I attacked my boyfriend for keeping hundreds of naked women photos on whatsapp

[eli91]

Hello. I am currently in a long distance relationship with an English man from London, I’m 26 and he’s 29. We have been together for 8 months and we’ve had so many ups and downs as our backgrounds and cultures are completely different. He’s much more laid back with so many friends around him, has a great job in finance and he’s pretty satisfied and happy with his life. I’m on the other hand, still trying to figure out what I actually want and I’ve never been able to keep big groups of friends around me. Yesterday, as we were arguing over what we were going to do. One conversation led to another and I said I had always trusted him enough to not even touch his phone throughout our relationship. I’ve always believed if there’s something I’d need to see, I’d eventually see it. Yesterday it was different because he was showing me a picture to prove his point on WhatsApp and I asked him to click another WhatsApp conversation of his group of male friends. There was nothing but hundreds of naked women. He has over 12,000 photos in his photo album which he never cleaned (pictures of exes and so many other things, I’d assume). I felt extremely disrespected, shattered and angry that I actually attacked him and hit him a couple times, scratching and biting followed through. As I already feel disgusted at myself, please be kind with your words, I just need a fair reality check. How is it even considered “healthy and normal” for men to keep other naked women in their phones? Isn’t it a little awkward that he never got the chance to clean his photo album just because he could care less about it? I don’t even want to mention that it really seems like I have trust issues on top of anger issues.

[Seraphim]

It is time for anger management. He could have you arrested for assault. You abused your boyfriend. Once domestic violence occurs the relationship is over .

[MissCanuck]

OP, your reaction to this is not healthy or normal.

 

You are violent, and as Seraphim pointed out, could face assault charges.

 

I get you don't love your boyfriend looking at other naked women, but your assault on him is the bigger cause for concern here. You should have walked away if you don't like it. Physically abusing him is not only morally awful but also illegal. Your relationship is very likely over now.

[j.man]

Scratching and biting? Lady, you acted like an animal. What's "normal" with regard to having pictures of women is inconsequential and something that, frankly, should be the least of your worries right now. Honestly, if you were a man coming on here admitting to having punched, scratched, and bitten his girlfriend, this would already be a 4-page thread ****ing all over you for so much as attempting to make her having nude pictures a focal point. Be grateful for the very kind responses above.

 

You have no business in a relationship. Yes, you need anger management, but you first and foremost need to get out. As controversial as it is, while there's never an excuse, I'm not even a guy who believes every slap or jab just falls from the sky. But to the extent you find pictures and proceed to go in guns blazing, step #1 is absolutely removing yourself from his man's life before you start googling rates for counselors. You're dangerous.

[Snny]

I actually attacked him and hit him a couple times, scratching and biting followed through.

How old are you, three? I hope he presses charges.

[katrina1980]

Since by your own admission, this is a "long distance relationship", how were you able to check his phone and attack him?

 

Something's not jiving.

 

Re your *attacking* him (if it even happened since you're long distance) agree with j.man and others, end this toxicity and seek help.

[FluffBall]

Ok. I will leave the anger management issue aside, because you know you have a problem, as others have said.

 

You have low self- esteem and personal issues and need to work on them before you enter another relationship.

If you looked at your relationship up to the point of your attack, it is not good for you either. You two should have stopped being together a long time ago.

 

1) It is long distance - that itself can only work if there is a strong foundation. In other cases, it is worth asking yourself a question, why would you, and he choose a partner that is long distance, given that there are most likely plenty of other partners. It is pretty clear, why you'd choose him - you have personal issues. But why would he, if he is by all means successful, has a good job choose to be in a ldr, if he can find someone closer to him?

 

2) he is successful, and you are still figuring yourself out. That's ok- but, it is a power imbalance. Again as I said above, it might be a reason why he chose you- he needs to be in a relationship with a power imbalance.

 

3) you are fighting constantly. That is not a good basis for a relationship. Bot of you must have serious personal issues, if you are willing to accept this kind of treatment from each other.

 

4) Having 100s of pictures of naked women on his phone can be hurtful and is insensitive from his side. You violating his privacy is also wrong. You both don't respect each other.

 

In short - you don't respect each other, each have a reason why you'd accept bad treatment from a partner (his is probably also low self-esteem, that he attempts to manage by being in relationships with weaker partners), and were so upset by his behaviour that you lashed out and were violent towards him.

You need to learn to control your life and emotions - you should never let yourself be in a situation where you see no other method but violence. That solves nothing, and can lave you in jail.

 

Time to move on from bf, and go into therapy.

[Giblesp]

You've violently assaulted him which could potentially put you in jail.

 

If he started to scratch and bite you, that would be violent assault. Its the same when the woman attacks a man, unfortunately this is not always clear in society.

 

You are not suitable for any intimate relationship, until you have had therapy to prevent you from violently assaulting someone again. This relationship is completely over.

[eli91]

I am currently in his city with him. I make regular visits every month.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you belong in prison, not a relationship.

I actually attacked him and hit him a couple times, scratching and biting followed through.

[Minikimini]

How is it even considered “healthy and normal” for men to keep other naked women in their phones? Isn’t it a little awkward that he never got the chance to clean his photo album just because he could care less about it? I don’t even want to mention that it really seems like I have trust issues on top of anger issues.

 

At the end of the day, it's his phone--he can do with it what he likes. That's just the plain, honest truth of the matter.

 

He doesn't have to clean it or anything else if he doesn't want to. Unless you're paying the bill, what he has on his phone isn't your business--you're not his mother or wife or someone with legal standing with his finances.

 

What is more troubling, however, is you attacking him, biting him, scratching him. That's called assault and he could have you arrested for that. You clearly have anger issues and that may be what's feeding into the reason why you don't have a wide circle of friends. No one who is mentally and emotionally healthy wants a violent girlfriend.

 

It's time for you to talk to a therapist to get that under control because one day, you will go too far and wind up in an orange jumpsuit, courtesy of the county jail. Your trust issues are yours to work out--no one else's.

 

If you can't tolerate him having pictures of naked women on his phone, find another boyfriend.

[DancingFool]

Your behavior and attitude have nothing to do with cultural differences and everything to do with your own personal issues and extreme insecurities. The result of which was a psychotic violent meltdown over seeing something that makes you feel insecure about yourself. Add to it that by your own admission you two are constantly fighting and have polar opposite personalities and social lives and there is no reason for the two of you to be together. When you see something that you don't like or doesn't agree with your values, you simply end the relationship. You do not attack the person.

 

End this relationship immediately. Hope that he doesn't decide to press charges. You would totally deserve jail time. Get yourself into counseling and stay away from relationship until you address ALL of your issues driving your unhinged behavior. Treat this situation as your ultimate wake up moment and work hard on fixing yourself so that in the future you can have healthy relationships and healthy responses to things you don't like.

[lostandhurt]

You need to break up with him and pray he doesn't press charges.

 

Go back to your home country and work on yourself, what you want in life, what you will accept and not accept in your life, the type of man you would like to settle down with and on and on.

 

Obviously you don't know as you have let this rocky relationship tumble along for way to long to the point of assault.

 

Like Jman said if you were a male that did this to a woman you would be pummeled on here, in society and would probably have ink on your finger tips right now.

 

Lost

[Hollyj]

I'd get some help for the anger issues. If someone had physically assaulted me, I would be done. Then, I would report you to the police.

[boltnrun]

If he attacked, bit and scratched you, would you call the police?

 

If your father attacked, bit and scratched your mother would you be OK with it?

[yatsue]

Everyone here is right. Man or woman, you need serious help and should be in jail for your crime. What you need to do now is leave the relationship to spare your boyfriend of your disgusting behavior. What you did is unacceptable and you need to get professional help or else you'll be a repeat offender.

 

It is no wonder you don't have many friends. You are an awful person. Did you even say you're sorry to him? Shame on you. He didn't even do anything wrong! What, he forgot to delete the pictures? Jesus christ that is no excuse to hurt anyone, especially a person you should care about.

 

If you get help then there may be a chance, although it seems like you have no remorse.

[ThatwasThen]

,000 photos in his photo album which he never cleaned (pictures of exes and so many other things, I’d assume). I felt extremely disrespected, shattered and angry that I actually attacked him and hit him a couple times, scratching and biting followed through.

See a therapist and ask about anger, control, insecurity, anxiety issues that you need to work on.

[Starlight925]

Here's the thing about the naked images. I'm much older than you, and years ago, men hid Playboy in their nightstand drawers. My college boyfriend's roommate hid them under his bed, which we found out when the dog dragged them out, lol.

 

The thing about naked images of women is, drumroll.....men like them. Heck, my dad read Playboy, and I don't believe it was for "the articles" only, lol. It arrived in our mailbox, and my dad is the most honest, non-cheating type of man out there.

 

These days, it's all available digitally, and no different than yesterday's man not throwing out his Playboys, today's guy doesn't clean out his files.

 

Yes, figure out why this made you so upset: Jealousy? Insecurity? Fear of him wanting you to look like these women?

[maew]

I mean yea it’s tacky of him to keep naked images on his phone (especially that many) and to let you see them, but physical abuse is never acceptable.