Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I might agree he's a bully had OP not said that her roommate antagonizes him as much as he antagonizes her. Is she a bully too? OP, again I just don't get why you are subjecting them to each other. Spend time at his, or in your room for heaven's sake. He instigates it. I don't think we should focus on keeping them apart, but on the fact that he enjoys bullying. She should not want to date this type of guy. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I still think he's attracted to her. It's the older version of yanking on her pigtails or snapping her bra. It would also explain why he only does it to her. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Could very well be true, Bolt. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 ~Whenever he comes over while she's here the tension is unreal and he'll make an unnecessary rude comment that gets her going~ Yeah but she also said this: My roommate is sarcastic as well, however she also tends to be over sensitive and take EVERYTHING personally. Could it be possible that because she's so sensitive and takes everything so personally, she just interpreted his comment as rude? With someone else, they wouldn't interpret it as rude, maybe just teasing or trying to be playful, which if someone is overly sensitive and takes everything as personal, they interpret it as rude. I dunno just trying to see both sides. As I said, my friends haven't always liked my boyfriends and I haven't always liked theirs, just don't bring them around each other! OP said he's super kind and gets along with everyone else, does that not account for anything? He and her roommate just don't click! JMO Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Yeah but she also said this: My roommate is sarcastic as well, however she also tends to be over sensitive and take EVERYTHING personally. Could it be possible that because she's so sensitive and takes everything so personally, she just interpreted his comment as rude? I dunno just trying to see both sides. As I said, my friends always haven't liked my boyfriends and I haven't always liked their, just don't bring them around each other! it doesn't matter. The OP also said his comments were antagonistic. If you see that someone is annoyed, you do not continue. This is bullying. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Agree. The roommate is not marching into this jerk's place and attacking him and his people. More importantly it's her legal right to be there and her legal right to "peaceful enjoyment of the premises". She may be looking at places right now. That way mr numbskull can move in. It's not about who started it. It's also unclear why mr clown never takes the op out or invites her to his place. He can be as much of an arrogant turd as he wants at his own place. she's defending her space. She's got no where to go...it's HER home. This azz has no right to be stirring the pot in someone else's home. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Really Kat?! You're defending this guy? Since when did he have a right to bully her friend? Aren't new dates supposed to try to impress you by getting along with your friends? Or at least do their best? He's a jerk who is a bully...what else do you need to know? All it takes is one black mark...you shouldn't need more proof than that. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Hey OP, can you provide examples of some of these "rude" remarks he makes that get her so wound up? And her response? That would be helpful, at least for me, thanks! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Really Kat?! You're defending this guy? Since when did he have a right to bully her friend? Aren't new dates supposed to try to impress you by getting along with your friends? Or at least do their best? He's a jerk who is a bully...what else do you need to know? All it takes is one black mark...you shouldn't need more proof than that. JMO Sherry, and no I am not defending him. I need more info to really give a definitive opinion though. I asked OP to provide an example, I hope she does. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Agree. The roommate is not marching into this jerk's place and attacking him and his people. So now he's attacking her and her people? lol For the record, I am not defending him, just trying to see both sides until I get more information from OP re the types of comments he makes and how she responds. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Well, all I can say is, I sure feel sorry for the roommate. She can't even be comfortable or relaxed in her own place due to this jerk, and secondly, her friend keeps allowing it. I would be yelling at him telling him to smarten up, be nice to my friend, or there's the door!! And I would mean it!! He has no right to go into someone else's home and cause upset. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Well, all I can say is, I sure feel sorry for the roommate. She can't even be comfortable or relaxed in her own place due to this jerk, and secondly, her friend keeps allowing it. This I agree with! Specifically the bolded! OP, when you know there is animosity between your roommates/friends and your boyfriend, you don't bring them around each other. Again, this just makes NO sense! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 it doesn't matter. The OP also said his comments were antagonistic. If you see that someone is annoyed, you do not continue. This is bullying. That is a great point Holly! Since he knows his comments get her wound up, regardless of whether he's teasing or intentionally being rude or whatever, he should not continue! Ok guys, starting to come around now lol; I still hope OP provides examples though, but to Holly's point, agree!! Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 Hey OP, can you provide examples of some of these "rude" remarks he makes that get her so wound up? And her response? That would be helpful, at least for me, thanks! Hey!! So sorry I just logged back on lol was not expecting this amount of responses. But he has never ever said anything horrible to her, always just a little sarcastic joke like "you again" when she was in the room or last night he tried asking how her weekend was and she said "don't even pretend like you care" and he got really defensive and said " I was trying to be polite but I guess you're right I don't". Another example is she's been sick and she kept caughing so he jokingly said "I hope we don't get sick" and she got really upset about that, too. He has never called her any names, has never made fun of her or anything like that they just egg eachother on and yes he usual is the one to initiate it with an eye roll or something that could be avoided. But apparently he doesn't like her because she has a reputation for jumping from guy to guy every weekend and then stresses me out by putting her problems on me every time she gets hurt as if she was expecting her weekly hookup to turn into more. He also doesn't like the fact that when she gets drunk every weekend it ruins my night because I end up having to babysit. So he does have legitimate reasons not to like her, even if it's just that they don't click, but he needs to work on just being polite and mature and letting it go, and she needs to work on not seeing everything as an insult or an attack on her. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 This and the fact that he doesn't take you to his place or out, begs the question what you see in him. where he's just being an a******. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 So she's a tramp and a drunk on the weekends....hmmm...now I am wondering why this is your best friend? Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 OP, again I just don't get why you are subjecting them to each other. Spend time at his, or in your room for heaven's sake. we almost always go to his room, last night he just came to mine because it was on his way back from practice lol Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Is this a dormitory?we almost always go to his room, last night he just came to mine because it was on his way back from practice lol Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 I would also like to add a little more about him so that people have some background. This is a guy who I initially thought was gay because of how sweet he is and the fact that he is literally on the CHEER team lol. He is very religious and holds those values deep to him, he's a theology major that wants to work with kids and help others. He calls his grandmother a couple of times a week just to check in. He does any amount of volunteer work he can get. He doesn't drink. He knows what he wants from life. He's insecure and I think sometimes tries to put on the face of someone he's not because his dorm is full of jock, self centered a******* so he thinks that's who he needs to be in college. This is a guy who chose to watch Me Before You and stood me up in the middle of the movie to slow dance with me to one of the songs. Last night he was sitting at my desk reading my favorite poetry books. This is not a guy who is your typical insensitive "I just want to get in her pants" type of guy. I have much more respect for myself than that which is also why I'm not diving into anything with him because I recognize the red flags but I also recognize his amazing qualities that are usually more prominent than the roommate drama. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Hey!! So sorry I just logged back on lol was not expecting this amount of responses. But he has never ever said anything horrible to her, always just a little sarcastic joke like "you again" when she was in the room or last night he tried asking how her weekend was and she said "don't even pretend like you care" and he got really defensive and said " I was trying to be polite but I guess you're right I don't". Another example is she's been sick and she kept caughing so he jokingly said "I hope we don't get sick" and she got really upset about that, too. . I dunno, personally I don't find any of those comments to be terribly egregious or bullying necessarily. First comment - I would have responded, "yeah I live here, lol" Second comment -- In my opinion, that was her instigating it, not him. Third comment - I would have responded "you can always leave if you're so worried about it lol" I wouldn't have allowed those comments to wind me up or upset me. I might think he's a jerk, but I would tell my roommate I would appreciate it if you would spend time in your room when he's here. Thanks! Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 Is this a dormitory? yes in college Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 This and the fact that he doesn't take you to his place or out, begs the question what you see in him. we go to his place more often than mine. Link to comment
hope19 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 I dunno, personally I don't find any of those comments to be terribly egregious or bullying necessarily. First comment - I would have responded, "yeah I live here, lol" Second comment -- In my opinion, that was her instigating it, not him. Third comment - I would have responded "you can always leave if you're so worried about it lol" I wouldn't have allowed those comments to wind me up or upset me. I might think he's a jerk, but I would tell my roommate I would appreciate it if you would spend time in your room when he's here. Thanks! exactly lol. also see above reply to everyone so you can get a better idea of who he is outside of this situation Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 That is a great point Holly! Since he knows his comments get her wound up, regardless of whether he's teasing or intentionally being rude or whatever, he should not continue! Ok guys, starting to come around now lol; I still hope OP provides examples though, but to Holly's point, agree!! :) ........................... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 So she's a tramp and a drunk on the weekends....hmmm...now I am wondering why this is your best friend? They have only known one another for a month. How can you be best friends in a month? Terrible way to talk about your friend, OP. Link to comment
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