky is blue is not going to be all that's needed to be bouncing your grandchildren on the porch 50 years from now. Comment about his dog, ask about it, does the coffee place he is standing at have good double latte soy whatever, just simple stuff enough to get a conversation started. If something is there, it works.

[Honeycomb8]

Talk to him! This could be the start of something wonderful or something momentary lol. Just do it, then there will be no more guessing.

[reinventmyself]

All of this is just a great reminder of what men go through all the time. Society has made men, for the most part the pursuers.

Just remember this the next time a man gets the courage to talk to you.

 

I say go for it!

Life's too short to not take chances.

What's with worst that can happen, say he's not interested? Ok. .so not the best outcome, but it's more than you have now.

 

Have you seen the movie `Serendipity' ?

[Wiseman2]

A huge smile always helps!

[Realitynut]

I can talk to ANYBODY and everybody....on the street...where ever! But no one I'm remotely attracted to!!!! Then I'd be nervous and avoidant. I don't find it hard to start idle chit-chat....it's continuing past that which is hard for me!

 

Hope you see Mr. Mysterious soon. After you changed jobs and walked a different way...he probably thought you were trying to avoid HIM!!! lol

 

Keep us posted. I'm NOT logical....I'm ALL HEART and ROMANCE!!!!

[Capricorn3]

Is this the same guy you posted about over a year ago?

[milly007]

A story (not mine!). My former friend/coworker (we lost touch) was tall and beautiful and unassuming. She told me the following. One day she was shopping with her mom. Her mom noticed that she kept looking down (I suspect that it was one of those posture things where tall people sometimes slouch/look down. She said - you know these men keep checking you out and you don't even know. So she (in her late 20s) decided to look up instead. Shortly after she was walking on a busy city street and noticed an attractive man across the street. He smiled at her and crossed the street (I know - in a big city especially probably not the safest feeling but I guess it was ok -and this was pre-cell phone, etc the 1990s). Last I had info about her they were still married for many years and had a lovely family.

 

I really love that story and your story reminded me! Maybe it will inspire you....

 

I'm liking this positive story, Bayta!

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

After reading SherrySher's and Jibralta's stories, I was a bit concerned about coming back to ENA with a story about this mystery man's dog biting me. Lol.

 

This story gives me some hope!

[milly007]

I run or walk a lot around my city. I tend to keep a routine time frame and route until getting tired of that route and switching it. At first, the people along a route all appear random until some will begin to become more familiar as they seem to have a similar time or area routine as I do. Eventually, it is natural to begin saying hello to each other since we've seen each other enough. Some it is just a regular wave and that is all it ever is. Others, a conversation eventually starts. Without trying, I have met some women this way who I ended up dating.

 

You are describing a similar situation - two people who have run into each other enough to recognize each other as familiar. The only way you know he is staring is that you have to be staring at him. He may be amused that you keep looking without saying anything, but clearly is not worried that you are a "stalker".

 

That said, there is a major problem. It appears that you have been storyboarding about this guy for a very long time and have built a massive fantasy. Sometimes having the fantasy is better without ever having to find out that he burps, farts, and has bad coffee breath like the rest of us mortals. Or that he has a girlfriend or wife that you find out about after hooking up.

 

But if you actually are interested in stepping out of the fantasy, keep it simple. Wave hello next time. He probably will wave back. Maybe that is all for the first time. You seem to bump into him enough. If attempting a conversation, try to reel in the expectations and also not expect to leave it all up to him - curling hair #132 while saying the sky is blue is not going to be all that's needed to be bouncing your grandchildren on the porch 50 years from now. Comment about his dog, ask about it, does the coffee place he is standing at have good double latte soy whatever, just simple stuff enough to get a conversation started. If something is there, it works.

 

Thanks, James.

 

Most of the time when I see him, I'm sporting shades. So I can't help but wonder if he sees me seeing him! :)

 

I doubt it. Either way, neither here nor there. But in these types of situations, eye contact is a biggie. Eye contact can either signal to someone you're interested, or the opposite.

 

I'll do my best to smile or say something when I see him next.

[milly007]

LOL. Yup, sometimes it can be anticlimactic like that. Or horribly awkward.

 

I used to always make eye contact with this cute sushi chef when I'd go to pick up my order. This literally happened every time. I felt pretty certain that he liked me. And he wasn't so bad himself.

 

But any potential that could have been there was destroyed when I ordered delivery and he showed up. My dog ran out the door and I nearly knocked the guy off my porch as I lurched after her. Then, I was so flustered while I was paying that not only did I not tip him, but I short-changed him for the order. I am really awesome at being a total ass.

 

Anyway, I never saw that guy waiting around when I picked up my sushi after that, nor did he ever attempt to deliver my food again lol.

 

Oh man, you and SherrySher's stories! They both made me chuckle. Will see what kind of outcome I have to add to this book of ENA stories, that's if I can get up the gull to do anything. Fingers crossed.

[milly007]

Yup, exactly. But the truth is that what you just wrote here—that he's a complete mystery—is what is inherently so exciting about people and romance. And potentially disappointing, of course. Or annoying. Or boring. But also: exciting!

 

Sure, there'd be some more "knowns" if this was someone at work, or school, but even then those "knowns" are kind of illusory. They may quell anxieties, provide a sense of familiarity, but still: total mystery at the core.

 

I'm just a big believer of leaning into that idea, with everyone.

 

You make good points, bluecastle, and you articulate yourself really well!

 

I'll see what I can do next time I see him!

[milly007]

Talk to him! This could be the start of something wonderful or something momentary lol. Just do it, then there will be no more guessing.

 

I'm going to try, Honeycomb. Here's hoping I don't freeze-up or literally trip!

[milly007]

All of this is just a great reminder of what men go through all the time. Society has made men, for the most part the pursuers.

Just remember this the next time a man gets the courage to talk to you.

 

I say go for it!

Life's too short to not take chances.

What's with worst that can happen, say he's not interested? Ok. .so not the best outcome, but it's more than you have now.

 

Have you seen the movie `Serendipity' ?

 

I agree, reinvent. I often wonder how men do it. It's a lot of pressure. I don't envy them or having to do this at all!

 

I'm going to try and say or do something about this. Just thinking about it makes me nervous, but hey, that's completely normal, and kinda part of the fun of it.

 

Also, I love that movie Serendipity! John Cusack is one of my favourite actors. :)

[milly007]

A huge smile always helps!

 

I agree, Wiseman! A smile goes a long way. This might be the least scary, but doable route to take if I see him again.

[milly007]

I can talk to ANYBODY and everybody....on the street...where ever! But no one I'm remotely attracted to!!!! Then I'd be nervous and avoidant. I don't find it hard to start idle chit-chat....it's continuing past that which is hard for me!

 

Hope you see Mr. Mysterious soon. After you changed jobs and walked a different way...he probably thought you were trying to avoid HIM!!! lol

 

Keep us posted. I'm NOT logical....I'm ALL HEART and ROMANCE!!!!

 

Lol, Realitynut, your posts make me smile/laugh! Thank you for that.

 

I'm the same. Can talk to anyone and everyone, regardless of where I am usually. But when it comes to something like this, I'm tongue-tied!

[milly007]

Is this the same guy you posted about over a year ago?

 

Hi Capricorn, yes, same guy!

 

boltnrun wondered the same at the beginning of the thread! :)

[milly007]

You guys are the best. Thanks all for the feedback!

[RideOrDie]

I agree, Wiseman! A smile goes a long way. This might be the least scary, but doable route to take if I see him again.

 

A smile, and great eye contact. Good luck!

[Ravenshead]

Hi Milly,

 

Firstly, take the shades off!

 

I’m a relatively new member of this site, although I’ve been following it and its brilliant members for many months now. Your thread, particularly the early posts, reminds me of an encounter I had in a library, (of all places) which may have some analogues with your experiences, but from a male's perspective.

 

Last summer, circumstances required me to spend a week in the local library. My daughter had enrolled on a weeklong acting workshop during the school holidays. I stayed in the library throughout the week so that she knew I was in the building should she need me.

 

Midway through the week (I’d been using the time to do some writing), a woman across the room caught my attention. She was with a man and I began to observe their body language. (I was writing a short story at the time and was in a phase of people watching.) I assumed they were together as she had a bouquet of flowers next to her. However, their body language was suggesting something different. After five minutes or so, the man stood up and left, and as he did, the woman and I made eye contact which extended beyond 4 seconds (which is recognised by psychologists as an ‘intimate’ amount of time). Try it with a friend; it becomes somewhat awkward after 4 seconds ;-).

 

I found the woman rather attractive, but broke eye contact first and resumed my laptop diatribe (but was still making surreptitious checks to see if she was still looking at me, which she was). A few moments later, she picked up her bouquet and walked, with significant confidence, towards me. Upon arriving at the table I was sat at, she said with absolute confidence, “Hi, how’s is going?” (wide-eyed, eyebrows raised).

 

My initial thought was, if I pause with my response, this could be embarrassing for both of us, but at the same time I thought, “WOW, that’s serious confidence!” and to be honest, I found it incredibly attractive. My immediate response was…”I’m good thanks, how are you? Nice bouquet of flowers!” I said this to establish whether or not the man who had just left had given them to her, and also to help reduce the potential for any awkward pauses.

 

It transpired that they were in fact just good friends, and that she had bought the flowers for her grandmother who was ill, and that she was about to visit her in hospital.

 

After a brief conversation about this she said:” I’ve never done this before, and I hope you don’t mind, but can I give you my number?” I responded immediately, but applied a tip I’d learned about what to do if it’s the woman who offers you her number, rather than the other way round. I said, “I tell you what, can I give you my number and then you can choose whether or not you want to contact me?” This took the pressure off both of us straight away. She’d had the confidence to ask, (which I hadn’t) and this approach passed the decision to her as to whether or not she wanted to potentially take things further. (I was still in awe of her confidence at this point).

Well, she did contact me and we spoke for about an hour and arranged to meet up again. Alas, ‘substantial’ unforeseen circumstances prevented that meeting from ever taking place, however, the point of the story is this:

 

The social narrative is that men should do the chasing. But let me assure you that men have just as many insecurities and lacks in confidence as women do, but with the added social pressure that presumed masculinity and ego should negate / subdue such things.

 

When a woman approaches a man with confidence and takes the lead, I can assure you that in many cases, men find it EXTREMELY attractive, especially if they’re on their own with no other males before which they might otherwise find it necessary to adopt an exaggerated display of masculinity.

 

They may not openly admit it (due to the social narrative) but I assure you, in many cases, it is most definitely the case.

As many in the thread have already suggested, go for it. Follow the white rabbit!

 

Take care.

[milly007]

Hi Milly,

 

Firstly, take the shades off!

 

I’m a relatively new member of this site, although I’ve been following it and its brilliant members for many months now. Your thread, particularly the early posts, reminds me of an encounter I had in a library, (of all places) which may have some analogues with your experiences, but from a male's perspective.

 

Last summer, circumstances required me to spend a week in the local library. My daughter had enrolled on a weeklong acting workshop during the school holidays. I stayed in the library throughout the week so that she knew I was in the building should she need me.

 

Midway through the week (I’d been using the time to do some writing), a woman across the room caught my attention. She was with a man and I began to observe their body language. (I was writing a short story at the time and was in a phase of people watching.) I assumed they were together as she had a bouquet of flowers next to her. However, their body language was suggesting something different. After five minutes or so, the man stood up and left, and as he did, the woman and I made eye contact which extended beyond 4 seconds (which is recognised by psychologists as an ‘intimate’ amount of time). Try it with a friend; it becomes somewhat awkward after 4 seconds ;-).

 

I found the woman rather attractive, but broke eye contact first and resumed my laptop diatribe (but was still making surreptitious checks to see if she was still looking at me, which she was). A few moments later, she picked up her bouquet and walked, with significant confidence, towards me. Upon arriving at the table I was sat at, she said with absolute confidence, “Hi, how’s is going?” (wide-eyed, eyebrows raised).

 

My initial thought was, if I pause with my response, this could be embarrassing for both of us, but at the same time I thought, “WOW, that’s serious confidence!” and to be honest, I found it incredibly attractive. My immediate response was…”I’m good thanks, how are you? Nice bouquet of flowers!” I said this to establish whether or not the man who had just left had given them to her, and also to help reduce the potential for any awkward pauses.

 

It transpired that they were in fact just good friends, and that she had bought the flowers for her grandmother who was ill, and that she was about to visit her in hospital.

 

After a brief conversation about this she said:” I’ve never done this before, and I hope you don’t mind, but can I give you my number?” I responded immediately, but applied a tip I’d learned about what to do if it’s the woman who offers you her number, rather than the other way round. I said, “I tell you what, can I give you my number and then you can choose whether or not you want to contact me?” This took the pressure off both of us straight away. She’d had the confidence to ask, (which I hadn’t) and this approach passed the decision to her as to whether or not she wanted to potentially take things further. (I was still in awe of her confidence at this point).

Well, she did contact me and we spoke for about an hour and arranged to meet up again. Alas, ‘substantial’ unforeseen circumstances prevented that meeting from ever taking place, however, the point of the story is this:

 

The social narrative is that men should do the chasing. But let me assure you that men have just as many insecurities and lacks in confidence as women do, but with the added social pressure that presumed masculinity and ego should negate / subdue such things.

 

When a woman approaches a man with confidence and takes the lead, I can assure you that in many cases, men find it EXTREMELY attractive, especially if they’re on their own with no other males before which they might otherwise find it necessary to adopt an exaggerated display of masculinity.

 

They may not openly admit it (due to the social narrative) but I assure you, in many cases, it is most definitely the case.

As many in the thread have already suggested, go for it. Follow the white rabbit!

 

Take care.

 

Hi Ravenshead! I'm glad you decided to join ENA. Welcome! :)

 

Thank you for sharing this story of yours (not to mention it would have taken you forever to type this out).

 

I appreciate you taking the time to share this and for your advice.

 

I haven't seen him since I posted this thread (haven't been in the direction where I normally see him), but I can assure you that if and when I do see him again, provided the circumstances allow for it, at the very least, I will smile at him.

 

And I agree with your first point regarding taking the shades off. I think I alluded to this at some point in this thread that eye contact is a must in a situation like this.

 

As I read your post I was hoping it was going to lead up to an amazing love story! :) Luv the circumstances of what transpired though. You just never know, right?

 

Thanks again. Your post is really appreciated!

[Realitynut]

Alas, ‘substantial’ unforeseen circumstances prevented that meeting from ever taking place,

 

ok...so I know this is Millys post....but geez....what was the 'substantial' unforeseen circumstance??? That prevented it from EVER taking place.....ugh....wanna know....