My Ex-Girlfriend of 5 Years Never Moved On and Still Wants To Get Back Together

[MIApac]

About 5 years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. She had bipolar disorder that she was not getting treated due to circumstances beyond her control. She was getting too clingy and demanding that I spend all of my free time with her. We argued constantly and she began getting physical with me. After we broke up, she harassed me for months, going back and forth between begging me for another chance and calling me in the middle of the night to berate me for breaking up with her.

 

In the years that followed, my life took off in ways it never did when we dated. I started running in Obstable course races and doing CrossFit workouts (two hobbies she was against me starting, when we were dating) and lost 55 lbs. I made a number of new friends and finally landed my dream job. I also have a new girlfriend, who I have been dating for a little over a year.

 

My ex, on the other hand, has struggled to move on. She bounces around from job to job and still scares away dating prospects with the same clingy habits that drove me away. Over the years, she has persistently tried to contact me to see if I would be interested in getting back together. Earlier in the year, she sent me a message asking me if I was interested in being friends but also told me that she missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. I responded by politely turning her down and blocking her email address.

 

Recently, I learned that my ex has started dating a new guy. Her new relationship isn't going too well and she still continues to pine for me. I learned from a friend who still talks to her that she has been asking about me and she regularly visits my Facebook page. She also has current pictures of me and my new girlfriend on her phone.

 

It's been 5 years and my ex has never moved on. How can I finally put an end to all of this?

[Annia]

By having her blocked and deleted on all platforms and social media. Don't answer, don't react, dont do anything. If necessary tell your friends to not keep her on the loop.

 

If she harasses you or your girlfriend go to the police.

[abitbroken]

If she has photos of YOU and your new girlfriend, that's really troubling. Its a bit obsessive. i agree - block her on all social media. If your girlfriend knows about her - insist that she block her as well. Instruct mutual friends that you don't want "updates" on her.

[figureitout23]

Ummmmm

 

This isnt a problem unless you make it one.

 

An ex pining over you is really not your concern. Stalking and unwanted communication? Absolutely, shes crossing a line, block and delete, and if shes still contacting you, look into getting an order of protection.

 

The fact that YOU know shes dating someone else and the details of the relationship is incredibly telling.

 

Time to be honest with yourself.

 

If this is truly something you want to end, block, delete, tell friends not to bring anything about her up, which after 5 years why would they? That alone is odd. But again, this isnt worth stressing over, its an easy fix.

[melancholy123]

This is pretty simple to resolve. Delete and block her from your phone and all social media. Then she cant contact you.

[ThatwasThen]

Can I ask why you haven't blocked and deleted her from being able to see your social media or contact you in anyway?

 

It's odd (to me anyway) that after five years you are so involved in her life when you know she's never gotten over you. The kind thing would be to go completely in communicato so that she can put you in the past where you belong.

 

Who she dates and how she gets along with him, I'm sure you'll agree, is really none of your concern anymore.

[catfeeder]

All of the above, plus stop engaging gossip about her. Anyone who raises her gets a demerit, an interruption, and a reminder that you're not accepting any discussion about her.

[bluecastle]

All of the above, which I suspect you knew verbatim when you posted this.

 

So, what's going on under the hood?

 

It would make sense to have some residue of guilt over a relationship like this. You moved on, she didn't. You're thriving, she's spinning. She still reaches for you to anchor those spins, which flicks on the little piece of your brain that feels a touch responsible for the spins by breaking up with you.

 

But you're not responsible for any of this. She's on her journey, in a long, tough nosedive that she may pull out of, or not. Regardless, that's her path.

 

There also might be a little teeny bit of your consciousness that still likes the attention, the idea that you're her "one," that lofty narrative she feeds you or that you can feed yourself through selective gossip. No shame in that, either. It's human. We all do it. Still, nothing good comes from it, so best to take the needed steps (the blocking, etc., listed above) to drown out the noise.

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as you continue to respond, she has you right where she wants you. At any rate, it appears you haven't completely let go, which speaks for itself.

[MIApac]

All of the above, which I suspect you knew verbatim when you posted this.

 

So, what's going on under the hood?

 

It would make sense to have some residue of guilt over a relationship like this. You moved on, she didn't. You're thriving, she's spinning. She still reaches for you to anchor those spins, which flicks on the little piece of your brain that feels a touch responsible for the spins by breaking up with you.

 

But you're not responsible for any of this. She's on her journey, in a long, tough nosedive that she may pull out of, or not. Regardless, that's her path.

 

There also might be a little teeny bit of your consciousness that still likes the attention, the idea that you're her "one," that lofty narrative she feeds you or that you can feed yourself through selective gossip. No shame in that, either. It's human. We all do it. Still, nothing good comes from it, so best to take the needed steps (the blocking, etc., listed above) to drown out the noise.

 

I have to admit, I do get a tiny kick out of the dating gaffes that my friend tells me about. Before she met the guy whose she's been seeing, she was weeding out potential dates by asking them if they voted for Donald Trump and scaring off those who were interested in dating her by telling them that she was bipolar before they went out. The guy she's seeing now has been engaged 4 times. I don't still have any feelings for her and I do understand the points made here and decided to block her from seeing my FB page. Everything else, e-mail addresses, phone numbers..etc has already been blocked and has been for years.

[Hollyj]

I do not have understand why you did not block her from everything 5 years ago? If you friends bring her up, tell them to never discuss her again.

 

I do not understand why you still know so much about this woman.

[sosavvy]

You said she regularly looks at your FB page?

But you also said she has been blocked on all platforms for years...

 

“I learned from a friend who still talks to her that she has been asking about me and she regularly visits my Facebook page.”

 

I’m confused. And she has pictures of you AND your girlfriend on her phone?

 

It’s been 5 years. This is weird and you’re not being totally honest. I’m more concerned for the girl you’re dating now.

[Wiseman2]

If you moved on and "she didn't", why do you care or keep tabs on her dating life? It's astonishing that you haven't blocked her from all your social media and/or reset it to more private settings. 😲

I learned that my ex has started dating a new guy. Her new relationship isn't going too well and she still continues to pine for me.

[hyden]

I do not have understand why you did not block her from everything 5 years ago? If you friends bring her up, tell them to never discuss her again.

 

I do not understand why you still know so much about this woman.

 

Because he enjoys it. Contrary to the last line in his OP, he doesn't want this fixed, it boosts his self-esteem. He enjoys hearing about her failures. He admitted as such two posts ago. It's rather disgusting.