Felt total disapointment

[browneyedgirl36]

Know what's disrespectful? Even if he weren't "lost." Even if he were two blocks away, ready to come back at a moment's notice. The fact she didn't call him after he'd waited for her and her friend to get the food her friend wanted despite the intrusion to their scheduled date the lack of respect for his time he'd set aside to go on this date is almost the very Oxford dictionary definition of "princess." Like he's supposed to be calling her or tracking back to the restaurant on intervals so that her highness can have the benefit of him waiting outside like a hitched dog.

 

I mean, that this line was even a thing that happened is itself baffling. I got sympathy for a hungry friend, but if I've got someone who has dedicated her time to a date and my friend wants to show up last minute, that friend either eats beforehand or settles for a bag of pretzels out of 7-11. How disrespectful to your date and their time to leave them to entertain themselves (or needlessly stand in a crowded line) because Lady Bianca just showed up and she wants a prepared meal.

 

If he were the one to have his friend join them on their date last minute and tell his lady, "Yo, we're gonna stand in line for awhile because Mikey's hungry," that alone would probably have you ****ing a brick, never mind if the lady did what she needed to in order to keep herself entertained only for the guy to never so much as call or text her once they'd actually gotten the food.

 

I agree with a lot of this. I mean, if I were on a date with someone, and a friend of mine showed up and wanted me to wait in a long line with her to get food, I'd probably say "Hey, I'd love to catch up with you, but I don't really want to stand in this line. Text me once you get your food, and me and my date will meet up with you and hang out." (I also hate standing in long lines -- even for food -- so I just wouldn't want to do it anyway!) I agree with jman that if the situation were reversed, and HE wanted to wait in line with HIS friend, you wouldn't have liked it because he was supposed to be on a date with you. I mean, if I'm on a date, I'm on a date, and if I run into a friend, unless that friend is having an emergency, she's not my priority at that point -- my date is.

 

As for him talking to those girls, the story seems to have gone from him "talking" to them to him "flirting" with them (and them looking "trashy," etc.) Is it possible that he was just being polite? Or, that maybe he doesn't run into a ton of people who speak his first language, and he was happy to have people to converse with while you waited in line? It seems as though you want to think the worst of him, but is it possible that he wasn't flirting, but just having a friendly conversation? I talk to many males, even when I'm out with my fiancee, and I'm definitely not flirting with them. Similarly, he has talked to women when out with me -- like I'll excuse myself to go to the restroom and come back and he's talking to someone in line next to him, etc. -- and it doesn't bother me at all because I don't suspect that he's out looking for other women.

 

In any case, I agree with those who say it sounds like you two are just incompatible. If you're this upset with him this early on over something like this, it will only get worse as time goes on. Probably best to just let him go and move forward.

[Hollyj]

I got to laugh at your story line, you weren't there and have no idea what happened, but i forgot you must continue your sarcastic stories because you have a audience here that applauds to your disrespected comments.

 

He stated the truth, sister. Too bad you are not listening.

 

Yes. I am a fan of Jman!

[shessofly]

Mg22, your OP asked for everyone’s thoughts on your date. You seem upset with most who have shared. What were you really looking for here?

 

From what you shared I do think you overreacted. I’d probably give someone I just started seeing the benefit of the doubt as it seems the entire scenario (third wheel friend, long food line, crowded space) was pretty much a date killer. You could have explained why you were upset at a more appropriate time rather than storming off. You said you really liked the guy but it was “strike one & you’re out”. He can’t read your mind and was still getting to know you. On top of that there may be some different interpretation of the situation based on cultural differences. Could have been a learning/communication experience for both of you...but you did what you felt right so it seems he just wasn’t so great (for you) after all. On to the next one, I guess.

[browneyedgirl36]

He stated the truth, sister. Too bad you are not listening.

 

Yes. I am a fan of Jman!

 

I think he makes a lot of excellent points; his writing style/tone are not for everyone (though I don't have a problem with them at all) which I think puts some off from listening to what he has to say.

 

To the OP, I hope you can look past the "sarcasm" to see the valid points: 1) That standing in a long line for food with a friend while you were on a date maybe wasn't something your date wanted to do); 2) That if the situation were reversed, you might feel differently about it; 3) That walking out without saying anything to him wasn't really fair. He had no idea you were upset/what you were upset about, probably, and he was probably left confused by it.

 

Again, it seems that there's an incompatibility here in terms of expectations of behavior, etc., and it's probably better that you found out now rather than later.

[katrina1980]

He stated the truth, sister. Too bad you are not listening.

 

Yes. I am a fan of Jman!

 

The truth from j.man's perspective.

 

Just like what I posted is the truth from my perspective. And what everyone else posted is their truth.

 

In reality, there is mg's side, her date's side - the TRUTH lay somewhere in the middle most likely.

 

And I am a fan of j.man too!

[Seraphim]

I think he makes a lot of excellent points; his writing style/tone are not for everyone (though I don't have a problem with them at all) which I think puts some off from listening to what he has to say.

 

To the OP, I hope you can look past the "sarcasm" to see the valid points: 1) That standing in a long line for food with a friend while you were on a date maybe wasn't something your date wanted to do); 2) That if the situation were reversed, you might feel differently about it; 3) That walking out without saying anything to him wasn't really fair. He had no idea you were upset/what you were upset about, probably, and he was probably left confused by it.

 

Again, it seems that there's an incompatibility here in terms of expectations of behavior, etc., and it's probably better that you found out now rather than later.

That is what I was saying if I was on a date I would not want to stand in line with somebody’s friend while they got food just no. I would not have invited the friend on my date. And I would have told my date not to invite them either. And the friend wanting people to wait in a long butt line is rude . Bring a sandwich with you .

[browneyedgirl36]

Mg22, your OP asked for everyone’s thoughts on your date. You seem upset with most who have shared. What were you really looking for here?

 

From what you shared I do think you overreacted. I’d probably give someone I just started seeing the benefit of the doubt as it seems the entire scenario (third wheel friend, long food line, crowded space) was pretty much a date killer. You could have explained why you were upset at a more appropriate time rather than storming off. You said you really liked the guy but it was “strike one & you’re out”. He can’t read your mind and was still getting to know you. On top of that there may be some different interpretation of the situation based on cultural differences. Could have been a learning/communication experience for both of you...but you did what you felt right so it seems he just wasn’t so great (for you) after all. On to the next one, I guess.

 

Good points. I wonder something, too: Some people hate crowds/lines/big events (I know I do!) and while they won't say anything, they're really uncomfortable in those situations and have ways they cope -- like finding a person or two to latch onto and talk to, going off by themselves and sitting somewhere quiet, not being very talkative, etc. And, it being a date with someone fairly new to them, there can be nervousness there, too. We just don't know what the guy's thought process might have been. In his mind, he may have just been handling a situation in which he didn't feel entirely comfortable. And, I agree, there may be a cultural difference that accounts for his actions, too.

[Seraphim]

I hate crowds myself. I have PTSD and become incredibly irrationally angry when stuck in crowds and do just about anything to avoid them .

[Hollyj]

Mg22, your OP asked for everyone’s thoughts on your date. You seem upset with most who have shared. What were you really looking for here?

 

From what you shared I do think you overreacted. I’d probably give someone I just started seeing the benefit of the doubt as it seems the entire scenario (third wheel friend, long food line, crowded space) was pretty much a date killer. You could have explained why you were upset at a more appropriate time rather than storming off. You said you really liked the guy but it was “strike one & you’re out”. He can’t read your mind and was still getting to know you. On top of that there may be some different interpretation of the situation based on cultural differences. Could have been a learning/communication experience for both of you...but you did what you felt right so it seems he just wasn’t so great (for you) after all. On to the next one, I guess.

 

If you read the history, this is how she responds. She gets very defensive and feels attacked. She does not take the advice to heart.

[katrina1980]

 

You could have explained why you were upset at a more appropriate time rather than storming off. You said you really liked the guy but it was “strike one & you’re out”. He can’t read your mind and was still getting to know you. On top of that there may be some different interpretation of the situation based on cultural differences. Could have been a learning/communication experience for both of you..

 

While I find what he did to be disrespectful (see previous posts), I actually agree with this^^!

 

And upon further reflection, might have done that as well, depending on how everything else was going up to that point.

 

Rather than just a straight NEXT.

[maew]

That is what I was saying if I was on a date I would not want to stand in line with somebody’s friend while they got food just no. I would not have invited the friend on my date. And I would have told my date not to invite them either. And the friend wanting people to wait in a long butt line is rude . Bring a sandwich with you .

 

Exactly... just NO.

[katrina1980]

My friend who joined us lives in my building, we walked to the metro together and he was the one that said would you like to join us, i dont think that was rude.

 

If her date didn't want the friend to join, why did he suggest she join them?

 

Only to get bored while they were getting food (I presume for all of them) and wander off to chat up other chicks?

 

HE has a voice, if he didn't want her to join, he should not have suggested she join!

 

And if HE doesn't like large crowds (which I actually understand as I don't either) then why propose or agree to attend an event with large crowds?

 

Only to, again, wander off and chat up other chicks? What does him not liking large crowds have to do with him becoming bored and wandering off to chat up other chicks?

 

The longer this thread goes on, the more bizarre it becomes! lol

 

I mean it's like that game I used to play as a kid "Telephone" - by the time the story gets to the end of the line (in this case page 12) the entire premise of the story has changed!

[JoyfulCompany]

I mean it's like that game I used to play as a kid "Telephone" - by the time the story gets to the end of the line (in this case page 12) the entire premise of the story has changed!

 

We have that game in my country, too. But it's called something like "A broken phone". And, funnily enough, you're contributing for the broken phone again (as you did with 'him claiming he got lost').

 

while they were getting food (I presume for all of them)

 

i was with another friend ( girl) and she wanted to buy some food so i stood with her in the very long line

 

[katrina1980]

LOL, well you got me there JC.

 

We all have our own spin I guess.

 

As I said earlier, the truth lying somewhere in between all of it.

[journeynow]

I'd back the date wagon up to this and reconsider if it was a non-date in the first place:

My friend who joined us lives in my building, we walked to the metro together and he was the one that said would you like to join us, i dont think that was rude.

 

Once a friend joins, is it really a date?

[indea08]

Just throwing this out there....no one knows if he was chatting up chicks....flirting with chicks....getting numbers...talking politics from their country....asking for directions.

 

We have no idea what he was doing. But I'm betting it was not inappropriate as he tried to waive the OP over to them before she stomped off like a child...

[Pleasedonot5]

I'd like to give two cents here too. My mom always says that the truth is somewhere in the middle. My take on this twelve pages as a neutral third-party observer is that

 

1) It was weird to invite a friend along on what was seemingly supposed to be a romantic date (?). Maybe it was one of those things where the friend imposed and he felt uncomfortable so he invited the friend along. Tactical miscalculation for both of you to let that happen if on a serious date.

 

2a) OP didn't make her intentions clear about wanting him to stay in line with her and her friend. She didn't text or call.

 

2b) He didn't text or call her either. He wandered and found some friends. 10 dates in, not terribly weird to wander if you're bored on a casual/group date. I think this is fine. I'm sure he figured OP'd text him. If OP was upset about him wandering (she wasn't, initially, so katrina, as much as I agree with your point about the lack of chivalry of him walking off, I don't think OP was upset about that part even though you and I would be) again she could have texted.

 

3) OP and her friend found food. She didn't text to ask where he was or to meet up, which is a little strange if they were looking for him. It further makes me believe that this date was treated nonchalantly by all parties.

 

4) OP saw him with attractive women which hurt her ego (hence the reaction and the name-calling of those women). This makes me think OP was insecure about her date talking to attractive women. This is where everything turned from nonchalant to a big deal.

 

5) He tried to motion over to OP to join, but she was mad. This makes me believe that he wasn't up to foul play but was treating the date nonchalantly, as was OP and her friend.

 

I think overall due to the above, there was some miscommunication between the two of you but that any fault on his part was innocent. I think a mutually nonchalant date turned sour when OP reacted to jealousy and didn't let any follow-up communication happen.

[Hopeful7]

@mg22

 

I agree with Katrina and you....I think this guy disrespected you . It is fine for him to talk to other people but to leave you in line and go find those same girls to talk to sounds kinda of shady but maybe u should of took him aside and told him how u felt and the reason the date is over and than go home.

 

But yeah that isn't cool to do that when your on date and it isn't like those girls were his friends or knew him before. Like how would of he felt if u chatted with some guys and than went to hang out with them?

 

Yeah date another guy

[figureitout23]

I'd like to give two cents here too. My mom always says that the truth is somewhere in the middle. My take on this twelve pages as a neutral third-party observer is that

 

1) It was weird to invite a friend along on what was seemingly supposed to be a romantic date (?). Maybe it was one of those things where the friend imposed and he felt uncomfortable so he invited the friend along. Tactical miscalculation for both of you to let that happen if on a serious date.

 

2a) OP didn't make her intentions clear about wanting him to stay in line with her and her friend. She didn't text or call.

 

2b) He didn't text or call her either. He wandered and found some friends. 10 dates in, not terribly weird to wander if you're bored on a casual/group date. I think this is fine. I'm sure he figured OP'd text him. If OP was upset about him wandering (she wasn't, initially, so katrina, as much as I agree with your point about the lack of chivalry of him walking off, I don't think OP was upset about that part even though you and I would be) again she could have texted.

 

3) OP and her friend found food. She didn't text to ask where he was or to meet up, which is a little strange if they were looking for him. It further makes me believe that this date was treated nonchalantly by all parties.

 

4) OP saw him with attractive women which hurt her ego (hence the reaction and the name-calling of those women). This makes me think OP was insecure about her date talking to attractive women. This is where everything turned from nonchalant to a big deal.

 

5) He tried to motion over to OP to join, but she was mad. This makes me believe that he wasn't up to foul play but was treating the date nonchalantly, as was OP and her friend.

 

I think overall due to the above, there was some miscommunication between the two of you but that any fault on his part was innocent. I think a mutually nonchalant date turned sour when OP reacted to jealousy and didn't let any follow-up communication happen.

 

I think this is the best take.

 

To assume a man is doing something wrong for simply speaking to other women screams insecurity. If he was dirty dancing with them to a reggae beat? I'd give it to you, but he didn't commit a crime by speaking to these women. Like others said the way you describe these women says more about YOU than I think you even realize.

 

And seriously if you're wanting to set the tone as a date where his attention should be on you maybe your attention should be on him and not your friends quest for a corn dog. Sounds to me like double standards.

[HealingLight]

This situation with your date would give me pause. That being said, I would have made a mental note and let it go. You're still getting to know him so you can't know his intentions yet. I'm inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt until they've shown me they're not trustworthy. Blowing him off entirely in the way that you did seems like an impulsive overreaction and passive aggressive to me. I think it's over now whether or not you want it to be, so best to move on.

[katrina1980]

This situation with your date would give me pause. That being said, I would have made a mental note and let it go. You're still getting to know him so you can't know his intentions yet. I'm inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt until they've shown me they're not trustworthy. Blowing him off entirely in the way that you did seems like an impulsive overreaction and passive aggressive to me. I think it's over now whether or not you want it to be, so best to move on.

 

Agree with this ^.

 

I've also been trying very hard to see both sides.

 

That said, mg said she spent 20 minutes trying to find him, and finally spotted him talking with these three other women he had met earlier on the metro.

 

When he saw her, he finally called. Waived her over. Of course he did, what other choice did he have, ignore her after she spotted him with these other chicks?

 

If mg had *not* found him, one has to wonder how long he would have spent chatting up (um, talking with) these other chicks before trying to find his way back to OP.

 

This has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity but more about being treated respectfully by your dates. I truly believe if women raised their standards early on, less chance of being treated poorly and disrespectfully later on, which many women complain about.

 

"We teach people how to treat us."

 

There is also *nothing* wrong with talking with other people on a date, men and women. Just don't intentionally leave your date to do so.

 

It may have all been innocent, but I think he handled the situation poorly.

 

As I said earlier, any man with two brain cells to rub together knows to not leave your date (under any circumstance) to seek out other women. Which is how his date will interpret it and how mg interpreted it.

 

If he DID somehow get lost, then shoot her a text letting her know and make a plan to reconnect.

 

Just my $.02!

[Seraphim]

Probably none of this would have happened had the third wheel not been along.

[katrina1980]

Probably none of this would have happened had the third wheel not been along.

 

I thought about that too!!

 

But "he" was the one who invited her, so who knows what's really going on.

[Seraphim]

I thought about that too!!

 

But "he" was the one who invited her, so who knows what's really going on.

 

Probably to make her comfortable as it is her friend. But really on the 10th date you don’t need to be 3 wheeling with somebody’s friend .

[Seraphim]

And if he had said no the friend can’t come he would have looked like a t..t then too.