Something special?

[reinventmyself]

Can you leave someone you're not with? Physically or emotionally?

 

I know my main motivation is because I am hurt and it isn't me doing her a favour. But she should know ....

 

He ended it with you and he's neither physically or emotionally with you, right?

I guess he feels he owes her more? OR. . .he's just feeding you a line of BS.

 

I am not sure why you naively believe some guy you hardly know. . unless you just really want to.

Because it's not based on any facts - but purely emotionally based.

 

You know your motivation is self serving if you choose to tell her.

You might feel self righteous in the moment. .but will regret not taking the high road later.

[tumblingdice]

He ended it with you and he's neither physically or emotionally with you, right?

I guess he feels he owes her more? OR. . .he's just feeding you a line of BS.

 

I am not sure why you naively believe some guy you hardly know. . unless you just really want to.

Because it's not based on any facts - but purely emotionally based.

 

You know your motivation is self serving if you choose to tell her.

You might feel self righteous in the moment. .but will regret not taking the high road later.

 

You're right. I do really want to believe him.

[reinventmyself]

You're right. I do really want to believe him.

 

and it's not a horrible thing to want to have faith in someone and fall in love.

but you need to protect yourself a little more the next time.

 

You were given some very valuable clues and information that you chose to overlook

and yet you still moved forward allowing yourself to have feelings for this guy.

 

Next time. . just be careful with your heart.

[Jibralta]

He could no strings sex with anyone.

 

You ARE anyone.

 

Time to leave him, and others like him, in the dust.

[tumblingdice]

You ARE anyone.

 

Time to leave him, and others like him, in the dust.

 

No, "anyone" needs more context.

 

My point is, why ask me to come back, pay for flight, all of that when he could quite easily go out for the night and meet a girl to sleep with.

[reinventmyself]

No, "anyone" needs more context.

 

My point is, why ask me to come back, pay for flight, all of that when he could quite easily go out for the night and meet a girl to sleep with.

 

ok. . you were more than a one night stand.

But not enough to end his relationship with his fiancé.

Is that what you want to hear?

[Jibralta]

No, "anyone" needs more context.

 

I don't understand what you mean.

 

My point is, why ask me to come back, pay for flight, all of that when he could quite easily go out for the night and meet a girl to sleep with.

 

Could be any number of reasons.

 

• Maybe it was just fun and he had some extra money.
  
• Maybe he enjoys manipulating people. There are people like that, you know. And they are usually very, very charming. Some are even good looking.
  
• Maybe he's already been through all of the women on and around his base who will have him.
  

 

Whatever the reason, it has nothing to do with your value as a human being.

[boltnrun]

Because a night on the town may or may not result in a hookup. Whereas you were a sure thing.

[Honeycomb8]

You think you're special to him, when you're really not. He values only himself and no one else.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's over and while he was enthused about this affair at first, it did not mean as much to him as it did to you. You approached him, were very eager to get intimate with him, you are not a middle eastern woman...so a very easy for him, since it's like h you fell in his lap.

My point is, why ask me to come back, pay for flight, all of that when he could quite easily go out for the night and meet a girl to sleep with.

[tumblingdice]

Unfortunately it's over and while he was enthused about this affair at first, it did not mean as much to him as it did to you. You approached him, were very eager to get intimate with him, you are not a middle eastern woman...so a very easy for him, since it's like h you fell in his lap.

 

I didn't approach him. Nor was I eager to be intimate. And I'm not sure what my ethnicity has to do with this.

[Wiseman2]

You are not aware that middle eastern countries are conservative, especially regarding dating? You are not dating him any longer, correct?

And I'm not sure what my ethnicity has to do with this.

[tumblingdice]

You are not aware that middle eastern countries are conservative, especially regarding dating? You are not dating him any longer, correct?

 

Neither of us are middle eastern.

[Jibralta]

Yes, but the dating pool out there is—slim pickings for a horny dude.

[Wiseman2]

Precisely. He can't date/have sex/cheat with local women. It's unclear why you are so angry with him, when he was honest about being engaged eventually.

Neither of us are middle eastern.

[thealchemist]

He used you. Just like he would anyone else. He wanted sex and saw you. He also won't want to totally end it with you because he probably thinks that he will be able to have sex with you occasionally.

 

He proabably does this with several woman for sex while he is deployed. His fiance at home also probably knows nothing about it.

 

I bet she doesn't think their relationship is totally dead. He also wants someone when he goes back home. But she isn't there and you were.

 

It isn't as complex as you are trying to make it seem for your personal justifications.

[Batya33]

I don't think he used her at all. She wanted to have sex with him and it doesn't sound like they agreed to be exclusive before that happened, etc.

[LootieTootie]

This guy sounds like a real winner.... Not.

I definitely agree with everyone here, this guy is a cheat and a liar. Walk away with the little dignity you have left because he never cared about your feelings.

[LC8328]

OP, I am very sorry that this happened the way it happened.

 

I too know what it's like to meet someone while on holiday-it's exciting and when you meet someone there is alot of excitement in the air.

 

But because I have experience in this, not with just the holiday thing but also in loving someone who's unavailable, it is time for some real talk.

 

In your posts, I notice that you are constantly trying to make your fling look like the real thing. In other words? You have been making excuses for him. We felt connections physically and emotionally. He paid for my ticket. etc

 

Once you have to start listing good things he has done so as to prove a point, you know it doesn't look good.

 

First, every fling is real to an extent. There are fireworks in one night stands. It IS real, for that moment, when 2 people connect. BUT IT IS NOT A CONTRACT FOR A RELATIONSHIP. I'm sorry to yell but I have to reiterate: Connecting on many levels, in no way provides a guarantee that you will run off into the sunset together.

 

It's also worth stating that there is another woman out there who he not only connects with as well, but for her he went through the process of getting engaged, so not only does he also have a connection with her, but they have done things together that go above and beyond what the two of you have shared. I'm not saying this to hurt you; it's the reality of the situation. How can I know this if I don't know him, or her? Well, I don't. Is it possible that he doesn't really love her and really loves you? Yes, it is POSSIBLE; it's just not LIKELY.

 

You and he DID have a connection, but sadly it is not one he intends to maintain, because as others have pointed out, relationships are more than holiday sparks (or out-of-the-country sparks). It takes a lot of hard work and commitment. He has not shown you these things; if anything, he has told you the opposite. He has basically said, without saying the exact words, that he had his fun but it is over.

 

Second, when you are in the middle of a problem it is difficult to see your situation objectively. That's where we come in. Objectively, since we don't know you or him, we have given you our thoughts, and it's pretty unanimous across the board. We are a group of people from all over the world, living different lifestyles, etc, and we are all saying the same thing. Therefore, there might be something to it.

 

I know it might feel like you and/or him are being attacked, but I think it's because you so wanted this to become a real relationship, that it hurts so much and you want to protect it. But there is nothing to protect. In spite of the tone of my reply I am sorry for the pain you are feeling.

[Jibralta]

Good post^^

 

Once you have to start listing good things he has done so as to prove a point, you know it doesn't look good.

 

Yes, especially when you are doing it to help offset the really bad things.

 

It's also worth stating that there is another woman out there who he not only connects with as well, but for her he went through the process of getting engaged, so not only does he also have a connection with her, but they have done things together that go above and beyond what the two of you have shared.

 

You and he DID have a connection, but sadly it is not one he intends to maintain, because as others have pointed out, relationships are more than holiday sparks (or out-of-the-country sparks). It takes a lot of hard work and commitment. He has not shown you these things; if anything, he has told you the opposite. He has basically said, without saying the exact words, that he had his fun but it is over.

 

Imagine if he said what he really meant: "Hey baby, why don't you come over here and pleasure me for a night or two while I'm away from the wife?"

 

You probably wouldn't find that appealing.

 

His wife probably wouldn't stay with him if he said, "I'm going to miss you, honey, but I'll still make sure to get laid while I'm away."

 

By telling you both what is acceptable to you, he gets what he wants and also gets to look like a good guy--and maybe you will even fall in love with him (bonus ego-stroke!). "Whoa is me, I'd better go back and do the right thing by my marriage and family...see how I suffer?"

 

Just because he is a jerk doesn't meant he wants to look like one. Jerks hate looking like jerks. They're really cowards at heart.

 

Sorry, but you were a sitting duck, and you will continue to be a sitting duck if you don't wise up. Not saying this to be mean. Just want you to realize.

[tumblingdice]

UPDATE.

 

What a rollercoaster.

 

His fiancé is engaged to 2 men. I found the other fiancé on social media. Confronted him. That's exactly why he said his relationship was ed. He had no idea but knew her behaviour was odd. Both men have spoken and had no idea about the other.

 

Speechless!!

[Wiseman2]

Does the fiance know about you or his other flings?

Both men have spoken and had no idea about the other

[tumblingdice]

She does now.

[Jibralta]

Sounds like a bunch of people who deserve each other. Do you want to join their ranks?

[tumblingdice]

He's certainly lost his appeal....