Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I would also like to add a little more about him so that people have some background. This is a guy who I initially thought was gay because of how sweet he is and the fact that he is literally on the CHEER team lol. He is very religious and holds those values deep to him, he's a theology major that wants to work with kids and help others. He calls his grandmother a couple of times a week just to check in. He does any amount of volunteer work he can get. He doesn't drink. He knows what he wants from life. He's insecure and I think sometimes tries to put on the face of someone he's not because his dorm is full of jock, self centered a******* so he thinks that's who he needs to be in college. This is a guy who chose to watch Me Before You and stood me up in the middle of the movie to slow dance with me to one of the songs. Last night he was sitting at my desk reading my favorite poetry books. This is not a guy who is your typical insensitive "I just want to get in her pants" type of guy. I have much more respect for myself than that which is also why I'm not diving into anything with him because I recognize the red flags but I also recognize his amazing qualities that are usually more prominent than the roommate drama. He sounds like he deserves sainthood. OP, why did create the thread? All you have done is defend this guy, and demonize your roommate. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 They have only known one another for a month. Hoe can you be best friends in a month. Terrible way to talk about your friend, OP. Bolded -- Was that some sort of Freudian slip or something? lol Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Bolded -- Was that some sort of Freudian slip or something? lol LOl!!!!!!!!!!! Not intended! Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 He sounds like he deserves sainthood. OP, why did create the thread? All you have done is defend this guy, and demonize your roommate. I am not at all demonizing my roommate, actually. I am trying to see this from both of their sides but in my personal opinion yes he instigates and can take the sarcasm too far, but she keeps him going and takes everything he says extremely personally when anyone else would laugh it off. They are both at fault and I just feel stuck in the middle. I also am not defending his actions. They are wrong, even if it's a harmless joke he knows it bothers her so he should stop. I am well aware that he needs to cut the crap, which is what I'm hoping will happen after we talk and if not I guess I'll have to take it from there. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Keep them apart from each other until you can switch roommates. Do you have to wait until the end of the semester to do that? It sounds like you are incompatible with your roommate and unsure of this guy you've been dating. You are not stuck in the middle, you've placed yourself there. I just feel stuck in the middle. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Well then back to Holly's earlier point, which I agreed with. Since he KNOWS she's overly-sensitive and reactionary to his "sarcastic" remarks, why does he continue? Does he get some sort of kick out of winding her up, upsetting her? Have you asked him to nip it? None of this is making a whole lot of sense to me, because none of it is necessary. If you insist on bringing them around each other, he really should be more sensitive to how sensitive she is and just stop the so-called sarcasm. Not everyone understands sarcasm or appreciates it. Link to comment
milly007 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 They both sound insecure and defensive, tbh. They're each protecting themselves from the other other by coming up with sarcastic, defensive remarks to attack the other, and as long as they both respond to each other in this way, this vicious cycle will continue. If they both can't (or maybe they just don't want to due to a personality clash) put their differences aside and be nice to each other, I'd just avoid spending time at your home. I wouldn't be surprised if deep down, they want to get along, as it's just easier and feels so much better whenever everyone gets along (plus, your boyfriend asked your friend at some point how her weekend was, yet she responded sarcastically, which would only add fuel to your boyfriend's sarcastic fire/tone and put him on the defence. So, the sarcastic exchange continues...). But, if their guards are up and neither is willing to call a truce, or if it's just a plain old personality clash, I'd spend my time elsewhere as these two will most likely never get along. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 They will probably be dating each other by next semester. Do you think he teases her because he's into her?he instigates and can take the sarcasm too far, but she keeps him going and takes everything he says extremely personally. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 They will probably be dating each other by next semester. Do you think he teases her because he's into her? I said this 4 pages ago!!!! LOL I agree, it would not be surprising at all if he and the roommate end up dating. My ex is living with a woman he told me he "can't stand" when he first met her. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 They will probably be dating each other by next semester. Do you think he teases her because he's into her? You have a point. He enjoys the "rise" he gets from her, turns him on knowing he has the "power" to elicit such a strong reacton through just a few words. Even if it's subconscious. Link to comment
milly007 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Not everyone understands sarcasm or appreciates it. I think this is a good point. I know a few people who quite obviously can't stand or tolerate sarcasm. There are certain forms of sarcasm that I can't stand either, mainly because the sarcasm can sound like it's coming from a place of contempt, or just sounds passive aggressive in general. OP, it wouldn't surprise me if your roommate is someone who isn't a fan of sarcasm (or at least, certain forms of sarcasm), so she goes on the defence and responds sarcastically to your very sarcastic boyfriend. If your boyfriend is as sarcastic as you claim he is, seems to be egging your roommate on, and he knows that his comments to your roommate bother you (he knows this, right?), then your boyfriend needs to take it down a few notches, chill out, and relax with the sarcastic comments. Link to comment
frustrated1 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 For what it's worth I too think he might have a bit of a thing for her. He seems like he's just teasing her, and probably telling you he doesn't like her so you won't catch on. Sorry OP but a lot of immature guys behave this way when they're into someone. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I said this 4 pages ago!!!! LOL I agree, it would not be surprising at all if he and the roommate end up dating. Yes you did, which just goes to show how, when provided with all the information, the entire story can change! I mean, most had this guy pegged as a bully, and now that we have all the information, it's more than likely his sarcastic teasing is reflective of his attraction to her! And I agree, wouldn't be surprised one bit if they eventually start dating. The tension between them is just too thick to not consider this possibility. Link to comment
milly007 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I said this 4 pages ago!!!! LOL I agree, it would not be surprising at all if he and the roommate end up dating. My ex is living with a woman he told me he "can't stand" when he first met her. You could be onto something boltnrun. If the boyfriend knows that the OP doesn't appreciate his sarcastic comments and the fact that he's egging on the roommate, one has to wonder why he continues to do it. He's clearly getting something out of it, whatever that may be. Link to comment
Clio Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 It sounds like they both have issues and are drama queens. The common denominator is you though. Why are you drawn to energy draining people like that? Imo, both relationships sound toxic. You should seriously reexamine your standards when it comes to the people that you choose to attach to. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 He's got the hots for her. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 He's got the hots for her. Yup and I think it's mutual too! Hence her over-reaction versus just letting it roll off. Such tension! lol Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Earlier I said they had bad energy. But what I think now is that there is just an energy! As in an attraction, chemistry. Thin line between love and hate and all that.... Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Kat..lol. Love your enthusiasm. Op, it does not matter if your roommate drinks or sleeps around, in the deep dark corners of his mind, he could actually find that attractive. Like his bad boy side coming out being as he's been like a saint. He see's this girl who is naughty and can't help but vie for her attentions. Of course he's going to tell you, "No, absolutely not"..he doesn't want to lose face with his puritan life. But on some level, he very well could be attracted and is ruffling her feathers to get her attention. Funnily enough, how you describe him being such a good boy and her a bad girl and how he behaves with her...you've convinced an entire board that he indeed has a thing for her, despite him saying he doesn't. He won't ever admit it, but it sure sounds like it. He can't seem to help himself. Link to comment
dias Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Hey!! So sorry I just logged back on lol was not expecting this amount of responses. But he has never ever said anything horrible to her, always just a little sarcastic joke like "you again" when she was in the room or last night he tried asking how her weekend was and she said "don't even pretend like you care" and he got really defensive and said " I was trying to be polite but I guess you're right I don't". Another example is she's been sick and she kept caughing so he jokingly said "I hope we don't get sick" and she got really upset about that, too. He has never called her any names, has never made fun of her or anything like that they just egg eachother on and yes he usual is the one to initiate it with an eye roll or something that could be avoided. But apparently he doesn't like her because she has a reputation for jumping from guy to guy every weekend and then stresses me out by putting her problems on me every time she gets hurt as if she was expecting her weekly hookup to turn into more. He also doesn't like the fact that when she gets drunk every weekend it ruins my night because I end up having to babysit. So he does have legitimate reasons not to like her, even if it's just that they don't click, but he needs to work on just being polite and mature and letting it go, and she needs to work on not seeing everything as an insult or an attack on her. As other members already mentioned he really enjoys these conversations. OP, I think you need to be a tad more "bad girl". Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Ha ha Dias, again being naughty. :) Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Agree. His laced up life is probably screaming for someone more like your roommate. I think you need to be a tad more "bad girl". Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Agree. His laced up life is probably screaming for someone more like your roommate. That's what my guess is too. His prim and proper is excited by the bad girl. Link to comment
dias Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Ha ha Dias, again being naughty. :) Good naughtiness is like condiments. They don't replace food itself but they make food delicious :) And come on, who doesn't enjoy naughty banters? Link to comment
calichick007 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 But apparently he doesn't like her because she has a reputation for jumping from guy to guy every weekend and then stresses me out by putting her problems on me every time she gets hurt as if she was expecting her weekly hookup to turn into more. He also doesn't like the fact that when she gets drunk every weekend it ruins my night because I end up having to babysit. It sounds like you need to stop telling him her personal business. Link to comment
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