Felt total disapointment

[katrina1980]

And if he had said no the friend can’t come he would have looked like a t..t then too.

 

There was nothing to say "no" to though.

 

From what I read, OP never asked or even suggested she join them.

 

She and her date spontaneously ran into her, and her date invited the friend to join.

 

Anyway, nuff said from me, letting this go, doesn't matter at this point.

 

What's done is done, perhaps some lessons to be learned for both of them, perhaps not, that's up to them..

[Seraphim]

I think some lessons indeed.

[boltnrun]

OP, were you also getting food? Or were you just standing in the line to keep your friend company?

 

If I were on a date and a friend tagged along, I wouldn't expect my date to stand there next to me doing nothing while my friend waited for food. I doubt I would have agreed to stand there with her either. If you weren't also getting food, why did you need to stand there with her?

[Sportster2005]

There's three sides to every story. Her side, his side, and the truth.

 

Regardless of what happened, and what didn't happened, if you're upset with him, dump him. If something this seemingly simple sets you off, you're not a good match.

[mg22]

OP, were you also getting food? Or were you just standing in the line to keep your friend company?

 

If I were on a date and a friend tagged along, I wouldn't expect my date to stand there next to me doing nothing while my friend waited for food. I doubt I would have agreed to stand there with her either. If you weren't also getting food, why did you need to stand there with her?

 

He stood in line as he also wanted to buy food for himself, he drifted away, i thought he was taking pictures then i lost sight of him ! he could have come back to the spot i was in if he wanted to , i didnt walk away he did.

[katrina1980]

 

i didnt walk away he did.

 

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but I find it interesting how we all respond so differently to things. No right or wrong, just different.

 

When I really put myself in OP’s shoes, I don’t even think I would have gone looking for him.

 

My date walks away and disappears on our date – Bye! I will enjoy the rest of the event with my friend (who again HE invited).

 

He was the one who disappeared/walked away, he can text or come looking for me.

 

Once he found me (IF he ever found me), I would NOT have attitude about it; I would be like “hey what happened to you, we lost you!” happy and with a smile, knowing full well HE had walked away, which he knows too.

 

You can call me a princess, high maintenance, a bytch, whatever you want, but my attitude generates respect from the men I date and I get treated very well in my relationships barring a few hiccups here and there.

[mustlovedogs]

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but I find it interesting how we all respond so differently to things. No right or wrong, just different.

 

When I really put myself in OP’s shoes, I don’t even think I would have gone looking for him.

 

My date walks away and disappears on our date – Bye! I will enjoy the rest of the event with my friend (who again HE invited).

 

He was the one who disappeared/walked away, he can text or come looking for me.

 

Once he found me (IF he ever found me), I would NOT have attitude about it; I would be like “hey what happened to you, we lost you!” happy and with a smile, knowing full well HE had walked away, which he knows too.

 

You can call me a princess, high maintenance, a bytch, whatever you want, but my attitude generates respect from the men I date and I get treated very well in my relationships barring a few hiccups here and there.

 

Conversely, try putting yourself in his shoes. Your date wants to stand in a food line. Do you stand there or say hi to the people who speak your native language?

[katrina1980]

Conversely, try putting yourself in his shoes. Your date wants to stand in a food line. Do you stand there or say hi to the people who speak your native language?

 

He stood in line as he also wanted to buy food for himself, he drifted away,

 

According to the latest from the OP, he was also standing in line to get food; he was there, then he wasn't.

 

HE walked away to go do whatever, without informing OP (his date). Disappeared she could not find him.

 

The women he had met earlier on the metro were off doing their own thing too.

 

Apparently he found them, and when OP spotted him (after 20 minutes of trying to find where he was at), he was chatting with these other women.

 

After really thinking about this, for me this has zero to do with the other women, or whatever he was doing.

 

It's more about how he chose to suddenly disappear, leaving the food line where we were all standing to go do WHATEVER.

 

I mean come on MLD, if your date got bored and wanted to go take pictures, would not have he had just told you that? "Hey I'm bored waiting in line, I'm gonna go take some pics." Still within sight of his date.

 

Instead of just walking away and disappearing without saying a word? I mean come on, what is that?

 

I'm sorry I just don't find that acceptable, if you do that's your prerogative.

 

I realize I'm the lone wolf here (except for Hopeful), but that's okay.

 

We all do what we need to do, what's best for us in any given situation, no right or wrong.

[figureitout23]

Kat you seem to be getting yourself in such a tizzy lately because you insist on reading the post on the surface level and taking it for what it is

 

Your prerogative, we all interpret things differently

 

 

Maybe he shouldnt have walked away the way he did, but you cant say her reaction was what a mature adult does. And the great fact someone pointed out, odds are hes done with her anyway and she doesnt believe what she did is wrong (on the surface) so why ask for advice?

 

Im gonna put on my amateur Dr. hat here and say deep down she knows what shes doing is petulant and childlike and she needs to change, but her defenses are up, which they always are, again someone else pointed it out and i'll be darned the history shows, its always someone else fault with her, again her defenses are up but she KNOWS something isn't right with her actions. We make her mad, she doubles down.

 

Im not the problem, they are, see how they treat me?

 

Her previous toxic relationship left her with self esteem and trust issues, which manifested itself on this date.

 

And low blow with the whole 'women need to up their standards'. You would be ok with a date making a scene and storming off and not talking to you about it? Didnt you have a similar misunderstanding? Didnt the guy stop you and talk to you and explain the situation and it turned out it wasnt what you thought? So were your standards too low? Because you were an adult and you waited to hear his side?

 

She acted like a child, theres no way to sugar coat that.

[katrina1980]

@ figureitout, lol at me being in a "tizzy," -- a bit of a stretch, but sure I will own that I've been posting a lot on this thread; I have no problem owning that.

 

Anyway, not sure if you read my post agreeing with HealingLight, who said:

 

>>"I would have made a mental note and let it go. You're still getting to know him so you can't know his intentions yet. I'm inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt until they've shown me they're not trustworthy. Blowing him off entirely in the way that you did seems like an impulsive overreaction and passive aggressive to me."

 

So yeah I agree with you, OP did not handle the situation well either. Which is also why I said there were lessons to be learned by both of them.

 

As for me, again, my date walks away without telling me, I would not have gone looking for him; I would have simply enjoyed the rest of the event with my friend.

 

Once we reconnected, whenever that was, I would not have had attitude about it. None whatsoever.

 

After only 1.5 months, after hearing his side, and depending on what that was, I would simply re-assess whether or not I wished to continue dating a man who chose to treat me that way.

 

And YES I did learn something after that experience with my last ex, who when I arrived at his apartment, had another women there, a BIG lesson.

 

Which is why had this been me (in this situation), I would not have attitude about it and listened to what he had to say before determining what my next step would be (continue dating him or walk away).

[mustlovedogs]

According to the latest from the OP, he was also standing in line to get food; he was there, then he wasn't.

 

HE walked away to go do whatever, without informing OP (his date). Disappeared she could not find him.

 

The women he had met earlier on the metro were off doing their own thing too.

 

Apparently he found them, and when OP spotted him (after 20 minutes of trying to find where he was at), he was chatting with these other women.

 

After really thinking about this, for me this has zero to do with the other women, or whatever he was doing.

 

It's more about how he chose to suddenly disappear, leaving the food line where we were all standing to go do WHATEVER.

 

I mean come on MLD, if your date got bored and wanted to go take pictures, would not have he had just told you that? "Hey I'm bored waiting in line, I'm gonna go take some pics." Still within sight of his date.

 

Instead of just walking away and disappearing without saying a word? I mean come on, what is that?

 

I'm sorry I just don't find that acceptable, if you do that's your prerogative.

 

I realize I'm the lone wolf here (except for Hopeful), but that's okay.

 

We all do what we need to do, what's best for us in any given situation, no right or wrong.

 

It’s possible he felt disrespected. I would if a friend came on a date. He may have included her because he felt awkward and obligated.

 

I’m with everyone else on this - it’s rude to bring a +1 on a date and expect it to be a date.

 

But this thread has gone on way too long. The arguments are going in circles.

[j.man]

Methinks the OP is willing to fill in the dots to as necessary in order to fit a narrative worthy of an awful episode of Gossip Girl so that she can justify behaving like a child. She's made countless references to him, as a matter of fact, having gone off to take pictures. Now it's, "I thought..." What, was he going to take pictures of the menu and the awesome crowded line? I think figureitout nailed it in that if a dude were to scoff and flip his hair, running off, we'd all laugh him out of town, as well we should anyone, man or woman, who acts in such a way. From the shaky details, to her referring to the women as "trashy" or "sl*tty," to her obsession over having met these women on the METRO, I'm actually willing to take her initial account precisely at face value, but not all the subsequent details coming out of the woodwork in order to save face.

[mustlovedogs]

@ figureitout, lol at me being in a "tizzy," -- a bit of a stretch, but sure I will own that I've been posting a lot on this thread; I have no problem owning that.

 

Anyway, not sure if you read my post agreeing with HealingLight, who said:

 

>>"I would have made a mental note and let it go. You're still getting to know him so you can't know his intentions yet. I'm inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt until they've shown me they're not trustworthy. Blowing him off entirely in the way that you did seems like an impulsive overreaction and passive aggressive to me."

 

So yeah I agree with you, OP did not handle the situation well either. Which is also why I said there were lessons to be learned by both of them.

 

As for me, again, my date walks away without telling me, I would not have gone looking for him; I would have simply enjoyed the rest of the event with my friend.

 

Once we reconnected, whenever that was, I would not have had attitude about it. None whatsoever.

 

After only 1.5 months, after hearing his side, and depending on what that was, I would simply re-assess whether or not I wished to continue dating a man who chose to treat me that way.

 

And YES I did learn something after that experience with my last ex, who when I arrived at his apartment, had another women there, a BIG lesson.

 

Which is why had this been me (in this situation), I would not have attitude about it and listened to what he had to say before determining what my next step would be (continue dating him or walk away).

 

Double posting - but would you bring a friend on a date?

[katrina1980]

Double posting - but would you bring a friend on a date?

 

Hmmm, wondering (and I don't say this to be snarky) did you miss the part where OP said they ran into her spontaneously and HE invited her to join them?

 

Not sure what choice she had but to go along with it, whether she wanted her to join or not.

 

That said, to answer your question, no *I* personally would not have invited her to join us.

[mustlovedogs]

Hmmm, wondering (and I don't say this to be snarky) did you miss the part where OP said they ran into her spontaneously and HE invited her to join them?

 

Not sure what choice she had but to go along with it, whether she wanted her to join or not.

 

That said, to answer your question, no *I* personally would not have invited her to join us.

 

Cmon Kat. Do you really think he WANTED her friend there? Really?

 

I almost guarantee OP was enthusiastic and the guy felt awkward and did it to be nice.

[katrina1980]

Methinks the OP is willing to fill in the dots to as necessary in order to fit a narrative worthy of an awful episode of Gossip Girl so that she can justify behaving like a child. She's made countless references to him, as a matter of fact, having gone off to take pictures. Now it's, "I thought..." What, was he going to take pictures of the menu and the awesome crowded line? I think figureitout nailed it in that if a dude were to scoff and flip his hair, running off, we'd all laugh him out of town, as well we should anyone, man or woman, who acts in such a way. From the shaky details, to her referring to the women as "trashy" or "sl*tty," to her obsession over having met these women on the METRO, I'm actually willing to take her initial account precisely at face value, but not all the subsequent details coming out of the woodwork in order to save face.

 

You know what j.man, you make some really good points.

 

So many in fact, I really need to reassess how I am so willing to take whatever is said at face value, not even considering what had been said earlier, which I had also taken at face value! So I am gonna own that.

 

And yeah tbh I too had been thinking, in her initial post she claimed he was off taking pics and they lost sight of him.

 

And then in her last post, she claimed he was also standing in line getting food and he suddenly walked away and disappeared!

 

Two entirely different scenarios - thanks for pointing that out and sort of calling me out on that.

[Seraphim]

Cmon Kat. Do you really think he WANTED her friend there? Really?

 

I almost guarantee OP was enthusiastic and the guy felt awkward and did it to be nice.

That is what I think too.

[katrina1980]

Cmon Kat. Do you really think he WANTED her friend there? Really?

 

I almost guarantee OP was enthusiastic and the guy felt awkward and did it to be nice.

 

I don't know, I wasn't there - however, and per my last post, I am willing to own that I take far too many of these posts at face value, something I need to think about.

 

In real life, I am spot on with how I'm able to read and judge a situation, through tone of voice, body language, and basically just knowing the person.

 

But reading it in an anonymous post, you don't get the benefit of any of that.

[mustlovedogs]

I don't know, I wasn't there - however, and per my last post, I am willing to own that I take far too many of these posts at face value, something I need to think about.

 

In real life, I am spot on with how I'm able to read and judge a situation, through tone of voice, body language, and basically just knowing the person.

 

But reading it in an anonymous post, you don't get the benefit of any of that.

 

And that’s why people read between the lines.

 

Let’s take it at face value.

 

New guy sees OPs friend and wants friend there.

 

Wouldn’t you think that’s a bigger problem? I would HATE it if a guy I was dating was excited to see one of my friends on a date. That would be a red flag!

[boltnrun]

Yeah, in the OP it said her friend wanted food and the guy went off to take pictures. Now it's the guy also wanted food and she thought he went off to take pictures.

[katrina1980]

And that’s why people read between the lines.

 

Let’s take it at face value.

 

New guy sees OPs friend and wants friend there.

 

Wouldn’t you think that’s a bigger problem? I would HATE it if a guy I was dating was excited to see one of my friends on a date. That would be a red flag!

 

LOL there are so many different scenarios - tbh what I first thought (based on OP's earlier postings) was that he actually wanted OP's friend there, so he would feel less guilty going off and doing his own thing!

 

Isn't it crazy how we all put our own spin on things?!!

[Batya33]

I agree and would have prioritized my date over waiting with the friend for food. She has a phone and could have met up later.

 

Reminds me of something that happened ten years ago. My now husband was at a wedding with me. I went to use the restroom and was gone a long time because I was pregnant and not feeling great (but not yet showing). I returned probably 15 minutes later and feeling better. He was on the dance floor swing dancing with a random girl. The bride and groom were swing dancers and In swing dancing you choose whatever partner you want. But this was a wedding. There I was pregnant and hormonal and my boyfriend is dancing with another chick. He spotted me and came over right away.

 

Turns out the woman had pressured him into swing dancing and he told her his girlfriend probably wouldn’t like it but she persisted and he didn’t know what to do. I believed him 100% and never doubted him for a moment. Yes when we were dancing later and she was nearby I gave her a few studied looks and I believe I wasn’t too concerned when she later tripped (she was fine and I wasn’t sorry she tripped). It’s all about perspective and trusting.

 

Was it rude what your date did? Maybe - certainly poor judgment. But the whole situation between your friend honing in on your date and a crowded festival and women who spoke his language - I mean stuff happens. You have to roll with it. Yes if three times in a row he’s off chatting with other people endlessly while on a date with you - then you tell him using I statements that if he’s on a date with you he should spend the majority of the time with you with rare exception. Later when you’re an established couple then sure it might be fun to mingle at a party separately then dish about everyone later. Depends what floats your boat. But you wanted him by your side and not chatting with the ladies because of insecurity. Not because he abandoned you. You were with your friend. That was your choice. You made this far more complicated than it needed to be IMO.

 

I think he makes a lot of excellent points; his writing style/tone are not for everyone (though I don't have a problem with them at all) which I think puts some off from listening to what he has to say.

 

To the OP, I hope you can look past the "sarcasm" to see the valid points: 1) That standing in a long line for food with a friend while you were on a date maybe wasn't something your date wanted to do); 2) That if the situation were reversed, you might feel differently about it; 3) That walking out without saying anything to him wasn't really fair. He had no idea you were upset/what you were upset about, probably, and he was probably left confused by it.

 

Again, it seems that there's an incompatibility here in terms of expectations of behavior, etc., and it's probably better that you found out now rather than later.

[itsallgrand]

I just wouldn't expect someone to wait alone at a crowded venue, on a date no less, while I stand in a long line with a friend. It doesn't make much sense, not if you are wanting to make him feel welcomed and included.

Your friend could have met you back at x place after getting her food. I wouldn't think twice, as a friend, of going off alone and meeting back up with a couple or a group.

He probably just felt awkward. So he started chatting with people. And- it was a party .

Then you took off and left him there. Pretty harsh.

 

I'd leave it be now. If this is enough to not want to see him anymore, ok then, incompatible for sure.

[LootieTootie]

If an innocuous situation becomes a deal breaker then you really need to step back and reflect why are you being such a butthead.

[j.man]

If an innocuous situation becomes a deal breaker then you really need to step back and reflect why are you being such a butthead.

First I've read of this woman, but I now love her.