hope19 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Lol I appreciate all of you trying to pin the situation on one specific cause - i.e him being attracted to her. And I totally understand why you would see it that way given you don't know either of them, but I can assure you to a point where I literally laughed out loud that this is not the case. I talked to him yesterday about it and the reasoning is that when they first met she was extremely cold towards him and her and her guy friend openly ridiculed everything he said right in front of his face, so his opinions formed from there. And he doesn't like how childish she can be especially when it ends up ruining my weekends or her rants about boys effect my ability to complete assignments. He told me he would prefer not to be around her because she makes him feel like he's walking on eggshells and he can't try having a polite yet joking conversation with her without her taking major offense. If he liked her he would absolutely prefer to keep picking on her and be in my room rather than his. And I'm already predicting your responses- he doesn't want to be around her because the feelings and "sexual tension" are too strong- but again I know that sounds like a juicy and interesting plot but that is simply 100% not the case lmao. We are also early enough into seeing each other that if he liked her he could have the total freedom to be with her or at least leave me behind. We haven't put a label on anything so technically he could do whatever he wanted. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 I think he should be polite and cordial to her as it is her home too. And that is all - no jokes, no banter. And you probably should stop gossiping about her to him. Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 I think he should be polite and cordial to her as it is her home too. And that is all - no jokes, no banter. And you probably should stop gossiping about her to him. I don't gossip about her to him, ever. She would talk about it whenever he was around almost as much as when he's not and he's usually with me on the weekends when I have to go to look after her. The only time I talked to him about her problems was when I had to go to his dorm to get a reading done because I couldn't focus in my room with her that night lol. Don't get me wrong I love my roommate she's a really great person she just gets herself into situations because she- like him and many others here- feels she has to fit a certain image. And she bounces from guy to guy because she's looking for a relationship but won't give up until she finds someone. She just happens to hookup with the guys before getting to know them so it almost never works out and she's quickly onto the next one. But yeah I would never gossip about her because she is my best friend here and a great roommate she's just immature in a lot of ways still. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 I don't gossip about her to him, ever. She would talk about it whenever he was around almost as much as when he's not and he's usually with me on the weekends when I have to go to look after her. The only time I talked to him about her problems was when I had to go to his dorm to get a reading done because I couldn't focus in my room with her that night lol. Don't get me wrong I love my roommate she's a really great person she just gets herself into situations because she- like him and many others here- feels she has to fit a certain image. And she bounces from guy to guy because she's looking for a relationship but won't give up until she finds someone. She just happens to hookup with the guys before getting to know them so it almost never works out and she's quickly onto the next one. But yeah I would never gossip about her because she is my best friend here and a great roommate she's just immature in a lot of ways still. I mean don't talk about her to him even in a positive way - unless it's factual like she's going out of town/going to be out on a particular day, etc. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 You seem very contemptuous of your roommate. Can you ask your dorm /college if you can switch roommates? It would solve a lot of your problems since you can't get along with her and resort to being passive-aggressive. You even claim "she's ruining your weekends"? Why can't you just do what you need to and want to do without blaming her? It's nasty to gossip about her to this guy. You seem to hate her so much that you are using this guy as a sounding board for your inability to get along with her. It makes sense now that you enjoyed him bullying her and in fact created that situation by demonizing her to him. All consistent with the other passive-aggressive tactics used here. The issue is your not getting along with her, not this guy who thought he had free reign to talk at her any way he saw fit.he doesn't like how childish she can be especially when it ends up ruining my weekends or her rants about boys effect my ability to complete assignments. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I talked to him yesterday about it and the reasoning is that when they first met she was extremely cold towards him and her and her guy friend openly ridiculed everything he said right in front of his face, so his opinions formed from there. In your initial post, you blamed your bf for instigating the animosity between them, making it seem like *he* was bullying her and she was some poor innocent victim. Now, eight pages in, we discover *she* was the one who created this toxicity, *she's* the bully! How could you still be friends, let alone best friends, with a girl who openly ridiculed your bf when she first met him?? This isn't a rhetorical question, I am dead serious when i ask this. She sounds horrible!! And why didn't you provide this new, very relevant, info in your initial post? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 A lot of backpedaling going on here now, OP. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I agree, a lot of back pedaling. Easier to toss the best friend under the bus than the so called bf? Link to comment
BeenThereB4 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Lol I appreciate all of you trying to pin the situation on one specific cause - i.e him being attracted to her. And I totally understand why you would see it that way given you don't know either of them, but I can assure you to a point where I literally laughed out loud that this is not the case. I talked to him yesterday about it and the reasoning is that when they first met she was extremely cold towards him and her and her guy friend openly ridiculed everything he said right in front of his face, so his opinions formed from there. And he doesn't like how childish she can be especially when it ends up ruining my weekends or her rants about boys effect my ability to complete assignments. He told me he would prefer not to be around her because she makes him feel like he's walking on eggshells and he can't try having a polite yet joking conversation with her without her taking major offense. If he liked her he would absolutely prefer to keep picking on her and be in my room rather than his. And I'm already predicting your responses- he doesn't want to be around her because the feelings and "sexual tension" are too strong- but again I know that sounds like a juicy and interesting plot but that is simply 100% not the case lmao. We are also early enough into seeing each other that if he liked her he could have the total freedom to be with her or at least leave me behind. We haven't put a label on anything so technically he could do whatever he wanted. He’s absolutely attracted to her and your argument attempting to prove otherwise actually solidifies that impression, especially because you are all college kids. Her being cold to him while another man ridiculed him, was sure to make his very insecure and inexperienced self attracted to her. Right away, she was established as being in a league above him. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is how many young guys think. They like the girls who clearly and openly do not like them. Of course he doesn’t want to hear about her weekend escapades because he is jealous of the guys that she chooses over him. It’s so obvious. If he wasn’t attracted to her, he would not care about this. His saying it’s because you are inconvenienced by this is just an excuse. I’m sure if he could get with her, your inconvenience would not matter one bit. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells around her because he cares about what she thinks. Of course she takes major offense to what he says because he IS being creepy and offensive. If he disliked her so much, he would never come into your room at all. There is simply no need for it. You guys can hang out in the lounge if his room is occupied. There is no reason for him to be in that room teasing her other than the fact that he enjoys it. We’re not pointing this out because we think it’s “juicy” and “interesting.” It’s actually pathetic and clichéd. We’re pointing this out because it is something obvious that we have all seen one million times before. Your boyfriend is attracted to your roommate. Also, it’s not as easy as him simply being with her if he wanted to. There are two people in that equation. From the sound of it, your roommate sincerely cannot stand your boyfriend because he is so rude to her. Maybe she also sees something creepy about him to which you happen to be turning a blind eye. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Her being cold to him while another man ridiculed him..... The OP posted *both* her roommate and roommate's guy friend ridiculed him, right to his face upon first meet. This is telling and completely changes the whole story as originally posted. Her roommate is the bully and I no longer think he is attracted to her, ick. It's not the most mature way to handle things but he is retaliating against her ridiculing him while at the same time trying to make the best of the situation -- hence him asking her how her weekend was and her responding with a snark. He should never have been exposed to this toxic person in the first place, let alone still being exposed to her, and it boggles the mind how OP would wish to be friends with someone like this. Anyone who ridicules my bf right to his face is not a nice person and NO friend of mine. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Strange though how she changed the story, don't you think, once everyone started in saying that there is something wrong with the bf? She did well on turning the 'best friend' into the villain. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Strange though how she changed the story, don't you think, once everyone started in saying that there is something wrong with the bf? She did well on turning the 'best friend' into the villain. Yes it is strange but it happens often from what I've seen -- as a thread continues, more information is disclosed, thus changing the entire story. First she left out what his "bullying" comments were (which comments turned out to be not bullying) and then she discloses that the reason he doesn't like her is because upon first meet, she bullied him! You could be right though Sherry, it's hard to know for sure, what is clear is that whatever *is* happening sounds toxic and OP has no business bringing him around her roommate, imo. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Sounds pretty typical. She doesn't want to lose the boyfriend so, under the bus goes the roommate! And so-called "best friend". Honestly, this happens a lot with college roommates, particularly in dorms. There is so little space, zero privacy and people with very different personalities are thrown together. Add in a boyfriend and bingo! Resentment brews until it boils over. My college roommate moved her boyfriend into our tiny dorm room. He stayed for almost a month, until I complained to the RA because talking to my roommate did nothing. I'm sure my roomie thought I was a "bully". Link to comment
milly007 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I'm wondering when the OP first became aware of the roommate ridiculing the boyfriend? I kinda got the impression based on her more recent post when she mentions the ridiculing that this is new information to her as well. Could be wrong there. I'm also curious to know if the roommate has complained about the boyfriend's behaviour towards her? Who knows what the true, actual story is here, but if the roommate actually did offend the boyfriend in the way that the OP describes, I'd hope she'd apologize. No wonder the bf is as sarcastic or defensive as you describe when around the roommate, OP. He's in self-defense mode. For this reason, I'm surprised he's actually willing to spend time at your home. I'd want to avoid the roommate altogether if I were him, including your living quarters. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Whatever is happening, the bf is not a tenant but a guest. I'd not bring him around if I were her, or I would treat my room like my apartment, and my living room like a public park. No reason to let this behavior fester. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Your friend should grow thicker skin. Your boyfriend should stop being a jack-ass. More importantly, to piggyback off ITIC, if you know his presence makes her uncomfortable in her own home, and at least to some extent understandably so, you should stop bringing him around. Right now, he gets to keep coming around and getting his rocks off pushing your sensitive friend's buttons. What incentive does he have to stop? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 He stopped.https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=554750&p=7058006&viewfull=1#post7058006 Right now, he gets to keep coming around and getting his rocks off pushing your sensitive friend's buttons. What incentive does he have to stop? Link to comment
Annia Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I haven't read the whole thread yet but if you want to keep dating him (despite this red flag...) you shouldn't meet with him at your place or when you do, in your room so that they don't have to interact. I don't know why he does this, but I've observed that some immature guys think it's flattering to the girl they're interested in to ignore or be rude to their female friends or maybe he just likes drama. I've noticed this on night settings where guys would purposely ignore or be rude to the other women except for the one they were interested in. Whatever the reason is, it shows immaturity. Edit: I've seen Wiseman's post now. I'm very sorry OP. Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 I haven't read the whole thread yet but if you want to keep dating him (despite this red flag...) you shouldn't meet with him at your place or when you do, in your room so that they don't have to interact. I don't know why he does this, but I've observed that some immature guys think it's flattering to the girl they're interested in to ignore or be rude to their female friends or maybe he just likes drama. I've noticed this on night settings where guys would purposely ignore or be rude to the other women except for the one they were interested in. Whatever the reason is, it shows immaturity. Edit: I've seen Wiseman's post now. I'm very sorry OP. Thank you, I have no idea what the reasoning is for his behavior but I couldn't stick around to find out and he didn't even bother to fight for me or try to own up to/fix his behavior so I don't need that. I miss him -a lot- but clearly he has too much growing up to do and I refuse to end up in an emotionally abusive relationship because a guy is emotionally unavailable and has yet to grow up. What's meant to be will be. Link to comment
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