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Community Regular (8/14)

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  1. Yes, that's probably best. He does have good reasons for putting the relationship down right now. He knows that on some level, he's not where he wants to be and that requires him stopping and fixing things---and most likely what needs fixing has nothing to do with you nor can you help in this. But do understand what your last text conveyed: you'll take his crumbs and a demotion to keep him in your life. Friends talk about their lives and their relationships. Are you saying you're cool with him calling you and gushing about the new girl he's dating? That's part of what friends talk about.
  2. It sounds more like this relationship meant more to you than it did to him because he's not acting like you mean that much to him, you know? Not recognizing this dynamic keeps you in insecurity/jealousy mode. When you're doing more of the trying to keep your relationship together than they are, then they've already checked out of it on a fundamental level and are keeping you around for convenience and laziness' sake. Here's the thing though: why do you insist upon being in a relationship with someone you cannot trust? When you look in the mirror, do you like the person you have to become in order to keep this guy? I mean, even though you two get along famously doesn't mean that he wants to build a future with you. It could mean he's just marking time with you because you're willing to be there until someone else more to his liking comes along.
  3. This is just so sad, all the way around. People do suffer in silence all around us.
  4. But if right is so on your side, you should fear nothing nor anyone.
  5. Was she in a relationship with him or did she date him? You can't step to her on the IG thing when you're doing the same. That's being a hypocrite and perhaps her lying about it is her way of managing your hypocrisy. You should worry more about you being inconsistent with what you're asking of her and less about what she's doing.
  6. Is this in fact your boyfriend or is it some guy in your circle of friends that you're crushing on and he knows it and is playing you? You haven't written that he is your boyfriend at all. Stop investing in someone who bring this much stress to your life. So what if he's mad you kissed another guy? He's not your boyfriend, going by what you've written, and he's not going to be if his family has anything to say about it. Certainly keep living your life and grow a thicker skin so that you're not twisting yourself into pretzels over someone who doesn't deserve the effort.
  7. I seriously doubt a clean house would have made your husband not send those messages. Your husband made a conscious choice outside of whatever is going on with your mental health--KNOWING that he's a married man. That has nothing to do with you. Take Wiseman2's advice--talk to a therapist about this, not your family. It will only cause unneeded animosity if you choose to stay and work on your marriage. Hire someone to come in a few times a month to clean. Problem solved.
  8. Cheating? No. Inappropriate? Yes. You went to meet a stranger about whose motives you had no way of knowing. Does it require you reporting to your boyfriend? Is he the kind of guy who can hear this and not punish you for the rest of your relationship over it? Better to find this out sooner rather than later so you can get through it. In the future, let them call Uber or Lyft or a cab if they need a ride to their hotel. He's a big boy--he could have figured out how to get to his hotel--he figured out how to get to the rendezvous. I think the 10 years of talking to each other gave you both a false sense of familiarity with one another; on top of investing in the artificial construct of who each of you thinks the other is. You both came to this meeting to see the person that you both spent 10 years building up in your heads, not who each of you really is. There seems to have been a lot of really pertinent information left out on what is actually going on in your lives and what each of you actually wanted from the other in this meeting. Has the guy at least apologized to you for pushing up on you like this?
  9. No. You don't owe him any explanation. You were not exclusive or committed to each other at the time you did this and he was acting like everything else in his life had priority over even carving out time for you, let alone spending time with you. His friends and his car all weekend? That was a choice he made, along with the many times he blew off spending time with you. It's nice that he's finally come around, but he's not owed any explanation. He'd tell you the same thing if you were to get in his cookie dough about what he's been doing when he was choosing not to spend time with you. It's not cheating. You two hadn't agreed on exclusivity.
  10. Well, the first thing is realizing you and the person you love have major incompatibilities that neither of you are willing to give up. He wants to game and get blowed and you don't want him doing either to the extent that he does. Where is the middle ground in this when he won't communicate with you? The way you wrote the above sounds like he knows how you feel but isn't going to change anything about it. So he's not willing to compromise in order for you to feel connected to him. Perhaps deep down inside, he really doesn't want the obligation of relationship, but is there for the perks of relationship (access to sex). But you've got huge issues if he isn't into communicating with you because you have to have communication in order for relationships to work. Not to someone who won't communicate. Stop driving to see him after work. I agree with wiseman--you're totally enabling him by just showing up every evening at his place.
  11. To answer the question in the title: I wouldn't. You don't know him, and it alarms me that the first inclination from you wasn't to recoil and shut him down, but to ask us whether or not you should send them. Seems to me, that's a pretty easy one to decide upon. I'd be backing up from him--I don't care how nice he's pretending to be.
  12. OP, if you think it's a big deal, then it is. Hope you two can work it out. And this friend? He needs to not have so much access to cause problems between you two.
  13. ^^^all of this. All. Day. Long. Instead of being the silent irate, you should have said something to her about it and if she got pissed, then she can get her stuff and go back to her place and be as messy as she wants to be. She's at your place posting up and not doing much. I wouldn't let her stay there anymore until she learned how to open a can of "act right".
  14. No. The traditional thing is to marry before creating children. Then the name thing wouldn't even be an issue. My daughter has my last name and she's extremely close to her father. Her last name was always going to be what my last name was as long as she was a minor and I wasn't married.
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